How to Encourage Positive Projections in Your Marriage

Have you ever had a friend or co-worker who constantly refers to his/her marriage in a negative manner?  I have such a co-worker.  Every day there is a new complaint:  he’s gained too much weight; he doesn’t satisfy her anymore; he never finishes a home project; he snores too loudly; he doesn’t support her visions….the list goes on and on.  Well, this behavior got me to thinking about the difference between reflecting  positive projections in our marriages versus the negative and how destructive reflecting such negative projections can be to our relationships and our view of  our spouses.

There are many ways that we can incorporate positivity into our daily lives so that we do less negative projecting in our marriages and allow our positive thoughts, attitudes and perceptions to make our bonds stronger.

For example:

• When you both have legitimate concerns, realize that your spouse’s concern deserves to be addressed, not just your own.
• Reframe the behaviors that bother you the most about your spouse.  For example, if you feel your spouse is having difficulty satisfying your needs, talk to him/her about your feelings and offer to teach them about what you desire.  Taking the extra step to come out of your comfort zone to make an effort to reframe your behavior will work wonders and filter over to your spouse.  Instead of criticizing your spouse about his/her sexual issues with your co-workers, be honest with your partner.  Honesty is always the best policy.  Be proactive about helping him/her to change this factor.  By doing this, you have proactively taken the negative out of the situation and made it a positive.
• Make an effort to understand each others’ intent regarding your respective behaviors.  9 times out of 10, your separate understandings will be totally different.  Give one another the benefit of the doubt.  Listen to each others’ explanations without interrupting.   You might find that your spouse’s concern may be something important that you need to deal with together.
• Refrain from speaking negatively about your spouse in the presence of others.  The old saying goes..”be careful what you ask for…you might just get it.”  Well, if you do not make a habit of claiming negativity in your marriage, you will be more prone to claiming and receiving positivity in your marriage.

By utilizing some of the above tips, you will be able to be more objective when dealing with negative issues and able to bring in more positivity into your relationship.

Remember, when we married our spouses, we didn’t just commit to them in happy times, but also in stressful times.  Accepting each others’ neuroses is a part of a having a happy, healthy, positive  marriage.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Negative Influences on Your Marriage

Ask yourself this question…”Do you allow outside friends, family members or even ex-partners/spouses influence your marriage or relationship?  At times during any relationship, we all have weak moments where we allow drama to dictate the trials in our lives. Unfortunately, during those same times, outside influences will always try to wedge themselves between our relationships with, at times, shady advice and cloudy guidance.

In some relationships, one of the biggest problems with outside influences can be a person’s own family.  Usually our parents and family feel that because they believe they always have our best interests at heart, they get the right to have an all access pass into our lives.  Often times, they push themselves too far into our personal relationships with our mates and with our children, even to the extent of trying to raise our children.  They want a say in every situation and every decision.  I have even heard of family members who have actually advised their loved one that it’s time to end their relationship or marriage.

With all that being said, however, one might ask where does the real fault lie in this situation?  My answer is simple.  If you allow these outside influences to be the deal breaker in your relationship then you, as an individual, are completely at fault.  If you personally allow an outside influence to become the demise of your relationship and you know for example that this particular person has their own personal issues and storms going on in their lives and further, you even know that they don’t really know what’s best for your family, then you have to personally take ownership for the stress this causes in your relationship.

One tip I like to give is to pay attention to the advice you get and who you get it from.  Always ask yourself…”Is the person from whom I am seeking advice telling me the truth, or simply what I want to hear?”  Also, just because a couple or person has been married for 25 years or in a steady relationship for a long period of time, doesn’t mean they are truly happy.  For example, do not allow your parents’ relationship to be an indicator as to how you should handle your marriage, children or relationship.  If someone really is committed to helping you, they wont enable you just because they love you.  They will let you handle your own personal problems and relationship.

Here are some tips to keep outside influences out of your relationships:

• Instead of communicating about your problems with others, rely on each other and communicate together.
• Only take advice from couples or people you personally know have a strong, successful relationship.  Or, in the alternative, seek a private counselor or pastor.
• Compromise until you find a solution.  Try to find a happy medium when conflicts arise.  It can’t always be your way or the highway.
• Surround yourselves with positive influences.
• Distance yourself from negative influences which cause conflict in your partnership.
• Understand your union.  There will always be challenging times in any relationship.  Communicating concerns, respecting and honoring your differences will allow you and your partner or spouse to understand one another, completely.

The most important people in your relationship are you and your partner.  Eliminating negative outside influences will not only rid you of unnecessary stress, it will strengthen the bond within your relationship by leaps and bounds.

Peace & Blessings,
Di