“Where Am I when I need ME the MOST?………..Mugs Holifield”
There were so many good chapters in Sue Patton Thoele’s book, “The Courage to be a Step-Mom” that I had to share some more of her knowledge with our BFSO readers.
In reading this book, I realized through her writings that for women, true friendship is not something we just “want or desire” it is something we absolutely “need” and is necessary for our own healthy well-being. Our girlfriends build us up when we are down, they catch us when we fall, they stand beside us and support our dreams, our needs and even our “silliness” as Ms. Thoele says. They celebrate with us, mourn with us during times of grief and a lot of the times help to anchor us as women.
Ms. Thoele posed the following question in her book that had me really doing a lot of my own soul searching and exploring: We have our “friends” but are we the same friend to ourselves? As she did, I ask you BFSO readers the following:
- Are you encouraging rather than critical?
- Do you matter-of-factly accept your mistakes as opportunities to learn valuable lessons from?
- Are you gentle and kind to yourself?
- Do you surround yourself with like-minded people?
- Do you honor yourself for who and what you are?
These are just a few, but ask yourself these questions. If your answers are in the affirmative, then you are being a true friend to yourself. One of the most important things you can do is to be your OWN FRIEND FIRST – LOVE YOURSELF – and, then, and only then, will loving others be so much more rewarding for you.
In her book she also talks about “filling up our reservoirs.” In our daily lives, if we do not “fill up” we run the risk of draining ourselves emotionally and physically. I can relate as my calendar is so packed at times, I feel like pulling my hair out — TIME TO TAKE ME TIME! Learn that YOU ARE NOT INDESPENSIBLE! You will be surprised at how well your children, your husbands and your family members can do without you for a day, an evening, or even a weekend! You will have nothing left for anyone if you do not tend to your own needs and take care of yourself. DO NOT LOSE YOUR SELF-IDENTITY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS!
Lastly, being good to ourselves sets an awesome example for our children. It teaches them to take care of themselves as well as teaching them self-confidence, self-esteem and SELF-WORTH! As I previously stated, after reading this chapter, I re-read it again. I have often allowed myself to become overwhelmed as a mother, wife, legal assistant to my boss…..the list goes on. Most of us women/mothers have been guilty. Stay strong and balanced. The most important message we can send to our children is that it’s OKAY to VALUE YOURSELF! Stay strong ladies and gentlemen (this goes for you too!)
Peace and Blessings,