Aging Out of Foster Care

Approximately 20,000 youth age out of foster care every year.  I’ve thought a lot about this issue because I came to know a great young girl who was in foster care that really touched my life.

Toni came into my life through work.  She was on a school-work program her senior year and pretty much shadowed me during her time there.  I learned a lot about her.  Toni was a straight A+ student in advanced placement courses at our local high school and was being recruited by some of our nations top universities for academic scholarship opportunities.  So, as you can imagine, I was sadly surprised when she confided in me that she was in foster care.  I thought…”foster care kids don’t excel like this, they are usually prone to being trouble makers and education of all things is the last thing on their minds.  What’s on their minds is survival of the fittest.” Well, some of those preconceived notions might be true (according to statistics) but Toni was different.  Toni was an all American girl

Toni, like many other young adults in foster care, was shuffled around a lot between foster homes.  Toni’s bio mom made her a ward of the state when a boyfriend of her mother’s molested her.  Knowing she was coming up on her 18th birthday, and graduating high school, Toni often confided in me about her fears of aging out of foster care.  Although she was shuffled around, she was afraid of being alone.  Toni’s queries about aging out made me curious so I began to research.

According to the Child Welfare League of America, an estimated 20-25,000 youth age out each year finding themselves with no stability or family base.  many turn to the streets because they are unable to meet their own needs.  These youth also face problems like homelessness, substance abuse, early parenting and, unfortunately, incarceration.  These youth most times have no direction and therefore gravitate to the life of easy money because they find it extra hard to find employment as well.

In my opinion, no young adult should “age out” of foster care.  Of course, that goes without saying that it’s obvious that a person cannot stay in the system forever, but certainly, provisions should be made for them to acquire post-secondary educational/vocational, life skill training, etc.  When they are released to begin their lives at 18, instead of just giving them the proverbial $200 in cash and setting them out on their way, they should  provide them with the necessary tools to help them succeed in life.

After graduation, I lost track of Toni.  Someone told me she decided to go into the military.  Good for her, I thought.  However, I quickly reminded myself that Toni was alone, at 18, her worst fear realized, so she joined the military to find connections in life.  Connections that may not be her own but connections nonetheless.

TMF readers, are you a former child that aged out of foster care?  If so, we would love to hear your story.  Whether your experience is a bad one or a good one, we would love to learn more from a personal perspective.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Newest Baltimore Raven is the Loveable Michael Oher!

Another one of my favorite 2009 NFL Draft picks is the newest Baltimore Raven, Michael Oher. Like Curry, I found his story to be a compelling heart tugger that made me immediately fall in love with the 6′4 309 lb. offensive tackle.

Although he was picked in the first round; he was the 23rd overall pick.  Apparently some thought he was going to go earlier in the draft and according to the commentators, some players would have had an attitude if they were called 23rd, but expected to go earlier. This was not the case with Oher. When interviewed immediately after his name was called, he said that he could’ve gone in the 7th round and it would not have mattered because either way he was happy to be playing football.

Michael Oher

“I’m ready to give Baltimore my very best,” said Oher. “I’m a fighter so they just got the best tackle in the draft.”

His humility and positive attitude is literally unbelievable, especially given his circumstances.

Born May 28, 1986 to a drug-addicted mother and a father he never knew prior to him being murdered, Oher attended 11 different schools before he was nine years old, failed the first and secon grade, and alternated between times spent in foster home and periods with no fixed address until he was sixteen years old.

That year Oher applied for admission to Briarcrest Christian School, a private school, at the instigation of acquaintance, Tony Henderson, who he was staying with temporarily.  Henderson was actually sending his son, and decided that Oher might as well come along.  The school’s football coach became interested in Oher, but school administrators did not feel that he was capable of handling their academic workload due to his scant educational background; however, he was admitted.

While there he met Leigh Anne and Sean Tuhoy through their daughter, who was also a student at Briarcrest. The Tuhoy’s allowed Oher to move in with them and began taking care of him. They hired a tutor who worked with him 20 hours a week to help bring up his grade point average and encouraged him to take a series of internet based courses from Brigham Young University to serve as replacements for poor marks earned earlier in his academic career, enabling him to be eligible to play college football.

Oher and his adoptive parents, Sean and Leigh Anne Tuhoy

Eventually, the Tuhoy’s adopted Oher, becoming the only stable, loving family he’s ever known. Apparently, the Tuhoy’s did a fantastic job helping this young man turn his life around. Thank God for people like the Tuhoy’s.  If more people viewed young men like Oher as an opportunity to help turn someone’s life around instead of a burden to society, we might see many more of these happy endings. What an exceptional blended family story!! This family certainly wasn’t organically made, but after seeing them on stage at the draft, you’d think they’d been together all along. This is more proof that blood is definitely not an essential requirement for being a family.