Reality TV Casting for families with teenagers!!

NOW CASTING dynamic families with teenagers for their own reality series!!!

 Have you been told your family is just like The Osbournes and you should have your own show?

 The producers of “Supernanny” and “The Real Housewives of New York” are looking to give one amazing family their own show! This documentary-style series will take a look at an American family and the issues that they face in their day-to-day lives including their relationships, challenges, laughter and tears that comes with being a family.

 We are currently looking for outgoing, opinionated and outspoken families with teenagers who are ready to step into the spotlight. Families of ALL types are welcome, but there must be at least a few teens living in the home.

 CONTACT the casting producer at tbarcinas@shedmediaus.com with your contact info, family photo, and a paragraph about why your family is entertaining enough to star in your own TV series.

An Ex-Wife Wants to Smack Other Ex-Wives!

I was perusing my blog favorites this morning and ran across a very interesting and insightful post, written by one of my favorite ex-wives on Adventures in Divorce. She exudes what I’ve been talking about all along on this blog; that it’s okay to have certain feelings of jealousy and ego, as an ex-wife, when your ex moves on, but you can’t act on those feelings by using your children as pawns. It’s just plain wrong! At any rate, read her post below, entitled, ‘Please be a Little Selfish. I’m sure you’ll find it insightful as well.

If you’re going to be selfish and self centered, do it the way I do it….. I love my kids, but I love my “me time” as well. Ok, I’m being facetious and extreme here with the “selfish and self centered” characterization, but really….. I feel like it’s a win-win when my kids are off spending time with their dad and with each other (remember, Daughter primarily lives with me and Son lives with him, so they’re not together all the time anymore). They get to spend good, NECESSARY quality time with their father and each other, and I get a regularly scheduled (and sometimes bonus) break and I know that they are with someone who loves them and cares for them just as much as I do. I can do the things that I want and need to do for myself (I keep a standing nail appointment every other Saturday), I can travel, I don’t have to worry about cooking square meals, I can sleep as long as I want, I don’t have to chauffeur anyone around all day, and I don’t have to entertain anyone or find someone else to entertain them.

Right now my kids are spending the first half of their spring break with their dad, and I thoroughly enjoyed only having to get myself ready this morning and I’m looking forward to a nap after work and not hearing anyone whine about eating veggie burgers (again!) and a cup of yogurt for dinner. This weekend I’m going to Washington DC with my kids, my beau, and we’re picking up his son (who lives 3 hours away) on the way and he’s going, too. I was a little worried (we both were, actually) that his mother wouldn’t let him go because it’s not his dad’s weekend and because he would be going with me (she’d expressed some attitude about me before, but nothing major), but surprisingly she said yes. But please…. let someone offer me an extra free weekend of babysitting, I’d be all over it.

(I suspect the decision hinged on the fact that she’s been busy finishing up her Master’s program and needs him out of her hair anyway…. or maybe because now she’s boo’d up too, which seems to have upped her cooperation level considerably…. but whatever, I’m looking forward to our Brady Bunch Dating trip.)

Sometimes I worry that I’m a little too un-mom-like for not taking pleasure in being such a martyr to my children by being at their beck and call 25/8, and actually enjoying some time to myself every once in awhile……..or perhaps I’m just finding the positive aspect of an unavoidable situation (i.e. the kids can no longer be with both of us at the same time). I tell my Ex that he can take the kids whenever he’d like. I may miss them, but I know they’ll be back and I know they’re well taken care of. And I know how crucial it is for fathers to be involved in their children’s lives. There are enough deadbeat and lackluster dads out there that we as women don’t need to discourage the ones who are good, responsible and loving fathers.

So ladies, next time you have that itchy creepy jealousy feeling that makes you want to “show him a thing or two” and not let him see his child…. please, for your child’s sake, be a little “selfish”.

Yearning For Zion Ranch–3 wives, 1 house!

Could you imagine living in the same house with your ex-wife and current wife? What if you had mulitiple children by different women? Could you all live in the same house and raise your children together? Well that’s what they do on the Yearing for Zion ranch in Eldorado, Texas. Whew! This is a blended family like no other!

Yesterday Oprah had an interesting show about the Yearning for Zion Ranch, a polygamist ranch where “Texas state officials say the ranch was a place where child abuse was rampant and young girls were forced into polygamist marriages,” Winfrey says on her Web site. “The people who live here say, while yes, they do believe in plural marriages, they say the are not forced to marry anyone.

I was blown away when I saw a family with one husband, 3 wives and 9 children! They all lived in the same house, and each wife said they viewed all the children as their own, no matter who their biological mother was.

When asked about jealousy among the wives, the wives proclaimed that if they do get jealous, then they just ask God to remind them of what their purpose is [to raise healthy children] and then ask Him to remove the jealousy from their heart. Additionally, they said that they saw each other as really good friends working together for a common goal and all of their children are encouraged to love and bond with each of the women. Wow, what a concept!!

Now, I don’t believe in polygamy. Honestly, the whole show kind of freaked me out; girls were allowed to married between the ages of 12 and 15 in some families, most of the kids had never seen television, their idea of play was school and they seemed way too zombish and brainwashed to me. But, their perspective on raising children and working together is something that ex-wives and current wives could learn from. We definitely need to work together more, put our differences aside and encourage our children to love and be loved by ALL involved parents.

For more information the YFZ ranch click here.

Blended Family Vacations

I just got back from taking a vacation with my husband and son. We had a wonderful time in St. Louis, although our vacation was cut short due to bad weather. It’s Spring and we expected mild weather, around 50 degrees or so and sunny, but instead St. Louis was expecting blizzard conditions on the day we decided to leave! In spite of it all, however, we enjoyed visiting their spectacular Science Center and the Arch was amazing as well.

We try to take a vacation at least twice a year. In the beginning of our marriage it was quite difficult. My husband and I would always try to coordinate our vacations around when my stepson could go, but it NEVER WORKED OUT! Something always came up, at the last minute, that prevented my stepson from going and prevented us from going altogether. The Wicked Ex always had some excuse as to why he couldn’t go or why he couldn’t visit during his court ordered visitation time (when we planned our vacations). This kid has attended so many weddings, funerals and birthday parties, it’s ridiculous.  Needless to say, my stepson has NEVER been on a vacation with us, despite him wanting to go and us wanting him to go.

We used to just say “forget it” and we wouldn’t go on vacation at all. But then I realized that the only people who were missing out was us because my stepson was still going on vacation with his mom and stepdad. It was my son who was never going anywhere because we were allowing the ex to dictate our schedule. We were doing this by saying that we weren’t going anywhere until she allowed my stepson to go. Well, we would never go on vacation if we did that, so eventually we decided that we were going whether my stepson was in attendance or not. We still make every effort to include my stepson in our plans, but our plans don’t fall through if he can’t go.  We plan our vacations around what’s conveninet and feasible for our family; not what’s convenient for my stepson or when his mom will allow him to go.

Aside from The Wicked Ex’s every attempt to exclude her son from our family activities, we also realized that our sons live in different states and therefore they have very different school schedules.  For example, they are never on spring break at the same time; which makes it impossible for us to plan vacations together during this time. It’s also another reason why we pleaded with the ex to change the visitation schedule. K used to come during his spring break when M was still in school. Not only did this disrupt M’s routine, but it also prevented K from enjoying his spring break. Because M was in school, there was no staying up late, playing during the week, or going on vacation. It was a situation that was truly unfair to both of them. As such, we requested either extra weekends or an extra week during the summer to make up for this time, but of course she wanted no part of it. In the end, we just decided not to exercise our visitation during this time whether she allowed us to make it up or not. Now, K actually enjoys his spring break with her and her current husband. They plan vacations during this time with him. Although I know she knows that I was right all along, she’ll never admitt it. But that’s okay, because I do what’s best for the children and never make decisions based on how difficult I can make it for her!

Other blended families experience different issues when planning a vacation together. Some use it as a time to bring their family closer together. When the kids aren’t getting along, your kids aren’t excepting your new spouse or their blended family, sometimes a mini vacation (too many days could backfire on you) is just what the therapist ordered. Taking a vacation for a few days, close to home, can help in gradually bringing your family closer together, especially if you’re consistent with creating this new family tradition. However, there are a few things to keep in mind to make sure everyone feels included in this new tradition.

1. Have a family meeting to allow everyone to give ideas about where to go.
2. Make sure you have adequate hotel or resort space at your destination.
3. Make sure that both bio and step children are included in decisions about activities that the family will enjoy together. Notice that I bolded the word ‘included.’ Including them doesn’t mean that you give them the power to make the decision. It means that you give them the opportunity to give suggestions. As the adults, you make the final decisions in deciding what the compromise will be.
4. Keep it short. Don’t try to plan week long or longer vacations, especially with a newly formed blended family. In the traditional family, after too many days together in close quarters, you start getting on each other’s nerves. As such, it might be even more tense in a blended family situation, so limit your vacation time to 4 days or less.

What about you BFSO readers? We want to hear about your blended family vacation horror stories. Send an email to info@blendedfamilysoapopera.com or drop us a comment to let us know. Oh, and when you get a moment check out the links above for the St.Louis Science Center and the St.Louis Arch. You might want to consider St. Louis for your next vacation spot after doing so. We had a blast!

Divorce, Dating and Kids

For many newly divorced, single parents, dating can be literally mortifying! Some may have not even dated in years because they were married. Some don’t know how to date. Some don’t have times to date. Not only is finding enough time to date an issue, but introducing your new mate to your child(ren) can be a bigger issue.  How and when do I introduce my children are common questions that divorced/single parents have.

When my ex and I decided to go our separate ways I was admittedly fearful of dating. My ex and I were together for nearly 6 years; which means I hadn’t dated in that long. Not to mention that I was finishing up my bachelor’s degree, working, my father was terminally ill and I was raising a little boy, alone (my ex is an overseas basketball player). So as you can imagine, dating was literally the furthest thing from my mind. Sure I enjoyed nice dinners from time to time with gentlemen, but I was not interested in seriously dating anyone. Additionally, I decided that I wasn’t going to bring multiple men in and out of my son’s life so I told myself that I wasn’t going to introduce anyone to my son unless it was serious. However, after my first ‘serious’ (I decided to give dating a try after I obtained my degree) relationship didn’t work out I had a new realization. I realized that not every level of dating necessitated including my son. As such, I concluded that seriously dating didn’t mean that we spent a lot of time together, we were enamored with each other or that we were even exclusive. Instead, seriously dating meant that we were not only committed, but talking about our future together; meaning marriage, parenting, children, etc. After that, I only had one other man that I was dating around my son and I married him.

Once you’ve decided that you are in a serious committed relationship, you’ll want to have meaningful dialogue about your new mate with your children. Although it’s important to affirm your unconditional love and commitment to your children, you don’t need their approval to involve your serious beau or belle in their life. Remember, you’re just initiating a light-hearted conversation about it. If you make it too serious, then they’ll take it too seriously and begin to have fear of how things will change once the new beau or belle enters the family.

In my case, I just asked my son, who was 4 at the time, if he would like to meet mommy’s new friend. I told him that we would all do something really fun together and get to know each other better. I allowed him to choose the activity and emphasized that we would all just enjoy getting to know each other. He asked some general questions such as; is he nice and will he play with me? Overall, he didn’t seem hesitant about meeting him and never questioned my love for him. That being said, I realize that this scenario will play out a little differently with older children. As such, you will likely have to have more meaningful dialogue with them. I would begin by emphasizing your love and support of your children individually and then your family as a whole. Then ask the children questions about what they would like for your family. What are they looking for in someone that you might bring into the family? This will help them feel included in your relationship that is important to you. It helps them feel less like an outsider in your new life.

Dating after divorce can be scary, but it is possible to find love a second time around. You just have to remember that accepting parent dating relationships is sometimes a slow process for children. But, if you carefully order your steps, they will begin to see that including another person in your family is about expanding your family; not dividing it.

Steve Harvey’s New Relationship Book

First published on Phyllis Du’Gas’s Blog. Steve Harvey, actor/comedian and divorced dad who has been married 3 times is giving relationship advice in his tell all book; Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Read the review below.

Is he serious? I’m just saying….isn’t Steve Harvey on marriage number three? 

I use to be an avid listener of the Steve Harvey Morning Show before the plug was pulled from my area.  The show has since moved to New York.  I love Nephew Tommy, I think he’s hillarious.   I never much agreed with some of the advice Steve gave his female callers because he at times can be very rude.  I do however recall Shirley Strawberry mentioning on air that perhaps he should write a book.  You see, whenever a woman writes one of those Strawberry Letters about problems she’s having with a man, Steve calls himself  the “Code Cracker” as if he’s in a position to offer the only sane advice to women struggling in relationships. 

While researching information on this feud with comedian Katt Williams, I ran across an article about his new book,  “Act like a Lady – Think like a Man.”  What men really think about love, relationships and intimacy.  Barnes and Nobles is taking pre-sale orders as the book will be released on January 27th.  I won’t lie, I laughed. You’ve got to be kidding!   

Is it just me?  If I’m in a failing relationship I don’t think I’d want advice from someone who’s on marriage number 3.  Isn’t this the same man that cheated on his second wife with his third wife, and screwed his second wife in an ugly divorce settlement?   I don’t claim to know Steve Harvey’s personal business.   I do know that Mary Harvey (wife number 2) was married to Steve for 10 years and they were together for 17 years.   I believe Mary Harvey was the backbone wife who helped him become the success he is today.  (Spoken from his own mouth on numerous occasions during his marriage)  The Steve Harvey Foundation was after all originally called, The Steve and Mary Harvey Foundation.  I noticed after the divorce that her name was dropped. 

Come on Steve, a relationship book?

I’m sure the book will do well just on his celebrity, but this is one woman who won’t be rushing to Barnes & Noble to buy it. 

I’ve read the complaint/lawsuit  filed by Mary Harvey.  Steve Harvey can’t tell me squat about relationships.  LOL!

Guilt-Free Brownies

In my quest to empower the blended family in a holistic way, I want to share ways that help me take care of my family because at the end of the day we are a family. In doing so, I wanted to introduce one of my blog favorites; In Jennie’s Kitchen!

Jennifer Perillo is a New York mom, wife, personal chef and food editor who shares some mouth watering recipes on her blogs.  I love my NY moms/stepmoms…they totally defy the myth of the rude New Yorker. At any rate, I wanted to share one of her recipes for guilt-free brownies with you! These brownies are made with greek yogurt instead of eggs.  They reminded me of a blended family. Like the blended family sometimes there is an ingredient(s) that you might be a little fearful of adding. You might be scared of how it’s going to turn out, but once you mix it with love the end result is a beautiful final product. I hope you’ll try this tasty treat along with many others from Jennie’s Kitchen. She’s making meals easier, one recipe at a time!

PREP: 10 minutes
BAKE: 35 minutes
YIELD: Sixteen 1 1⁄2-inch square brownies (8 kids’, 8 adults’)

* 3⁄4 cup all-purpose flour
* 3⁄4 tsp baking powder
* 1⁄2  tsp salt
* 6 Tbs butter
* 3 oz dark chocolate, finely chopped
* 3⁄4  cup granulated sugar
* 5.3-oz container Greek-style fat-free yogurt, such as Fage
* 1⁄2  tsp vanilla extract
* 1⁄3 cup dried cherries
* 1⁄3 cup chopped pecans

1. Heat oven to 325°F. Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl. Set aside.

2. In a microwave-safe bowl, melt butter and chocolate for 45 seconds. Stir and cook 30 seconds more, or until smooth.

3. Slowly whisk in sugar. Cool slightly. Add yogurt, 1⁄4 cup at a time, whisking as you go. Stir in vanilla. Fold in half of flour mixture. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and fold in other half.

4. Pour batter into an ungreased 8-inch baking pan. For adults: Sprinkle cherries and pecans over half. Bake 35 minutes. Cool completely, in pan, before cutting (about two hours).

HOW KIDS CAN HELP: Measure and whisk ingredients; spread batter into pan; sprinkle dried cherries and pecans.

PER SERVING: kids 128 calories, 6 g fat (4 g saturated), 94 mg sodium, 12 mg cholesterol; adults 155 calories, 8 g fat (4 g saturated), 94 mg sodium, 12 mg cholesterol

The Forgotten Stepson

It’s been quite a while since we’ve seen K. We hear from him everyday, but it’s been a long time (over a year) since we’ve seen him. Although we miss him terribly, it gets easier and easier as the time passes. It’s sad that we’re getting used to not having him around. Honestly, you can only cry, fight and throw childlike tantrums for so long. At some point you just have to move on with your life and that’s what we’ve decided to do. Even my husband is getting used to not seeing him. It’s getting to the point that I’m uncertain as to how our family will adjust when and if he does come back to our home. It’ll sort of be like we’re adopting an older child who is coming to live with us for the first time. So much has changed since we’ve seen him and I’m sure he has changed as well. It will be like learning each other all over again. I wish his mother knew how her actions may have totally changed the bond that we’ve formed as a family, and how that will affect not only us collectively, but her child, individually.

Diane’s Enchilada Casserole

I promised I would post a great recipe for Kela to try and all you other readers if you would like.  This is my baked beef enchillada casserole.  Turkey or chicken can be substituted for the beef to make it healthier.  Mexican food is my absolute favorite so I thought I would share with you all:

2 tablespoons of butter
1 large onion
3 cloves garlic; minced
1 pound of ground beef
1 tablespoon chili powder
1- 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 can (4.5 ounce can) chopped green chiles
1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper (i use cayene)
2 (10.75 ounce) cans of cream of chicken soup
2 (10 ounce) cans of red enchilada sauce; divided
1-1/2 dozen corn tortillas; divided
1 (16 ounce) can of refried beans
4 cups shredded Monterey Jack cheese; divided

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Lightly grease a 13×9 inch baking dish.  In a large skillet, melt butter over medium heat and add onions and garlic for 5 minutes until tender.  Add ground beef (or turkey, chicken) chili powder, salt and red pepper.  Cook until beef is brown and crumbly; drain.  Stir in soup and green chiles; set aside.  Line prepared baking dish with 6 corn tortillas.  In a medium bowl, whisk together one can of enchilada sauce and refried beans.  Spread bean mixture onto tortillas.  Evenly sprinkle with 1 cup of cheese.  Layer 6 more tortillas.  Cover with meat mixture.  Evenly sprinkle with 1 cup of cheese.  Layer remaining 6 tortillas.  Evenly spoon remaining can of enchilada sauce onto tortillas.  Sprinkle with remaining 2 cups of cheese and bake for 25 minutes or until hot and bubbly.  Garnish with sour cream (if desired).

This is a great crowd pleaser especially during football and basketball season!!!  Enjoy!

Di

Carol McCain – The ex-wife John McCain Callously Left Behind

These are the types of stories that give divorced dads and second wives a bad name!

This story was first published on dailymail.co.uk before the election.

Now that Hillary Clinton has at last formally withdrawn from the race for the White House, the eyes of America and the world will focus on Barack Obama and his Republican rival Senator John McCain.

While Obama will surely press his credentials as the embodiment of the American dream – a handsome, charismatic young black man who was raised on food stamps by a single mother and who represents his country’s future – McCain will present himself as a selfless, principled war hero whose campaign represents not so much a battle for the presidency of the United States, but a crusade to rescue the nation’s tarnished reputation.

McCain likes to illustrate his moral fiber by referring to his five years as a prisoner-of-war in Vietnam. And to demonstrate his commitment to family values, the 71-year-old former US Navy pilot pays warm tribute to his beautiful blonde wife, Cindy, with whom he has four children.

But there is another Mrs McCain who casts a ghostly shadow over the Senator’s presidential campaign. She is seldom seen and rarely written about, despite being mother to McCain’s three eldest children.

And yet, had events turned out differently, it would be she, rather than Cindy, who would be vying to be First Lady. She is McCain’s first wife, Carol, who was a famous beauty and a successful swimwear model when they married in 1965.

She was the woman McCain dreamed of during his long incarceration and torture in Vietnam’s infamous ‘Hanoi Hilton’ prison and the woman who faithfully stayed at home looking after the children and waiting anxiously for news.

But when McCain returned to America in 1973 to a fanfare of publicity and a handshake from Richard Nixon, he discovered his wife had been disfigured in a terrible car crash three years earlier. Her car had skidded on icy roads into a telegraph pole on Christmas Eve, 1969. Her pelvis and one arm were shattered by the impact and she suffered massive internal injuries.

When Carol was discharged from hospital after six months of life-saving surgery, the prognosis was bleak. In order to save her legs, surgeons

had been forced to cut away huge sections of shattered bone, taking with it her tall, willowy figure. She was confined to a wheelchair and was forced to use a catheter.

Through sheer hard work, Carol learned to walk again. But when John McCain came home from Vietnam, she had gained a lot of weight and bore little resemblance to her old self.

Today, she stands at just 5ft4in and still walks awkwardly, with a pronounced limp. Her body is held together by screws and metal plates and, at 70, her face is worn by wrinkles that speak of decades of silent suffering.

For nearly 30 years, Carol has maintained a dignified silence about the accident, McCain and their divorce. But last week at the bungalow where she now lives at Virginia Beach, a faded seaside resort 200 miles south of Washington, she told The Mail on Sunday how McCain divorced her in 1980 and married Cindy, 18 years his junior and the heir to an Arizona brewing fortune, just one month later.

Carol insists she remains on good terms with her ex-husband, who agreed as part of their divorce settlement to pay her medical costs for life. ‘I have no bitterness,’

she says. ‘My accident is well recorded. I had 23 operations, I am five inches shorter than I used to be and I was in hospital for six months. It was just awful, but it wasn’t the reason for my divorce.

‘My marriage ended because John McCain didn’t want to be 40, he wanted to be 25. You know that happens…it just does.’

Some of McCain’s acquaintances are less forgiving, however. They portray the politician as a self-centred womaniser who effectively abandoned his crippled wife to ‘play the field’. They accuse him of finally settling on Cindy, a former rodeo beauty queen, for financial reasons.

McCain was then earning little more than £25,000 a year as a naval officer, while his new father-in-law, Jim Hensley, was a multi-millionaire who had impeccable political connections.

He first met Carol in the Fifties while he was at the US Naval Academy in Annapolis. He was a privileged, but rebellious scion of one of America’s most distinguished military dynasties – his father and grandfather were both admirals.

But setting out to have a good time, the young McCain hung out with a group of young officers who called themselves the ‘Bad Bunch’.

His primary interest was women and his conquests ranged from a knife-wielding floozy nicknamed ‘Marie, the Flame of Florida’ to a tobacco heiress.

Carol fell into his fast-living world by accident. She escaped a poor upbringing in Philadelphia to become a successful model, married an Annapolis classmate of McCain’s and had two children – Douglas and Andrew – before renewing what one acquaintance calls ‘an old flirtation’ with McCain.

It seems clear she was bowled over by McCain’s attention at a time when he was becoming bored with his playboy lifestyle.

‘He was 28 and ready to settle down and he loved Carol’s children,’ recalled another Annapolis graduate, Robert Timberg, who wrote The Nightingale’s Song, a bestselling biography of McCain and four other graduates of the academy.

The couple married and McCain adopted Carol’s sons. Their daughter, Sidney, was born a year later, but domesticity was clearly beginning

to bore McCain – the couple were regarded as ‘fixtures on the party circuit’ before McCain requested combat duty in Vietnam at the end of 1966.

He was assigned as a bomber pilot on an aircraft carrier in the Gulf of Tonkin.

What follows is the stuff of the McCain legend. He was shot down over Hanoi in October 1967 on his 23rd mission over North Vietnam and was badly beaten by an angry mob when he was pulled, half-drowned from a lake.

War hero: McCain with Carol as he arrives back in the US in 1973 after his five years as a PoW in North Vietnam

Over the next five-and-a-half years in the notorious Hoa Loa Prison he was regularly tortured and mistreated.

It was in 1969 that Carol went to spend the Christmas holiday – her third without McCain – at her parents’ home. After dinner, she left to drop off some presents at a friend’s house.

It wasn’t until some hours later that she was discovered, alone and in terrible pain, next to the wreckage of her car. She had been hurled through the windscreen.

After her first series of life-saving operations, Carol was told she may never walk again, but when doctors said they would try to get word to McCain about her injuries, she refused, insisting: ‘He’s got enough problems, I don’t want to tell him.’

H. Ross Perot, a billionaire Texas businessman, future presidential candidate and advocate of prisoners of war, paid for her medical care.

When McCain – his hair turned prematurely white and his body reduced to little more than a skeleton – was released in March 1973, he told reporters he was overjoyed to see Carol again.

But friends say privately he was ‘appalled’ by the change in her appearance. At first, though, he was kind, assuring her: ‘I don’t look so good myself. It’s fine.’

He bought her a bungalow near the sea in Florida and another former PoW helped him to build a railing so she could pull herself over the dunes to the water.

‘I thought, of course, we would live happily ever after,’ says Carol. But as a war hero, McCain was moving in ever-more elevated circles.

Through Ross Perot, he met Ronald Reagan, then Governor of California. A sympathetic Nancy Reagan took Carol under her wing.

But already the McCains’ marriage had begun to fray. ‘John started carousing and running around with women,’ said Robert Timberg.

McCain has acknowledged that he had girlfriends during this time, without going into details. Some friends blame his dissatisfaction with Carol, but others give some credence to her theory of a mid-life crisis.

He was also fiercely ambitious, but it was clear he would never become an admiral like his illustrious father and grandfather and his thoughts were turning to politics.

In 1979 – while still married to Carol – he met Cindy at a cocktail party in Hawaii. Over the next six months he pursued her, flying around the country to see her. Then he began to push to end his marriage.

Carol and her children were devastated. ‘It was a complete surprise,’ says Nancy Reynolds, a former Reagan aide.

‘They never displayed any difficulties between themselves. I know the Reagans were quite shocked because they loved and respected both Carol and John.’

Another friend added: ‘Carol didn’t fight him. She felt her infirmity made her an impediment to him. She justified his actions because of all he had gone through. She used to say, “He just wants to make up for lost time.”’

Indeed, to many in their circle the saddest part of the break-up was Carol’s decision to resign herself to losing a man she says she still adores.

Friends confirm she has remained friends with McCain and backed him in all his campaigns. ‘He was very generous to her in the divorce but of course he could afford to be, since he was marrying Cindy,’ one observed.

McCain transferred the Florida beach house to Carol and gave her the right to live in their jointly-owned townhouse in the Washington suburb of Alexandria. He also agreed to pay her alimony and child support.

A former neighbour says she subsequently sold up in Florida and Washington and moved in 2003 to Virginia Beach. He said: ‘My impression was that she found the new place easier to manage as she still has some difficulties walking.’

Meanwhile McCain moved to Arizona with his new bride immediately after their 1980 marriage. There, his new father-in-law gave him a job and introduced him to local businessmen and political powerbrokers who would smooth his passage to Washington via the House of Representatives and Senate.

And yet despite his popularity as a politician, there are those who won’t forget his treatment of his first wife.

Ted Sampley, who fought with US Special Forces in Vietnam and is now a leading campaigner for veterans’ rights, said: ‘I have been following John McCain’s career for nearly 20 years. I know him personally. There is something wrong with this guy and let me tell you what it is – deceit.

‘When he came home and saw that Carol was not the beauty he left behind, he started running around on her almost right away. Everybody around him knew it.

‘Eventually he met Cindy and she was young and beautiful and very wealthy. At that point McCain just dumped Carol for something he thought was better.

‘This is a guy who makes such a big deal about his character. He has no character. He is a fake. If there was any character in that first marriage, it all belonged to Carol.’

One old friend of the McCains said: ‘Carol always insists she is not bitter, but I think that’s a defence mechanism. She also feels deeply in his debt because in return for her agreement to a divorce, he promised to pay for her medical care for the rest of her life.’

Carol remained resolutely loyal as McCain’s political star rose. She says she agreed to talk to The Mail on Sunday only because she wanted to publicise her support for the man who abandoned her.

Indeed, the old Mercedes that she uses to run errands displays both a disabled badge and a sticker encouraging people to vote for her ex-husband. ‘He’s a good guy,’ she assured us. ‘We are still good friends. He is the best man for president.’

But Ross Perot, who paid her medical bills all those years ago, now believes that both Carol McCain and the American people have been taken in by a man who is unusually slick and cruel – even by the standards of modern politics.

‘McCain is the classic opportunist. He’s always reaching for attention and glory,’ he said.

‘After he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history.’

• Additional reporting by Paul Henderson in Virginia Beach and William Lowther in Washington

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