My Way Or The Highway

Have you ever thought that everything would be great in your relationship if your spouse or significant other changed to comply with everything you think is right?  I can admit that in one of my past lives, I have been guilty of doing so.  Instead of validating your spouse’s perspective on a situation, you make it impossible to negotiate and refuse to stand together to find an amicable solution to whatever issue the two of you are experiencing.  Ironically, you attribute your meeting him/her in the middle as weakness and instead of feeling like partners, you feel like opponents.

Every relationship has its ups and downs.  Every relationship has its share of stresses and each person, at times, whether they admit it or not, has times when their disagreements get the best of them and inadvertently allows that argument to redefine them and their commitment.  When disagreements get  bad, each person digs in and makes little effort to work around the problem at hand.  What they are essentially saying is “it’s my way or the highway.”

In partnership there are always going to be hard times and unexpected problems that occur.  It’s important to remember through every unexpected cloud there is a silver lining.  You don’t have to fool yourself into thinking that it has to be one way or the other in order to be happy.  It is also important to understand that although disagreements aren’t comfortable to go through, they add character to our relationships.

Here are a few tips to help you avoid the ”my way or the highway” attitude:

• Think objectively when communicating with your spouse, especially during disagreements.
• Your perspective is based on your individual experience but that does not make it right in a relationship.  Take the creative leap to empathize with your spouse, see his/her point of view and perspective and do not make them feel invalidated.
• Appreciate your differences.
• When going through differences, don’t fill in the blanks about what the other person is thinking or trying to say.  By doing so, we take the quality we experience and attribute it to the other person.  That quality doesn’t belong to them, it belongs to your relationship.

Lastly, any solution we find to our disagreements has to come from a “WE” point of view.  For example, when disagreeing, begin with “Whenever we talk about this issue, we seem to end up arguing.  What can we do to help us stop.”

These are just a few ways to explore avoiding ultimatum language like the title of this post describes.   Having the ability to appreciate your partner’s point of view does not invalidate your own. Being able to appreciate each others’ differences is a value that all relationships should strive to achieve.

Peace & Blessings,
Di