Common complaints of remarried couples

The most important thing a remarried couple can do is intently listen and try to understand their spouse’s perception of reality. Why does your husband seem to jump every time his ex-wife calls, even if it has nothing to do with the child? Why does your wife seem withdrawn and even resentful sometimes when your children come to visit? If you don’t communicate with your spouse, with a true attempt to understand his or her feelings, you could derive the conclusion that your husband is a whimp or your wife is just cruel. This is not the case. Once you begin to be mindful, with every step you take, of your spouse’s perception of reality, you can take steps to correct the  negative energy you both are putting into your relationship. Below are some common complaints of remarried couples. Do you recognize any or all of them?

Divorce/Remarried Dad Complaints About His Current Wife

1. She knew I had a child when she married me, so why is she acting this way now?
2. She’s obsessed by everything my ex-wife does.
3. Sometimes it seems as if there is an edge of nastiness in her voice when she talks to my child(ren).
4. Does she realize how painful it is for me to not be there with my child(ren) on a regular basis?
5. How can she expect me to actually discipline them when I see them so little?
6. I’m afraid they won’t want to come back if I start discipling them.
7. She sees things that they do that I never see.
8. Sure my ex-wife has control over me; she controls my children.
9. I know my ex-wife is trying to cause trouble, but she needs to understand that we have to deal with it because she has my children.

Stepmother/Remarried Mom Complaints About Her Husband

1. Everyone in his life, his kids, his job and even his ex-wife comes before me.
2. His ex calls and he jumps.
3. It seems as if his ex-wife has more influence over him than I do.
4. My money goes to support this family and his goes to take care of his ex-wife and his children.
5. His ex-wife is NOT appreciative of everything I do for her children. She still continues to bitch and moan about everything.
6. I never get a thank you. It’s like they (my husband, his ex-wife and their children) think I’m supposed to do everything I do.
7. Guilt runs his relationship with his children.
8. He expects me to be there and handle his children while he’s at the office or working out and then he wants me to go out to dinner with them.
9. It seems as if I’m doing most of the work for their children, but I get the least amount of respect.
10. He seems to think that the only feelings that matter are his, his kids and his ex-wife, but I have children and an ex-spouse too.
11. We have to pay special attention to HIS kids because divorce and remarriage is hard for them. Guess what? MY kids are going through the same thing, so should we allow them all to run wild because of it?
12. He knew I had children when he met me too.
13. My world will not revolve around him, his ex-wife and their children – forget it!
14. I am his wife now. I should come first and I refuse to share this position with his ex-wife!

Remarried couples must learn to view their relationship the same as they do a first marriage if they have any chance of survival. Sure, the situation is different because one or both of you may have children now, but you are husband and wife. You are the pillars that hold your family together. You are committed to protecting your partner and your marriage from meddling ex-spouses. Your ex-spouse’s needs shouldn’t be put above your current spouses’s needs (not wants).

It is important to realize that these complaints are classic in stepfamilies and it is important to realize your spouse’s perception of reality before you can do something to change it. More importantly, it is crucial that you not allow these negative barriers to destroy your relationship. Lastly, seek help from a trained stepfamily therapist to assist you with working through such issues before it’s too late. To schedule an appointment with me, Kela Price, please send an email to kela@blendedfamilysoapopera.com.