Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo

This recipe is so comforting and yummy!  I tried it out on my son, Lamont, because he is my resident foodie and will try anything I make.  I originally found this recipe in one of my favorite magazines, Simple and Delicious.  I hope you enjoy this as much as we have!

Ingredients:
1 package (12 oz) of fettuccine
8 bacon strips, cut into 1-in pieces
1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cubed
2 cups sliced mushrooms (optional – I don’t use them)
6 green onions, thinly sliced
1 garlic clove, minced
1-1/2 cup half and half cream
½ cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1 teaspoon paprika
½ tsp. coarsely ground pepper

Cook fettuccine according to package directions.  In a large skillet, cook bacon until crisp.  Drain on paper towels reserving ½ Tbsp. drippings.  Sauté chicken in drippings until it’s no longer pink.  Add the mushrooms, green onions and garlic; sauté until all are tender.  Stir in cream, cheese, paprika and pepper.  Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 5-10 minutes.  Stir in the reserved bacon.  Drain fettuccine; place in a serving bowl.  Add chicken mixture; toss to coat.  Garnish with additional cheese if preferred.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Families in Haiti Need Our Help!

Credit: Reuters

An earthquake centered near the impoverished Haitian capital of Port-au-Prince caused the collapse of several buildings and an unknown number of fatalities Tuesday. The quake measured 7.0 on the Richter scale and at least 1.8 million people live within the area where the earthquake had its highest intensity. Among the many people injured included children and families, and we cannot sit by and watch them continue to suffer. They are in desperate need of our help!

The homes and lives of these survivors have been completely destroyed and has forced residents to sleep in the streets.  Many of these same residents are also awaiting health care as some sit with two broken legs and others lay wounded after being trapped in rubble.

The American people immediately stepped up to help by texting and calling in donations to the several relief funds that have been established in honor of Haiti. Specifically, superstar musician Wyclef Jean, and native of Haiti, raised over $400,000 on the first day by requesting that supporters text donations. But it’s going to take much more than that to rebuild the lives and families of Haiti, and we here at Blended Family Soap Opera are requesting your help.  Below are ways that you can help families in Haiti by making donations to the relief funds provided.

Cell phone users can help by texting the word “Haiti” to 45678 through a system set up by the Mobile Giving Foundation, a group that enables charities to collect money by text messages. By texting the word “Haiti” you donate $5 and the amount will be charged directly to your cell phone bill. Additionally, Wyclef Jean’s Yele Foundation has also made it possible for you to text $5 donations by texting the word “Yele” to 501501. You can also visit www.Yele.org to donate through his web site.  Below are other ways in which you can help.

1.     Action Against Hunger, 877-777-1420

2.     Agape Flights, 941-584-8078

3.     American Red Cross, 800-733-2767

4.     American Jewish World Service, 212-792-2900

5.     AmeriCares, 800-486-4357

6.     Beyond Borders, 866-424-8403

7.     CARE, 800-521-2273

8.     CarmaFoundation

9.     Catholic Relief Services, 800-736-3467

10.  Childcare Worldwide, 800-553-2328

11.  Concern Worldwide, 212-557-8000

12.  Cross International, 800-391-8545

13.  Direct Relief International, 805-964-4767

14.  Doctors Without Borders, 888-392-0392

15.  Feed My Starving Children, 763-504-2919

16.  Food for the Poor, 800-427-9104

17.  Friends of WFP, 866-929-1694

18.  Friends of the Orphans, 312-386-7499

19.  Haiti Children, 877-424-8454

20.  Haiti Foundation Against Poverty

21.   Haiti Marycare, 203-675-4770

22.   Haiti Health Foundation, 860-886-4357

23.   Hope for Haiti, 239-434-7183

24.   International Medical Corps, 800-481-4462

25.   International Rescue Committee, 877-733-8433

26.   International Relief Teams, 619-284-7979

27.  Lutheran World Relief, 800-597-5972

28.  Medical Teams International, 800-959-4325

29.  Meds and Foods for Kids, 314-420-1634

30.  Mennonite Central Committee, 888-563-4676

31.  Mercy Corps, 888-256-1900

32.  Operation Blessing, 800-730-2537

33.  Operation USA, 800-678-7255

34.  Oxfam, 800-776-9326

35.  Partners in Health, 617-432-5298

36.  Rural Haiti Project, 347-405-5552

37.   The Salvation Army, 800-725-2769

38.   Samaritan’s Purse, 828-262-1980

39.  Save the Children, 800-728-3843

40.  UN Central Emergency Response Fund

41.  UNICEF, 800-367-5437

42.  World Concern, 800-755-5022

43.  World Hope International, 888-466-4673

44.  World Relief, 800-535-5433

45.  World Vision, 888-511-6548

Our hearts go out to the victims of this terrible tragedy and we will continue to keep them in our prayers.

Negotiating in Your Modern Family

People routinely bargain and negotiate with one another.  Each person will take their position, argue their points and try to make concessions thereafter in order to negotiate or bargain for a productive outcome to fit their needs.  This analogy holds true for today’s modern family as well.  In particular, bio parents negotiate with one another regarding issues of custody and visitation and often children of divorce use bargaining to effectuate their wants and needs between their parents as well.

As we all know, bargaining can of course also be a useful tool.  However, it can at times work against us and become inefficient when dealing with modern family issues.  For example, instead of following the court order regarding visitation (i.e., during holidays and school breaks), one parent or the other often re-negotiates the original agreement with the expectation that it will please everyone, only to be disappointed when the outcome goes awry.   In this case, bargaining and negotiating the court order probably did more harm than good.  As such, to avoid these type of issues, following the established court order is the best way to go.

Another example of ineffective bargaining is bargaining over positions in your modern family.  For example, your wife has made an arrangement with her ex-husband and hasn’t consulted you.  You state your position that you should be involved in every decision regardless of whether the outcome affects you personally or not when in fact, if the the outcome doesn’t involve you, it really isn’t necessary that the issue be discussed with you.  However, this type of positional bargaining will always become a battle.  Your husband won’t give in and you won’t either and now you have an all out war on your hands.  Each task after that becomes conflicted because you both don’t want to change your positions.  After which, the result ends in resentment and the original concern that got you there in the first place often get lost in space.  Positional bargaining in your marriage can be detrimental for the mere fact that we are  humans and we have strong emotions.  Often, however, we allow our emotions to take over our perception of the actual issue or problem we are faced with.  This particularly holds true for members of today’s modern family.  If we decide to attack the problem instead of the person, we have effectively taken the “bargaining position” out of the problem and we can then effectively negotiate.  As long as we are not owning problems that aren’t ours to own. 

Lesson:  Bargain or negotiate only over things that you can control within your family.

Furthermore, we have to keep in mind that negotiating in a bio/nuclear family is totally different than negotiating or bargaining in a modern/step family. In a bio/nuclear family, there are two adults with whom to negotiate and consider, and that’s the two biological parents. In a modern/step family there are at least three and sometimes four or more adults with whom to negotiate and consider, which often times makes negotiating way more difficult.   The paradigm that I like to describe this with is it would be like playing chess with the rules of checkers.  Communicating issues, concerns and options with the members of your modern family is fantastic and healthy, but knowing when the bargaining tactic is not useful helps as well.

One of the best books I have ever read on this issue is titled “Getting to Yes – Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In” by Roger Fisher and William Ury.  I read this book years ago when I was having issues with my ex.  The book says, and I quote, “how you see the world depends on where you sit.”  That is the most powerful statement in the book.  The authors go on to say that each person in conflict usually can only see their side of a problem and also only see the faults of the other, however, it is the ability to see the situation as the other person sees it (whether it is your husband or wife, ex-spouses, children or step-children), as difficult as that may may be, is one of the most important values and skills you can ever possess.

Helping Children Develop Healthy Lifestyles and Body Images

Recently, a reader emailed a question that he had about his 11 year old step-daughter. He said that he and his wife were concerned about her weight, and fear that she might develop issues with her body image. Below is how I responded.

Kela’s response: Many parents have concerns about their child’s weight and body image, whether boys or girls, nowadays. It doesn’t help that our society has created inactive children who are prone to be overweight because of video games and television. When I was kid we had cartoons on Saturdays and the Atari, which came with like 3 or 4 built in games. We didn’t have Disney Channel 1 -35, 20 different forms of Nickolodeon and 35 different forms of Cartoon Network. We also didn’t have Wiis, XBox 360′s, PsP’s, Nintendo Ds’s, Ps3′s, etc. As such, it was normal for my brother and I to stay outside from sun up to sun down, and even when it snowed we were out building snowmen and making angels in the snow. Our generation was WAY more active.

Today’s generation is not only inactive, but they are also plagued with other stress that affects their eating habits. For example, children of divorce may be more apt to turn to food as a means of control. They may feel like they can’t control anything else that’s going on in their world, but what they do have control over is what they put in their mouths. As such, it may seem like they are overeating because they are eating all the time. The good news is that parents don’t have to sit back and watch it happen, and more importantly, can monitor the situation while teaching their children to be more in control of their choices by offering healthier choices and making lifestyle changes as a family.

You have to be really sensitive with your approach when it comes to talking to young girls and boys about their weight. My suggestion would be to not even broach the subject of weight. Kids are way too sensitive at the teens/tweens age and you might create some future body image issues. What I tell parents and have done myself, is approach it from a health standpoint. Emphasize how important it is to make healthy eating choices, and how important it is to do something active everyday. For example, I love the Wii Fit! Because it’s a video game format, it appeals to children. I encourage (okay I make) my son do 30 minutes on the Wii Fit each day. He isn’t an overweight kid or anything, but I noticed that he was choosing the wrong foods and not being as active as I would have liked, years ago. Daily exercise also release some powerful endorphins, which can help to relieve any stress that children might be experiencing.

The next thing I did was talk about his eating habits. We have a history of diabetes in our family, so I approached it from that angle; telling him how important it was to make healthy choices now, so he doesn’t have to deal with the disease that his grandpa passed away from and his uncle is dealing with now, in the future. I then realized how important it was for my husband and I to LEAD BY EXAMPLE! To this day, we keep a limited amount of junk food in our cupboards; usually healthy chips and popcorn. We don’t keep candy bars and snack cakes, or anything like that. So, when he does sneak something, it’s healthy and he can’t sneak a lot because we don’t keep a lot in the house. We have replaced junk food with healthy choices like fruit, nuts and chex mix. We have changed our lifestyle as a family; opting to go roller skating instead of going to the movies, as well as having Wii Fit challenges as a family. This overall lifestyle change has done wonders for not only our son, but our family as a whole.

It’s also important for parents not to worry too much about their child’s weight. As children grow, their bodies go through MANY different transitions. At some points they may be heavier and at others, thin as a rail. What’s most important is that you focus on healthy living, including healthy eating habits and regular exercise.

What about you? How do you encourage healthy lifestyle habits without talking about weight? Help this reader out.

Do you constantly seek approval outside of your marriage?

Isn’t it funny how married people in general seek approval from anyone and everyone who is OUTSIDE of their marriage? We want mom to approve of and agree with all of our parenting choices. We want ex-spouses, even, to approve of our new spouse. If we have kids, we seek their approval as well. Some might even seek the approval of friends. But, often times, the last person we seek approval from is our SPOUSE. Instead, we expect and automatically assume that he or she will be just fine with all of our choices, thereby taking him or her for granted.

There are more than a few passages in the bible that give explanation regarding the institution of marriage.  Genesis 2:23-24 says, “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

Matthew 19:6 says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Ephesians 5:25-31 says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”

I didn’t detect anything about ex-spouses, in-laws, parents or friends in any of those statements. A husband and wife are supposed to cling to each other, love each other as they would love themselves and fully support each other in their union. There is no room for anyone else in a marriage.

So many times, I’ve heard husbands say that they just don’t want to upset their EX-wives; children who say that their mothers’ approval of their marriage, their parenting styles and their spouses are like unbearable thorns in their side because they work so hard to gain what they feel they’ll never get – her approval, and even wives who work extra hard to gain the approval of their spouse’s ex-spouse. What I rarely hear or witness any of them doing is considering their spouse’s feelings, thoughts or opinions when it comes to the matter that seek approval on. Well, at least not until I bring it up.

With the divorce rate steadily climbing, it’s no secret that married couples are doing something wrong, and the main problem that I see is couples automatically starting off viewing their marriage as something that is temporary instead of permanent. It is true that your mother will always be your mother; your ex-spouse will always be the parent of your child and your sibling will always be your sibling. However, the same is true of your spouse and you should view him or  her with the same permanency that you do the others.

Now this doesn’t mean that you will never take anybody else’s opinions or feelings into consideration because you will. But, you should work to please your spouse while considering the others, and not the other way around. Your marriage is not a presidential election in which everyone gets a vote. It is about two people and the only people who know what’s going on inside of it are the two people in it. As such, you are the only two people who get a vote.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK! You have to first start with two like-minded people and those two people must be fully committed to putting in work; committed to making each other happy, committed to supporting each other and committed to presenting a united front when circumstances or people aim to tear you apart. Just remember that while your mother will always be your mother; your sibling will always be your sibling; and your ex-spouse will be always be your co-parenting partner, your spouse will always be your life partner.

“The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must
be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.” ~Frank Pittman

Modern Family Adjustments–Are You Proactive or Reactive?

Recently, within my own modern family, a situation arose that required adjustment by all members of our modern family.  Without going into too much personal detail, the conflict was related to an issue between my husband and his ex-wife where an adjustment was being made that would affect our household.  Because I am not a perfect person, and I don’t always have all of the answers, my response to this adjustment is the reason I decided to write this post.  I wanted to share with you readers what I learned about making adjustments in a modern/blended family.

When this situation was brought to my attention, instead of taking a proactive approach and allowing my husband to handle what he needed to within our household, I made a reactive decision that caused a lot of stress within my modern family.  I immediately called my husband’s ex-wife and questioned her about the issue.  Instead of being proactive and talking to my husband about my feelings and allowing him to come up with a solution (which is his responsibility — not mine), I made that reactive decision to call and involve myself, as a wife and stepmom, in an issue that didn’t involve me at all.  The result — I stressed myself and my husband’s ex-wife out completely.

Regardless of the reason, change can be difficult for all parties involved.  Facing new challenges that force adjustments to our family structure naturally come with resistance.  However, in the example above, had I just went to my husband, voiced my concerns, and let it go from there, I would have been being proactive.  Instead, I was reactive and I stuck my nose in business where it didn’t belong.  Wives and stepmoms often make this mistake.  They feel as if they have to take on every single issue that their husbands have with their ex-wives because they feel the excess pressure may fall upon them to handle.  However, this is not the case.  It is your husband’s responsibility to handle issues that involve his ex-wife.  Here are some tips in handling this situation should it ever become an issue within your modern family:

• Do not take on responsibilities that are not your own.  When the battle is not yours — don’t try to fight the war!
• Do not take responsibility for fixing everyone and every situation.  If the bio parents aren’t overly worried about a situation with your step-child, you should probably let the problem go too!
• Activities that take place in your spouse’s ex-spouse’s home (i.e., child support, school activities or issues that bio parents are dealing with) — not your responsibility to handle.  Let it go!
• Stop forcing getting your point across, if you can’t control it, let it go!

For me, realizing that fact that not needing to be overly worried about the issues between my step-daughter’s parents doesn’t mean I don’t love my step-daughter any less and it doesn’t mean I am less of a parent.  It just means that, at times, step-parents need to step back and let the bio parents do their jobs.  Be proactive about change in your life instead of reactive.  You will find it is a huge stress reliever.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

A Step-parent’s Role

One of the best books that I have read is “The Courage to be a Stepmom” by Sue Patton Theole. I have read through the chapters so many times, the bind is worn and the pages are all marked up. Ms. Theole’s book teaches us how to find our place without losing ourselves as stepparents.

Are you a step-parent that wonders what exactly your role is in your step-child’s life? It is a given that there is no replacing a child’s biological parent unless of course there are extenuating circumstances. Albeit, endearing yourself to your step-children takes time and lots of patience. While some stepparents find their experience easy and extremely rewarding, for others, step-parenting is not exactly a walk in the park. A lot of the time, a step-parent feels like a substitute teacher – and we all know how we treated our substitute teachers at times.

Stepfathers often get a bad rap from their stepchildren because they are the new head of household in the daily lives of the children and the children resent him when he sets or takes the position of authority in their daily routine. On the other hand, stepmother’s have the most under-appreciated role altogether. The word “mother” is a holy word in our vocabulary. It is sacred. Therefore, it is hard for a stepmom to be appreciated by her stepchildren (due to loyalty binds) and definitely by the ex-wife even though in the absence of the ex-wife, the stepmom is usually the primary caretaker of her children.

Just as every parent makes mistakes rearing their children, step-parents are not exempt. Luckily, the mistakes that are made during the process frequently become the best learning experiences. It is our ability to make right those mistakes with our stepchildren and children for that matter, to apologize when our mistakes are not constructive to their needs, and to learn from them so that history doesn’t repeat itself.

With that being said, with your role as a step-parent during the first years of your marriage or remarriage, you should allow your step-children to make the invitation to you with regard to your relationship with them. Don’t force yourself upon them. Trying to be too much too soon to your stepchildren can often have the opposite effect you are trying to create. It may turn them off completely from you. Of course, you should always do what is normal for all parents (i.e., readily engaging them in conversation when they are with you, including them in your family activities, showing interest in their school work and activities, etc.). Allowing your stepchildren to cultivate their own impression and view of you and your relationship first, is crucial. As I have said in previous posts, titles mean nothing, relationships mean everything. Of course, once the relationship blossoms, it is your job to nurture it. Remember, your stepchildren are just that, children. Keep in mind that there may be times when your stepchild’s view might possibly become tainted by one of their parents (especially if there are issues within your blended family) but if you stay consistent with your relationship with them and continue to provide honest and open communication with them, then you have done your part. However, sometimes as stepparents, we have to purposely step aside, not from our spouses, but from whatever issue (i.e., our stepchildren themselves or the situation with the bio parent) is causing us and our stepchildren discomfort. This is called stepping out of the middle.

As the stepparent, you have to enforce the rules of your house at all times. Never allow your step-children (or children for that matter) to push the limits in your household. If there are rules that you simply cannot live without, as Ms. Theole says, it is perfectly fine for you to go to bat for it. Chances are, everyone can conform. They may balk at first, but they will get over it.

Women, more so than men, view connections between people more emotionally. We tend to get “fully invested” before we are “fully-vested” in the eyes of our step-children because we thrive on family, trust, love and compassion. We also get hurt more easily, especially when we don’t have realistic expectations. On the other hand, men tend to “step out” emotionally and forget at times that their stepchildren need to feel that they care about them. Men generally think actions speak for them all of the time (i.e., going to work every day, etc.). Men, your stepchildren need to be showed and told that they are loved with words. If you have stepchildren that you just don’t think you will ever connect with, I encourage you to view each one of them as a surprise special present. When we get a special, surprise gift, we become excited about what is in store for us. Viewing your stepchildren the same way will allow you to value the happy times and get through the bad times.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Helping a child cope with a parent’s death

The most difficult life changing event for any child is the loss of a parent.  During this time of loss, it is difficult to know exactly what your child is feeling because so many emotions are taking their toll on the entire family.   Unfortunately, I have had an up close and personal view of this situation.  I had to help my own children cope with the loss of their father.  At the time, my children were 10 and 9.

Trying to explain death is never easy, but is one that is especially hard to explain to children.  Children have a very literal view of the world.  My children saw death as being something that happened to ”old” people and their dad was young.  Although at 10 and 9, they knew that someone could die or pass away, and they understood what a funeral was, they didn’t seem to understand the finality of it, and had a hard time coming to terms with that.  This is very common amongst children under 13.  However, a teenager may view this experience on a whole different level.  Teenagers understand that eventually everyone dies.  In dealing with their pain, they may have bouts of anger, depression and constant worry.   In some cases, teenagers develop fears about their own individual mortality and the mortality of their surviving parent and siblings, even becoming extremely anxious about it.  My son went through this experience far into his teenage years.  All of these issues are very natural for a child/teenager who is dealing with the death of a parent.

I wanted to share some of the ways I helped my children to cope with their fathers death with you readers.  I know it is a touchy subject, but one that I feel is extremely important.  Here are a few helpful items that I used and a few that I researched as well, all of which are very helpful:

1.  Be honest with your children about their feelings.   If they are in their room screaming and crying — let them.   If they are angry for a while — understand them and allow them to express it.  The worst thing that can happen to them has become a reality.  They have to be able to express themselves in order to move on.   Remind them that they will not be judged for their emotions.

2.  Get them good grief counseling.  This is one of the most important things you can do for your child.  I learned so much from my childrens’ grief counselor about the way their minds were handling this pain and what I could expect that they would be going through in the near future.  It helped me to be a more prepared parent and allowed me to help them more than I could have on my own.

3.  Keep them grounded. Try to keep their lives moving as they were before.  Get them back on their same schedules with activities as soon as you can.  Obviously, a very important part of their life has changed, but keeping some of their normal activities the same will help them carry on and will give them back a little normalcy that they are used to.  Do not isolate them.

4.  Patience.  Very important.  Have plenty of it.  Remember, a child’s parent is their safety net.  When mom or dad  is taken away from them suddenly, they can feel like their life is crashing around them.  Be honest with them and reinforce to them that you love them and that the family will get through this together.  Reinforce to them that it will take time, but you have all of the time in the world for them.

5.  Memories.  When the time is right, allow them to have special mementos (i.e., for a teen maybe their parents drivers license), a watch, pictures, or a special piece of jewelry.  This is a way to allow your children to keep their parent close.  Allow them to do volunteer work in honor of their parent.

6.  Share your spiritual beliefs. Sharing your families spiritual beliefs and explaining the meanings to them will help ease their pain.

Mourning the loss of a parent is a life-long process, one that does not come easy.   As some have already experienced and as others can only imagine, the pain never goes away completely.  By being understanding, giving them space and time to heal and having patience with them, they will learn to come through it, I promise.

If you are a parent who’s lost a spouse or your child is dealing with the loss of a parent and would like more private help on this issue, please feel free to email me at diane@blendedfamilysoapopera.com.  I would be more than willing to share my experience and offer my help.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Teach Your Children to be Independent Not Co-Dependent

“Foster independence among your children. Encourage them to cook,
clean, and contribute.” — Brian Tracy

Parenting is never easy. If it were then every single person in this world would be a parent. There is no owner’s manual (unfortunately) to parenting so we often learn as we go – and that’s alright! No one is perfect and our kids should see that as well.

The quote above was so good I just had to share. Some think that the more “things” we give our kids and the more we let them have their way and the more we do things for them the better they’ll be to take on the world. But we are actually hindering their development by doing so. Lessons are always learned on the other side of a mistake. Some mistakes are worse than others but all teach a lesson. If we never let our children learn things on their own then the only thing they will know is how to be co-dependent.

Now we all want better for our children than we had it. We strive to make a better life for them and give them the things we never had. There is nothing wrong with wanting more for ourselves and our families. We just need to be careful how much importance we place on the ideology of having more things means you’re successful in life. Things are an outward way of showing success or insecurity. Some feel that they have to “keep up with the Jones’” to feel important and in doing just that they go into more debt just to put on a show. That’s not what we want to teach our children.

By having your children cook, clean, and contribute as the author of the quote above states, you are encouraging a good work ethic and also diminishing the sense of entitlement a lot of children seem to have these days. Everyone has to work for something. Whether it is a new car, a new pair of shoes, or even getting your home repaired. Children should require no less. They should know how it feels to accomplish a goal and THEN receive the reward. Not getting the reward for just being a kid (Sometimes that’s good too though – in moderation).

Having chores or having your children participate in making dinner is a great way to integrate good morals in your kids. Eating together is another way to form bonds as a family. Letting your kids have a voice is great and that encourages self esteem and self worth in your children. There is a difference in letting your kids have a voice and respecting that and letting them get their way – YOU are still the parent.

Obviously there are child labor laws for a reason so don’t take this and run with it – but there are many positive aspects in having your children become contributing members of your household. If your kids are small then let them help unload the dishwasher or let them add ingredients while baking. If your kids are tweens, let them begin to watch younger siblings in small increments of time or give them a specific part of the house that they are in charge of keeping clean. If your kids are teenagers or older, have them mow the grass or shovel the driveway in the winter, and a part-time job is also a great way to prepare them and give them a taste of the real world.

Parenting is trial and error. We all hope that the trials outweigh the errors, but like I said no one is perfect. Try and keep balance in your home between work, family time, school, and social events. The more your kids feel a part of something the better your family will run.

2010 Mind and Body Tune Up for Mom!

Leaving all of the stresses of 2009 in 2009 won’t be easy, but by committing yourself to a mind and body tune up in 2010, you will serve yourself well.

If you are like many, the stresses of everyday life can leave you feeling not only stressed but exhausted mentally and physically, all of which can leave not just you, but your modern family members feeling completely out of sync with you as well. As parents, whether bio or step, we often put our own health, well-being and self-care aside to take care of others. Women are especially guilty of putting themselves last on the list of being cared for.

Although I love to offer you readers my own helpful hints from time to time, the tips I read in the January 2010 issue of People Extra were some of the best I have seen. Each one of them gave me personally something to think about in my own life and I wanted to share the same with our readers:

10 Little Life Balancers:

1. Get into nature. Head for a hiking trail or a local park. Walk along a beach or along a river. Nature has healing powers.
   
2. Connect with a friend. We all need them for support, advice and laughs. Meet for coffee, catch a movie, or just call and catch up.
   
3. Connect with an animal. “Pet therapy” lifts the spirits and takes your mind off yourself for a while.
   
4. Center yourself. Anytime, anywhere: put your attention on your breath in one spot and leave it there. You’ll feel calmer and more grounded.
   
5. Sweat it out. When you’re tense, a vigorous workout is a great way to blow off steam (check with your doctor before starting an exercise regimen).
   
6. Say NO. It’s OK if you don’t do everything all of the time.
   
7. Say YES. If someone offers to help, let them.
   
8. Express yourself. Write in a journal or make art. Unleash the creative force within you.
   
9. Do something spontaneous. Shake up the routine. Take a drive in a new direction – or be a tourist in your own hometown.
   
10. Have a drink. And make it water! Water is an essential nutrient for the body.

A couple of little extra honorable mentions in the article discussed something a girlfriend and I just discussed today. Take a trip to a new place you’ve never been before. It doesn’t have to be exotic or expensive. Or, find a nook or cranny in your home that you can designate as “your space.” We all deserve a place that we can retreat to in private. Make it your own. One little extra tip I would like to share with you is a little gift my husband gives me once or twice a year. That is the gift of a nice hotel room all to myself for a night. I check in at noon and don’t check out until noon the next day. I take all my books, my hobby items and I curl up alone and watch television and have my own time to myself. As a mother. step-mom and career woman, at times, I spread myself very thin. This little treat is very special and helps me to reinvent, listen and re-center myself. I challenge you readers to try some of the above tips to reinvigorate and give yourself a mind and body tune-up for 2010 – I know I will be trying all of them!

Peace & Blessings,
Di

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