10 Things Stepmoms Refuse to Feel Guilty About

womenlaughI ran across this article about a month ago on Babble about things women refuse to feel guilty about as moms. As a mom of a 16 year old and almost 3 year old, I can relate to some of them. For example, when my oldest was in elementary I was not the crafty mom who made his Halloween costumes or baked  heart shaped cookies for his entire class during Valentine’s Day and will likely not do it for my youngest when he gets to school either. And yes, sometimes when I just need a break because I work from home and manage my 3 year old simultaneously, I use Backyardigans to entertain him while I catch my breath. And no, I don’t feel the least bit guilty for any of it. I wasn’t surprised to hear that I wasn’t alone either after reading this article on Babble.

Another thing that doesn’t surprise me is the lack of the same type of empathy that people have when it comes to stepmoms. It is common, accepted and supported for women to rave about what they refuse to feel guilty about as a mom. But it is seen as evil if it comes from a stepmom. Well, the only way to change those stereotypes is to discuss them so here it goes. Just like there are things I refuse to feel guilty about as a mom, there are things I refuse to feel guilty about as a stepmom. For example, I refuse to feel guilty for not being friends with my husband’s ex-wife. There is way too much combative, negative history between her and my husband. I will always be cordial but I have no desire to be best friends and that’s perfectly ok. I also refuse to feel guilty about making my marriage a priority instead of trying to help my husband fix a broken relationship (between him and his ex-wife) that I didn’t break to begin with.

I was happy to hear that other stepmoms weren’t afraid to speak up about what they refuse to feel guilty about, too.We asked some of our stepmom friends what they refuse to feel guilty about and compiled the top 10 list below.


  1. I use to feel so guilty if the step kids werent with us and we did fun things with my kids. I finally realized that their mom does fun things with the step kids and my children aren’t involved in that so why should I feel guilty for doing for my own?
  2. Asking for “me” time. Sometimes I just want to enjoy my days off instead of babysitting.
  3. Loving my stepdaugther as my own daughter.
  4. Putting my son with disabilities first,  no matter what.
  5. Not being peacemaker between my husband and his ex-wife. I’d prefer to support my husband but otherwise, stay out of it.
  6. Stepping back.
  7. For making mistakes along the way.
  8. For being a caregiver and role model to my step children, but leaving the responsibility of how they turn out and their personality flaws to their mom and dad.
  9. Not paying for things for my step children when I don’t want to. They have two parents for that.
  10. For supporting my husband 100% when it comes to disciplining my step children.

Moms or Stepmoms, what are some of the things that you refuse to feel guilty about?

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