So Unfair – comments from another reader
August 27, 2008 by Kela Price
Filed under Advisory Board
I have heard many complaints, over the years, from divorced dads regarding unfair child support payments! It is something that my husband and I have struggled with, too. It is an issue that can be the death of the blended family. Sometimes divorced parents will continually make this issue about them, and it’s easy to do so because your finances is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. But, it’s not about what your ex doesn’t need; it’s about what your child needs. If parents always consider the best interest of their child, then there shouldn’t be a problem. So, divorced dads don’t be stingy with your money by not paying child support or paying less than what your child deserves. You are not hurting your ex; you are hurting your child. And, divorced moms, don’t try to empty your ex’s bank account. Remember, that your child still has to have visitation with his father, and he has to have a house and money to take care of his child during visitation. You are not hurting your ex; you are only hurting your child. With that said, read the following comments from one of my readers and my response to her.
sad step mom Says:
August 25, 2008 at 5:51 pm e
I agree that both parents should support the child. I don’t agree that only the non-custodial parent should be doing so. What do you do when a custodial parent lies about daycare, education expenses, dance classes and so on just to get more money because she is financially irresponsible. The court doesn’t even require proof of such things. But we don’t get to even know the name of the dance studio or the daycare. She even tried to get her ex mother in law to tell the court that she paid her weekly for daycare. Thankfully the Ex MIL said she would not lie in court. We pay a huge amount of money and have no say in the childs life. We are lucky to see the child 6 days a month. She has had numerouse contempt charges based on all of this but we still can’t get joint custody.
My Response
Thanks so much for your comments! They are always greatly appreciated.
Let me start by addressing what I perceive to be issue number 1: most of the financial burden falling on the non-custodial parent. I whole-heartedly agree that the child DESERVES to be financially, emotionally, and physically supported by both parents. But, that does not necessarily mean that the support will be totally equal. In regards to child support, it is set up so that the child continues the same lifestyle that he would have lived if his parents stayed together. Just because you get a divorce or split from the mother or father of your child doesn’t mean that you are any less responsible for caring for that child. As such, if the non-custodial parent can afford to pay more (without breaking his bank, of course), then he will likely do so. The child support system, in most states, considers both of custodial and non-custodial parent’s income when setting up child support. I know it can sometimes feel unfair, especially when the non-custodial parent isn’t allowed to be as involved as he would like to be (trust me, I know firsthand). But, don’t misplace your anger; sometimes excess emotional baggage can cause us to do this. Meaning, if we are really really mad at the ex-wife/baby’s mama (justified or not), then any and everything she does or we have to do as a result, is wrong. Is your husband really the only one financially supporting the child?? Unless he is paying for her mortgage or rent (shelter for his child), her car payment (transportation to get his child back and forth), food expenses (his child has to eat), health insurance (health care for his child) etc., then he is definitely not the ONLY one supporting the child. I’m certain that it takes a whole lot more than what your husband is paying in child support expenses to raise a child. I don’t doubt that his monthly child support payments help out a great deal, but that’s what he’s supposed to do; whether he sees the child or not. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. You can’t punish (withhold child support) the child because of something that his or her mom is doing.
In regards to issue number two- your husband not being able to see his child. I completely understand where you are coming from. It’s a hard pill to swallow to know that you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing, but you aren’t allowed to be actively involved in your child’s life. It’s unfortunate, but this part of the system is not set up to produce favorable results for the father, who is often times the non-custodial parent. As I explained in one of my posts, Judges seemingly have tunnel vision when it comes to these family law issues. They assume that all dads are deadbeat dads and the moms are helpless hard workers who only want what’s best for the child. When the truth of the matter is that many dads just get tired (or run out of money) of fighting. It’s extremely taxing on the dad and the child. Not to mention, that there are many moms who could care less about the best interest of their child; they are more interested in just sticking it to the ex. I’ve worked and am still diligently working hard to change this. They have to start viewing these cases on an individual, instead of a generalized basis!
With that said, your husband certainly has a right to be informed and involved in his child’s life. I would suggest getting a good attorney to set up a visitation schedule that is in the best interest of the child.
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This is something I have been struggling with. I took ex back to court 2 years ago and had it greatly increased. Last month he took me back to court to get it reduced because the loser doesn’t have a job and he has another child – which he doesn’t financially support. His wife is the sole money maker while he stays at home as a stay at home dad.
Now I don’t have a problem with stay at home parents WHEN you can afford to do it but if your not paying your child support for months but at the same time taking trips to San Diego one weekend, a trip to Utah the next week and then spend the whole month of August at the Olympics, I have HUGE issues with it.
So at the court date last month, with all this evidence before the judge lowered ex’s child support by half!!! The judge could see that I was visible upset (I started crying and I am so upset at myself for doing that but I’m a woman and I’m emotional) so he scheduled another court date later this month to review to review the matter again.
Now I am left with the following dilema – 1) Do I just turn in my financial paperwork and hope that the judge makes a better call this time or 2) Do I fight for what I think I should get and write a declaration documenting certain things that I think the judge should consider before making his ruling?
What to do?!?!? Please help.
First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I know firsthand (had a similar issue with my ex) how it feels, as a mother.
In my case, my ex is a professional overseas basketball player, who initially lied about his yearly income. Because his job is in another country, it was out of the U.S. jurisdiction. Therefore, it was difficult to find out how much he really made. But, my excellent attorney found a way to make it happen, and we found out that he was TOTALLY falsifying his income. When I took him back to court, a year later (it took that long since his primary residence is in another country), the Judge increase his monthly child support payments by almost 4 times as much as he was paying…YEA!!!
Having said that, your case seems to be a bit different. In my case, my ex had a job, he was just lying about how much he made. In your case, your ex doesn’t have a job! The Judge can’t make him pay money that he doesn’t have. And, his wife is not legally obligated to support your child. Therefore, the Judge can’t increase child support payments based on her income. Unfortunately, I don’t know how helpful it will be for you to document how many trips he’s been on this year, especially since you mentioned that his wife is the breadwinner and he’s stay at home dad. She is likely covering these costs, but HE doesn’t have any money that warrants a child support increase. As a matter of fact, his income has gone down, so that’s why the Judge lowered the payments. I’m not saying that any of this is fair, but it’s the way the legal system works.
As far as your question is concerned, it’s not about what YOU should get; it’s about what YOUR CHILD deserves! If you think HE (remember this is not about his wife’s income) has extra income somewhere else, then you should definitely fight to get your child everything he or she deserves. I would start by hiring a good attorney. As indicated in my Justice for Some post, if you go in without an attorney, it’s just not likely to work out in your favor. Attorney’s are trained to find the loop holes and angles that will benefit their client.
I hope I’ve been helpful, and if I can be of further assistance, let me know.
Yes, you have been very helpful. I think I will write a declaration and just say my peace. At least I will know I gave it a shot. The judge said he gave him a break because he was going to college but the guy has been going to college since 1997 and in his declaration to the court in 2003 he stated that the would be getting his degree in 2004. So I am going to ask the court NOT to give him a break because of education since he has been claiming he has been graduating since 2003. It is worth a shot.
I feel that my son deserves more than what I am getting and what he claims he can make so I will fight for that. It is now in the courts hands and I will live with whatever decision they make, for now. Hopefully the loser will get a job – someday – and when he does I will take him back to court.
He is a bartender at a HOT and HAPPENING event venue, do they have to claim their tips to their employer at the end of their shifts? I guess if that is the case I could get a copy of his payroll records, actually it might not hurt to do that anyway.
Thanks for all your help.
Yes! You should request or have your attorney request a copy of his payroll records. The more you give the Judge to work with, the more accurate he’ll be. You’re right, your son deserves to be supported by both of his parents, and you should definitely fight for that.
Good luck to you!
Ok, heres another one that hits home. My ex makes approximately 5K a month, as close as I can figure. She makes this money illegaly but spends it openly. She travels frequently (driving thousands of miles every year in a truck that gets about 15 miles to the gallon maybe, and flies.)The courts and DCSS refuse to look into her income and use and unsigned tax return from 2005 to access support to this day.
Meanwhile they have researched my finances down to the penny. They don’t care that me and my partner can’t afford to go to the doctor, they don’t care that we have to take out loans at least once a year to pay for visitation and showing up for the next bs court date (my ex took me to court over 1 day of visitation and also a few hours of visitation) of course they ruled in her favor, and when she violated every order made that day…said she didn’t mean to. We are struggling to eat and she’s on welfare (the gammut of state aid) yet she could afford over 10K in attorneys fees last year. I could just go on and on and on.
I know exactly how you feel as my ex and I are currently experiencing the same type of issues. Unfortunately, I don’t have any concrete solutions for you. If I did, we may not be in the situation that we’re in. What I will say is that, clearly, you and my husband aren’t alone. But, fathers like you rarely speak up. It’s just something that has been accepted over the years. Mainly because there are so many fathers who do fit into that deadbeat dad category that society just puts all of you there [in the deadbead dad category]. Therefore, it is important for you to speak up in order to tell the world a different side of the story. Keep writing on your blog! It’s just another way that dialogue can [and will] promote change.
Thanks so much for sharing your story and comments.
Thank you for that affirmation. We have a new issue now….the ex has had a boyfriend for the past year that she has kept hidden from us. She is 4 months pregnant with his child. She wants him to adopt my daughter. They are engaging in inappropriate sexual behavior in front of my daughter. She is soon to move in with this guy and is changing her income from $670 a month to 0! What to do what to do!
Rest assure that she cannot have someone adopt your daughter without your permission. It’s just not that easy as there is a long process that you have to go through, and that process includes you! As such, I would not worry about someone else adopting your daughter.
As far as inappropriate sexual behavior taking place in front of your daughter is concerned, remember if you can’t prove it, the courts won’t even listen. Be sure to document your conversations with your ex – using email as often as possible. When information is put in writing, it’s harder to refute in court.
Is there a reason why her income will change from $670 per month to $0?
HERE’S THE PROBLEM I HAVE. MY CHILD’S FATHER IS SUPPOSED TO PAY ME SUPPORT EVERY MONTH, BUT I’M LUCKY IF I GET IT EVERY FOUR MONTHS. WE’VE BEEN GOING BACK AND FOURTH TO COURT FOR THE LAST FIVE MONTHS, BECAUSE I FILED CONTEMPT ON HIM. THEY KEEP GIVING HIM CHANCE AFTER CHANCE. AT FIRST HE WAS MAKING PAYMENTS SO THE CONTEMPT WOULD BE PURGED, BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT IT WOULD’VE STOPPED AFTER IT WAS PURGED. THE LAST TIME WE WENT TO COURT HE WAS TOLD THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING THE BACKYPAY ALSO, BUT OF COURSE SINCE THEN HE HASN’T PAID A DIME. I KNOW FOR A FACT HE’S NOT GOING TO SHOW UP TO COURT NEXT WEEK AND I’M GOING TO BE MESSED UP AS USUAL. IT’S NOT FAIR TO MY CHILD, BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE THE MONEY TO REALLY DO IT ON MY OWN. IT’S A DAILY STRUGGLE, BUT I’M NOW STRUGGLING WITH MYSELF BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL BE ABLE TO FIND HIM AND WANT TO TURN HIM IN TO THE POLICE. HE HAS WARRANTS NOW AND WILL HAVE ANOTHER ONE FOR MISSING COURT NEXT WEEK. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I JUST WANT THINGS TO BE RIGHT FOR MY DAUGHTER. I’VE EXCEPTED THE FACT THAT HE’S NOT GOING TO PLAY A ROLE IN HER LIFE (BY HIS OWN CHOICE), BUT I JUST CAN’T GET OVER HIM NOT FINANCIALLY HELPING ME. JUST THE THOUGHT OF HIM GOING OUT AND DOING THE THINGS HE DO WITH THE MONEY HE HAS, AND NOT PAYING ME A DIME MAKES ME SICK. ANY ADVICE…ANYONE…
This comment is also for Mustang200. I was a family law legal assistant in California for 7 years. Be assured that your ex cannot have her soon-to-be new huband adopt your daughter without your permission. The adoption process in CA is very precise and her lawyer will have certain procedures to follow for notification of adoption and you will have to sign as the natural father if you agree, which obviously you do not. Without your approval, they will not approve the adoption. The only way a parents rights are terminated are in extremely sever cases of physical or sexual abuse, drugs, etc. So, no worries. Also, obviously California has jurisidiction over your daughter. More and more fathers rights are becoming the norm rather than the way things used to be. Fathers are encouraged to have more visitation and more joint custody. Don’t settle for what your ex is giving you. Petition the court for your rights. The standard state guidelines (you can get them from the secretary of state’s website) should tell you what you should get during the summers, holiday breaks, spring breaks, etc. You need to exercise those rights. Your court order should have those spelled out as well. The only downfall is if you do not live in CA, you will have to file there because if the child lives there, that is usually where jurisdiction lies. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that the adoption process is lengthly and you don’t have any thing to worry about on that end unless you agree to the adoption and the termination of your parental rights. Even if you were to die (God Forbid), your ex would have to petition relatives for their approval/objections. It’s a long process. Be blessed!
One more thought for Mustang200. It might be wise, albeit it may be expensive, but worth it, to hire an attorney in CA in the city where the Court is. Attorneys will review your visitation and even file contempt pleadings against her if she is not abiding by the court’s order unequivocally. I would do it. I have seen women lose primary custody for withholding visitation. Instead of spending money flying in for her court dates against you. Hire an attorney on an Ex-Parte (emergency hearing) and get things working in your favor. Also, how old is your child? In Indiana where I live, the Judge will speak to a child at the age of 14. They can decide who they want to live with and the Judge will take it into consideration along with all the other issues. I know CA does the same but I believe the age is younger, maybe 12. Also, there is a mediation service available in California courts called Family Court Services. You may want to check into that and mention it at the next court date. The mediator will talk to you, your ex and your daughter. Believe me, they are trained to watch out for all of the things you mentioned above that your daughter is experiencing. And, your daughter can confide in them about the inappropriate behavior of your ex. Be blessed!
Last comment, sorry, I keep forgetting things. The Family Court Services mediator’s word is like truth to the Judge. The Judge will 99% of the time go with what the mediator’s recommendation’s are. So, it’s worth it to check into it at your next court hearing.
Maybe you should read my blogs. I have been in court with this matter for two years. I CANNOT afford an attorney, I have been representing myself with the help of my fiancee. We have proven all of the above and more…the judges rule in her favor everytime. Making excuses for her when her and her attorney can’t think of a good one. If I could afford an attorney I’d probably already have custody..but I know know..my ex “works” for some pretty connected people….One day someone will tell us something….CWS…DCSS or who ever and the next day they’ll say that didn’t say that. SIU flat refused to investigate her even though she testified to more than 3 times the income that she was getting aide based on and that I am paying child support on.
At the first mediation my ex did not bring my daughter as ordered…she had to go home and get her…taking almost 2 hours to return. It was late on a Friday and I had driven over 800 miles to be there. The mediator never mentioned in his report that she failed to bring my child. He ignored all of my concerns and issues…addressed all of hers and you can guess the rest. The bias is obvious if you read the report…and he didn’t send me a copy until 2 weeks after he sent everyone elses. My ex wife let my daughter read it before I did. My daughter was 12.
At the second mediation my ex wife was late. When they showed up my daughters face was all puffy and swollen, it was obvious that she was depressed and had been crying. Her mother had kept her out of school the day before. She had told her mother that she wanted to live with me and that she didn’t want to lie…BUT SHE DID ANYWAY and told the mediator exactly what her mother told her to.
At the third mediation…..same story…..in court I presented an email from my daughter in which she pretty much admitted all of this and that her mother had had sex in front of her in the past….It was all ignored….They gave my ex what she wanted. I am beginning to think that even if I had a lawyer that the court up there would find a way to give her anything she wants.
So you tell me……..we have been through 1 commissioner and 5 out of the 8 judges available……had one judge recused………….
Advice to NITA…move to Humboldt County California….and get on welfare…find some one to work for growing dope…..and then go to DCSS and they will hunt him down like a dog…violate every rule in the book for you and make sure that you get your money. All of it…Make sure you tell them plenty of lies and if you can’t think of the right ones…they’ll tell you what to so and cover for you if you screw up. You won’t need to pay an attorney because DCSS will violate federal law to represent you in the best possible way…sometimes bringing two attorneys.
Mustang, I am so sorry that you have been going through all of these changes. Unfortunately, I am new to the blogosphere environment and I didn’t read all of your prior posts. I think the clear advantage to all of your custody problems is the fact that you live so far away and your daughter isn’t telling the mediator the truth. You can ask the Court to appoint an attorney for your minor child and ask that the state pay for it because you are financially unable. That attorney will only look out for your child’s best interest. Again, I am so sorry that you continue to go through these unfair changes.
We asked for an attorney for her….they denied it! I called Child Welfare Services about the inappropriate sexual behavior in front of my daughter and sent them a copy of the things that she had posted on her MySpace account about it. It is clear that this behavior upsets her, yet the Social Worker from CWS decided that my daughter must like it…that my 13 year old is a voyer (it has to be her….not her mother.) He said that in those words. I am now going over his head to a CWS omnbudsman in Sacremento. We’ll see what happens now. I have raised hell up and down the California coast about the welfare fraud….I just found out that she is now off welfare…presumably because of the heat she is getting from her buddies at The Department of Health and Human Services and The Department of Child Support Services. Of course her income has not changed…she is still claiming $670 a month from an unsigned 2005 tax return. She started out claiming 0 through and affidavit in lieu of an income and expense declaration filed by DCSS. She started all of this by giving them a wrong name and address for me. I assume that they came up with the tax return because I addressed the issue. Apparently she had told them that I abandonded her and my daughter so they figured that I would’nt respond and then they could get an order without my presence using the 0 income amount.
Now that she is moving in with this new guy she can say he pays the rent and bills and that since she is now pregnant that she can’t work. (Not like she has had a legitimate job in the past 5 years.)
Do you have an upcoming court date? Since you represent yourself, you can do a Request for Production of Documents and that forces her to come up with her most recent tax filings. This process is called discovery. She will have 30 days to respond to them after you serve them upon her or her attorney. You can also propound her with Interrogatories (which area set of questions which address all those issues). You can look them up online for examples but make sure you search under California. But, be prepared that if you propound them upon her, she is legally able to propound them on you and you will have to provide updated information as well. But, I think it’s worth it to see her recent tax forms. On your next court date I would ask the Judge for an updated Income and Expense Declaration. If you aren’t making the same money or your income has gone down, you can also petition the court for a hearing for an adjustment.
We have asked for this two years in a row…she has never provided it…a judge ordred her to, then when she didn’t and we filed for contempt another judge said that “she didn’t intentionall not send it.” we still don’t have it. We would give her it all, we have nothing to hide. DCSS has assured us and so have court clerks that no matter what if we go in for a support modification that it will only go up. When I got laid off it was told that. We are sending the whole mess to the judicial council, it seems they have a new task force that is dealing with the difficulites of the self represented litigant. One of their major concerns is Family Court, my fiancee says I could be the poster boy for them…………I sure appreciate all of your advice. I will keep reading just in case you come up with something we have not tried.
I am just so sorry that you are going through all of this. It is so unfair. I would also explore the legal aid society in that county that the court is in. Just don’t give up. Your daughter see’s that you are fighting so hard and, ultimately, in the end, rest-assured when she is old enough, she will make her own decisions and her opinion of her mother will not be in her mother’s favor just do to the fact that she is seeing her mother treating you this way. It always happens that way. It comes back to haunt you. How old is your daughter? If she is 14, she can talk to the Judge herself. I suggest you tell her that or request that the Judge speak with her in chambers alone.
She is 13, the problem there is, like last Christmas, when she told her mother that she wanted to come live here her mother totally freaked out on her. She was kept in isolation and her mother berrated her daily. She accused our daughter of not loving her anymore. Her mother is bi-polar and refuses to get help. Needless to say she pulls the guilt trip thing, “oh if you want to live with him you can’t possibly love me anymore.” My daughter is and has been aware of my ex’s mental problems and thinks that her mother will not be able to survive without her. My hands are tied and I am really just venting. I can only hope that one day soon my daughter will realize that her mother’s survival does not depend on her. I have a very good relationship with my daughter, although its hard. She lies for her mother constantly and cannot deal with the truth or getting caught lying. If I call her on what I know and can prove is a lie then she thinks I don’t love her anymore. It’s an issue her mother has. “If you don’t just believe everything I say and take it to be the truth, then you don’t love me.” “If you loved me you would believe me.” Its hard and the 800 mile difference does not make it any easier.
Recently my daughter has begun to tell my fiancee the truth about things she has lied about in the past. We are hoping that is a good sign. My daughter and fiancee have a deal, my fiancee does not ask her questions about things she might be forced to lie about and my daughter does not offer up any information that is not solicited. It seems to work for them. It limits what they can talk about but at least there is something like honesty there. It has been since they made this agreement that my daughter has begun to spill some of the beans. Just minor beans right now…but beans.
We knew there was something major going on this last visit. My fiancee guessed what is was before we found out though other friends that my ex is 4 months pregnant. We only found out that she had a boyfriend about a month before when my daughter posted a bulletin on her myspace that said “whats nasty is when your mother and her boyfriend are over in the corner and being all around nasty…..and when your mother asks you for your opinion on her sex clothes.” then…”i don’t know if its better or worse that they are completly silent now.” This happened in the living room of a friends house. It is not the first time my ex has engaged in this type of behavior in front of my daughter. We now have it documented twice with different guys.
My fiancee met the boyfriend when she picked my daughter up for this last visit. My daughter told her they had only been seeing each other about a month. We had to laugh……how long did they think they could hide another kid from us?
I think a new boyfriend living with them and the fact that her mother is pregnant…along with the sex thing would constitute a significant change in circumstances. I make just enough money to not qualify for legal aid, so once again I’ll be in there alone against my ex and her attorney.
This time I hope to have a representative from the Judicial Council there. They have a new task force to deal with self represented litigants and judicial impropreity….I will be mailing a complaint to the Council tomorrow.
Wish me luck!
I am on both sides of the fence here as well. But I think I’m a rare breed. My daughter’s father is over $20,000.00 behind in child support. My opinion of that is…it has nothing to do with my daughter’s happiness. I do not let her suffer because of his lack of issues with his own life. She still maintains the exact same lifestyle that she always has.
Now as for my husband’s ex…where do I start! When my 15 year old stepdaughter came to visit for the summer, she told of a few weeks prior when her mother wouldn’t even buy her underwear! Now I agree Child Support is for the CHILD, but when I’m still buying her clothes, shoes, skin care, body care, and haircare…where does that child support go? Yes she eats, uses water and electricity, but believe me my bills don’t go up AT ALL the 2 months she’s here in the summer.
The system is totally messed up and it saddens me that in 2008 nothing has changed in our family courts systems since the stone age. My sister and her husband had an arrangement when my nephew was small. The dad didn’t pay child support, but anytime that boy needed ANYTHING, clothes, shoes, etc…the dad paid for it. I think that’s the way it should be. I’m much rather split all the bills, for my daughters, with the other parent than just hand over money to someone that’s not putting their child first!
I forgot to add…I don’t use the fact that my ex is so far behind in child support, as a weapon for him not to see her. Her happiness is far more important than any amount of money. We don’t even have a set parenting plan, we get along that well. It’s about our daughter, not me, not him.
To the 2nd wife…..that was the arrangement I had with my ex….and it lasted until I got a new girlfriend…….If I give you my ex’s phone number do you think you might could talk some sense into her.
She asked for 0 support on the Oregon Court order…it’s all in her hand writing………..I gave her about 1/3 of my income anyway…..then she cut off contact…….and brought the California InJustice system into the mix.
My husbands ex wife has kept their daughter from him for six years and he pays child support how can she legally do this? He is current in every thing and she keeps anna from him. Her mom works for the county child support office and they have some money. When we did get her every other weekend anna would tell him or I that your not my dad my mommys boyfriend is. He took her to court ProSae cause we can’t afford an attorney we have Two kids of our own and of course the mommy is always right! As a mom myself i think that the court system as regard to fathers is awful they have no regard for the children it is all about what makes it easier for everyone but the father. I could never in my life lie or use my kids against my husband or anyone for my benifit. I was nothing but nice to his ex and she said it wasn’t me it was him and his family. I never new my father and now i am married to this man that doesn’t see his child and i am on a missison for my husband and our family to see Anna again someday I love her like she is my own and we misss her soooo much how can this women do this to us? Anyone who can help please do the case is in Tuscarawas county ohio and the exwifes names is Michelle Hutton sooooooo stay away boys she likes to have kids for money.
and i also sent some things in the mail and guess what they sent them back! and we have no phone number or have any clue as to were MICHELLE HUTTON lives. And if we did no were she lives and we tried to see anna she would call the cops cause that is what kind of person she is even though he has visititaion it is at the sole discretion of the mother meaning she can do whatever she wants. She told me the last time we talk that i am the mom and i can do whatever i want and there is nothing u can do who does that? even if i was divorced i could never use my children cause child support has nothing to do with visititation and that is bull 6 years Jan 26th 2003 was the last time we saw her what can i do legally for my husband to get the ball going my husband is so tired that he just gave up he needs to see her she needs to see him what can i do for him any suggestions?
i am just tried of the mothers in this world screwing the fathers and child/children out of a loving relationship with all parties involved its not the fact that she wants the child to love her spouse thats great its the fact that whatever anything ever involved my husband or the family or us she didnt want her to love us i always thought that parents want there child/children to be loved by all involved septparents and all i am just so upset that she is getting away with this
Rachael, first off, I know you can’t afford an attorney, but you should do your best to try to get an Ohio attorney whether it be through legal aid or something. She cannot do this. If you get an attorney, he knows the laws better than you and your husband. If there is a current child visitation order in effect, and she is not abiding by it to the “T,” she is in contempt of court and papers can be filed to have her abide or lose custody. There is specific laws that state either parent cannot make it difficult for the other parent to exercise their visitation. Google the legal aid office in the county that your court case is in. Contact the prosecutor’s office which where he is paying his child support. I would pull out all the stops. If there is a court order for visitation then she is in violation. The prosecutor’s/current child support office where your husband’s wages are garnished for child support through would have her current address. Tell them you need to contact her. Think about this. If you were moving, they would need to know his new address and his place of employment so the same holds true for your husband. I would have one of the legal aid attorneys help you on this. Also, google the words “pro bono attorneys” and insert the name of the county in Ohio where the current court order is established. That should give you a list of names of attorneys that do pro bono work.
My question is, why did the court rule against your husband the last time he took her to court? The court is not just going to break the law by not allowing his visitation. Do you live in another state?
We were chastised by the judge in our case for not calling the sheriffs department and reporting the ex for doing the same thing. If you call the sheriffs department and child welfare services and report it, have the visitation order in hand…they should track her down and CWS will fight for you.
Mustang200 is correct. When you do get her address and you are attempting to exercise it, take a sheriff with you. That way, there is never a question about what happened, etc. Tell the sheriff that you want them to have them make a “keep the peace” run with you so that nothing goes down and you have a back-up. Report each time that you don’t get your visitation and keep a log of the dates and times that you were denied. It will be of great value when you do get into court on this matter.
If he has court ordered visitation you can take that court order to the sheriff’s department and they will find her! Period! We got chastised by the court from the beginning for not doing so. You don’t have to go looking, you can take it to the sheriff’s department or police department in your area and explain the situation to them….give them her last known address and they will track her down. Because we didn’t they accepted her story that we abandoned them, not the other way around. SEND THEM LOOKING FOR HER…she is in violation and will get into some big trouble. Take the returned letters and stuff that you sent. DO IT NOW!