Kela

80′s Child Actors Malcolm Jamal Warner and Regina King

March 23, 2013 By Kela Leave a Comment

How many of you remember the 80′s sitcoms, 227 and The Cosby Show? Now, how many of you remember Regina King who played Brenda on 227 and Malcolm-Jamal Warner who played Theo on the very popular, long-lived series, The Cosby Show? I was pleasantly surprised to hear that these 2 have formed their own cute little modern family.

Athough they have been trying to keep their relationship under wraps for quite a while, the two have been spotted in Hollywood, California wining and dining. It has also been rumored that Regina and her son have moved in with Warner. King and Warner have been friends for many years, but they only recently began dating. King, however, says that timing is everyting.

“I believe the universe has a plan, and we probably wouldn’t have been ready years ago,” the actress explained. “we both had to do whatever we had to do to be ready for each other now.”

Recently, there were rumors that the pair split but Regina confirmed via Twitter that there is absolutely no truth to those rumors.

King went through a nasty split in 2006, when she and ex-husband Ian Alexander, Sr. decided to divorce after nine years of marriage.

Hopefully, this will be a beautiful, fresh start for both Regina and Malcolm and Today’s Modern Family wishes them the best of luck!

Filed Under: Entertainment Tagged With: 227, 80's sitcoms, celebrity love, celebrity modern families, Reed Between the Lines, regina king and malcolm jamal warner, Southland, The Cosby Show, today's modern family

Greening Your Spring

March 18, 2013 By Kela Leave a Comment

Let’s face it. Spring cleaning can either be a huge chore no one in the family really has the desire to tackle, or it can be an exhilarating time of year to clean out your space, create some mental and physical clarity and refresh your perspective on all of the great things you have going on in life. This year instead of just sprucing up your home, why not turn your home into a healthy living oasis where allergens, pollutants and not-so-planet friendly practices are manned?

Eco-friendly designer Robin Wilson, president of Robin Wilson Home in New York City, one of the pioneers of eco-friendly design and an ambassador for The Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, offers these nine tips for taking spring cleaning to another level this season:

1. In the bathroom, get rid of your vinyl shower curtain because it holds mold more easily and off gases. Use a nylon curtain instead. It’s also less expensive. Use non-toxic cleansers, always lower the toilet seat when flushing and fix a leaky faucet (which will also save you money!)

2. For bedding, use synthetic pillows over feathered ones if you suffer from allergies or asthma. Wash your pillowcase once a week, your pillow protector at least once a month and replace pillows every three years. Cover your mattress with a hypoallergenic cover and wash it every two months. Make sure that it is non-toxic without formaldehyde-based fire retardants.

3. Use non-VOC paints in your home, which won’t off gas, leave an obnoxious paint odor or stir up asthma or allergies. You can’t even tell the difference in how it looks on the wall.

4. Avoid wall-to-wall carpeting. Tile and hardwood floors are a much better choice, but must be vacuumed or cleaned on a regular basis to eliminate dirt and dust. Each Spring, remove everything from the room as if you were moving, and mop or steam clean the floor.

5. Check for mold in dishwashers and under the fridge in the water pan. Regularly change the water dispenser and icemaker filters.

6. One of the biggest trends today is eco-friendly cabinetry because it has no formaldehyde adhesives and is made with low VOC stains. Consider frameless cabinets, which won’t collect as much dust.

7. Wash or freeze your child’s stuffed animals to kill dust mites.

8. Consider using slipcovers, which can be washed regularly on your upholstered sofas. Make sure you limit the use of drapes as they are “dust catchers.”

9. Always take off your shoes when you enter your home to prevent the outside world from coming in.

Sherrell Dorsey is an eco-glamour expert, trained aesthetician and creator of the blog OrganicBeautyVixen.com. Find her beauty, style and green living tips on Twitter and Instagram: @organicvixen.

Filed Under: The Nest Tagged With: eco-friendly, home decor, hope for women magazine, organic vixen. sherrell dorsey, Robin Wilson Home, spring cleaning, spring cleaning tips, today's modern family

10 Things Stepmoms Refuse to Feel Guilty About

March 5, 2013 By Kela Leave a Comment

I ran across this article about a month ago on Babble about things women refuse to feel guilty about as moms. As a mom of a 16 year old and almost 3 year old, I can relate to some of them. For example, when my oldest was in elementary I was not the crafty mom who made his Halloween costumes or baked heart shaped cookies for his entire class during Valentine’s Day and will likely not do it for my youngest when he gets to school either. And yes, sometimes when I just need a break because I work from home and manage my 3 year old simultaneously, I use Backyardigans to entertain him while I catch my breath. And no, I don’t feel the least bit guilty for any of it. I wasn’t surprised to hear that I wasn’t alone either after reading this article on Babble.

Another thing that doesn’t surprise me is the lack of the same type of empathy that people have when it comes to stepmoms. It is common, accepted and supported for women to rave about what they refuse to feel guilty about as a mom. But it is seen as evil if it comes from a stepmom. Well, the only way to change those stereotypes is to discuss them so here it goes. Just like there are things I refuse to feel guilty about as a mom, there are things I refuse to feel guilty about as a stepmom. For example, I refuse to feel guilty for not being friends with my husband’s ex-wife. There is way too much combative, negative history between her and my husband. I will always be cordial but I have no desire to be best friends and that’s perfectly ok. I also refuse to feel guilty about making my marriage a priority instead of trying to help my husband fix a broken relationship (between him and his ex-wife) that I didn’t break to begin with.

I was happy to hear that other stepmoms weren’t afraid to speak up about what they refuse to feel guilty about, too.We asked some of our stepmom friends what they refuse to feel guilty about and compiled the top 10 list below.

I use to feel so guilty if the step kids werent with us and we did fun things with my kids. I finally realized that their mom does fun things with the step kids and my children aren’t involved in that so why should I feel guilty for doing for my own?
Asking for “me” time. Sometimes I just want to enjoy my days off instead of babysitting.
Loving my stepdaugther as my own daughter.
Putting my son with disabilities first, no matter what.
Not being peacemaker between my husband and his ex-wife. I’d prefer to support my husband but otherwise, stay out of it.
Stepping back.
For making mistakes along the way.
For being a caregiver and role model to my step children, but leaving the responsibility of how they turn out and their personality flaws to their mom and dad.
Not paying for things for my step children when I don’t want to. They have two parents for that.
For supporting my husband 100% when it comes to disciplining my step children.

Moms or Stepmoms, what are some of the things that you refuse to feel guilty about?

Filed Under: Stepfamilies Tagged With: 10 things stepmoms refuse to feel guilty about, babble, remarriage, Stepchildren, stepmom, stepmom support, stepmotherhood, today's modern family

Celebrity Modern Dad Hot List

February 26, 2013 By Kela Leave a Comment

TMF decided to scour the net for some of today’s hottest celebrity modern dads. Michael Strahan, because of his captivating personality and his gorgeous body doesn’t hurt either, is at the top of our list. Will Smith’s funny personality and commitment to his children and wife makes him sexy to TMF and Brad Pitt is also an adoring father to 3 adopted children and 3 biological children. Check out the others below.

Who’s on your celebrity modern dad hot list? Let us know in the comment section.

Michael Strahan is a former NFL player, co-host of Live with Kelly and Michael and engaged to Nicole Murhphy (ex-wife of actor Eddie Murphy) and together they have 9 children!

Brad Pitt is a modern family dad of 3 biological children and 3 adopted children with his wife, actress, Angelina Jolie-Pitt.

Tom Brad is a quarterback for the New England Patriots with 2 children by his wife and supermodel, Gisele and one with his ex, Bridget Moynahan.

Tom Brady is a quarterback for the New England Patriots with 2 children by his wife and supermodel, Gisele and one with his ex, Bridget Moynahan.

The ulitmate funny man is sexy because he keeps us laughing and is not afraid to shout how much he adores his wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith. He has 2 children with her and one with ex-wife, Sheree Fletcher.

Oliver Martinez is a french actor with a sexy accent, who is engaged to oscar winning actress, Halle Berry and has already stolen the heart of her daughter, Nahla.

Donald Faison is an actor with four children from previous relationships and one of the way with his wife, CaCee Cobb (BFF of songstress, Jessica Simpson).

Filed Under: Entertainment Tagged With: brad pitt, celebrity blended families, celebrity dads, clelebrity stepfathers, donald faison, michael strahan, oliver martinez, today's modern family, tom brady, Will Smith

Peace Be Still – A Message From The Christian Stepmom

February 23, 2013 By Kela Leave a Comment

Let’s face it stepmoms have a hard job. We get the mom role without the glory, we share the wife role with another woman’s shadow hanging around, and many times the people around us just expect us to know how to navigate the stormy seas of blended family life. Our friends can’t understand why we don’t just get along with our husband’s ex or his children. Our parents, as supportive as they try to be, don’t always understand why our spouse makes the parenting decisions he does. Top it off with the pressure of keeping up with baseball practices, band rehearsals, school lunches, awards programs – a stepmom can end up feeling exhausted, depressed, and out of control. We long for the days when everything will be “normal” but the harsh reality is that this life is our normal.

Personally I struggle the most with the expectation to just “be okay” all the time. I grew up in a very stable home and my parents have been married since they were 18 and 19 years old. My father was a part of many tumultuous blended families growing up, but my mom’s parents were together over 50 years until my grandmother died in 2004. For me to marry a man with children and an ex-wife really rocked the boat. It brought up scars from my father’s childhood and as much as my mom wanted to be there for me, she didn’t have the answers, as she’s never walked this path before. I didn’t have anyone to walk me through this path. I didn’t have anyone to tell me what feelings and insecurities were normal. I started looking for resources, but what I found was a lot of negativity. As I searched for answers, I kept coming up short and I simply felt like a bird trying to fly through a storm that could not find a place to land. I loved my husband and my stepsons but I simply could not find peace. All I was focused on was what I didn’t have. I didn’t have a husband who could focus on being newlyweds 100% of the time. I didn’t have sons who were happy or respected their father. I certainly didn’t have quiet and financially secure household. But one day I realized I was so focused on myself and what I didn’t have that I wasn’t able to say thank you for the blessings that I had right in front of me. I also faced the reality that I wasn’t giving them my best.

I have always grown up in a Christian household, but I must admit my walk with the Lord wasn’t at its strongest when I was diving head first into my role as a stepmom. I kept thinking I had to do everything. I had to fix my husband’s relationship with this kids. I had to fix the kids attitudes. I had to bring peace between my husband and his ex-wife. I had to perfect my family before God would bless it. I’m not really sure how I came to believe all these lies, but when you are in a depressed state its easy to believe the unthinkable. Over time, however, I began seeking the Lord diligently and praying for my stepchildren. I remember vividly the first day I felt called to pray for the kids’ mom. I truly thought it was a futile attempt as I firmly believed she would never change. I was so sure the Lord couldn’t do anything about the problem that I had stopped talking to Him. It was in this moment that I realized why I could not find peace. It wasn’t because of my husband’s ex-wife or the kids – it was because of me. I had lost what centered me, and in doing so, I was on a path of selfishness and self-righteousness thinking life owed me more than this precious family.

I know many of you reading this have harder circumstances than I can even imagine. But I urge you to pray for your family and seek your own relationship with the Lord. By centering yourself on something other than your husband or kids, you are removing yourself from the situation (without leaving) and giving your heart and brain a chance to recharge and gain some perspective. In turn you will find peace. Peace doesn’t mean that life will all of sudden get easier or that the storms will settle – in fact the opposite may occur. Instead what it means is you will be able to rest amidst the storm.

The pastor at our local church often uses the example of a painting that was submitted for an art award to illustrate this point. The theme of the competition was in fact peace. The painting that won shows a stormy sea with high waves crashing against jagged rocks, but in the corner of the painting sits a small bird nestled in the cleft of the rock simply sleeping through the storm. When we allow ourselves to hide in God and lay our troubles at His feet – He doesn’t always calm the storm, but He will always protect us and give us peace. He will be the comfort that our heart is searching for and will be our soft place to land when the trials of this life are far too great for us to face on our own. Instead of trying to calm the storm in our soul on our own, we can rest in the one who made it all and say peace, be still.

Mark 4:39

“Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the Wind ceased and there was a great calm. (NKJV)

This article was written by Misty, Founder of www.ChristianStepmom.com.

Filed Under: Modern Families, Stepfamilies, TMF Tagged With: Christian Stepmom, finding peace, hope for stepmoms, Misty, peace be still, Praying stepmoms, stepmotherhood, the power of prayer, this too shall pass, today's modern family

A Response to Jada Pinkett-Smith’s Letter to a Friend

February 21, 2013 By Kela Leave a Comment

I have always adored Jada Pinkett-Smith and the entire Smith Clan. They exude love, creativity and a profound sense of self-love and acceptance. Their approach to life and family is inspiring. That being said, I don’t agree with Jada’s response to a stepmom friend of hers and it is something that we must critically avoid doing. Below is her letter to a friend and after that is my response.

Jada: “A letter to a friend: Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are. J” Source: Uptown Magazine

TMF: I love these kind of stories but I must caution people that this isn’t everybody’s truth! While I admire Jada’s response, she’s leaving a lot out. For example, it not only took her to release those insecurities and ego trips for it to work but it took Sheree to do the same. It will not work the way they are describing unless both women put aside their differences and put in the effort. Too often stepmoms and second wives are seen as temporary or disposable and you can’t build a long-term relationship like they have if you continually assume that the stepmother is only going to be there short-term.

Their family is one reality but it certainly isn’t everyone’s and we (stepfamilies) need to stop criticizing other stepfamilies and stepmoms based on our reality. It’s the reason many of my stepmoms are reaching for antidepressants!! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the sharing of experiences that leads to this; it’s sharing your experience and then preaching that if you have not achieved “best friend with the ex-wife” or” love the ex-wife” status in your stepfamily, then you have somehow failed altogether. This is not true. We [Today's Modern Family] offer advice and support based on your reality because we must stop assuming that there is a one size fits all approach to making a stepfamily work. There just isn’t!

Filed Under: Stepfamilies Tagged With: blended family, Jada Pinkett-Smith, sheree zampino, stepfamilies, stepmotherhood, stepmothers, today's modern family, uptown magazine, Will Smith, Will Smith's ex-wife

Are You Taking Care of Home?

February 9, 2013 By Kela Leave a Comment

Diane and I have both been living the modern family lifestyle for quite some time now. Collectively, we have over 20 years of experience in this area; we’ve both been single moms, are currently living the stepfamily life and Diane was also a widow at one point. During this journey we’ve both made plenty of mistakes, had some successes and learned so many lessons regarding family and life in general. While we both pondered this over lunch a couple of weeks ago, we concluded a very powerful lesson regarding what it means to take care of home. What we know for sure is that the definition of taking care of home is very complex, but easy to understand at the same time. Taking care of home means that the people in it have to not only take care of each other, but take care of themselves as well. It’s not just about making sure the kids are alright, but it’s also about making sure that you are alright. It’s about taking the kids to soccer practice or piano lessons, however; you must also get some quality time in with a good girlfriend or go hit some golf balls with the guys. It’s about creating memories and family traditions, together, as a family but it’s also about carving time out for a spontaneous rendezvous with your spouse from time to time. Taking care of home and making sure your modern family is the best it can be is much more complex than just focusing solely on the children. It’s like when riding on the airplane; the flight attendant always instructs the parent to put on their oxygen mask first and then place it on the children, in the case of an emergency. Why? Because if you’re passed out, how will you help your children? The same idea applies to parenting and step-parenting. If you are burnt out, trying to make sure everyone else is happy and taken care of, are you truly of any benefit to your children and family? Encouraging each member of the family, including the parents, to take time for themselves, IS taking care of home.

Filed Under: Stepfamilies Tagged With: mothers, self-care, stepfamily, stepmothers, today's modern family

Thanks 2012

December 31, 2012 By Kela Leave a Comment

Before I jet off to ring in the New Year with my men folk (I love being the only girl in my house, even our lab is a boy), I wanted to do a quick “thanks 2012″ post. 2012 has been quite a year for me. It has been a journey toward self-discovery and a realization that no matter how cooky we appear to be, I LOVE MY FAMILY! As we venture into 2013 I’m just excited about new possibilities. My husband and I often talk about our future with our family. We talk about our oldest boys who both want to be psychologists and how we envision them going into practice together. We talk about our 2 year old and how close he’ll still be with his older brothers even though they are 13 years a part. We talk about how even though we’ve been through quite a bit with our not so perfect modern family, we (my husband and I) are still joined at the hip. He’s my best friend and even though I know what I know now, I’d still choose him because he was designed for me. Lastly, we talk about moving forward; not dwelling on the past or what might have been but only what could be.

Each New Year’s Eve we sit down as a family and recount what happened in the previous year, count our blessings and set goals for moving forward. We are blessed that after over a decade of ups and downs, we still consider ourselves blessed to be together and to have the opportunity to continue to be together as a family. This year we plan to focus on family, health, spirituality and always fitting in those little pockets of peace.

And Diane and I want to give a huge thank you to all of our readers, clients and supporters. Your love and loyalty mean a great deal to us and we hope that you’ll continue to stay on this journey with us as we migrate into 2013. Look for a site face-lift and even more helpful information as we work to make our little community better for you!

Happy New Year!

Filed Under: Good News Tagged With: family, Happy New Year, New Year's resolutions, stepfamily, today's modern family

Our 2013 Joy-Inducing Plan

December 27, 2012 By Kela Leave a Comment

In modern families it can be difficult to not allow the pitfalls to consume you and/or define you and your family. However, if you make a committment to choose joy, it will give you a new perspective on life. Changing your mindset can truly change the dynamics of your complicated family and surprisingly, it doesn’t begin with focusing on your family’s problems. It begins with focusing on you! Below is our joy-inducing plan that will help you choose joy, thereby making your family more joyful as well.

Get Moving

Do some sort of exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. It can be walking, jogging, pilates, yoga or zumba. Studies show that exercise not only gives you energy but releases natural endorphins that leave you feeling healthy, strong, and happy.

Stop Comparing

I know that social media is supposed to keep us connected, but sometimes it can be a curse. While it’s okay to visit blogs to gain support from others in similiar situations, you still must take everything with a grain of salt. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s because everyone’s journey is different. Instead compare your journey (if you must compare) to where you and your family were a year ago as opposed to now.

Start Forgiving

Replaying the hurt that someone imposed on us (often many moons ago) over an over again is bad for your health! Studies show that that kind of rumination is linked to anxiety, depression, stress and heart disease. Let go of the hurt and remember forgiveness is for you!

Start Helping

It’s no secret that shifting the focus from your problems to someone else’s truly increases your own happiness. Find a cause that’s dear to you and volunteer. It will not only make a difference in someone else’s life, it will make a difference in yours as well.

Girlfriend Time

Again, social media (facebook, twitter, Skype…) can be both a blessing and a curse. It’s a curse because it keeps us from connecting face to face. Humans thrive off of human touch (a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a touch of the hand…) and unfortunately, you can’t do that online. So, from time to time, grab your BFF or somebody’s BFF and have coffee, grab a bite to eat, or go for a walk and talk.

Have Sex

Quit telling your husband you have a headache and just go ahead and give him some already. Studies have proven that sex reduces anxiety and depression and just being touched in a sensitive area can increase those feelings of joy throughout the next day.

Fake it Until You Make It

Did you know that facial movements can actually trigger physiological responses? When you smile, even when you don’t feel like it, your brain gets confused and tells itself, “I’m smiling, so I must be happy.” By that same token, if you walk around with a frown all the time, it can have the opposite effect. So. put a smile on your face, whether you feel like it or not.

Plan Fun on a Regular Basis

A wise older woman (she was 91 years of age to be exact) told me that her secret to living a long, happy life was always having something to look forward to. This something can be as simple as game night with the girls, date night with your hubby, a night of a relaxing bubble bath and some soft jazz music, etc. Whatever the case may be, make sure you plan these little jolts of fun and put it on your calendar. Research shows that looking forward to future fun and actually seeing it on your calendar (no matter how small) can give you an immediate boost.

Filed Under: Renew You Tagged With: Anxiety, choosing joy, depression, Joyful Mind Project, step parents, step-parent anxiety, stepmoms, today's modern family

The Renewed Me is Back!

December 13, 2012 By Kela Leave a Comment

Wow, it has been a very long time since I’ve felt like I could write, make sense and actually contribute something positive to this virtual world of ours. For a while, I was not only allowing this huge responsibility that I felt I owed to my fellow stepmothers out there to consume me, but I also gave birth to a beautiful boy and that was consuming me. So, I decided to take a step back and allow my fabulous sister-friend, stepfamily coach and business partner, Diane Greene, to navigate our ship for us and she has done an outstanding job! I am so lucky that she is the other half of my team.

While I was away, I spent time kicking postpartum depression’s butt! I think I’ve explained in a previous post that I spent 20 weeks on bed rest, with 3 of those weeks being hospital bed rest and I still delivered my son prematurely. On top of that, my husband’s volatile relationship with his ex-wife always has some effect on our overall family (no matter how much we wish it didn’t) and it was all starting to really get to me. I was so anxious I literally couldn’t sit still and wanted to jump out of my own skin. All of those realistic expectations that I preach and teach about through Today’s Modern Family were not being applied to my own life and I was losing control. I knew at that point it was time for me to regroup, refocus, recharge and renew myself. And so began my journey to apply all of the things that I know I should do and should have been doing all along.

The word NO became one of my favorite words! No, I will not over extend mysef to the point where I increase you and deplete me. If I’m running on empty, I am no good to anyone.
I got a hobby; one that has always been in my life. I just had to reawaken it and that hobby is photography. It is my creative outlet that is just for me and I really enjoy allowng my imagination to soar and seeing what beautiful picture results from that.
Prayer, devotion and meditation is a daily practice for me. I not only start my day with it, but I’ve made them an intregal part throughout my day as well.
I turned my pain into purpose by writing a book called The Joyful Mind Project. In my quest to always seek and choose joy, I decided to put the things that have helped me in a book in hopes that the information will help someone else.
With the help of my friend over at Singing Bird Studios, I designed The Joy Collection; a collection of handmade wearable art with powerful phrases that helped get me through postpartum depression.
I began to spend time enjoying my family WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY! I no longer consume myself with who isn’t there and why. I just enjoy the loving family and friends who are there.
I began to eat healthier and incorporate some sort of exercise in my life on a regular basis.
I began to choose me and realize that it’s perfectly ok, acceptable, and appropriate to do so…no matter who says otherwise.

Today, I feel so much better! I’m finally starting to feel refreshed and revived. At the same time, I realize that the lifestyle changes I’ve made are going to have to be permanent for me to continue feeling this way.

I named my photography hobby after my boys, Marc and Eli. This angelic pregnant woman is one of my favs.

Filed Under: parenting Tagged With: postpartum depression, Renew You, stepmotherhood, taking care of your mental health, today's modern family