As this week’s inspiration says, Author Rob Flood credits the principle of first response that helped him change his attitude and save his marriage. This principle tells us that the course of any conflict is determined by the responder, not the initiator. As the responder you have the power to determine the direction of the conversation. As unfair as it may seem, when your spouse angrily approaches you with a concern, you can make a choice to diffuse the situation with the type of response you give. You can make a choice to either pay attention to the message or the approach. If you focus on the message, you will be more likely to respond accordingly instead of trying to match his or her anger.
Flood also outlines the principle of physical touch that helped to save his marriage. Once an argument has already started, this principle is hard to apply. As such, if you apply the first principle and diffuse the situation before a full blown argument starts, the second principle will be much easier to apply. This principle suggests that when you know you’re headed for war, hold hands, sit close to each other so you can naturally touch. Ever wonder why marriage counselors always make spouses face each other and hold hands? In my case, if a situation is really intense, I suggest that the couple sit with their backs touching each other so they are still touching but not distracted by each others’ facial expressions. This is because it’s hard to fight with someone when you’re making physical contact. Try it. The next time your spouse angrily approaches you with a problem that has obviously been bothering him or her for quite some time, take his or her hand, and say, “let’s sit down and talk about it.” Your response will likely surprise him or her enough to actually do what you are suggesting and you will let him or her know that you are interested in hearing his or her concerns. This will allow you both to work toward a solution instead of focusing on the argument.
Research suggests that only 7% of our communication are based on content; meaning, we don’t hear each other enough to even disagree on what each other are saying. What we are mainly arguing about is the fact that we are both angry and the approach; which is why 38% of communication is based on tone of voice and 55% is based on non-verbal signals such as facial expressions and gestures. Although the responsibility falls on both of the participants in the argument, it is easier to diffuse an argument via the response rather than the initiation. And throughout a marriage, both of you are definitely going to swap positions as the responder and the initiator. As such, you may find yourself angrily approaching your spouse and need a gentle answer instead of harsh words as the response. Remember, it’s not about being right or proving to each other that you could be on an episode of Law and Order, it’s about getting each other.
Solomon said, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
If you want to add several pieces of jewelry to update your look, think in terms of chunky chains, bangles and long, layered necklaces. Metallics continue to play a big part in accessories this year. Brightly colored, bold bags will be major components in completing an outfit this spring. Quilted classics and tailored clutches will remain favorite styles for many.
Learning to date. Finding happiness again. Facing new challenges alone. All three of these issues are relevant in the lives of a single parent. Throw in the issue of dating and there is a great possibility that you may find yourself overwhelmed.
In a recent 
Marriage is a lot like a good recipe. It’s not an exact science, for example like baking, where every measurement counts, but it takes a pinch of compromise, respect, love, loyalty and trust. It also takes a pinch of sacrifice.
Crisis in the family court system was the topic of a Dr. Phil show that aired a couple of days ago. He wanted to know if the legal system was letting our children down, and according to the testimonies of his guests, it is! His guests stories were centered around domestic violence and the women who pleaded with the family court judges to order supervised visitation out of fear that their ex-husbands would harm or even kill their children. After several attempts, the judges assumed that the women were lying and denied their requests for supervised visits and/or restraining orders. As a result, the ex-husbands were able to follow through with their threats and ended up killing their own children, just so that their mother wouldn’t have them either. My heart ached for these women as I can imagine how they must feel knowing that they tried to stop such a horrific act from occurring, but couldn’t persuade a judge to listen to them.
Most judges have no personal experience regarding the dynamics of divorce, remarriage and stepfamily life and therefore rely on what they’ve heard (usually in the media as mentioned above) to give the final ruling in their cases. They also rely on parental liasons/advocates, individuals who are usually clinical psychologists whom are appointed to provide the judge with information (after talking to both parents and the child), solely based on the best interest of the child. They are appointed to give that unbiased view of the situation so the judge can make an unbiased decision. The problem is that most of these individuals have no or very little knowledge regarding they complex dynamics of divorce, remarriage and stepfamily life either. As such, you just get a bunch of people making a bunch of generalized decisions for children who are caught in the middle.
Approximately 20,000 youth age out of foster care every year. I’ve thought a lot about this issue because I came to know a great young girl who was in foster care that really touched my life.
I tried this pie the other day and I loved it!!!
If you’re like me, the winter season, although I love it, can feel like it drags on forever. Spring hits and we are itching for Summer days. However, for parents with young children, Summer can be stressful. School is out and it’s time to find a good Summer camp. This Summer, my little boy will go away to an overnight camp for the first time for a whole week. I would be remiss to say that I am not terrified, but I am. My son, however, is elated. It’s a major sports camp so for him, it is heaven on earth.
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
I obtained a passport in less than 3 days by using Fastport Passport!
