Most often, the subject title of this post would be taken as negative in the minds of most. However, I wanted to talk a bit about the positive ways that we as partners can influence one another in our relationships.
Solid relationships aren’t about beating our respective flaws out of one another, but about accepting them in one another, changing the framework of our attitudes and our approach to how we handle situations as they arise. For example, as women, and being the emotional creatures that we are, we assume that men have no emotions. Instead of automatically assuming that our husbands/partners or significant others don’t understand our feelings or concerns, and decide to bump heads at every possible corner with him/her, we can change our approach and instead decide to be the channel for loving on an emotional basis. Men need just as much emotional love as women do. By being the channel for that love, we are speaking his language. He doesn’t always know how to show his emotions, because boys aren’t raised up, most of the time, to show them. Therefore, by being the channel to for love, our influence in that part of our relationship will speak volumes to our spouses. Change the framework. Reframe your ideas and opinions.
Don’t focus on faults. Instead, show your spouse that his/her faults are just endearing idiosyncrasies that you may not always like, but that you have grown to accept as a part of being imperfect, as we all are. By doing this, we are influencing our spouse to do the same when some of our own faults or endearing idiosyncrasies suddenly decide to show up.
Let’s face it, the truth is that in marriage, it is literally impossible for two people to live together for any length of time and there not be times where they hurt one another. It has often been said that all too often our lives get in the way of our living and loving fully. By changing our approaches and reframing our problems on our individual end, we influence our marriages for the good. That good turns into reciprocity. As we are taught when we are little, “treat others as you wish to be treated.” It comes full circle because when you give good, you get good.
Happy marriages are based upon truly deep friendships, mutual respect and mutual deposits by both spouses. Having positive thoughts and exuding positive behaviors will, in turn, supercede negative feelings by our spouses. It is very persuasive when we are able to overcome negativity with positivity.
So TMF readers. . . .influence, influence, influence your spouse with positivity. Reframe your approach and attitudes and I promise, it will return to you two-fold. Remember, love is patient, kind and long-suffering. But, most importantly, it accepts many imperfections.
Peace & Blessings,
Di
In the past, I have been told these words but it wasn’t until experiencing a small blended family crisis of my own last year did I really and truly find out how powerful those words can be, how powerful the meaning of them truly is and how I could apply them in several aspects of my life. I found, through that experience, that my life, is better understood when I resolve myself to not take issues or situations too personally. Life is easier this way for me. Moreover, life is entirely too short for allowing myself to make issues “about me” instead of applying them to their rightful owners. Now, does this mean we cannot be helpful at all regarding issues within our blended families should we be asked for help? Absolutely not. However, what I am saying is sticking our noses in other folks business and taking on their problems is not healthy for us period. History tells us that stepmoms tend to try to carry the cross for everyone in the blended family, especially for our husbands when issues arise within the blended family, and it is not good for our mental, physical or emotional health and well-being. This philosophy holds true for our work environments and also within our own households with our own children as well. And, to be perfectly honest, once I jumped on the bandwagon, there was no stopping me. I applied this rule within my life with my grown children as well. I don’t take it personal. Their issues are theirs and theirs to deal with. I can give advice and if they decide not to take it, well then they deal with the ramifications. Not me. With that being said, my stress level has become next to nil.
Raynée Crowe, TMF’s primary modern home contributor, is an interior decorating consultant who ironically never considered herself creative, and then one day the ‘ol proverbial light bulb went off. Her love for mixing and matching colors, patterns and decorating had manifested itself into daydreaming of color swatches, textiles and room arrangements. That passion and excitement grew and soon it was pure enjoyment as she worked with friends and clients to select color pallets, accessories, furniture and arrange spaces. Finally she understood the saying “if you do what you love you’ll never work a day in your life” and so in 2008 Color Vision LLC was born. For more information, you can email Raynee at 
With Summer quickly approaching, a lot of non-custodial parents (who are usually dads) are about to embark on yet another Summer visitation. With that being said, having a productive Summer visitation with your children should be on every dad’s wish list. Most people see Summer visitation as images of beaches, amusement parks, going to bed late and getting up even later. However, while our children deserve to have fun during the Summer, it should also be a productive time for them as well. While our children undoubtedly are expectant of a fun Summer visitation, dads need to be careful not to “over do” or for a lack of better words, fall into the trap of the “disneyland dad” syndrome. Summer visitation is a very important bonding time with your children, which should be fairly uninterrupted by the custodial parent, but also time that should be balanced by productiveness.
Today, I read a fabulous article on MSNBC.COM entitled “10 Marriage Rules You Can Break.” I thought I would repost them and share them with our readers as they are informative and right on the money. Enjoy.
In our relationships there are times when all we think about is our own personal interests and our own needs. We actually refuse to see our spouse or significant other’s point of view, nor are we open for communication. With that being said, conflict is inevitable; however, most of the time, it isn’t the conflict itself that is the problem or how it is potentially resolved, but it is about our own attitudes and issues.
Lately, my husband and I have been talking about renewing our wedding vows next year. When we got married, we did it Vegas Style! Well, although the idea of a cheap, quickie wedding appealed to us at the time both time wise and financially, we have begun to regret the fact that we didn’t involve our children. I have been reading up a bit about second time around wedding ceremonies and blended family wedding vows and thought that I would share a bit of the information I have discovered with our TMF readers.
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
I obtained a passport in less than 3 days by using Fastport Passport!
