Dwayne Wade’s Estranged Wife is Suing His New Girlfriend

Dwayne Wade

I really thought I had experienced and heard it all before as a stepmother, but this just takes the cake.

Associated Press recently reported that the Miami Heat basketball star, Dwayne Wade’s estranged wife is allegedly suing Dwayne Wade’s new girlfriend, actress, Gabrielle Union! Why? Because she alleged that her ex-husband’s new relationship is causing her and their two sons, ages 8 and 2, emotional distress!

The two separated in 2007 and have been in engaged in a contentious divorce battle ever since. Adding to this nasty battle, the former Mrs. Wade, allegedly filed this lawsuit, which lists her two sons as plantiffs, in Chicago earlier this week. In it, she claims that Union engaged in sexual foreplay (hugging and kissing) in front of the boys (side note: I guess she was able to do this all by herself) causing them “severe emotional and mental distress.” Get this…It also claims that her boys only received “medium sized gifts” from Wade this year while Union received the “biggest gift of them all.”

Additionally, Wade’s estranged wife expressed that Union often plays the roles of the super sexy seductress, and has apparently “decided to take that role off the film and into the home of a married man, and in the presence of his two minor children.”  As such, she is seeking damages in excess of $50,000!

Union issued a statement insisting that the allegations were indeed false and Dwayne said that they are “baseless and meritless.”

The court ultimately rejected these claims as frivolous and Union apologized to the Cook County court for taking up their time for these “erroneous” claims.

Gabrielle Union

Wade’s soon to be ex-wife also claimed in the suit that Wade’s oldest son has been suffering from anxiety resulting in “severe hair loss and bald spots” and the younger son is suffering from feelings of rejection and depression (side note: apparently this is Union’s fault, too and the fact that the two decided to divorce BEFORE she came along doesn’t matter).

A friend of Wade’s estranged wife claims that the former Mrs. Wade threatened to find a gun and shoot the basketball star and voluntarily admitted herself into an Illinois hospital to deal with anger related issues; however, Mrs. Wade says that the allegations are false and has filed a suit against her for libel and slander.

Finally, the attorneys who represented Wade’s estranged wife in the divorce has been excused from the case, citing an “impasse and irreconcilable differences” between attorney and client.

My Commentary: As the former long time girlfriend of a basketball player, with whom I share a child, I know how that world can be and therefore, I am not excusing certain behaviors. I also know how painful separation and divorce can be for all parties involved; however, it’s not the girlfriend and in some case, new wife’s fault. You can’t blame EVERYTHING on the newcomer.  In this case, the divorced parents need to hold themselves accountable for how they are affecting their children throughout this process. Hugging and kissing isn’t what is causing their son emotional distress to the point that his hair is falling out. Mom and/or dad who act impulsively, put their kids in the middle of frivolous court battles, and  apparently aren’t communicating like adults who want to cause as minimal damage as possible to their children, are the ones who are the cause of their childrens’ emotional and mental distress.

There’s no debate that divorce is hard, especially when it includes deceptive acts such as cheating, but what’s done is done. He cheated, he’s moved on, and though it may not be easy, you have to move on to. Don’t make a bad situation worse by throwing your children directly in the middle of a court battle. Instead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and focus on you and your children.

Moving forward, I hope that they can work out their differences without causing further damage to their two beautiful children; they certainly don’t deserve this. I wish them all the very best as they try to work this out.

The Overcompensating Divorced Parent

There’s no doubt about it; divorce is a difficult thing for all involved parties to deal with. Divorced parents agonize over the guilty feelings and anxiety regarding their children post divorce. They feel guilt because they’ve hurt them and become anxious about whether or not their children will love or like them anymore. This is especially true for the non-custodial parent who does not get to see his children as often as he did prior to the divorce. As a result, many non-custodial parents overcompensate by doing at least one (usually all) of the following:

1. They turn into the “funhouse” or “disneyland” parent; making every visitation the biggest party of the year. They shower them with expensive gifts, dinners and whatever else they want. There is no sense of normalcy during these visits.
2. They spend the rest of their lives apologizing for the divorce and using the divorce as an excuse for their children’s bad behavior. For example, a divorced parent might say, “She just called you a bitch because she’s hurt as a result of the divorce,” (even though the divorce happened 8 years prior).
3. Numbers 2 and 3 usually go hand in hand. Parents may let their children do whatever they want with few rules and little to no consequences. While they make excuses for their bad behavior they allow them to avoid consequences simultaneously.

Parents must realize that their children will encounter many difficult situations, trials and tribulations throughout their life time and it’s important that through it all, we raise children who grow up and contribute to the world in some way instead of believing that the world owes them something.

When divorced parents overcompensate due to guilt, it may satisfy them in the short-term, but there are long-term consequences as a result. These children don’t just grow up and learn; they become products of the world that you alter for them. If they learn and are allowed to manipulate everyone and use the divorce as excuse, then they become the manipulative adult who manipulates and blames everyone for his or her shortcomings. For example, if you spend your child’s whole live giving him or her a bunch of excuses for their behavior, they will do the same as they get older. Instead of being accountable for his or her actions it becomes everyone else’s fault. I got a bad grade because the teacher didn’t like me. I didn’t do well in the baseball game because the ref didn’t like me. I don’t have any friends because everyone hates me. All the while these type of kids never ever stop to think that it could be them!

As parents, it is our instinct to protect our children from all hurt and pain. As the mother of a five week old, I know how intense this feeling is from the very beginning of their life. You just want your kids to be happy all the time, but the reality is that experiences can evoke happiness, sadness, pain, anger and all kinds of emotions. It is best to teach our children to deal with these emotions properly instead of protecting them from something that is inevitable – pain. Instead of creating unlikeable adults, let your children grow and learn from their painful situations as they will undoubtedly experience many more throughout their lifetime. Remember, your children depend on you to remain their parent and never reverse that role out of guilt.

Single Parent by Choice

There has been a growing trend over the past few years and that is single parenting by choice.   A recent morning program featuring two women discussing the subject of “choosing single motherhood” sparked my interest.  According to the US Census Bureau, almost one-third of the children in the United States are being raised in single parent households and the demographics of single parents are usually women in their mid to late 30′s who have at least a four year college education.

During the program, two women were on discussing how much healthier they thought it was to be raised by a single mom because in their opinion, the child had a say in most of the major decision making that took place in the household and therefore, felt happier and more well-rounded because of it.  That part of the conversation I did not agree with.  In my opinion, children, whether they are in a single parent home or in a two parent, traditional home, need not to be making parental decisions period, end of story.  They are children.  They should not have to worry about parental duties as children.

Due to the high divorce rate, a good portion of these women, in the absence of a healthy relationship, have decided to branch out and have children, without partnership.   Although alone, they feel that rather than being in a relationship they are not happy with and having children, they see being a loving, healthy single parent as a viable option.

With that being said, I can see where a woman might choose this option, however, this subject begs the question, “is it really fair for a child not to have two parents?  Considering the dilemma regarding absent fathers as it is in the United States, is it really healthy to promote single parenthood with the assumption that the father of the  child will have no involvement from the beginning?  Doesn’t every child deserve to have the satisfaction of having two parents?  I know that every day, children are abandoned by an absent parent (whether that be a mother or a father), and every day, a woman is forced into single motherhood, but is it actually fair to CHOOSE this route?

TMF readers, I would love to hear your opinions and thoughts on this subject.  Being a single parent in the past for many years myself, I know how hard that was for me.  As I have discussed in prior posts, it was during that time in my life that I was able to truly define myself as an individual and as a mother.  However, if it had been my CHOICE, I wouldn’t have had it that way.  It was hard to raise my children without a father.  Children need their fathers.  As a mother of boys, I  could do my best to teach them how to be men, but as a woman, it was a challenge.

Although I respect these women’s position and opinion, I personally feel that choosing to be a single mother is not always in the best interest of the children involved.

I’d love to hear your opinion.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

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