Custody Battle: Porn Star/Mom v. Sandra Bullock
November 6, 2009 by Diane Greene
Filed under Daily Dose
Good Morning America did a piece this morning on Sandra Bullock and her 5 year-old step-daughter. Sandra and her husband Jesse James are fighting to keep custody of 5 year-old Sunny whom they have had custody of since January due to her mother’s recent prison stint for tax evasion. I was really entranced in this story this morning because the headline was “Sandra Bullock vs. Porn Star” instead of “Jesse James and Ex-wife fight for Custody.” However, I do understand that Sandra has been raising Sunny in the absence of her mother during this whole period. Sandra submitted her declaration letter to the court where she talked about Sunny’s mother, Janine Lindemulder’s drug use and issues of safety involving Sunny, specifically stating an incident where Sunny was left alone all day while her mother was “asleep from drug use.” Sandra goes on to talk about the optimum relationship she shares with Jesse’s first wife and the care she provides for Sunny on a stable, regular basis. (The full text of Sandra’s letter can be read on GMA’s website).
In her defense, Ms. Lindemulder discussed that she would like to sit down with Sandra face-to-face and as “two women” to discuss the situation. She said she is tremendously hurt by the accusations and questions Sandra’s right to take away her daughter. I was a little taken back by this statement as it is clear that Sandra didn’t take away her daughter from her, the courts did pursuant to her incarceration. Once again, this is another example of how the step-mother gets to take blame for something that isn’t her issue. She goes on in her own defense and says that she is a good mother. Lindemulder is now remarried and her new husband is also as Mr. James put it “a two-time state and federal convicted felon.” Bullock and James have called both Ms. Lindemulder and her husband unfit to raise their daughter.
BFSO readers, what do you think? Do you think Jesse James and Sandra Bullock should step back a bit and allow Ms. Lindemulder to reincorporate herself and maybe regain custody of her daughter? Or, do you feel Jesse James and Sandra Bullock should keep full custody of Sunny, and do everything in their power to limit Sunny’s time with her mother considering she has to prove she is no longer drug dependent?
I am in a quagmire with my opinion. On one hand, I would hope that Ms. Bullock’s intentions are based solely on the best interest of Sunny, and on the other hand, I have always believed in parental rights, even if that parent stumbles, they deserve a second chance at redemption as long as they show, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are doing everything in their power to get better and making the conscientious choice to get on the right path. But, I also feel that Sandra Bullock cannot be made out to be the bad guy int his situation considering she is just the “step-mother.” She has done well by Sunny and her husband by stepping into that Mom role when her mother obviously couldn’t and/or wouldn’t due to her prior bad decision making. She is doing what she is supposed to do.
During her interview, Ms. Lindemulder expressed her gratitude toward Sandra and expressed appreciation to her for stepping up and taking good care of her daughter while she was in prison and she also claims that she is a good mother and wants her daughter back. Bitter custody disputes are always hard on the children involved, and indeed, this one will be no different. Although they happen every single day, in every court in America, in the end, the children are always the ones who suffer.
I am confident that the judge in this case will look not only at all the facts but also at the big picture and make a fair decision. Ms. Lindemulder has expressed that she wants to be a good “co-parent” with both Jesse and Sandra. That is a good first step. Hopefully, they can all come to an amicable solution and one that is in the best interest of Sunny.
Peace & Blessings,
Di
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I’ve been following this story and admire the love that Sandra Bullock has for all of her stepchildren.I definitely don’t think she should be persecuted because she stepped up and filled a void in Sunny’s life due to her mother’s absence.That being said, I also believe that parents deserve second chances when they make bad decisions regarding their children; however, children are not guinea pigs and we shouldn’t take a wait and see approach with them. First, you should have unrefutable proof that the parent has indeed changed and then supervised visitation should be gradually phased in. There has to be some sort of process.
If Ms. Lindemulder truly claims to be a good parent and to want to co-parent, she will understand that things can’t go back to the way they were just because she wants them to. Again, there has to be some sort of process. She made tons of mistakes (drugs and jail) and her “word” that she is now a changed parent isn’t and shouldn’t be good enough for the child. Yes, she should be given a second chance, but she shouldn’t be allowed to go from drugs and jail straight to child custody again. It’s a process and a good parent or co-parent would understand that.
*Kela*
I totally agree and I am sure the courts will see it that way too as they usually do. She should be reincorporated, but on a gradual basis. I also admire Sandra’s strength and tenacity.
I’ve followed this story as well and have been fascinated not only by the headlines provided, but also the fact that Ms. Lindemulder is constantly referred to as the child’s mom who also happened to have starred in more than 100 adult films and was just released from prison for tax evasion.
I’m all for the gradual custodial agreement whereas if Ms. Lindemulder and her husband can prove to the courts and Mr. James that they are capable of providing a good, stable home with consistency for Sunny then perhaps both sets of parents can co-parent the little girl.
I also think it’s in Sunny’s best interest if Ms. Lindemulder and Ms. Bullock can sit down and talk face to face and get along.
Erin,
I absolutely agree, but given their situation, I am unsure that she and Ms. Bullock are at a point of doing so. Maybe in the future as you have said after she proves herself.
Thank you for your comment!
Di
Thanks for sharing this post! -Gwen
You’re most certainly welcome, Gwen.
My question is: why do you assume that custody should automatically default to the mother?
Sure, I believe in second chances, too, but why do you think the child is better off, in general, with her mother?
In this day and age, with fathers often contributing equally to the raising of a child, it is an outdated and frequently dangerous attitude to always put dads on the back burner.
Many fathers are forced to go into deep debt to pursue custody cases where the biological mother is not the most fit parent, yet society assumes the children should be placed with her “first”. Then years of emotional damage to the kids ensues. The attitude is generally that unless the mother if turning tricks and doing crack- in front of the kids- the courts will support her right for primary custody.
Why? Why does James have to FIGHT now to keep his child?
THAT should be your question.
Becky Sue,
Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I do not think I said that custody should automatically default to the mother. However, I do believe that both parents, if they undoubtedly prove, over a gradual time period, that they are fit and able to be reconnected with their children after an incident such as this, that they be granted that right once custody is taken away. Maybe not for custody, but for gradual reunification. In my opinion, it is not James that has the burden of proof on his shoulders, but Ms. Lindemulder. Let me emphasize that I only feel that a child should be reunited gradually (i.e., supervised vistation graduating to unsupervised vistiation, etc.) only if that parent has taken all the necessary steps to obtain same.
You’re right, working in the legal field, I have seen many fabulous fathers go into debt trying to obtain not only custody (in a situation like the one described in my post) but just in obtaining joint custody and/or fair vistitation for those children that may live out of state. Many states are working hard to change this automatic assumption and I have seen the changes taking place, but again, you are right, it is often harder on fathers.
Thank you so much for stopping by and giving me your opinion. Your response was very thought provoking.
Peace & Blessings,
Di