Certifiable!

I am married to an absolutely wonderful man who I have known since high school. We reconnected about 7 years ago and have been together ever since.  He will claim that he wasn’t trying to get with me the day we reconnected at Original Pancake House, but I know different.  He said that he was just interested in a friendship because our sons were the same age…umm humm, okay, whatever…LOL!

As I continue, keep in mind that I love my husband! I truly believe that he is a gift that was made for me. Having said that, if I knew then what I know now, I think I would have elected to not accept the gift! Let me explain.  I didn’t know at the time that his ex-wife and mother of his child was/is completely crazy…certifiable! From the moment she found out that my husband had a girlfriend she had a problem, and tried to mark her territory. She did things like call him in the middle of the night (11:30) to ask a question about history. On another late night (11:00) she had her best friend call to ask my husband which jump rope he would recommend for working out. Now, my husband is neither a history professor nor a personal trainer, and I am sure there were plenty of other people that they could’ve called. On another occasion she called to ask my husband to help her best friend move. Keep in mind that she has and has had a boyfriend ever since I’ve been in the picture. Why wouldn’t she call him for these things instead of her ex-husband? In the beginning, she never called for anything pertaining to the child…go figure.

At any rate, as the years have gone by things have gotten progressively worse. She eventually started using the “you can’t see your child” method when her other tactics failed. This brings me to my tips on how to confirm whether or not the baby mama in your life is crazy.

1. She’ll first use the we’re still friends method. This means that she’ll call him for stupid stuff like late night history questions.
2. She’ll then use the damsel in distress method. It’s the I’m the mother of your child, and I need you even though her needs have absolutely nothing to do with the child.
3. Next, when she’s exhausted the other options, she’ll use the infamous you can’t see your child method.
4. When that doesn’t work, she’ll use the “I want you to be in your child’s life, but just not around her…” method. All of a sudden, the one who cares for your child when he’s in our home is not fit to do so. Like I said, certifiable, bipolar even.

Those are all signs of irrational behavior, and if you catch them in the beginning, you need to re-evaluate whether or not you can deal with that type of blended family. Trust me, when the ex-wife/baby mama is crazy it doesn’t get better, only worse! Even if your marriage is completely solid, it will still create stress within your household. I know it did and often does in mine, and I’m still in love with my husband after 7 years. But, you have to keep in mind that if your man is a good father, he will obviously be affected if the ex is keeping his child away from him, and for senseless reasons. That, in and of itself, will create a certain amount of stress in your household. Not only that, but when you are arguing with someone all of the damn time, that creates stress as well. Having said that, it is possible to maintain a healthy marriage despite the crazy ex’s attempts to wreak havoc on it.

I could go on about my husband’s crazy ex-wife, but I’l save it for another entry. Until then, remember that love, trust, loyalty and communication are the most important ingredients in any marriage, but especially within the blended family. As long as you know that the vows that you took/take with your second marriage should be no different than the first, your marriage has a chance at survival.