How to Encourage Positive Projections in Your Marriage

Have you ever had a friend or co-worker who constantly refers to his/her marriage in a negative manner?  I have such a co-worker.  Every day there is a new complaint:  he’s gained too much weight; he doesn’t satisfy her anymore; he never finishes a home project; he snores too loudly; he doesn’t support her visions….the list goes on and on.  Well, this behavior got me to thinking about the difference between reflecting  positive projections in our marriages versus the negative and how destructive reflecting such negative projections can be to our relationships and our view of  our spouses.

There are many ways that we can incorporate positivity into our daily lives so that we do less negative projecting in our marriages and allow our positive thoughts, attitudes and perceptions to make our bonds stronger.

For example:

• When you both have legitimate concerns, realize that your spouse’s concern deserves to be addressed, not just your own.
• Reframe the behaviors that bother you the most about your spouse.  For example, if you feel your spouse is having difficulty satisfying your needs, talk to him/her about your feelings and offer to teach them about what you desire.  Taking the extra step to come out of your comfort zone to make an effort to reframe your behavior will work wonders and filter over to your spouse.  Instead of criticizing your spouse about his/her sexual issues with your co-workers, be honest with your partner.  Honesty is always the best policy.  Be proactive about helping him/her to change this factor.  By doing this, you have proactively taken the negative out of the situation and made it a positive.
• Make an effort to understand each others’ intent regarding your respective behaviors.  9 times out of 10, your separate understandings will be totally different.  Give one another the benefit of the doubt.  Listen to each others’ explanations without interrupting.   You might find that your spouse’s concern may be something important that you need to deal with together.
• Refrain from speaking negatively about your spouse in the presence of others.  The old saying goes..”be careful what you ask for…you might just get it.”  Well, if you do not make a habit of claiming negativity in your marriage, you will be more prone to claiming and receiving positivity in your marriage.

By utilizing some of the above tips, you will be able to be more objective when dealing with negative issues and able to bring in more positivity into your relationship.

Remember, when we married our spouses, we didn’t just commit to them in happy times, but also in stressful times.  Accepting each others’ neuroses is a part of a having a happy, healthy, positive  marriage.

Peace & Blessings,
Di