People Magazine Names Sandra Bullock Woman of the Year

December 21, 2010 By 1 Comment

bullockpeopleModern Momma, actress, and Oscar winner, Sandra Bullock is not only on a recent cover of People Magazine, but they also named her Woman of the Year!

2010 was a trying time for Sandra Bullock, because she discovered her ex-husband, Jesse James, was cheating on her. However, her Oscar win for her performance in the hit movie, The Blind Slide, and the adoption of her adorable son, Louis, also gave her something to celebrate.  A source close to Sandra said that bad things happen, but the great thing about Sandra is that she celebrates the good things and Louis is definitely a celebration of good things.

The fact that Bullock handled her tumultulous and very public divorce from James with integrity, grace and optimism AND the challenge of single motherhood, yet still focused on the good things is certainly one of the reasons she was named Woman of the Year. 

Way to go Sandra! We hope 2011 is even better!

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Sandra Bullock Adopts Baby Boy!

May 12, 2010 By Leave a Comment
People cover of Bullock and baby

People cover of Bullock and baby

Just 10 days after the Oscar’s in March, Sandra Bullock and her husband, Jesse James, split following reports that he had cheated. Four years prior, Bullock and James had begun an adoption process. However, Sandra finalized the adoption of her brand new baby boy, Louis Bardo, Bullock, as a single parent.

Bullock adopted the 3 and a half month old from New Orleans, and the 45 year old Oscar winning actress says she couldn’t be happier.

“He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”

Currently, James is in treatment for a sex addiction, but there’s  no word on whether or not these two will repair their broken marriage and family. Bullock has been like a mother to James 3 children; Sunny, Jesse and Chandler, and they all miss her very much.

This poses a question that I’ve been thinking about for quite some time now; especially since the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than the first. What happens to the children of an unfortunate second divorce? What happens to the relationship with a step-parent with whom they’ve grown close to? What happens when their biological parent finds yet a new love and even gets married again? How many parental relationships do these children have to attempt to work on; their biological parents, former step-parent and new step-parent? Is it best for a former step-parent to just back away so that the children are able to cope better? I am going to answer these questions in an upcoming article.

For now, congratulations to new mom Sandra Bullock.  I wish the best of luck to this modern family. I hope they can find a way to make it better for the children who are always caught in the middle.

“Thank you to all the parents who love children no matter where they come from.” ~Sandra Bullock

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Aging Out of Foster Care

April 15, 2010 By Leave a Comment

lonelyteenApproximately 20,000 youth age out of foster care every year.  I’ve thought a lot about this issue because I came to know a great young girl who was in foster care that really touched my life.

Toni came into my life through work.  She was on a school-work program her senior year and pretty much shadowed me during her time there.  I learned a lot about her.  Toni was a straight A+ student in advanced placement courses at our local high school and was being recruited by some of our nations top universities for academic scholarship opportunities.  So, as you can imagine, I was sadly surprised when she confided in me that she was in foster care.  I thought…”foster care kids don’t excel like this, they are usually prone to being trouble makers and education of all things is the last thing on their minds.  What’s on their minds is survival of the fittest.” Well, some of those preconceived notions might be true (according to statistics) but Toni was different.  Toni was an all American girl

Toni, like many other young adults in foster care, was shuffled around a lot between foster homes.  Toni’s bio mom made her a ward of the state when a boyfriend of her mother’s molested her.  Knowing she was coming up on her 18th birthday, and graduating high school, Toni often confided in me about her fears of aging out of foster care.  Although she was shuffled around, she was afraid of being alone.  Toni’s queries about aging out made me curious so I began to research.

According to the Child Welfare League of America, an estimated 20-25,000 youth age out each year finding themselves with no stability or family base.  many turn to the streets because they are unable to meet their own needs.  These youth also face problems like homelessness, substance abuse, early parenting and, unfortunately, incarceration.  These youth most times have no direction and therefore gravitate to the life of easy money because they find it extra hard to find employment as well.

In my opinion, no young adult should “age out” of foster care.  Of course, that goes without saying that it’s obvious that a person cannot stay in the system forever, but certainly, provisions should be made for them to acquire post-secondary educational/vocational, life skill training, etc.  When they are released to begin their lives at 18, instead of just giving them the proverbial $200 in cash and setting them out on their way, they should  provide them with the necessary tools to help them succeed in life.

After graduation, I lost track of Toni.  Someone told me she decided to go into the military.  Good for her, I thought.  However, I quickly reminded myself that Toni was alone, at 18, her worst fear realized, so she joined the military to find connections in life.  Connections that may not be her own but connections nonetheless.

TMF readers, are you a former child that aged out of foster care?  If so, we would love to hear your story.  Whether your experience is a bad one or a good one, we would love to learn more from a personal perspective.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

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Forgiveness is for You!

November 20, 2009 By Leave a Comment

“Forgiveness is for the forgiver…not the person you are forgiving!”

forgiveI had an interesting conversation with my husband last night about the subject of forgiveness.  The subject was brought up due to a question my husband had posed to me about my ex-husband, with whom I share a 20 year old son, and why I would care about remaining in contact with him after our somewhat tumultuous past relationship.   My simple answer to him….Forgiveness.

You have to know that my husband was raised to be a very unemotional man.  My husband was adopted at 3 months old.  His adoptive father left the family, or should I say, was off and on with his family for several years.  Therefore,  much of my husband’s skepticisim about forgiveness comes from what he learned early on from his adoptive father’s  perception about family, due to his obvious lack thereof.  During our discussion, I pointed  out to my husband that he is now a grown man and his dad is getting older. I asked my husband why he continues to hold resentment instead of forgiving his dad and moving on to maybe what could possibly now turn into a productive relationship.  His answer was simple…”He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”

As he was speaking, I was looking in my husband’s eyes and I could see pain.  I proceeded to tell  him that by forgiving, the forgiveness is not for his dad but for him.  Forgiveness clears the path toward resolve.  It makes peace.  To forgive is to free yourself.   I went on to explain that I chose, a long time ago, to free myself from a lot of emotional pain that my prior marriage caused me and my two older children because no matter what happened between us, at the end of the day, he and I share a son and we are his parents and we will co-parent, together, until our feet leave this earth.     Forgiving was not only necessary for me, but liberating.

People grow and they change.  My ex is a totally different man now who is remarried with other children and step-children.  He has become a wonderful father, step-father, husband and provider.  I accepted that the young 20-year old man that he was at the time  just could not be that husband, father and provider to me and my sons when we were married.   Was it fair to me?  Unequivocally, no.  Was I hurt?  Absolutely!  But I forgave him to free myself.  It didn’t happen overnight — as a matter of fact — it took years but once I decided, I was released!   Oh,  and during that process, I found out that I was no angel either and that he forgave me for a few things as well (smile).   Needlesstosay, I encouraged my husband to do the same with his dad.

Life is too short not to live in peace!

Peace & Blessings,
Di

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Sneak Peak: Upcoming Exciting Articles

November 17, 2009 By Leave a Comment

newswomanBFSO readers, I wanted to share a bit of good news with you about some upcoming, very exciting new articles that I will be writing.  As a writer, I am very excited to tell you that I will soon be doing my first of two interviews for the BFSO.  I thought I would give you a quick sneak peak .

My first interview will be with a young father who recently came to terms with being bi-sexual.  I happen to know this young man very well and he is a fabulous father to two young children.  He is also a college student.  These two pressures alone are enough to break a person but through it all, he was couraegous enough to be honest with himself and his friends about his sexuality.   Be on the look-out for this article BFSO readers!  It’s sure to be thought provoking.

My second interview will be with a young 20 something litigation attorney who is a wife and step-mom of a 12 year old.  6 years ago, her husband’s ex-wife showed up at their door with the child and said “Here you go, he’s yours” and handed off the child.  She immediately became a full-time mom.  This interview will be very enlightening to all of you step-moms and bio moms who may have experienced a similar situation but it will be extremely informative.  

Lastly, we will have another fabulous attorney who will be writing an article on Step-Parent Adoption.  This will be very helpful to all you readers who may be thinking about allowing your spouse to adopt your child.  I can’t wait for this article!

Well, BFSO readers, this is my sneak peak at some great articles coming your way in the next few months. 

Happy Holidays!
Di

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Newest Baltimore Raven is the Loveable Michael Oher!

April 28, 2009 By 6 Comments

Another one of my favorite 2009 NFL Draft picks is the newest Baltimore Raven, Michael Oher. Like Curry, I found his story to be a compelling heart tugger that made me immediately fall in love with the 6’4 309 lb. offensive tackle.

Although he was picked in the first round; he was the 23rd overall pick.  Apparently some thought he was going to go earlier in the draft and according to the commentators, some players would have had an attitude if they were called 23rd, but expected to go earlier. This was not the case with Oher. When interviewed immediately after his name was called, he said that he could’ve gone in the 7th round and it would not have mattered because either way he was happy to be playing football.

Michael Oher

 

“I’m ready to give Baltimore my very best,” said Oher. “I’m a fighter so they just got the best tackle in the draft.”

His humility and positive attitude is literally unbelievable, especially given his circumstances.

Born May 28, 1986 to a drug-addicted mother and a father he never knew prior to him being murdered, Oher attended 11 different schools before he was nine years old, failed the first and secon grade, and alternated between times spent in foster home and periods with no fixed address until he was sixteen years old.

That year Oher applied for admission to Briarcrest Christian School, a private school, at the instigation of acquaintance, Tony Henderson, who he was staying with temporarily.  Henderson was actually sending his son, and decided that Oher might as well come along.  The school’s football coach became interested in Oher, but school administrators did not feel that he was capable of handling their academic workload due to his scant educational background; however, he was admitted.

While there he met Leigh Anne and Sean Tuhoy through their daughter, who was also a student at Briarcrest. The Tuhoy’s allowed Oher to move in with them and began taking care of him. They hired a tutor who worked with him 20 hours a week to help bring up his grade point average and encouraged him to take a series of internet based courses from Brigham Young University to serve as replacements for poor marks earned earlier in his academic career, enabling him to be eligible to play college football.

Oher and his adoptive parents, Sean and Leigh Anne Tuhoy

 

Eventually, the Tuhoy’s adopted Oher, becoming the only stable, loving family he’s ever known. Apparently, the Tuhoy’s did a fantastic job helping this young man turn his life around. Thank God for people like the Tuhoy’s.  If more people viewed young men like Oher as an opportunity to help turn someone’s life around instead of a burden to society, we might see many more of these happy endings. What an exceptional blended family story!! This family certainly wasn’t organically made, but after seeing them on stage at the draft, you’d think they’d been together all along. This is more proof that blood is definitely not an essential requirement for being a family.

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