Marriage Rules You Can Break
May 15, 2010 by Diane Greene
Filed under Love and Marriage
Today, I read a fabulous article on MSNBC.COM entitled “10 Marriage Rules You Can Break.” I thought I would repost them and share them with our readers as they are informative and right on the money. Enjoy.
Don’t go to bed angry
Trying to work through a problem when you’re tired and stressed won’t get you anywhere, says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D. “Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you’re rested.”
Always Be 100% Honest
In marriage, no-holds-barred honesty is not always the best policy. “You don’t need to share details of past relationships,” says Barbara Bartlein, RN, MSW. The bottom line: You need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner’s feelings.
Never Vacation Without Each Other
The received wisdom here is that if you have time off from your jobs and lives, you should naturally prefer to spend it together. The danger, says Dr. Lombardo, is the belief “that you have to be each other’s everything, and that’s just not realistic.”
If you Fight, You’re Headed for Divorce
Actually, says Bartlein, research shows that couples who never fight – assuming that means they’re holding back to avoid conflict – are more likely to split.
Always Put the Kids First
Making your relationship top priority is better – not just for you, but for your children, who need to see you in charge and who feel safer and more secure with parents who have a loving relationship.
Never Sleep in Separate Beds
It’s a myth that couples always sleep better and more cozily together than apart. So if one of you occasionally decamps to the guest room, don’t sweat it.
Partners Should Sync Up Their Hobbies
Giving up your passions is akin to forgoing your independence, and “without independence in a marriage people feel trapped,” says Bartlein. Pursue your separate interests and find activities you both enjoy.
If There’s No Spark, You’re Doomed
“Many still believe that when the spark dies out, it means they’re in the wrong relationship, and should seek something new,” says Bartlein. Long-term relationships survive on commitment and trust, out of which grows love.
Boring is Bad
The problem with this so-called rule, says Bartlein, is when couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. A drama-filled relationship may feel exciting, but in the long run it’s not likely to be healthy.
You Should Have Sex With Your Partner to Make Him Happy
“Sex becomes yet another item on your to-do list, and you think you have to do it for the sake of your marriage and the happiness of your spouse,” says Dr. Lombardo. While neither of those reasons is wrong, they shouldn’t be the only reasons.
Peace & Blessings,
Di
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Great list!
I like the first one about not going to bed angry. Ideally, we should not. And hopefully we resolve issues before we hit the pillow. In busy, complex lives, this is not always possible.
Some signal however to one another whether it is a phrase, a touch, whatever that says I love you in spite of the current disagreement, tension, awkwardness is a pretty powerful thing.
Put any two people in any situation and they will eventually disagree. Give them matters of extreme importance, such as a livelong bond, kids, step kids, money, careers, family, friends, home, health, sex, …. and you now have all the more to disagree on. It is simply going to happen. Yet time has proven that none of these things have to be deal-busters.
Now, more than any point in history, we as couples have more resources available for us to work through conflict in our marriage relationships. We simply need to use them. We need to DO.
Ten years ago, were there blogs? Barely.
Dr. Phil was still aguest on Oprah. Now he has his own show and probably a hundred books. And there are hundreds more resources available to most of us. And many are free.
So ya, I really like this adaptation on the old black and white NEVER go to bed angry. I would sugest we turn it down to a USUALLY. And then have a strategy for the rest of the times.
Ciao.
Chaz
Thanks, Chaz! I absolutly agree!
Di