This story was first published by Peggy Nolan, Founder of The Stepmom’s Toolbox,
Sometimes I think if I see one more stepmom write:
“but I do everything for them! I cook, I clean, I chauffeur, I help with homework, I clean up their mess, I wipe their snot, and I work full time! I do it all and my (step)children turn their nose at me. They don’t respect me! They don’t appreciate me! And they never say ‘thank you!’”
I’m going to respond, “Of course they don’t!”
Why? Because you’re nothing more than an unending supply of give, give, give so they can take, take, take!
Your cause of giving produces a like effect of taking. There’s a payoff for both the taker (they get their every whim catered to) and the giver (you get to moan, groan, and complain ad nauseum about all that you do for a head tilt, a nod, and a little tea and sympathy).
In Winning Love, Wallace D. Wattles states, “you do NOT make people love you by the number of things you do for them. If they love you, it will be for what you ARE.” Stepmartyrs (and martyrs in general) “overdo the matter of service” and without fail “receive the contempt” of their step-children and in many cases, their husbands.
Stepmartyrs are not true, authentic people. You want to be liked, loved, and appreciated but you go about it in a tried but misguided fashion. Instead of being YOU, you pretend to be someone you think everyone else expects you to be. You deny who YOU really are. You stifle your authentic and glorious self. You make the mistake of “sacrificing yourself for others.”
What if, instead of sacrificing yourself, you made the MOST of yourself for others? Maybe your answer depends on another question: Do you want others to pity you or love you?
Wallace asserts that “If you wish to be loved, you must live your own life. And the more full and complete the life, the more love you will win.” When you grow you, when you become a better you, you inevitably become more loveable…and that’s what you really desire…to be loveable.
Are you ready to start living your own life and make the most of YOU?
What three Stepmartyr things can you give up in the next 30 days?
What three things can you develop in the next 30 days that will help you become a better you?
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
I obtained a passport in less than 3 days by using Fastport Passport!
Dear Kela,
Thanks so much for the re-post!
Love,
Peggy
My pleasure, Peggy! You made some important points and I just had to share them.
xo,
Kela
wow – dead on for how I have been feeling lately. Time for me to get a new perspective.
OMGosh. This is what I have been doing, I am so ashamed to admit. But then again, change comes with admitting there is a problem, right. Please, help me change. Are there more articles for me to read?
Teri:
I absolutely agree with you, admitting that there is a problem in a certain area is the first step to resolution. Unbeknownst to us stepmoms at times, we can fall into the trap of step-maryterdom. Our roles are under-appreciated by not only most ex-wives (although there is that small percent who appreciate a good stepmoms) and husbands, but also at times stepchildren as well. We want to please everyone, all of the time because we don’t want to be looked at as the “wicked stepmother” as history has had a habit of portraying us. Therefore, we think that by “doing all” and “being all” we can change the perception that everyone around us has of us. Not realizing that it downright gets on people’s nerves, and rightfully so at times. We just have to accept our roles for what they are, be who we are. Period. If you would like to personally email Kela or myself with your personal email, we can forward you those articles personally or you can also certainly peruse the archives where you will find numerous articles on different subjects that I know you will find just as helpful as this. Our email addresses are located under the “Contact Us” section.
Peace & Blessings
Diane
Hi Teri,
I also have more articles on my website. My passion is teaching others that the only person they can change is themselves. You can also contact me via my website – Kela, Diane, me, we’re all here to help stepmoms navigate the murky waters of remarried life!
Peggy