Must Have Tool for a Peaceful Mind: Forgiveness!

“The greatest gift given to us by God is that of forgiveness.”

I don’t know about you readers, but to me, it seems as though many of our mindsets have gotten away from forgiveness.  Whether that forgiveness be in our relationships, our family units or our friendships, we have lost sight of simply trying to make things better for one another.  We don’t own up to keeping our friendships intact anymore.  Think about it.  We live in a world now where most of our interaction with our friends, family and sometimes our significant others is through social networks, text messages and cell phones.  Long gone are the days of making time for one another.  Long gone are the days of popping up to check in on our friends like we used to.  It has become the “norm” to check in using our Facebook status updates.

I have talked to many people who have found themselves in situations where they can’t seem to find it in their hearts to forgive someone who has hurt them in one way or another.  Albeit, I am a firm believer that if there is someone in your life that doesn’t make you a better person, or you are always on the giving end of your relationship and never receiving anything in return, sometimes it is just best to let that person go in order for you to move on to a healthier life.  However, there are those instances in our lives where we have found ourselves battling with someone for one reason or another (most of the time petty reasons) and we end up walking away from that particular relationship and becoming bitter toward that particular person.  We refuse to allow ourselves to see the differences for what they are and we see an apology on our part as a sign of weakness so we refuse to take that step forward toward forgiveness and healing.  We simply decide that it is easier to turn away from the friendship or relationship and deem it unfixable. We allow our stubbornness and our pride to play a role in taking away the “freedom” that forgiving provides to us.  As I have said in other posts, forgiveness is for you.  It is truly the link to freedom from the pain that keeps you stuck.

Its simple TMF readers, being able to apply forgiveness comes down to one simple word.  Interaction.  You might be asking “why would interaction be so important?”  The answer is easy.  Forgiveness comes down to interaction because 9 times out of 10, the person you are holding a grudge against isn’t the same person he/she used to be.  Without opening yourself to interaction with that person, you won’t know.  You can’t assume that they still feel the way they do.  You can’t go on not forgiving and acknowledging that both of you made mistakes and that you both need to be able to pass that forgiveness on to one another in order to free yourself from that pain that the past holds.

Below are some tips on getting to forgiveness and moving on:

• Accept and let go of the past.  The past is not going to change.  Accept it.  As human beings, we are naturally geared toward accepting the negative over the positive.  Accept the pain that has been caused and let it go.  We cannot move forward while walking backward.  Process your emotions and get to the positive solutions.
• Look for the lesson.  Every situation we experience is an opportunity for us to learn a lesson.  It allows us to see how far we have come in our healing and gives us the opportunity for further growth in our situations.
• Decide.  Like in any relationship, you have to make a choice as to whether or not you are going to move forward or let it go.  Make sure your mind is clear when making these choices.  Make sure you have gone over your thoughts and emotions with a fine tooth comb and then make your choice.  There is no room for hasty decisions.
• Apologize.  Own your part of the breakdown.  Your part may not be significant in your eyes, but remember that we all see ourselves through rose colored glasses.  It is very hard to self-analyze without coming out on top.  Apologizing is good for the soul.  It is biologically important.  It heals.

If this post doesn’t give you anything at all, I want you to know this….forgiveness is only a conversation away.  Go and get that interaction!  Just as removing toxic people out of your life is healthy, forgiving people for past hurts is healthy.  Remember, you don’t have to subject or open yourself up to more pain by forgiving someone for hurting you, you just allow yourself to move forward.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane