The three words “I love you” can be the easiest words to speak for some and the most difficult for others. These words are thrown around so easily at times and not enough in some situations. I’m a “glass is half full” type of person (some may even say unrealistic) so I believe that most things (if not all) can be solved or on the way to being solved with love. With that being said, it’s easier said than done, of course.
Growing up, my mom and dad, even though they were divorced, never got off the phone with me, or put me to bed, or went to the grocery store without telling me they loved me. In turn I do the exact same (maybe to the point of embarrassment) with my daughters. Actions speak louder than words and I believe that. But there is nothing like hearing someone tell you that they love you and truly mean it. This means that someone is there for you, in some cases will give up their own life for you. They will take care and be there for you no matter what, and always take responsibility when they are wrong. That’s love.
From another perspective, my husband didn’t grow up in a lovey dovey everyone hugging everyone all the time type of home. The words “I love you” weren’t spoken but they were known. He and I talk about this quite often because in the beginning of our relationship I felt that I HAD to hear him tell me he loved me in order to be validated. He did love me and the more I felt I wasn’t hearing it enough, the more frustrated HE became because he was doing the very best he could. We were just raised differently and neither one of us were right or wrong. In his home actions truly speak louder than words; that is what they lived by and I love my mother and father-in-law for that. My sister-in-law sent me a text message today saying “Love is action. It speaks louder than words. A person would know even before you told them.” It really made me think.
My husband and I work because we balance each other. I have learned from him and he from me. I am secure and now know that my need to be “validated” constantly was a false sense of security for myself that I had to grow out of. Looking back there were several times those three little words were spoken to me with meaningless nonsense behind it – but it was said so I thought it was real.
My husband shows me he loves me in many ways that I recognize now that I wasn’t aware of when we were dating. He took his gestures as letting me know he loved me but I just took them as things he was doing. Now I know the love behind them and I appreciate the gestures AND him much much more.
I still tell him “I love you” everyday and every time we get off the phone. He says it back and will sometimes tell me first. This is many years in the making and makes me feel really good when I hear it even though I already know he loves me.
These three words carry over into my friendships as well. I do tell my close girlfriends that I love them because I do. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be a complete person. They have helped me so much in my life, and I want them to know that I truly care and am grateful for them. That’s just me and how I was raised and that’s how I express my feelings. Life is just so short and over the past few weeks the realization that we as humans really are not invincible has truly become clear. So no matter how you do it, let the people you love know it – through your gestures or by simply saying “I love you”.
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
I obtained a passport in less than 3 days by using Fastport Passport!
This post is relevant because it proves how differently some men and women communicate. Often times, we want to blame EVERYTHING wrong in our lives or our relationships solely on the fact that we have blended families – not true. For example, I’ve heard women say things like; “He is not affectionate because he probably resents my children.” Couples need to realize that some of the issues we face would happen if we were in a “traditional” family as well. Maybe he’s not affectionate because he grew up in a house where affection wasn’t encouraged.
At any rate, great post! I am a super huggy, tell you I love you (but mean it) kind of person; it’s how I was raised. Lucky for me that my husband is that type of person (with me) as well. But there are many men who aren’t comfortable or aren’t used to this type of thing. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s just another way to prove that men are from mars and women are from venus. LOL!
*Kela*
This is a great post and so relevant in many aspects of life. The text your sister sent you really made me think too. My husband tells me he loves me every single day and after reading your post I realize that I have, at times, taken advantage of hearing it every day.
On the family side of it, he was raised the exact same way your husband was, but his issue lies in the fact that he can show affection, say I love you till the cows come home to me and to his daughter, but when it comes to showing affection to his son, it’s a little harder for him because the men in his family growing up NEVER showed affection, except to the girls in the family. His father only showed affection to his daughters, not his sons so it has trickled down. However, I will say that he does everything manly and fatherly that a father is supposed to do with his son and he frequently says “I love you” but as far as hugging, etc. that he is working on. We have talked about it in depth. He has made that commitment to work more on it because he realizes that he feels like he needed it as well as a youngster.
Anyhow, this post was wonderful in bringing out the feelings on the matter and I appreciated reading it.
Di