Hollywood = Splitsville?

There’s no hiding the fact that it seems like every time we  turn around we are hearing about another Hollywood couple splitting.  Unfortunately, in late 2011, we heard about the break up of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.  This was particularly a disappointment for me because I found them to be one of of the coolest “blended family” marriages out there.  I loved they way they were able to incorporate such a great co-parenting relationship with Bruce Willis.  I’m sure you all have heard the rumors but supposedly, Demi and Ashton’s ”open marriage” arrangement ended up going sour.

Now, this week, we hear that it is splitsville for Russell Brand and Katy Perry.  When I initially heard this, my first response was “Darn it!”  I happen to adore this couple.  However, according to Mail Online, sources close to the couple have said the couple are splitting due to Katy’s desire to put her career before having children.  Being this is a personal choice, I will say I will remain mum on the subject because, at least, they didn’t have children and then decided to divorce.

As I like to say, choice, especially in our relationships is one of the key components to making any relationship last.  If we cannot see the difference between our choices, whether good or bad, it will produce a consequence.  Unfortunately, in these two marriages, in my opinion, the stress of Hollywood made for some choices that weren’t too cohesive to their marital units.

Have a great 2012!

Diane

RHOBH Russell Armstrong Commits Suicide!

I am so very sad to be reporting the tragic death of Real Housewives of Beverly Hill’s Taylor Armstrong’s husband, Russell Armstrong. He was found dead at a friend’s house on Monday night after apparently hanging himself. He did not leave a note, but there have been rumors  that his strained marriage to Taylor and financial downfall may have had something to do with him taking his own life. Russell’s ex-wife, Barbara Fredrickson, with whom he shares a 14 year old son, blames Taylor for his death.

“She drove him into financial stress and it just ruined him. Now Aiden [their 14 year old son] must continue his life without his father,” said Fredrickson.

As of today, Taylor had  not revealed the devistating news to the 5 year old daughter that she shared with Russell. The TMF family sends prayers and hugs to Taylor, Kennedy, Barbara, Aiden and any other relative or friend who has been affected by this tragic loss. May God be with you during your time of mourning and need.

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony Split

After 7 years of marriage, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony have decided to call it quits. We are really upset by this because they seemed so solid. Our prayer is that they are able to work it out amicably for the sake of their beautiful twins, Max and Emme.

Lopez and Anthony released the following joint statement regarding their spit:

“We have decided to end our marriage. This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters. It is a painful time for all involved, and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time.”

Jennifer and Marc, you and your family are in our prayers. As business partners and co-parents we hope that this situation remains an amicable one.

It’s Splitsville for California’s 1st Couple

Sadly, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Schriver have announced their separation after 25 years of marriage. Albeit both Arnold and Maria say they still love each other very much but need to take this time to work on their relationship.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver relayed the following message in a joint statement:

“This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us,” they say. “After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion, and prayer, we came to this decision together.

“At this time, we are living apart, while we work on the future of our relationship,” they continue. “We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives.

”

Shriver, 55, a TV journalist and member of the Kennedy dynasty, and Schwarzenegger, 63, the Austrian-born bodybuilder/action movie hero who became a Republican California governor, have seemed like an unlikely couple since they married in 1986.

They had four children, ages 14, 18, 20 and 21, and long projected the image of a close and loving couple, despite – and sometimes even because of – their differences. During a 2003 political campaign, Shriver strongly defended her husband against allegations he had a history of groping women while he was an actor, and Schwarzenegger went on to become governor.

Schwarzenegger left the governor’s office last January after an increasingly difficult term, and there have been reports he’ll re-start his movie career, including a role in another Terminator film.

Photo and some information relayed herein courtesy of People.com.

REALITY TV CASTING FOR BLENDED FAMILIES

Have you been told your blended family is so dynamic that you should have your own TV show?

NOW CASTING dynamic blended families for their own reality series!!

Major Cable Network is looking to cast Blended Families To Be or Newly Blended Families who want to share their lives with us. We are looking for outgoing, charismatic families to participate. If you are interested in finding out more about this possible opportunity, please email a brief bio on your family or family to be to cbcasts@yahoo.com

Top Chef Host Padma Lakshmi is Facing Custody Battle

Padma Lakshmi

This story was first published in the New York Post.

“Top Chef” host Padma Lakshmi is facing a custody battle from the father of her young daughter.

Adam Dell, the brother of Dell computer founder Michael Dell, filed suit on Tuesday in Manhattan Supreme Court for custody of 11-month old Krishna Thea Lakshmi.

TMZ.com reported Wednesday that under an out-of-court agreement, Dell currently has visitation rights to see his daughter nine days a month. Sources say that agreement is in effect until Feb. 20, when Krishna turns 1.

Both Dell, 41, and Lakshmi, 40, were discussing a custody arrangement to take effect after their daughter’s birthday, but the negotiations recently fell apart, according to the report.

Dell’s lawyer, Bill Zabel, confirmed the filing to the New York Post and said in a statement: “Adam Dell, above all else, wants to have an active and substantial role in the upbringing of his daughter with Padma Lakshmi. Unfortunately, Ms. Lakshmi has severely limited his time with their daughter and has refused to negotiate a reasonable co-parenting agreement. Mr. Dell has tried his best to avoid going to court, but Ms. Lakshmi has given him no other choice at this time.”

Sources told the paper that Lakshmi and Dell’s agreement allows him to see his daughter for seven hours a week, but that it’s complicated by her filming and travel commitments.

Sources close to Dell also told the paper that he has to deal with his ex’s lawyers and assistant to arrange times to see his daughter. One source said, “Adam does not want to take the baby away from her. He hopes this will result in a reasonable co-parenting agreement.”

Dell is also said to be seeking to be named on Krishna’s birth certificate and have her take his surname along with Lakshmi’s, according to the report.

A rep for Lakshmi told the Post, “It appears to us that Mr. Dell remains more interested in garnering media attention than working out details to see Krishna or in her welfare.”

My Commentary: This is a typical story for co-parents who have separated with very young children. Mama is super protective over her young and makes an exaggerated claim that 2 days a year is a completely reasonable visitation arrangement and I understand why. As a mother to a 9 month old, I’m not so sure I would want to give liberal visitation to anyone, including his father and he’s my husband. Children who are that young heavily and primarily depend on mommy, especially if she is a loving, attentive mother who has bonded with her child. I’m not saying that dad isn’t important at all, but for all of you women who have given birth, I’m sure you understand what I am talking about. My husband is a very loving, attentive, detail-oriented father, BUT, for the first 5 months, our son blatantly preferred me. Dad didn’t hold him right, didn’t feed him right, didn’t sing his favorite lullably like mommy and just didn’t care for him like mommy did. My husband would get frustrated and say, “why doesn’t he like me?” He’s just now getting to the point when he’ll stay with him while I’m completely out of sight. This speaks nothing of my husband’s parenting skills; it’s just that kids are really dependent upon mommy for the first few years of their lives. So I totally get Padma’s perspective. However, dad’s relationship with baby Krishna is still vital at this time as this is the time when they should be forming their own bond. It’s a tough situation and I hope that Dell and Lakshmi can come to some sort of flexible agreement for Krishna’s sake. Children that young really need both of their parents and it usually means that both parents will play a vital role in each other’s lives as well. This example is the very reason that I recommend that couples refrain from starting new relationships with significant others until the child is a little older. It just makes it a lot less complicated.

Your thoughts?

Camille Grammer on Divorce

Camille Grammer - Photo Credit:Newscom

I am a reality television junkie. Yep, I admit it. I’ll watch anything from 19 Kids and Counting to Little People, Big World to Basketball Wives. One of my favorite reality series is the Real Housewives of…Atlanta, New Jersey, Orange County, New York and most recently, Beverly Hills. Due to my busy schedule I don’t always get to watch them when they come on, but I DVR them to watch later.

Yesterday, I got an opportunity to catch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and heard Camille Grammer talk about her separation from actor, Kelsey Grammer. She actually brought up some really important points that I’m sure most divorced moms can relate to. She explained how tough her job as a mom was because the kids are asking her all the questions about when daddy is coming home and Kelsey doesn’t have to help answer them because he’s not there. She went on to explain that she has to struggle to put on a happy face for them, but Kelsey basically just goes on with his life as usual. How many of my divorced moms/ex-wives/mothers can relate to what Camille is saying?I spend a lot of time talking about support for stepmothers and don’t get me wrong because I do think there just isn’t enough. However, as a woman who is also a mother/ex I do think that ex-wives/mother in Camille’s position can use a bit of understanding and  patience.

Oftentimes, as Camille has stated, the mother has to field all the when, why, what, and how questions while trying to figure them out herself. She has to think about how to tell her children that mommy and daddy aren’t going to be together anymore. She has to figure out how she’s going to support her children on one or even no (for mothers who were stay at home moms for years) income and she has to find some time to grieve for the lost of a family she thought she’d have forever. It’s frustrating and ridiculously overwhelming to do. And although dad may pop in every now and then to lend support, mom is the one who has to be there all the time, putting on that happy face and helping her children through the divorce. Although I don’t condone extreme behavior such as alienating your children from their father, bad-mouthing their father to them, or using them as pawns, I do understand certain irrational behavior that a mother might do simply because she is completely overwhelmed. Just think about the times that you have a million and one things running around in your head- you just got laid off and have to figure out how to live off  of one (your spouse’s) or no income; the furnace just broke; you just found out your oldest needs braces and a relative is very ill. But, you still have to take the kids to dance class, help with homework, answer their curious questions, smile AND figure out what your next move will be. Do you always use good judgement when you are overwhelmed with issues and important decisions to make? Can the slightest little thing cause you to breakdown when you already feel as if you’ve reached your breaking point? I’m raising my hand over here!

With the exception of the high conflict divorce cases, many issues with an understandably resentful ex-wife can be dealt with if dealt with in the right way. Below are some tips to help you take your co-parenting relationship from rocky to amicable.

1. Verbalize your understanding – One of the things my ex eventually did was to change his language. Instead of being accusatory, he began to express that he understood my position and just wanted to find a way to amicably work together.
2. Don’t react to everything – Every thing doesn’t warrant an adverse reaction. Appropriately respond to allegations or issues when necessary, but don’t escalate a battle by feeding into her frenzy.
3. Diffuse the situation – To piggyback on number 2, practice diffusing the situation when you can. If she is heated about something that you feel is no big deal, act like it’s no big deal. Don’t yell just because she’s yelling at you. If she sends a nasty email, don’t respond with nastiness. Throw her off by giving a response that she did not expect and watch how that situation transforms.
4. Set clear boundaries – Don’t be fickle. At this point, everyone needs clear boundaries. If totally integrating her into your new life isn’t your desire, be clear about that early on. Let her know that you respect her as the mother of your children and want her to always be part of their lives but you wish to limit your relationship regarding the children to things that can’t be split in two (school functions, recitals, graduation ceremonies, weddings, etc.).
5. Talk about it – One of the best things that my ex and I did/do was/is to talk through our issues when we were/are not in a heated battle. We sat down either by ourselves, or with our respective spouses to talk about moving forward as a synergistic unit. Talking, along with the above-mentioned tips, will help to create a more amicable situation if BOTH parties are active participants.

Divorce takes everyone for an emotional rollercoaster ride and it’s important that everyone on the ride practices some patience, understanding, effective communication and are committed to maintaining civility for the sake of the children. It is much easier to keep all this in mind before your situation gets out of control.

People Magazine Names Sandra Bullock Woman of the Year

Modern Momma, actress, and Oscar winner, Sandra Bullock is not only on a recent cover of People Magazine, but they also named her Woman of the Year!

2010 was a trying time for Sandra Bullock, because she discovered her ex-husband, Jesse James, was cheating on her. However, her Oscar win for her performance in the hit movie, The Blind Slide, and the adoption of her adorable son, Louis, also gave her something to celebrate.  A source close to Sandra said that bad things happen, but the great thing about Sandra is that she celebrates the good things and Louis is definitely a celebration of good things.

The fact that Bullock handled her tumultulous and very public divorce from James with integrity, grace and optimism AND the challenge of single motherhood, yet still focused on the good things is certainly one of the reasons she was named Woman of the Year. 

Way to go Sandra! We hope 2011 is even better!

Brandi Glanville Speaks Out About Affair on “The Talk”

I’ve done a couple of stories on the whole Glanville vs. Rimes saga the past couple of months because I have been following this story for quite some time now. Today, Brandi Glanville, actor Eddie Cibrian’s former wife, finally broke her silence about his affair with country singer, Leann Rimes that ultimately broke up her marriage. Glanville appeared on new hit talk show, The Talk, to finally talk about the affair and divorce. She addressed the co-parenting tension between her ex-husband and his girlfriend, her recent arrest for drunk driving and making things better for her children.

Glanville expressed that the affair was a complete surprise to her because she thought they were happy. She said that they had normal marital issues during their 8 year marriage but nothing that she thought would end it. For a while she questioned whether or not it was her. She wondered if she was pretty enough, skinny enough. blonde enough. She went blonder, got botox and did what she felt she needed to do to feel adequate; only it didn’t help. After a year or so, she finally realized that it wasn’t that she wasn’t good enough, but Leann was just different. Not necessarily better, but different.

When Sharon Osbourne questioned whether or not Brandi had a drinking problem due to her recent DUI arrest, Brandi was adamant about not having a drinking problem. She admitted that she does drink when she’s feeling upset or lonely, but says that her mistake was driving that day. She went on to say that it is difficult for her to only have her children part-time, especially when she’s used to having them full-time. She said that it’s chaotic when they’re with her, but way too quiet when they are gone. Glanville admitted to getting lonely and not really knowing how to deal with it.  She also said that it doesn’t help that she doesn’t have her ex-husband’s house number to  get in touch with her children when they are with her.

In spite of everything that’s happened, however, Brandi said that her ultimate desire is to make peace with Leann Rimes for the sake of her children. She said that she reached out to her on Twitter to request that they sit down and discuss things, and Rimes has agreed to do so. Sharon Osbourne said that Leann contacted her to get her advice because Osbourne was the other woman at one point, and Osbourne encouraged her to meet with Glanville.

My Commentary on the Issue: Brandi Glanville seems like an absolute sweetheart and it is clear that Eddie just wanted something different because she is an attractive woman. I’m glad that she has stopped blaming herself and is trying to figure out the best way to handle this unfortunate situation for her kids.  Although I suspect that Brandi’s reactions to the affair and divorce have given her ex-husband “reason” to prohibit her from having his home number (let’s face it, not many would do that for no reason at all), I think he could have been a bit more sensitive and handled the situation better.  I don’t blame Glanville one bit for losing it at some point, after she heard about the affair and for having to deal with Leann. My gosh, she’s human. Her husband cheated on her and now she has to try to co-parent with him and his mistress. I’d be pissed and “wilding out,” too! Cibrian could be a bit more understanding and patient; realizing that HE brought this on because he didn’t handle the dissolution of his marriage properly. He should have told Glanville that he might be falling for Rimes BEFORE he started sleeping with her. I can’t stand it when a guy cheats but tries to make everybody think that the person he cheated on is crazy. She’s not crazy; she’s just mad and rightfully so.

That being said, I’m still confused as to why resolving the situation is all up to Brandi and Leann. Huh? Everybody’s advice to Glanville and Rimes is that they should sit down to figure out where they go from here and how to make the best of the situation for the kids’ sake. Isn’t it mom and dad’s responsibility to do that? I’m not faulting Rimes for the affair. All she did was fall in love with the wrong person and that happens sometimes. People keep saying, “but she knew he was married.” News flash…he knew he was married, too but that didn’t stop him! I don’t care if Rimes walked on set butt naked with an open invitation. As a married man, the one who took the vows with his wife, it was Eddie’s responsibility to decline the invitation. Both Eddie and Leann, however, need to be patient and understanding with Glanville. Instead of blocking her from calling the home phone, let her know that they are sorry that she’s hurting but want the best for the kids. I think it’s nice of Leann to accept Brandi’s invitation to talk and they probably should eventually. But, the first “sit down” needs to be between Eddie and Brandi. He needs to let her know that he was wrong for handling things the wrong way and he’s sorry for hurting her. Sometimes a woman just needs to hear those words to begin the healing process and make it easier for everyone to move on.

So let’s assign some of the blame and responsibility to its rightful owner. I am so sick of everyone talking about what Leann and Brandi should be doing to make things better. Why aren’t we talking about what Eddie should be doing to make things better for his kids? My advice would be for Eddie to contact Brandi first, so that they can discuss how to move forward as co-parents.

I wish them luck and I hope they work this out for the children.

LeAnn Rimes Controversial Shape Magazine Cover

credit: Shape Magazine

The October issue of Shape Magazine generated tons of press, but apparently, not for the right reasons. In it, country singer LeAnn Rimes opens up about why she cheated on former husband, Dean Sheremet with actor Eddie Cibrian, who was also married at the time. She also talks about how she used fitness to get her through that difficult time in life.

“My relationship with Dean was great, but ultimately it wasn’t a fulfilling marriage for either of us,” Rimes, 28, told the mag. “I understand why people are disappointed in me, especially since I grew up as America’s sweetheart.”

So why is the editor-in-chief of Shape so up in arms? Apparently, the magazine received some backlash from readers for putting her on the cover. In an email to subscribers, she [editor-in-chief] explained that she regrets the terrible mistake she made in deciding to put the country singer on the cover.

“You are all in good company (why I’m emailing you all together). As you all agree, Shape has made a terrible mistake in putting LeAnn Rimes on the cover.”

“Please know that our putting her on the cover was not meant to put a husband-stealer on a pedestal-but to show (through her story) how we all are human. And this woman in particular found strength in exercise in what she said was her most difficult personal moment.”

“But it did not come across that way…And for that I’m terribly sorry. I hope that we can do better the next time for those of you that will give us another chance.”

My Commentary on the Issue: Personally, I don’t agree with cheating. I just don’t get the point. If you no longer want to be married to your spouse, just tell him or her. Why do you have to cheat? Some say it’s about having your cake and eating it too; but, if that were the case, why do some leave their spouses to be with the other woman or man? I also don’t get the whole concept of “stealing” someone’s husband. Can you really steal a husband if he doesn’t want to go? Why is it that society always has to blame the other woman? After all, your husband is the one who ignored his vows and cheated. The “other woman” owes you nothing. But that’s neither here nor there. What I will say is that NO ONE – not Shape, not USA Today, not Huffington Post, Perez Hilton or any other media outlet knows the true story. We don’t know what was going in Rimes’ marriage or Cibrian’s marriage prior to them becoming a couple. As a  writer/blogger, I can see covering the story and I can see why people want to read it, but to judge her moral character based on something you know nothing about is wrong. I’m not saying she’s right or wrong. I’m saying I don’t know what truly happened. I do know what’s done is done, there are two children involved, and I’m sure all of them would be able to work it out much better without all the unsolicited opinions.

I wish all of them (Rimes, Cibrian and his ex-wife) luck in working this out, to the best of their ability, while minimizing the damage to the children.

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