I Have Cancer? The Journey of a New Mother and Her Mesothelioma Diagnosis

This article was first published by Heather Von St. James. To follow her journey and read more insightful articles, check out her blog here.

August 4th, 2005, 3:00 a.m. I sat up to get out of bed to walk around after a couple of hours of fitful sleep. We had already gone to the hospital earlier that day thinking THIS IS IT! SHE IS ON HER WAY!! Sadly, my contractions stopped once we got there and we were sent back home. As I stood up from the bed that night, all of the sudden, I felt a “pop” and a “whoosh”! My water broke! This was it! I yelled out to my husband, Cameron to hurry because our baby was coming.

Once we finally arrived at the hospital things began to move quickly. They checked me to make sure everything was okay and to make sure Lily was in the right position for delivery. Unfortunately, it was determined that she was frank breech. Delivering a baby who is a frank breech is extremely dangerous, not only for the child, but for the mother as well. Due to this, I was immediately scheduled to have cesarean section. I remember saying in my happy, but drugged up stupor that I was glad because now I knew our baby would have a nice round head. This is how I think when I hear bad news. I have to remember that things could be much worse. I always find the bright side no matter what the situation may be! Lily Rose came into the world at 5:18 a.m. Out she came squawking like crazy, letting us know that she was here, and, dammit we would know it.

Lily was pink, chubby, and yes, her head was round. They let Cameron hold her, while I stroked her little, downy head. After I saw and touched my baby for the first time they took her to the nursery, in order to finish my surgery. Everything went wonderfully. I was the proud parent to a beautiful baby girl. I healed well from the c-section, Lily took to nursing like a pro, and 4 days later we were sent home. At the time I was told I was a little anemic, but to eat some protein and all would be well. I had no idea that anemia was one symptom to my fate.

The first few weeks of parenthood flew by. I was getting used to having a baby around the house. I healed from surgery and was left to figuring out all the snaps of baby clothes in the middle of the night. All things considered, I was learning and living like any other new parent. However, I did this with even less sleep than most new moms. I spent many nights sleeping in the recliner with Lily, both of us falling asleep as I nursed her. I was exhausted, but what new parent isn’t? Before I knew it maternity leave was up and I had to go back to work.

I worked full-time behind the chair of the salon I was partial owner of and managed. Most people get 12 weeks off for maternity leave. However, not in my industry, I took 4 weeks off, yes only 4. I had a full book of clients waiting for me and although I only worked part time the first month, it was still challenging.

The great thing about working and breast-feeding was I started losing weight. Not only was I losing weight, I was shedding the baby pounds fast. Actually, I was dropping a couple of pounds a week. I was not a small girl when I got pregnant; I am 5’10″ and weighed 225 pounds when I delivered Lily. During my pregnancy I only gained 5 pounds. Looking back I should have known that that was not normal!

At any rate, the doctor chalked up my weight loss to healthy eating. My doctor was not concerned, so naturally neither was I. My weight continued to literally fall off over the next few weeks, but instead of feeling better, I felt progressively worse. I had no energy, I was short of breath, and I had a low grade fever every night. In addition to these symptoms I was rather pale. I just continued to blame all of this on being a new mom.

Read the entire article here.

Marriage and Divorce: A Powerful Lesson

Below is a thought provoking, powerful story about marriage and divorce, written by an unknown author. For me, it further confirms my point that marriage is something that is to be cherished, nurtured and protected. If any of you reading this story is considering divorce, I sincerely hope it makes you think twice.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

Elizabeth Edwards: Courageous or Cowardly?

“Courage:  The ability to face danger without fear”

“Coward:  One who shows ignoble fear in the face of pain or danger.”

Elizabeth Edwards has been all over the news networks, Oprah and Larry King Live discussing the release of her new memoir, “Resilience.”

A lot of the commentary has been positive, but Elizabeth has also come under fire for not only writing a book about her husband’s affair with Rielle Hunter but also about her decision to stand by her husband, John Edwards.  During her interview with Oprah, Elizabeth seems to refuse to place blame where 99.9% of the blame is due, and that is on her husband.  Instead, she chooses to blame Ms. Hunter for seducing him.  Although I can cannot completely imagine the pain she must be feeling, and certainly I can understand her thought process, I feel John Edwards is the responsible party and she should place blame where blame is due and that is on her husband.   Sure, Ms. Hunter played a huge role in this situation and both parties involved in affairs are to blame, but when you are married, the choice you make regarding YOUR marriage is YOUR responsibility.

In my opinion, all along the campaign trail, women thought John Edwards was “HOT” (this is how Mrs. Edwards describes Ms. Hunter’s way of seducing her husband). My problem with him is that the first time he was seriously approached by a woman, he folded like a deck of cards at a poker game.   Only this time, Mr. Edwards turned out to be the “JOKER.”

In Elizabeth Edwards’ defense, she is terminally ill.   When I put this all in perspective, I cannot even begin to imagine what she must be going through inside.  Not only has she had to deal with public humiliation (i.e., not just dealing with a very publicly-known affair — but possibly a love child being involved as well) but she also has this dark cloud of cancer hanging over her head and the reality of one day leaving her small children, not mention the fact that she has already faced the worst thing imaginable and that is losing a child.  Mr. & Mrs. Edwards lost their 16 year old son, Wade, in a car accident in 1995.  Maybe writing this book and speaking up is therapeutic for her.  Maybe it is her way of venting and telling her side of the story.  I so vividly remember when Hillary Clinton stood by her husband, our former President, and did not speak up or even half way address his issues or her feelings on the matter.  Hillary was criticized by the media and the American people for not doing so.  Now, Elizabeth Edwards DOES speak up after-the-fact, after having some time to heal a bit, and she is equally chastised and criticized for doing so.  This is very disturbing to me.  What does this really say about us as human beings?  Whether she knew before or after he decided to run is a moot point.  It is her choice to decide to stay in her marriage, no if ands or buts about it.

In speaking about why she wrote the book, Mrs. Edwards says she wanted to leave a last “letter” or “memoir” for her children.  She went on to say that her breast cancer has spread to her bones and currently is in her thigh bone.  To me, if this courageous woman wants to tell her side of the story, no matter what she knew, didn’t know; no matter how she felt or didn’t feel, then SO BE IT.   The public and the news media need to get over themselves!  Mrs. Edwards’ decision to stay with her husband and continue to follow him in his political aspirations at the time is not only her own personal choice, but her right as a human being, his wife and the mother of his children.  She may not have had faith in him as her husband at that time, but she very well could have still had faith in his political agenda.  That’s all that matters.

Mrs. Edwards’ situation saddens me because as women, we are “damned if we do and damned if we don’t.” If we stay, and then talk about our challenges and triumphs, we are scorned.  If we stay and we DONT talk about anything, we are still scorned.  If we leave, we are quitters and not courageous and strong enough to control and handle our own situations and lives.

This memoir will be on the top of my reading list.  I encourage all of our BFSO readers to do the same.  This book is not just about John Edwards and his affair.  It is about the challenges we face in life and how to go about facing them with honor.  To me, Mrs. Edwards is not only RESILIENT, but STRONG-WILLED, COURAGEOUS, HONORABLE AND A WOMAN TO BE ADMIRED.

“Resilience:  The ability to recover rapidly in the FACE OF MISFORTUNE”

I will continue to pray for this family and for Mrs. Edwards.

Peace and Continued Blessings,
Di