May The Flirt Be With You!

And may your nearest redeemer for frequent flirter miles not be a 3 ft tall, grammatically challenged know-it-all. Although, this little green ladies’ man seems to know his way around a flirt…and a skirt. Once again, men are left scratching their heads as the whole concept of “size matters” is shot to hell by this image of a seemingly studly Yoda regaling women with tales starring the forceful magic of his “light saber.” Tales so heroic, so sexually charged, they send women’s clothing plunging to a crumpled heap on the ground in a desperate plea of surrender. Or so says Photoshop.

Captivating I am. Seduce you I will.

Every Jedi knows the art of flirting is a mix of conversation, body language, and physical touch…and may just be our most vital form of communication. It’s the foreplay to our foreplay, so to say.

We flirt because it’s a necessary road to reproduction junction. It could be that the flirtee is just too hot to be denied our charms. And it could be that it’s just fun. Scientists say that flirting doesn’t necessarily mean attraction. That, hot or not, we’re evolutionarily programmed to be sexually alert, on our toes, and prepared for passionate throes. Married, single, or “it’s complicated” …our primitive libidos are in constant battle with modern monogamy. So, even if we’re off the market, we flirt with potential buyers to humor our libidos…and our egos. Met with success, or shaming mess, we flirt to advertise our assets…and remind ourselves we’ve still got it. When we flirt, we display our creativity, our humor, and our intelligence…flaunting our stellar skills for withstanding whatever poo pies life may throw our way (selling ourselves as the optimal life partner). But aside from our dung dodging skills, we spread our peacock feathers…display our bountiful (surgically custom) cleavage, our Baby Got Back bums, our Fabio-lously spray tanned flexing pecs, our firm afterglow-inducing light sabers. Saying, without saying, “I got that good hit! Don’t you want to bag me?”

We flirt. We bag. We ensure the survival of our genetic genius. And we settle into family life. We now have children to raise, mortgages to pay, bosses to mock, and spontaneity to block. Burdened by an endlessly overwhelming list of chores and responsibilities that would make even the most devoted Family Guy pimp out his wife for a break, we don’t take time to maintain flirting fluency with our main squeeze. The romance dies. We’re merely roommates…without benefits…tending to chores. Making it from one day to the next. We get comfortable in the notion that our spouse isn’t going anywhere. And realize…neither are we. We’re in a rut.

It’s then that we realize that somewhere along the way, we’ve become biologically washed up. With no sex life and no sex appeal, we’re no longer relevant to the circle of life. We begin to feel unwanted and depressed. We start to miss the flirt, the chase…the thrill of sexual possibilities. Ironically, both spouses will come face to face with his/her own feeling of sexual loss. However, neither will attempt to fill this void for the other. Usually because we’re both too busy trying to maintain every other relationship in the daily grind…forgetting that a happy sweetie promises a different grind altogether. We go out of our way to please other people. Bosses, friends, co-workers. Why? Because we know that our bosses, our friends, or our co-workers can, and will, walk out on us at any time. We don’t take these relationships for granted. So we see the value in the work needed to maintain them. But our spouses…we take them for granted. We don’t work on the marital relationship because it’s the one place we think we can afford to get lazy and fall asleep on the job.

Divorce…and remarriage…statistics beg to differ.

The cold hard truth is…what we take for granted, someone just around the corner is all too eager to appreciate.

Whatever the cost to our social or family life, we’re drawn to flirty appreciation like an oompa loompa to shoe lifts. It boosts our egos, stimulates our sex drives, and spices up our lives. We need to flirt to feel special…to feel connected. We need it emotionally and sexually. So, if no one is flirting with us at home, we begin to feel stagnant. We grow bored with our marriage AND ourselves. And we’re all the more receptive to outside flirts.

Marriage is monotonous…on a good day. If we want to keep it fresh and romantic, we can’t put away our dazzling peacock plumage just because we’re too lazy to strut it. We need to continue displaying our assets. Otherwise, life clouds our memory. And we both forget why we fell in love in the first place. The flirt, the tease, the challenge, the FUN…this is what keeps our spouse true and still believing in “I do.”

Why flirting with the one that matters…matters?

* It’s adult play. We never outgrow our need for play. Make your spouse your toy.

* It boosts both egos. Flirting gives us a sense of power. Whether we’re the hunter or the prey, we all enjoy a good chase. It validates our sexual worth.

* It’s the language of love…promising the continual emotional connection we seek so ruthlessly.

* It reminds our spouse that we’re still very much attracted to them…translation: “I don’t take you for granted!”

* It’s healthy for children to witness our playful love. It provides them a sense of security and models a healthy, loving relationship.

* It will eventually lead to sex. Filthy, dirty sex…somewhere. 😉

Teasing Tactics:

* Be witty and challenging.

* Tackle a chore your sweetie usually takes care of.

* Wear flirty clothes…or no clothes.

* Snuggle…give back rubs or massages.

* Engage in sexy, suggestive banter. Remember, the brain is our most sexual organ.

* Compliment. Flattery will get you everywhere.

* Send romantic/sexy texts or emails…either as yourself…or the sultry stranger who’s been lusting from afar.

* Create a special hand signal (sign language) for a romantic/sexy message just between the two of you.

It’s our nature to follow the flirt. When it comes to your sweetie, turn up your tease…

Lead the way.

Chick Hughes is a wife of 15 years, mother of 2, and lover of psychology. She holds a B.S. in Psychology and offers insight, advice, and humor on relationships, sex, and family. She has extensive experience with children, but now stays home with her own children, Patrick (9) and Anna (3), who both delight and challenge her daily. You can visit her website at http://www.chickhughes.comto read more of her work. Or you can visit her fan page on Facebook, Chick Hughes, where you can participate in discussions relating to her current topic.

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