Two New Additions to Our Blended Family

I am so proud of the huge strides that my blended family has made over the years. My ex and I and our spouses don’t always agree on everything, but we definitely co-parent well together. When disagreements arise, we either work together to reach some sort of compromise or we agree to disagree and move on. More importantly, we don’t stew over the disagreements and allow them to affect doing what’s best for our children. We have truly established what I like to call a synergistic foundation. We are separate parts of the whole who all work together for our children. We don’t intrude upon each others’ lives and have established a mutual respect for the roles that we respectively play in our son’s life.

Recently, we reached another milestone in our respective families; both my ex’s wife and I had beautiful babies who are only months apart. We have all always encouraged and fully supported the sibling relationships in our family. My ex and his wife have embraced my husband’s son (my son’s stepbrother) and my husband and I have embraced their son (my son’s half brother). And now, we have been super supportive of the newest additions to our blended family; a baby girl and a baby boy! To us, they are all just brothers and sister.

The most positive and beneficial result of all of this is the obvious joy that this has brought to my son. I’ve never wanted him to feel like he had to choose who he had to love, be it his parents or siblings and I am so grateful that he doesn’t have to. He truly loves us all and has a unique relationship with each of us. This is all because we have ALL worked together! No matter how difficult it gets at times (as I stated earlier, we don’t always agree), we clearly are all committed to making it work for our children. After all, when it’s all said and done and the parents leave this earth, our children will be left to spend Christmas, Thanksgiving and any other important occasion together. I am so glad that we’ve build a solid foundation for them to stand on in the future.

This is my personal testimony that it is possible to blend a family in a HEALTHY way! Stepmom doesn’t have to give up who she is, be anyone’s doormat or feel under appreciated. Ex-wife and stepmom don’t have to spend every waking moment together. Ex-wives don’t have to be territorial or intrusive. Ex-spouses don’t have to do weekly dinners or vacation together and no one has to hate each other or be manipulative. It is possible to have healthy remarriages AND co-parent well with both biological parents and step-parents. If you put the right ingredients into your family blender; respect, honesty, love, compromise (without totally compromising yourself) and acceptance, then your stepfamily can also evolve into a blended family. We are proof of that and I am so proud of us!

How to Encourage Positive Projections in Your Marriage

Have you ever had a friend or co-worker who constantly refers to his/her marriage in a negative manner?  I have such a co-worker.  Every day there is a new complaint:  he’s gained too much weight; he doesn’t satisfy her anymore; he never finishes a home project; he snores too loudly; he doesn’t support her visions….the list goes on and on.  Well, this behavior got me to thinking about the difference between reflecting  positive projections in our marriages versus the negative and how destructive reflecting such negative projections can be to our relationships and our view of  our spouses.

There are many ways that we can incorporate positivity into our daily lives so that we do less negative projecting in our marriages and allow our positive thoughts, attitudes and perceptions to make our bonds stronger.

For example:

• When you both have legitimate concerns, realize that your spouse’s concern deserves to be addressed, not just your own.
• Reframe the behaviors that bother you the most about your spouse.  For example, if you feel your spouse is having difficulty satisfying your needs, talk to him/her about your feelings and offer to teach them about what you desire.  Taking the extra step to come out of your comfort zone to make an effort to reframe your behavior will work wonders and filter over to your spouse.  Instead of criticizing your spouse about his/her sexual issues with your co-workers, be honest with your partner.  Honesty is always the best policy.  Be proactive about helping him/her to change this factor.  By doing this, you have proactively taken the negative out of the situation and made it a positive.
• Make an effort to understand each others’ intent regarding your respective behaviors.  9 times out of 10, your separate understandings will be totally different.  Give one another the benefit of the doubt.  Listen to each others’ explanations without interrupting.   You might find that your spouse’s concern may be something important that you need to deal with together.
• Refrain from speaking negatively about your spouse in the presence of others.  The old saying goes..”be careful what you ask for…you might just get it.”  Well, if you do not make a habit of claiming negativity in your marriage, you will be more prone to claiming and receiving positivity in your marriage.

By utilizing some of the above tips, you will be able to be more objective when dealing with negative issues and able to bring in more positivity into your relationship.

Remember, when we married our spouses, we didn’t just commit to them in happy times, but also in stressful times.  Accepting each others’ neuroses is a part of a having a happy, healthy, positive  marriage.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Bridal Planning Inspiration for Newlyweds and Newlyweds Becoming a Blended Family

It’s spring again, and as the flowers start to bloom, so will the season for wedded bliss.  As you look forward to what will be one of the happiest days of your life, here is some inspiration for you as you prepare for your fantasy come true.

Invitations – The first glance that your guests see of your wedding style is of your invitations.  Order your invitations at least 4 – 6 months before the wedding.  Individualize your invitations with a luxe look.  Luxurious Wedding Invitations offer lovely couture invitations to wow your guest list.  A bride-to-be can memorialize a loved one, represent and include her blended family, or pet by having a custom cameo brooch added to their wedding invitations.  The style is luxe.  The sentiment is priceless!

Bridal Shower Favors – Wrapped Kreations offer a unique way to personalize your bridal shower, or any special event.  These favors are custom made with your flavor, and are a treasure for your special moment.

Bouquets – Feathers add a couture touch to any bouquet.  A monochromatic bouquet in a bright and intense shade of your favorite color adds drama and intensity for the glam bride, or in all white for the traditional bride.  A Hand-tied bouquet of calla lilies, or one long stem of an orchid are an elegant way to express your signature style on your wedding day.  Colorful bouquets are a sheer elegant way for a bride-to-be with a blended family, or for any bride wanting to honor a lost loved one, to incorporate birth month colors of that family member(s).  With a monochromatic bouquet, you may consider using rhinestones or swarovski crystals placed on your flower petals, or decorating the stem of your hand-tied bouquet, in each birthstone color to welcome and include new family ties or old memories, while adding sparkle.  The style is unique.  The sentiment is unforgettable!

Tablescapes – For the frugal, but chic, a wonderful way to dress the tables at your reception site is to place varying sizes of all white pillar candles in the center of the table.  Alternatively, the use of empty or water filled box or cylinder shaped vases simply topped with a beautiful floral arrangement surrounded by tea light candles on top of mirrored coasters adds sophistication to the ambience.  For the fabulous, elevated, or hanging (from the ceiling) floral or manzanita branch arrangements with or without feathers dripping with crystals or pearls definitely add flair and fabulousness.  For the dramatic and couture look, some tables for rent are made to allow for a tablescape of varying candles, flowers, manzanita branches, and even small fire pits containing treated glass to strategically be placed and safely secured inside the center of the table for a dramatic and couture look.

Custom Desserts and Signature Drinks – For a custom touch, ask your caterer or bar matron if they’d allow you to work with them to make up your own ice cream, gelato or signature drink.  Do this by combining individual favorite flavors of the wedding couple.  Try three different choices, and select the one you both love the best.  Or have them made in your wedding colors.  Have them name it after you.

Wishing you LIFE and LOVE,

Wanda Williamson

This post was written by guest blogger, Wanda Williamson, wife, stepmom, wedding planner (who specializes in second chance wedding celebrations) and owner of  Sheer Elegant Events.

« Previous Page