Challenge or Opportunity?

Handling challenges of stepfamily life can be daunting.  Defining our roles as step-parents, the expectations we have of our stepchildren, competing for our spouses attention and loyalty conflicts are just a few of the challenges that we face being a part of a blended family.   All of the preceding issues can be looked at as a challenge, but what I like to teach my clients is that issues such as these, once completely understood, can be viewed as opportunities as well.

In the United States alone, between 75 and 85% of all divorced couples remarry and a third of all children in the  United States alone will spend part of their lives in a stepfamily.   With these stunning statistics at our fingertips, as members of the blended family, it is important to be aware that by fostering challenges and problems instead of fostering positive relationship building, having open discussions with our children and stepchildren and reinforcing realistic expectations, we are promoting instead of preventing the disconnect that often occurs within the stepfamily.  Most of the time, this disconnect occurs out of pure unrealistic expectations and non-understanding of the dynamics that accompanies the stepfamily environment.

Finding good, practical answers is not always easy because even stepfamilies that have been together for years, who are pretty much equipped with experience and knowledge under their belts, at times wrestle with issues.  However, as I have said in the past, it is how we mutually decide to handle these challenges by not allowing them to define our happiness within our units nor our success as a stepfamily.  Issues are going to arise.  Embrace them and fix it if you can.  If it is something that just can’t be agreed upon — well, agree to disagree, respect one another’s opinion, and move past it.  This small effort is allowing opportunity to rise above challenge.

Another very important tip in this process is always putting your marriage or remarriage first on your list of priorities.  Absolutely no marriage survives if the life partners in that marriage are in discord with one another.  For example, if you and your partner constantly disagree and struggle over the issue of discipline, or one or the other is insecure in your relationship because the kids are tearing you apart, and finally, a whopper of a discord is when one partner or the other lets guilt about a previous marital breakdown affect his or her parenting.  Your marriage has to be the center of your beings as a couple.  You cannot be insecure about your relationship and expect your stepchildren or children to be secure.  By taking this particular challenge by the horns and making sure you put your marriage first, you are exercising the opportunity to teach your children what a sound, stable and secure marriage is and should be.  They will know, in an instant, when two parents back each other unequivocally, through thick and thin, that there is no room for division on their part.  In essence, they will seek this type of marriage out in their own personal lives as well.

Choosing to transform our challenges into opportunities not only usually resolves, or helps to resolve, the conflict at hand, but it alleviates unnecessary struggles and it engages our behaviors toward the positive in other aspects of our lives as well.  Our children become more confident because evaluating conflict and the resolutions thereto, teaches them to look toward resolve instead of teaching them to stew upon negative emotions and things that they cannot change.  For example, if your husband’s ex hates your guts and you know you are being bad-mouthed in front of your stepchildren, don’t turn around and instigate the same behaviors in your home.  Simply use grace and confidence to handle that situation.  For example, if your stepchild says..”My mommy hates you!”  Simply, state something like…”I am so sorry that your mom feels that way about me because I don’t feel that way about her and maybe one day her perspective will change.”  Instead of,… “So frickin what your crazy mother hates me!  I hate her too.”  Do you see how just that simple response has the ability to change your stepchild’s response and/or idea of how that situation is viewed?  Not only does it teach them how to handle conflict, it teaches them humility.

Listen, I know better than anyone that the challenges the stepfamily life can bring is never just “black and white.”  Shades of grey are all over and in between, and most parents and stepparents are unprepared for the confusing and painful emotions that arise from time-to-time. However, by putting your relationship first and developing ways to make opportunities for bonding, teaching and loving instead of absorbing conflict, struggle and strife is one step in the right direction.  It is vitally important that our children have positive role models in their lives and it starts at home.  Whether they have two homes or one, in order for our children to be happy, we have to define our roles as parents and stepparents and allow them to learn and expect realistic expectations even when it comes down to a bit of conflict.

Let’s carve through the conflict to allow opportunity to evolve.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

When Counseling Doesn’t Work

Almost every time a couple comes to us for stepfamily counseling one or both parties have their bags packed and are ready to head for the hills.  Often times, they’ve tried to make it work either by just sticking it out, duking it out or visiting a traditional therapist. When they get to us they are frustrated because they  think they’ve exhausted all their options and feel as if nothing else will work. But Diane and I try to assure them that if they are giving us a call or sending an email to inquire about counseling and both parties are willing to come to us, then all is definitely not lost. It means that although one or both of them may THINK it won’t work doesn’t mean that they don’t want it to. We know that if we get them when both parties are willing to go through with counseling by actually applying the advice that we give, we can get them back on the right track, and have a 100% success rate with doing so.

That being said, there are times when counseling doesn’t work and for various reasons. First off, we live in a day and age when people expect instant results. They want to take a pill to lose weight, make a delicious meal in 30 minutes, have instant financial transactions and want everything with the touch of a button. These people think that they should be all “fixed” after 2 or 3 sessions and if they aren’t “fixed” by then, they give up. The problem with this type of thinking is that counseling is more of a marathon than a sprint. It takes longer to get to the finish line and you may get exhausted and frustrated along the way, but eventually you get there as long as you finish the race.

Another reason counseling doesn’t work is because couples may get the advice but when they leave the session, they refuse to apply it to their lives. What they don’t realize is that the advice alone will not work. Yes, you are better informed when you leave but the point is to apply that advice so that you are both informed and taking steps to heal your marriage and family. It doesn’t work if you only take half of the medicine. For example, when a doctor prescribes an antibiotic, he tells you to take the medicine until it’s gone or your illness will return. Counseling is no different. If you only go to one or two sessions and then go home and refuse to take the medicine, your problems will continue.

It’s also important to choose the right counselor if you want counseling to work! Not all counselors are qualified to deal with stepfamily issues. It is the reason that many couples feel like counseling doesn’t work when they’ve gone to a traditional marriage and family therapist. Academic credentials alone doesn’t mean that he or she is qualified. Interview your therapist ahead of time. Make sure he or she is not only academically trained but also has personal experience dealing with stepfamily issues. It means that he or she has also applied what they’ve learned to their own marriage and family and can therefore tell you what works and what doesn’t.

Overall, it’s important to realize that counseling is not a magical answer. When we sit down with you, we can’t snap our fingers and make it all go away in one session. We are there to give you helpful advice but you have to do the work. We then guide you as you apply that advice individually and collectively. Just remember that as long as you apply the knowledge that your coach gives you and finish the race, you will come out a winner.

#1 Rule: Love Each Other First

New York Times Best Selling Author” Ayelet Waldman said it best….”I love my husband more than I love my children” in a prior essay she wrote about marriage and children.   She was also “booed” on the Oprah show for her remarks.  After reading her prior essay and listening to Ms. Waldman on the radio program, Fresh Air, I can’t wait to go out and get my copy of ”Bad Mother.”‘

With that, her essay point begged a post on the subject of the first rule for every marriage and especially blended family, spouses must love one another first and must put each other first, before the children and especially ex-spouses, in their lives.  In America, and I am certain in other countries as well, we have been trained so differently, especially if you are a single mother. We are taught that once we have children, they come first, at times, even before ourselves.  All we know is our children.  All we want to do is take care of them first and foremost.  Not only is this philosophy wrong and detrimental to our emotional health and well-being, but to our marriages as well.  In order for our marriages to survive and in order for us to create a healthy, happy home life for all of us, we have to align with our spouses and have a bond that is stronger than that of the bond with our children.  This is a daunting task to say the least because like Ms. Waldman being “booed” on Oprah, society just can’t always wrap their minds around the idea that if your marriage is unbreakable and your husband/wife is first in your life, not only will your overall family life be better, but your children will be happier, well-rounded and emotionally well.

Of course, I, like most parents, can understand the fear behind the idea of putting your spouse ahead of your children because up until about 3 years ago, if you asked me if I would not have put any man before my children, even their fathers, I would have said “No” unequivocally.  However, 3 years ago, my marriage wasn’t at all like it is today.  The Bible tells us to cling to our spouses but some of us still cling to everyone but our spouses.  The very day that I made the decision to always put my husband before my children, grown or not, my marriage changed for the better.  Not only is this rule good for you, your spouse and your marriage, there is an incredible lesson being taught to your children.  Your children learn that there is no room for division.  They learn what it means to have unity and security.  Moreover, when they are older, they will be more likely to enjoy healthy, happy marriages themselves.  It has been proven time and time again that if your marriage is not strong, your children will be able to feel and sense it which in turn makes them insecure.  Being on the same page and putting your spouse first teaches your children that they cannot dismantle the family hierarchy but rather fortify their role in the family as well, thereby avoiding confusion.

In my opinion, Ms. Waldman has it on point.  The luckiest thing that has ever happened to me is meeting my husband.  It is a remarkable feeling to know that he and I always have one another’s back, that we stand united together in not just our decisions, but in the wholeness of our marriage.  Although our children may not like it at times, they know they cannot drive wedges between us nor can they play one of us against the other.  These are life lessons that they take into adulthood and into their own marriages.  By my husband and I always putting one another first and taking care of our marriage first, we are making sure our needs as a couple are being met.  For example, when you board an airplane, what is the first thing that happens?  The flight attendants teach you how to use the oxygen masks first as parents, and then give them to your children, correct?   That is because if you are not stable, they won’t be stable.  The same applies in your marriage and family life.  If you as parents aren’t stable, there is no way you can provide a stable environment for your children.  The most important part of that stability is loving your husband or wife first and putting your marriage before your children.

Say yes to your marriage and remember the number one rule:  Love each other first.

Peace & Blessings.
Di

Our Favorite Hollywood Blended Family - The Smiths

The Smith Family

The Smith family, which includes actor Will Smith, his beautiful wife, actress, Jada Pinkett-Smith and their 3 children, Trey (from Will’s prior marriage), Jaiden and Willow, are one of my favorite Hollywood blended families. The entire family, including Will’s ex-wife, Sheree and her husband, former NFL player, Terrell Fletcher appeared on the show.

When Oprah expressed that stepmom and ex-wife apparently get along, Jada responded by saying that she and Sheree made a conscious effort, early on, to get along.

“Sheree and I BOTH had to make that decision because at the end of the day, we had Trey and he had to be our primary focus,” she says. “So we had to put aside our own craziness, our stuff, all the baggage that comes with it. She and I just had to focus on, ‘What does he need?’”

The equally beautiful and marvelous, Sheree Fletcher, also chimed in by saying that while getting to that place took time and lots of “conversation”, it was extremely important.

Sheree Fletcher

“You realize, [Will and I] had our chance, now it’s about those kids,” said Sheree.

Will and Jada also discussed their plan for marriage, specifically called a Marriage Business Plan. This plan outlines their goals for their life and marriage.

“If you don’t have a purpose for your relationship, if you don’t have a place that you’re going, something that you want to accomplish, something that you want to do, you can really get lost in the murk of the journey,” Will says. “There has to be a vision. Like, why are we together?”

Will and Jada also said that they stay out of the spotlight (drama) because they believe the higher power put them together. As such, they focus on the greater purpose of their marriage instead of focusing on the drama. In turn, they have been able to create and sustain wonderful relationships within their blended family and raise 3 incredibly grounded children in Hollywood.

A very big round of applause goes to the Smith’s blended family for creating a solid marriage for their children and putting all the craziness (as Jada describes) aside to create a healthy family for their children. I LOVE IT!!!!

Stepmom, Jada Pinkett-Smith’s Aha Moment: She tried to micromanage the world. By letting go and doing less, actress Jada Pinkett Smith realized she could actually be more.

Source: The Oprah Show and Oprah.com

Sometimes There Are No Do Overs!

Bruce, Demi, Ashton and daughters

Quite often I am asked one question; How do you repair a broken relationship with your ex-spouse? Most times, when ex-spouses present this question to me, they are wanting an answer that includes a magic formula for having a Bruce and Demi or Nicole and Eddie Murphy relationship in which everyone (new partners and all) get together on the regular and become fast friends.  The problem is that this is not always possible, and sometimes an ex-spouse has to accept that although you’ll never be great friends, you can have a co-operative co-parenting relationship. Aiming for unrealistic expectations usually ends up with hurt feelings and kids caught in the middle.

Most divorces end with a certain amount of anger, disappointment, uncertainty and confusion. One or both parties may say or do things that they really don’t mean to hurt the other due to the above-mentioned emotions.  It’s a natural human reaction to sadness, anger and disappointment. You’re hurting so naturally you want the other party to hurt as well. When these impulsive reactions are minor and short-lived, it’s easy to forgive, recover from and even end up as friendly co-parents. However, sometimes there are no do overs and it can be impossible to recover from certain actions enough to actually be friends afterward.

For example, in a situation where a parent alienates a child for years, but then has a change of heart or the court intervenes and orders that the other parent be able to have regular visitation with the child, it will be hard to recover from that in order to be friends.  Or, how about the recent Dwayne Wade vs. his estranged wife case, where the ex-wife goes as far as suing the new girlfriend because her children got medium sized gifts, but the new girlfriend got the biggest gift of all for Christmas. There are also cases where the ex-wife constantly has the ex-husband in court for things like forgetting to administer medicine during visitation or calling the child outside of the court-ordered time. These types of things may even be forgivable, but they certainly aren’t forgettable.

In cases where there are simply hurt or unresolved feelings it’s easy for the divorced couple to repair their relationship, move forward and eventually become friends. But, when a parent has missed out on years of his child’s life as a result of the other parent, or has had to spend thousands of dollars in frivolous court battles, it’s darn near impossible to forget those things. You can repair your relationship enough to be cordial for the kids, but it’s unrealistic to assume that you’ll be great friends afterward. As a matter of fact, it’s unfair to ask the victim of such acts to just forget about missing out on years of your child’s life or the thousands of dollars spent unnecessarily in court, etc.; let’s just be friends.

Here’s the revelation: Sometimes there are no do overs. You might be able to make it better, but you won’t be able to make it right. When going through a divorce, consider the fact that there is a line that you cannot cross if you ever want to go back and repair a broken co-parenting relationship. Remember, when it’s all said and done, just because you feel better doesn’t mean that everybody else does. So think before you act impulsively and consider the long-term effect that those impulsive actions will have on your children. Lastly, it’s equally important for all divorced couples to realize aiming for friendship is  not a realistic goal for all divorced couples. For those who have been through war and suffered some lasting damage as a result, just being cordial is good enough.

Dads’ Summer Visitation

With Summer quickly approaching, a lot of non-custodial parents (who are usually dads) are about to embark on yet another Summer visitation.  With that being said, having a productive Summer visitation with your children should be on every dad’s wish list.  Most people see Summer visitation as images of beaches, amusement parks, going to bed late and getting up even later.   However, while our children deserve to have fun during the Summer, it should also be a productive time for them as well.  While our children undoubtedly are expectant of a fun Summer visitation, dads need to be careful not to “over do” or for a lack of better words, fall into the trap of the “disneyland dad” syndrome.  Summer visitation is a very important bonding time with your children, which should be fairly uninterrupted by the custodial parent, but also time that should be balanced by productiveness.

Being able to spend extra quality time with your children and making lasting memories with them will take them through the rest of their lives.  With that,  creating a positive experience during this time can be challenging without good preparation.  As such, preparation should also include your children.  Making plans ahead of time with your children’s involvement can be a fun activity.  For example, making weekly phone calls and perhaps exchanging emails to discuss updates and new plans.  By doing this you also strengthen the communication between yourself and  your children as well.  By making them a part of the planning, they will feel that their voices are being heard and their ideas considered as well.

Remember, by using your extended time well with your children, you will be making lasting memories that will pay great dividends in the future.  As parents, the most precious gift we can give our children is that of our time.  Your personal investment in spending time with your children is worth much more than any gift you can buy them.

Here are a few planning tips for you dads who might struggle with planning for your Summer visitations:

• Turn off the TV and you and your children sit down together and make your Summer activity “Wish List.”
• Plan a Summer road trip.  Whether it be a day trip or a weekend trip, explore new ground.
• Institute the “Summer Book Club.”  Read with your children.  Check out books at the library or purchase them and have family discussions about same.  This is a great, fun way to incorporate the much needed reading time over the Summer.
• Hit your local museums for the day.  Another way to incorporate education.
• Organize a family reunion.  Take the extra time to allow your children to visit your extended family.
• Volunteer.  There are lot of opportunities for people of all ages to volunteer.  Volunteering teaches humility, self-respect, respect for others, and most importantly, builds character in our children.  Teaching children to give of themselves is a life-long lesson that they will pass on for years to come.
• Check out fun Summer day camps.  All children benefit from social interaction outside of school.

Lastly, keep in mind, especially if there is a large geographical difference between your home and the custodial parents home, that Summer visitation can be an emotional time for children.  Helping them to prepare ahead of time helps to calm their anxieties.  Allowing your children to have somewhat frequent contact with the custodial parent gives them a sense of security and helps to calm their nerves about becoming homesick.  However, its also important that custodial parents remember how important it is for their children to have that uninterrupted quality/bonding time with the non-custodial parent as it makes for extremely well-rounded children who are filled with self-esteem because they are encouraged to have healthy relationships with both of their parents.

May your Summer visitation be productive, filled with lasting memories and full of fun times!

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Sandra Bullock Adopts Baby Boy!

People cover of Bullock and baby

Just 10 days after the Oscar’s in March, Sandra Bullock and her husband, Jesse James, split following reports that he had cheated. Four years prior, Bullock and James had begun an adoption process. However, Sandra finalized the adoption of her brand new baby boy, Louis Bardo, Bullock, as a single parent.

Bullock adopted the 3 and a half month old from New Orleans, and the 45 year old Oscar winning actress says she couldn’t be happier.

“He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”

Currently, James is in treatment for a sex addiction, but there’s  no word on whether or not these two will repair their broken marriage and family. Bullock has been like a mother to James 3 children; Sunny, Jesse and Chandler, and they all miss her very much.

This poses a question that I’ve been thinking about for quite some time now; especially since the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than the first. What happens to the children of an unfortunate second divorce? What happens to the relationship with a step-parent with whom they’ve grown close to? What happens when their biological parent finds yet a new love and even gets married again? How many parental relationships do these children have to attempt to work on; their biological parents, former step-parent and new step-parent? Is it best for a former step-parent to just back away so that the children are able to cope better? I am going to answer these questions in an upcoming article.

For now, congratulations to new mom Sandra Bullock.  I wish the best of luck to this modern family. I hope they can find a way to make it better for the children who are always caught in the middle.

“Thank you to all the parents who love children no matter where they come from.” ~Sandra Bullock

Wedding Vows the 2nd Time Around

Lately, my husband and I have been talking about renewing our wedding vows next year.  When we got married, we did it Vegas Style!  Well, although the idea of a cheap, quickie wedding appealed to us at the time both time wise and financially, we have begun to regret the fact that we didn’t involve our children.  I have been reading up a bit about second time around wedding ceremonies and blended family wedding vows and thought that I would share a bit of the information I have discovered with our TMF readers.

If you are thinking about having a blended family ceremony, it is important to honor each other’s children.   Every situation is of course unique and delicate but these children will become an integral part of your new life and it is important to acknowledge and include them.   With that, also acknowledging to yourself that your spouse and his/her children were “one” before you came along and that your vows do not circumvent the relationship they have with their children will help you to understand and bond with your step-children.

Here are a few sample second time around wedding vows (courtesy of www.idotaketwo.com):

Bride & Groom

“God has given us a second chance at happiness.  I come today to give you my love, to give you my heart and my hope for our future together.  I promise to bring you joy, to be at home with your spirit and to learn to love you m ore each day, through all the days of our lives.   My love for you is endless and eternal.”

“I am proud to marry you this day.  I promise to wipe away your tears with my laughter and your pain with caring and compassion.  Together we will wipe clean the old canvases of our lives, and let God, with His amazing artistic talent, fill them with new color, harmony and beauty.  I give myself to you completely, and I promise to love you always, from this day forward.”

Vows Including Children

After the wedding vows are recited by the bride and groom, the children will now repeat “We do” after each of these questions:

“And now, (children’s names) do you promise to love and respect your parent’s new husband/wife?  Do you promise to support their marriage and new family?  Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them and support them in your new life together?”

Note:  Obviously, if the children are having are having a hard time accepting your new marriage or are showing signs of resistance, then I would not include them in the “vows” process.  Each individual family has a different set of dynamics going on.  But certainly, do not force them if they are uncomfortable.

I would love to hear your thoughts on these vows or if you would like to share vows that you have already taken, feel free to comment, we would love to hear from you.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

The Overcompensating Divorced Parent

There’s no doubt about it; divorce is a difficult thing for all involved parties to deal with. Divorced parents agonize over the guilty feelings and anxiety regarding their children post divorce. They feel guilt because they’ve hurt them and become anxious about whether or not their children will love or like them anymore. This is especially true for the non-custodial parent who does not get to see his children as often as he did prior to the divorce. As a result, many non-custodial parents overcompensate by doing at least one (usually all) of the following:

1. They turn into the “funhouse” or “disneyland” parent; making every visitation the biggest party of the year. They shower them with expensive gifts, dinners and whatever else they want. There is no sense of normalcy during these visits.
2. They spend the rest of their lives apologizing for the divorce and using the divorce as an excuse for their children’s bad behavior. For example, a divorced parent might say, “She just called you a bitch because she’s hurt as a result of the divorce,” (even though the divorce happened 8 years prior).
3. Numbers 2 and 3 usually go hand in hand. Parents may let their children do whatever they want with few rules and little to no consequences. While they make excuses for their bad behavior they allow them to avoid consequences simultaneously.

Parents must realize that their children will encounter many difficult situations, trials and tribulations throughout their life time and it’s important that through it all, we raise children who grow up and contribute to the world in some way instead of believing that the world owes them something.

When divorced parents overcompensate due to guilt, it may satisfy them in the short-term, but there are long-term consequences as a result. These children don’t just grow up and learn; they become products of the world that you alter for them. If they learn and are allowed to manipulate everyone and use the divorce as excuse, then they become the manipulative adult who manipulates and blames everyone for his or her shortcomings. For example, if you spend your child’s whole live giving him or her a bunch of excuses for their behavior, they will do the same as they get older. Instead of being accountable for his or her actions it becomes everyone else’s fault. I got a bad grade because the teacher didn’t like me. I didn’t do well in the baseball game because the ref didn’t like me. I don’t have any friends because everyone hates me. All the while these type of kids never ever stop to think that it could be them!

As parents, it is our instinct to protect our children from all hurt and pain. As the mother of a five week old, I know how intense this feeling is from the very beginning of their life. You just want your kids to be happy all the time, but the reality is that experiences can evoke happiness, sadness, pain, anger and all kinds of emotions. It is best to teach our children to deal with these emotions properly instead of protecting them from something that is inevitable - pain. Instead of creating unlikeable adults, let your children grow and learn from their painful situations as they will undoubtedly experience many more throughout their lifetime. Remember, your children depend on you to remain their parent and never reverse that role out of guilt.

My Other Dad

In a recent Good News article, I announced that our blended family was growing. Both my son’s stepmother and I had babies 4 months apart. We have always supported each other in a healthy way,  encouraged sibling relationships and given our children the freedom to love. I’ve never told my son how to refer to his step-parents or what to call them. I’ve just always emphasized that we all love him and that he’s lucky to have two sets of parents who want the best for him. When talking to my son, I have never used the adjective “step” to describe any of his parents. I wanted him to create his own titles based on the relationships he formed with each of us. As a result, he refers to his parents as “my other dad” or “my other mom.” It’s amazing what effect our supportive and encouraging attitudes have had on my son’s younger brother (the child that my ex and his wife share).

For example, because babies equal sleepless nights and my son’s stepmother is here by herself until my ex returns from overseas, we support each other by carpooling. Both boys attend the same school (the school is K-8th grade), so my husband takes the boys to school in the morning and stepmom picks them up. This past week, on their way to school, the boys were discussing wrestling with my husband. Well, my husband was extremely tickled when my son’s brother said, “My other dad knows a lot about the old wrestlers.” Keep in mind that he doesn’t have a step-parent! Because we have given our children the freedom to just love, they are accepting of us all. He feels that since his brother has two sets of parents and these people accept me as well, they must be my parents, too.

Here’s the revelation: Children desire connection, a sense of belonging and to be loved. Whether they desire to be part of a family, a team or a clique at school, they want to belong. They are much more accepting than what we give them credit for. It is the parents that dump their toxic behavior, views and bitterness on them and influence their decisions and free will to love. If we look at the bigger picture and realize that these kids will be left with each other and not our bitterness, once we are gone, it should be easier to not impose our issues on to them. Now, this doesn’t mean that you’ll never have any issues as co-parents (that’s unrealistic). It just means that you should leave all children out of them, and not allow those issues to prevent you from supporting their relationships with all involved parents and siblings. Co-parents, please support and encourage your child’s relationships within his stepfamily. Trust me when I say that the long-term benefit will far out weigh your short-term satisfaction.

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