Most often, the subject title of this post would be taken as negative in the minds of most. However, I wanted to talk a bit about the positive ways that we as partners can influence one another in our relationships.
Solid relationships aren’t about beating our respective flaws out of one another, but about accepting them in one another, changing the framework of our attitudes and our approach to how we handle situations as they arise. For example, as women, and being the emotional creatures that we are, we assume that men have no emotions. Instead of automatically assuming that our husbands/partners or significant others don’t understand our feelings or concerns, and decide to bump heads at every possible corner with him/her, we can change our approach and instead decide to be the channel for loving on an emotional basis. Men need just as much emotional love as women do. By being the channel for that love, we are speaking his language. He doesn’t always know how to show his emotions, because boys aren’t raised up, most of the time, to show them. Therefore, by being the channel to for love, our influence in that part of our relationship will speak volumes to our spouses. Change the framework. Reframe your ideas and opinions.
Don’t focus on faults. Instead, show your spouse that his/her faults are just endearing idiosyncrasies that you may not always like, but that you have grown to accept as a part of being imperfect, as we all are. By doing this, we are influencing our spouse to do the same when some of our own faults or endearing idiosyncrasies suddenly decide to show up.
Let’s face it, the truth is that in marriage, it is literally impossible for two people to live together for any length of time and there not be times where they hurt one another. It has often been said that all too often our lives get in the way of our living and loving fully. By changing our approaches and reframing our problems on our individual end, we influence our marriages for the good. That good turns into reciprocity. As we are taught when we are little, “treat others as you wish to be treated.” It comes full circle because when you give good, you get good.
Happy marriages are based upon truly deep friendships, mutual respect and mutual deposits by both spouses. Having positive thoughts and exuding positive behaviors will, in turn, supercede negative feelings by our spouses. It is very persuasive when we are able to overcome negativity with positivity.
So TMF readers. . . .influence, influence, influence your spouse with positivity. Reframe your approach and attitudes and I promise, it will return to you two-fold. Remember, love is patient, kind and long-suffering. But, most importantly, it accepts many imperfections.
Peace & Blessings,