Be Kinder to Yourself!

February 21, 2013 By Leave a Comment

During the past two years, Kela and I have been on two individual journeys that have proven to be not just rocky but could be looked upon like a full-fledged avalanche.  While Kela was busy kicking very serious bout of postpartum depression, I was trying to be my mother’s the caretaker, provider and backbone while she went through treatment for a rare form breast cancer.  For both Kela and I, there were anxiety filled days, tears and lots of prayers.  Through all of that, both she and I really learned to not only grasp the notion of being kind to ourselves but to incorporate it as a part of our daily lives.

You might ask how someone would get to a point where they would actually need to be kinder to themselves?  For example, as women, we tend to judge ourselves way too hard.  We set our expectations way too high in many areas of our lives and when we realize that they are unattainable we beat ourselves up for failing to achieving same.  Self-judgment is probably the greatest area of concern and one that I also struggled with but made the conscious choice to let go of after my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2012.  Funny how the things we think are so important, and that which we worry about and let consume us, really aren’t that  important  in the whole big scheme of things.  When real circumstances enter your life that you simply have to accept that you have no control over, that’s when all of the little worries fly right out the window.  I decided after going through this life-changing experience with my mom that I would no longer be unkind to myself with self-judgment.

Here are a few simple suggestions to help you appreciate and be kinder to yourself:

  1. Eliminate negative self-talk.  Instead of beating yourself down when you gain those few extra pounds, replace your inner critic by choosing to evaluate what might be happening at the moment (i.e., are you feeling sad or depressed or could there be a medical issue that you aren’t aware of? etc.).  Using harsh words with yourself make you feel worse and don’t get you resolutions.
  2. Love yourself on purpose.  You are unique, beautiful, strong and you by reaffirming the qualities that others see in you will help you love yourself on purpose.  This is so important.  Treat yourself to a manicure, pedicure, a trip to the hair salon or even catching a Zumba or Yoga class with a friend. Your body is your temple and you need to appreciate and love it.
  3. Invest in your friendships.  Listen, we all desire to have that quality bonding time with our spouses and/or significant others but the fact remains that there is nothing like having a girls-night out or even a more intimate dinner and movie or watch a musical at the local theatre with your best girlfriend.  For example, I have three boys and a husband and so does Kela.  I want girl time and I want it with someone who I can relate with, have fun with, laugh with and yes, even cry with if need be.
  4. De-Stress.  Find a little corner in your home that you can have all to yourself and spend alone time with yourself.  Watch an old re-run of “I Love Lucy or Happy Days” and have a good laugh.  Taking a nice, long, warm bath is also a great destress technique.  I find taking in a good soak by candlelight helps me destress, relax, relieve tension and process the day I just had.  It allows me time to hear myself think.  This time gives us that little “umph” we need to then good quality time with our family members.
  5. Show compassion to others.  Some might be surprised that I listed this one.  Well, it is proven that as we do more for others, we feel better about ourselves.  Find some space in your life for volunteering or joining an organization that is close to your heart.  This really does do wonders for your inner critic.  It feels good to know your efforts are going to help others, but most importantly, it means so much more to those you are helping.

TMF Readers, reminding yourself that you are enough is one of the most important things you can ever do.  The fact is we are all human beings with flaws, and we all like to kick ourselves when we are down but we aren’t so quick to be kind to ourselves.  Be a supportive friend to yourself as you would others.  YOU ARE ENOUGH!  YOU ARE WORTHY!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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Our 2013 Joy-Inducing Plan

December 27, 2012 By Leave a Comment

In modern families it can be difficult to not allow the pitfalls to consume you and/or define you and your family. However, if you make a committment to choose joy, it will give you a new perspective on life. Changing your mindset can truly change the dynamics of your complicated family and surprisingly, it doesn’t begin with focusing on your family’s problems. It begins with focusing on you! Below is our joy-inducing plan that will help you choose joy, thereby making your family more joyful as well.

Get Moving

Do some sort of exercise for at least 30 minutes a day. It can be walking, jogging, pilates, yoga or zumba. Studies show that exercise not only gives you energy but releases natural endorphins that leave you feeling healthy, strong, and happy.

Stop Comparing

I know that social media is supposed to keep us connected, but sometimes it can be a curse. While it’s okay to visit blogs to gain support from others in similiar situations, you still must take everything with a grain of salt. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s because everyone’s journey is different. Instead compare your journey (if you must compare) to where you and your family were a year ago as opposed to now.

Start Forgiving

Replaying the hurt that someone imposed on us (often many moons ago) over an over again is bad for your health! Studies show that that kind of rumination is linked to anxiety, depression, stress and heart disease. Let go of the hurt and remember forgiveness is for you!

Start Helping

It’s no secret that shifting the focus from your problems to someone else’s truly increases your own happiness. Find a cause that’s dear to you and volunteer. It will not only make a difference in someone else’s life, it will make a difference in yours as well.

Girlfriend Time

Again, social media (facebook, twitter, Skype…) can be both a blessing and a curse. It’s a curse because it keeps us from connecting face to face. Humans thrive off of human touch (a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a touch of the hand…) and unfortunately, you can’t do that online. So, from time to time, grab your BFF or somebody’s BFF and have coffee, grab a bite to eat, or go for a walk and talk.

Have Sex

Quit telling your husband you have a headache and just go ahead and give him some already. Studies have proven that sex reduces anxiety and depression and just being touched in a sensitive area can increase those feelings of joy throughout the next day.

Fake it Until You Make It

Did you know that facial movements can actually trigger physiological responses? When you smile, even when you don’t feel like it, your brain gets confused and tells itself, “I’m smiling, so I must be happy.” By that same token, if you walk around with a frown all the time, it can have the opposite effect. So. put a smile on your face, whether you feel like it or not.

Plan Fun on a Regular Basis

A wise older woman (she was 91 years of age to be exact) told me that her secret to living a long, happy life was always having something to look forward to. This something can be as simple as game night with the girls, date night with your hubby, a night of a relaxing bubble bath and some soft jazz music, etc. Whatever the case may be, make sure you plan these little jolts of fun and put it on your calendar. Research shows that looking forward to future fun and actually seeing it on your calendar (no matter how small) can give you an immediate boost.

 

 

 

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Quick Fixes for Common Holiday Stressors

December 12, 2012 By

 

As I was putting together my post on holiday stressors and tips to help all of our readers to get through the holidays with as little stress as possible, I came across this article.  It was fabulous and exactly what I wanted to share with our readers!  Please enjoy the below article courtesy of WomansDay.com writer Melody Warnick.

 Your good cheer (and patience!) is disappearing faster than Santa’s cookies. When you find yourself on the brink of losing it, try these tension tamers.

Stress Zone #1: You’re barreling through throngs of mall shoppers on the hunt for a last-minute gift.

Quick Fix: Step up to the department store perfume counter, peruse the testers and dab on a lemony fragrance. According to researchers at Ohio State University, lemon scents instantly boost your mood.

Stress Zone #2: That massive pile of holiday cards needs to get mailed ASAP, but just the thought of it gives you writer’s cramp.

Quick Fix: “Refocus on what’s most important to you,” says life coach Linda Hedberg. “If you’re overwhelmed with dozens of cards to send out, ask yourself, Which are the 10 most important ones?” Send those and put the rest on the back burner. Or just send an e-card to everyone on your list. Bonus: It’s eco-friendly!

Stress Zone #3: You’re dragging your kids off to see The Nutcracker—it’s a tradition!—but they’re whining every step of the way.

Quick Fix:  Make a switch. True, families thrive on traditions, but it’s less about the event itself, which your kids may have outgrown, and more about time together. If your kids are complaining, drop expensive, high-stress rituals in favor of something simple and universally appealing, like a Christmas Eve chocolate-chip pancake feast.

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A Season of Gratitude

December 11, 2012 By

As the Christmas season approaches, and as our busy days turn into even busier evenings with all of the hustle and bustle the holidays bring, I can’t help but to turn to my attention to what I am most thankful for this past year.  Last year, on January 1, my new years resolution was to set out on a mission of gratitude.  It was to find all the small things that made my life happy.  Rather than to focus on every single negative road bump I faced and instead of chasing my tail around same, I was going to make it my mission to  instead focus my attention on the small positive things that have occurred in my life.

Unfortunately, sometimes things don’t always work out the way we plan.  In early August, 2012, lets just say my plans were altered.  A small road bump would have been a cake walk compared to the brick wall that I felt like I was slamming into as my mother was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer.  For the first few days after the diagnosis, I was in complete and utter fear.  Fear for my mom, fear for the unknown with regard to myself and my nieces.  To say that anxiety was running a muck is an understatement.  After a near full blown anxiety attack, it was then that I sat and decided, with a little help from my best sister-friend and founder of Today’s Modern Family, Kela Price, that I was going to look this green-eyed monster in the face and not allow it to consume me because not only was that unhealthy for me but my mother needed me to be strong for her.  Eleanor Roosevelt said…”You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

As the months have past, I took every opportunity to be with my mom at nearly every single doctor appointment to learn all I could to help her. I spent a lot of time with her going through her completion of surgery, radiation and chemo treatments.  I have sat with her as she struggled through the sickness that blasting your body with chemotherapy brings, and I am proud to say she is upbeat and on the path to being healthy once again.  I have learned this year more about the joy of gratitude more than any other time in my life.  I have learned that time is a precious commodity and that at the end of the day, the little things don’t matter at all. What matters is the love we show one another.  What matters is when family comes together to help each other make it through.  What matters is our friends who stand by our side and who basically stop the presses in their own lives to come and let you cry your eyes out but who can then get you back to reality at the same time.  It’s about being thankful for what we do have in life and for showing gratitude for the little things that make our lives special.

TMF Readers, we often view gratitude in our lives as only being thankful for what we receive.  However, to me, having gratitude is actually being aware and being thankful for those things and people in our lives that are good for us and good to us.  My relationship with my mom hasn’t always been picture perfect over the years.  There have been ups and downs.  But one thing I know for sure and that is my mom is good for me.  She has been there with me through every single road bump or brick wall that I have hit along the way.  She stuck by me through my trying teen years when I thought I was the only one on planet earth that mattered and I let everyone in my presence know it.  She saw me through the birth of my three children, the death of my husband and my single-parent years thereafter, graduations and all points in between.  My gratitude for her is beyond words. 

This Christmas season, my heart is happy because I have realized over the course of time, but more particularly and more forcefully over this past year, that happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.  Happiness is the experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. 

Gratitude allows us to swell beyond our present capabilities.  It allows us to grow right where we stand!

Peace & Blessings this Holiday Season!
Diane

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Fear, Family and Fortitude

September 2, 2012 By

“Fortitude:  Strength of mind that allows one to endure pain or adversity with courage”

Well, TMF Readers, I’m finally back into the swing of things.  Recently, I have had to take care of some family issues that required my full attention.  I am writing this post in honor of some of the lessons I have learned over the past month and a half and I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you.

A month and a half ago, my mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer.  Daily life since that date has been a whirlwind to say the least with tests, tests and more tests along with surgery and soon-to-come radiation.  With all that being said, it’s no secret that I have written many times in several different posts about sharing the fact that I suffer from anxiety and as you can imagine, this situation threw me into full-blown anxiety mode.   My anxiety is a constant work in progress for me and stems from some traumatic events that I experienced over the years.  One of the reasons Kela’s upcoming project The Joyful Mind Project is so important to me is because addressing fear and having a strength of mind is so important in overcoming any fear or adversity and I am excited to be a part of something so powerful and excited for our readers to be able to experience same as well.

One of my main objectives in my own personal journey is recognizing that I have the right and should have the audacity to align my actions and words with my goals and to be more brave about it.  The example of my mom’s breast cancer above is an example of how one life event can throw you for such a loop that  you decide to allow it to stop you from jumping those hurdles and getting to the outcomes that you are reaching for (key word…decide).  That is essentially allowing fear to guide your footsteps and when the fear includes your family, it becomes even more intense.

What I have learned about fortitude during this time has been nothing less than what I have had all along.  As I stated above, I just needed the audacity to align it up with my words and my actions.  A few steps that I have taken to get me through this time were so helpful to me and I would like to pass them on to you:

  1. Negative v. Positive.  In order to move forward toward fortitude is to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  When we first got word about my mom, I went straight into anxiety mode.  As is probably normal, my mind began to gallivant all around the neighborhood but lucky for me, Kela came to my rescue and help me really to put my thoughts and feelings into perspective.  Sometimes all we need is for someone from the outside looking in to help us see things more clearly.
  2. Journal Your Thoughts.  One of the ways I overcome my anxieties and fears is to write down my thoughts.  If I am not clear with myself when I am feeling a little fearful, it is hard for me to get motivated to do anything, even if it is something I love.   Why is it so powerful to become clear in your thoughts you might ask?  The answer is simple.  If you are constantly contemplating how negative your life at that moment can be, the longer you will stay stuck in that negativity.  Being able to actually see on paper what you are actually feeling allows you to have something tangible to use to begin turning negatives into positives and park some of those fears and move others in order to move forward.
  3. Acceptance.  Love yourself and fortitude will always be a part of who you are.
  4. Allowance.  Give yourself permission to not allow your fear and/or anxiety to run your thoughts, attitudes and perceptions.
  5. Open to Change.  Decide what changes need to be made in order for you to align your actions with your goals and as Michael Jackson says….Make That Change!

TMF Readers, fear is a roadblock.  If you allow it to take over your life, it will stifle you.  It will subtly control you and how you approach your life.  It is easy to fall into this trap when our loved ones are sick, someone dies, we lose a job, our blended family lives are taxing, financial issues or just plain stress.  It is at this time that we must reach deep and grab that fortitude that we have been blessed with and move toward peace.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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Must Have Tool for a Peaceful Mind: Forgiveness!

June 5, 2012 By

“The greatest gift given to us by God is that of forgiveness.”

I don’t know about you readers, but to me, it seems as though many of our mindsets have gotten away from forgiveness.  Whether that forgiveness be in our relationships, our family units or our friendships, we have lost sight of simply trying to make things better for one another.  We don’t own up to keeping our friendships intact anymore.  Think about it.  We live in a world now where most of our interaction with our friends, family and sometimes our significant others is through social networks, text messages and cell phones.  Long gone are the days of making time for one another.  Long gone are the days of popping up to check in on our friends like we used to.  It has become the “norm” to check in using our Facebook status updates.

I have talked to many people who have found themselves in situations where they can’t seem to find it in their hearts to forgive someone who has hurt them in one way or another.  Albeit, I am a firm believer that if there is someone in your life that doesn’t make you a better person, or you are always on the giving end of your relationship and never receiving anything in return, sometimes it is just best to let that person go in order for you to move on to a healthier life.  However, there are those instances in our lives where we have found ourselves battling with someone for one reason or another (most of the time petty reasons) and we end up walking away from that particular relationship and becoming bitter toward that particular person.  We refuse to allow ourselves to see the differences for what they are and we see an apology on our part as a sign of weakness so we refuse to take that step forward toward forgiveness and healing.  We simply decide that it is easier to turn away from the friendship or relationship and deem it unfixable. We allow our stubbornness and our pride to play a role in taking away the “freedom” that forgiving provides to us.  As I have said in other posts, forgiveness is for you.  It is truly the link to freedom from the pain that keeps you stuck.

Its simple TMF readers, being able to apply forgiveness comes down to one simple word.  Interaction.  You might be asking “why would interaction be so important?”  The answer is easy.  Forgiveness comes down to interaction because 9 times out of 10, the person you are holding a grudge against isn’t the same person he/she used to be.  Without opening yourself to interaction with that person, you won’t know.  You can’t assume that they still feel the way they do.  You can’t go on not forgiving and acknowledging that both of you made mistakes and that you both need to be able to pass that forgiveness on to one another in order to free yourself from that pain that the past holds.

Below are some tips on getting to forgiveness and moving on:

  • Accept and let go of the past.  The past is not going to change.  Accept it.  As human beings, we are naturally geared toward accepting the negative over the positive.  Accept the pain that has been caused and let it go.  We cannot move forward while walking backward.  Process your emotions and get to the positive solutions.
  • Look for the lesson.  Every situation we experience is an opportunity for us to learn a lesson.  It allows us to see how far we have come in our healing and gives us the opportunity for further growth in our situations.
  • Decide.  Like in any relationship, you have to make a choice as to whether or not you are going to move forward or let it go.  Make sure your mind is clear when making these choices.  Make sure you have gone over your thoughts and emotions with a fine tooth comb and then make your choice.  There is no room for hasty decisions.
  • Apologize.  Own your part of the breakdown.  Your part may not be significant in your eyes, but remember that we all see ourselves through rose colored glasses.  It is very hard to self-analyze without coming out on top.  Apologizing is good for the soul.  It is biologically important.  It heals.

If this post doesn’t give you anything at all, I want you to know this….forgiveness is only a conversation away.  Go and get that interaction!  Just as removing toxic people out of your life is healthy, forgiving people for past hurts is healthy.  Remember, you don’t have to subject or open yourself up to more pain by forgiving someone for hurting you, you just allow yourself to move forward.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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“MOMPRENEURS” BALANCE IS KEY!

March 25, 2012 By

As a mother, stepmother, wife and businesswoman, I often get the question “how do you wear so many different hats and not go crazy?”  Drumroll please……BALANCE.

Whether you are an out or in home working mother, it is very important to understand and incorporate balance in your daily routine.  For all you women out there juggling your career, your mommy/stepmom-world, your household and your (re)marrige, this article is for you.  I like to call us “mompreneurs.”

Living, working and being a woman in the 21st century, I wanted to do some research on the subject of women in the workforce and the “superwoman syndrome” as I like to call it.  During the 1950′s and early 60′s, no more than 20 to 30% of mothers were employed outside the home.  Most of the women who worked at that time pretty much “had to” for various reasons (i.e., primarily poor women, etc.).  In the late 60′s and early 70′s, large amounts of women began to enter the workforce.  That is where the juggling act began to come into play.  By the late 80′s, 70% of mothers were also employed outside the home (statistics obtained from www.ucg.org).

Today, moms are doing it all.  They are not only moms, but stepmothers, entrepreneurs and employees all at the same time.  As you can imagine, with that comes a lot of stress.   Packed as my life is at times, I understand that in the world we live in today, this is not out of the ordinary.  For some of us, the challenge seems to lie in learning the art of balance.  Personally, the first step in finding the balance you need is to acknowledge that you cannot do it all.  Lowering your expectations is key.  It’s fine to have dreams and goals and to work toward them but don’t expect that you have to lose yourself in the process.

My five step plan to balance has worked for me in my busy life as a mompreneur and I would like to share it with you readers in hopes that instead of stressing about how you are going to get it all done, you can begin to apply balance which will make your life less stressful in your career and your (re)marriage.  Lots of marriages become stressed because of the inability to master the balancing act being a mompreneur requires.

Diane’s Five Step Plan for Balance:

1.  Set your priorities.  Your first priority should always be your marriage.  Consult and include your spouse.  Both you and your partner need to be on the same page when it comes to all things in your marriage, but especially if you are a mompreneur.  Communicating your goals, sharing your dreams and supporting one another is crucial.  Being a mompreneur along with a wife can clash if you and your spouse are not in agreement on subjects like money, time away from family, travel, etc.  Running a successful business and having a successful family life takes more than just support, it requires sacrifice from everyone in the family.  Communicating and involving (if you can) your spouse will help him understand your plans for not just you, but for what you are trying hard to accomplish for the bettterment of your family.

2.  Support Systems:  It is very important as a mompreneur to have back-up support.  As a business owner, there are times when I get a call from a client that might need me that day instead of the next when their normal appointment was scheduled.  Therefore, because of the nature of my business, I may have to juggle somethings around.  It is always good to know that I can call on one of my soccer moms to grab my son and take him to practice for me and I, of course, can return the favor at a later date.  It’s also good to know that I can pick up the phone and call my husband and have him handle dinner plans, homework and laundry duty that evening for me so that I can take care of my clients needs.  This type of situation doesn’t happen very often, but if it does, I have put my support system in place so that I can juggle without guilt.

3.  Time Management:  I don’t know about you, but to me, there is never enough hours in the day for me to get done what I want and need to get done and this leads to losing ourselves as I stated above.  Therefore, finding time for socialization, spiritual needs, mental, emotional and personal care can get pushed aside.  Condense your time and make sure you make time for yourself and others that matter to you.

4.  Get Organized:  Your work is a part of who you are.  If you are disorganized in your work, you personally will feel disorganized.  Calendar things in advance to avoid double-booking (i.e., make sure your children’s extra-curricular activities are on your calendar in advance of appointments so you can at the least make sure those are not missed); if you are a stay-at-home working mom, get your children on a good schedule so that your business time is not interrupted; have control over your workload.  Don’t take on more than you can handle at any given moment; keep your financial situation in mind before you make big changes.  Discuss those changes and financial situations with your spouse.  Don’t wait until the last minute to spring it on your husband.  And, if you have too much on your plate at the moment you are asked to take on another project, learn to say no!  It’s okay to step back a bit, regroup and it’s okay to say no!

5.  Lower your expectations:  Always keep in mind that on any given day there are going to be trade-offs that you have to make when being a mompreneur.  There are going to be days when your focus for that day is going to have to be on your children and/or your spouse (i.e., due to illness, school events, etc.).  When those situations occur, you may have to decide to make up your work at the end of the day – this is one of the trade-offs. Rome wasn’t built in a day and your career won’t be either.

Being a mompreneur takes sacrifice but keep in mind that it is not your whole life.  Take time to consider each decision you make when it comes to how those decisions might affect your family.  Be flexible and never forget that you have to take care of yourself.  You are not superwoman.  Remember that guilt, pressure and frustration will rear its ugly head and you will have to be prepared to balance.   You can thrive and balance ladies.  Lastly, I want to emphasize again the importance of quality time with your family.  Plan a vacation.  There is always going to be housework, duties to take care of and stress involved in being a mompreneur.  Take time to replenish and renew yourself and your family.  Vacations, even small ones, are great avenues to strengthening your relationships.

Peace & Blessings,

Diane

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Dressing for that Baby Bump

March 17, 2012 By

Yes, I have had three daughters and yes, I have suffered through the agony of maternity clothes so I understand your strife! I’ve never experienced a “baby bump” but more of a “baby MOUNTAIN” with each of my girls. The bright side is that even since I had my youngest daughter (age 5) maternity styles have gotten way better.

One thing I did learn was how to streamline my closet. I had to realize that I wasn’t going to be pregnant forever (though it felt like it) so I had to make the most of the pieces I added to my wardrobe for these times in my life. It’s fun for a while to borrow your husband’s shirts but then it’s not so cute toward the end. You need your own stuff to keep your personal style even during the time of a growing belly.

Let’s start with with the MUST HAVE’s – these are the pieces that you will NEED during pregnancy and the basics for your new body. They will take you from the office to the park. These are staples that can be built upon with the “fun” and “trendy” items.

  • Maternity Jeans – if you buy a pair of “extended size” jeans they will last in every phase of pregnancy so that saves on cost.

  •  White T
  • Black T
  • Black Pants

  •  Maxi Dress of any color
  •  Black Skirt (long or short – up to you)
  • Maternity Undies (I know they seem huge but at the end you will THANK ME!)
  • Bathing Suit

So now you’re thinking “that’s it”? Yes. The rest you can go wild with like awesome statement jewelry, scarves, bright bold T’s that are so inexpensive, and, of course, awesome shoes!!! As much as I, personally, don’t care for flats I must admit there are some really cute ones out there and they are a MUST for swollen ankles and feet J A wedge can be your friend during this time as well. My fave motto is that “accessories always fit” so go crazy!

In addition to the basics remember to add color to your look. Now I’m not one to talk as I wore black all the time but I did that for work purposes mostly and I thought it was more slimming – LOL. Knowing what I know now I could have had more fun with color. Doing all of one color is slimming no matter what the color so be bold and have fun this Spring. Then you are able to add those fun pieces that stand out – maybe even more than your adorable belly.

Remember you don’t have to spend a lot to get a lot. Some stores have gotten smart and have begun offering “maternity bundles”!!! Here are some suggestions on making this the best time of your life without breaking the bank.

Live life well and ENJOY!

 

Julia Rutland is the Founder and Owner of Aesthetic Design Style House located in Indianapolis, Indiana. For more information about Julia, her company and the services she has to offer, please visit her website at: www.aestheticdesignstyle.com.

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“Doing” Vintage

February 22, 2012 By

There has been a change of tide lately with the economy the way it is and people wanting to find comfort in the simple things again.  This is why, I believe, shopping for vintage anything (but especially clothing) has made a rather large resurgence.

Along with yearning for the nostalgia of yesteryear finding vintage pieces is like finding hidden treasure.  Finding beautiful pieces with tags still attached – oh I just felt my blood pressure rise – such a rush!!  Even if I don’t buy it for myself there is no way I’m leaving an incredible vintage find behind – I know someone who would look awesome in it or I will use it for a photo shoot before I walk away from something so fantastic!

For one, things were just made better in certain eras than they are now.  The material may not have been wonderful (polyester I’m talking to you) but the craftsmanship was impeccable.  Things that were less expensive and not considered couture at the time were even made better than today.

 I have searched through many definitions of “vintage clothing” and the most common theme seems to be as About.com defines it:  “The term vintage is used to describe clothing between 20 and 100* years old which is clearly representative of the era in which it was produced. Vintage clothing can be used, new (from dead stock), manufactured, and handmade. It is important to understand that the definition of vintage is fluid, so every decade brings forth new items as “vintage”. It is also important to understand that all vintage will eventually become antique.  *Clothing 100 years old or more is classified as antique” Something to think about when consciously going out to search for a vintage piece or pieces.

Doing vintage is fun and adds to your own personal style.  I talk a lot about personal style but it is important to express yourself through what you wear and how you wear it.  It is an outward expression of what’s going on inside – some days that’s good and some days not so good – but nevertheless it’s the truth.

I view vintage as I do a trend.  Meaning that I wouldn’t do a trend from head to toe – I strategically mix and match it and several pieces throughout my wardrobe or outfit.  If you find an awesome vintage dress then mix it with some sky high platforms to make it modern.  If you layer yourself in vintage jewelry like pearls and rhinestones, then wear it with a white tank top and denim and, again, a hot shoe, to offset the fanciness of the jewelry.  The trick to “doing vintage” is to do a piece here and do a piece there.  If done all at once it can look as though your grandmother’s (or great-grandmother’s) closet imploded all on one person and we don’t want that (unless you are doing a period piece in the theaterJ.)

 It is also important to do your research.  In the age of smart phones and tablets it makes it easier to find out on the spot if the deal you think you’re getting at the thrift store is truly a bargain.  If I come across a label I am unfamiliar with I will do a search right there in the store – sometimes it’s good and sometimes not but it is important to be informed.  If there is a dress that isn’t a popular name but I really love it and it’s $5.00 then I go for it and tweak it to my own personal taste.  That’s the beauty of it – you buy something for $5.00 and make it look like $500 and no one is the wiser.  It’s all in how you carry yourself and the confidence you exude in anything you wear.

Let’s recap:

  • Do vintage in moderation – a piece here and a piece there
  • Make vintage modern by pairing it with classic pieces of today (denim, platform shoes, blazers, that little black dress, or the classic white oxford)
  • Have fun when picking out pieces.  It’s easier to try something if it costs $5.00 than if it costs $100.00 so go for it!
  • There are no rules when it comes to your personal style.
  • Do your research – look up unknown labels or fashion houses just so you know what you are buying – especially when it comes to high end couture vintage pieces (e.g. Dior, Chanel, Yves Saint Laurent, etc.)

Vintage pieces can be found just about anywhere:  Goodwill , Salvation Army, your local thrift shop, your family’s closets, your friends’ family’s closets, and garage and estate sales.  There are also some companies who have made upscale vintage their livelihood and only sell high end designers and fashion houses for a pretty penny but they are worth every cent! 

I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite links:

DECADES

Shrimpton Couture

Vintage Vogue by Goodwill

ERAS by ADSH

FabSugar:  Guest Blogger Rachel Zoe – How To:  Shop AND Wear Vintage

Live life well and ENJOY!!

 

Julia Rutland is the Founder and Owner of Aesthetic Design Style House located in Indianapolis, Indiana.  For more information about Julia, her company and the services she has to offer, please visit her website at: www.aestheticdesignstyle.com.

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It’s All About YOU!

January 23, 2012 By

Like many women, I have often wondered what it really means to take care of myself.  Two months after my 20th birthday, I became a mom.  It felt like, for so many years, that my life was defined by motherhood.  I fully engaged myself in being a mom.  My world revolved around my boys instead of my world revolving around what made me happy, content and joyful.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother and I wouldn’t change that for anything the world could offer me, but it took a long time to realize that being  a mother was only one part of who I was.

Like many women, we tend to sit and fester in our worries, our thoughts, our perceptions of what our lives “should” be like.  We fight what is right and that is the mere fact that if we are not healthy both mentally, physically and emotionally, we cannot and will not be able to effectively be all we can be to our children, spouses and family.  Each day, as we lose ourselves more in everyone elses’ lives, we lose a bit of who we are.  We validate our feelings by thinking that it is only right to put everyone before ourselves and we continue to “stuff away” our feelings and emotions and we all know that when the volcano erupts, there is no where left to hide!  When we make the choice to neglect ourselves, we forget to shuffle the deck and the only cards that are left in our hand are that of stress, pain, depression, anxiety and sorrow.

Over the past few years, I have really made an effort to discover what it really means to love myself unconditionally.  I am taking stock in creating and decorating a fresh canvas that I call ME!  For example, in 2008, I joined Today’s Modern Family and I was able to use this as a vehicle for expressing my thoughts and sharing them with others in hopes that I might be able to reach one person through my experiences.  You readers have returned my investment ten fold!  Another example is I decided that I need time to myself.  If it means I pick my own little space in my small house to hang a sign and say DO NOT DISTURB, then that’s what I do.  It’s in this alone time that I listen to myself.  I use this time to write, to read, to embrace myself and, most importantly, to slow down and acknowledge the changes that are taking place in my life and/or evaluate what changes need to take place in my life.

When we make it “all about us”and reconnect with ourselves for a little while, we suddenly are able to view our situations differently.  This allows us to reframe and redirect our emotions and ultimately our situations.  It’s the same picture, you just  make the choice to view it differently which in turn gives you a chance to change the outcome.  Evaluation is really key.  We don’t evaluate enough because we are so geared to reacting first.  Taking our own time allows for evaluation.  Whether our situations be about ourselves and our spouses, our work situation, etc., we discover that we find more courage to handle them.

Here are a few tips on making it “all about you:”

  • Find a special space in your house that you can make off-limits to everyone else.  Use it!
  • Pray or meditate.
  • Travel.  Escape somewhere you’ve never been. Plan a trip for yourself or you and your spouse alone.
  • Lean into your fears.  Don’t temporarily bandage them.  If you need some help, seek it.  Anxiety, depression and worry can be overwhelming and its OK to seek help.
  • Pamper yourself once a month.  It’s crucial.  Get a mani/pedi or a new hairdo.  It’s so worth it.
  • Find a hobby that makes you happy.
  • Exercise and eat healthier.
  • Speak up for yourself.  Don’t let resentment build in your relationships.  Your spouse or significant other cannot read your mind.  Speak up!
  • Stay on track with what is important to you.
  • Seek support.
  • Get plenty of sleep.
  • Lead by example.  Remember, your children are watching you.  If you teach them that taking care of yourself doesn’t matter, they won’t do it for themselves either.

TMF Readers remember this…just like your car can’t run on fumes, neither can you.  If your gas gauge is always registering empty and you don’t take time to fill your tank, where will you and your life end up?  Stranded!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

 

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