“The latest statistics claim roughly 60% of marriages end in divorce. Second or third marriages have only about 20% of couples remaining happily married. A full eighty percent of repeat marriages end in divorce. Over one million children watch their parents divorce each year, and half of the babies born this year will suffer through the divorce of their parents before they turn 18. While divorce is often necessary, there is no denying rising divorce rates signal societal issues.” According to http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_M._Robbins
There it is cut and dry. A divorce happens, you figure out which parent should have the children, then you work out what the visitation schedule means for each parent’s place of employment, you breeze over “rules” for each household to make sure you are at least in the ballpark with discipline, and then you go on with your lives. When you were married, two became one and now one is turning back into two – but this time there may be 3 or 4 to think about if you brought children into the equation.
I am the product of divorce along with much of the population of our world these days. My mother had custody of me and I saw my dad every other weekend for the first few years after the divorce. Then my mom got a job in one state and my dad got a job in another – my every other weekends became once a month if we were lucky. My mother IS MY ROCK!! Could not live in this world without her and I don’t even want to think about trying to. I love her so much and know how much she struggled trying to raise me on her own with not a whole lot of money coming in from the other side. (McDonald’s used to be our big splurge with the spare change she had saved up for a month.)
My dad lived in a big city, in a really cool apartment (well, I thought it was), and we would always shop. Now I’ve said this before my mother HATES to shop so I thought she just never wanted to take me shopping – not realizing that money really doesn’t grow on trees – as much as I had hoped it did. We always ate out when I was with him and, yes, it was the “fun” house. I was still young enough not to realize that my mom may have really wanted to do all of those things with me but just couldn’t.
As I grew up I began to realize that the relationship I have with my mom is completely different than the one I have with my dad – neither is right or wrong – just different. BUT I NEEDED BOTH. Even though they didn’t live in the same household – let alone the same state – they both helped me form the woman I am today.
Now that I have three girls the relationship I see them developing with their father is something I am in awe of from the outside looking in. Yes, I am with them the majority of the time but when my oldest goes to her dad’s house or my youngest two are sitting by the door waiting for their dad to get home from work; I realize there are just some things that cannot duplicate what a father does for his daughter.
Your father (good or bad) forms a woman’s very first impression of the opposite sex. He is our first true love. He is the one we yearn to impress and make proud (whether we want to admit it or not). He gives or takes away a young woman’s self esteem. He molds us from a young age. Being physically present or absent has a HUGE impact on the way a woman lives her life. Consciously or unconsciously women do find men who have similar traits to their fathers. It’s weird. I didn’t think I did that but looking back now, my ex-husband AND my current husband BOTH have things about them that remind me of my dad. Did I think of it at the time – no – but now I see it. Don’t get me wrong I love my daddy but he and I have had our ups and downs over the years as well. Even during those times there are things I have learned from him (good and bad) that my mother couldn’t have taught me. Not her fault – she’s just not a man.
I hear many women talk about not being able to have successful relationships with men in their adult years due to the relationship they have with their dads – or lack there of. This is a very viable argument. Girls need their fathers if they live in the same home or not. Maybe it is a father “figure” but all girls need a positive role model of the male species to show them how to be loved and how to love themselves and how to retain their own self worth. Of course our mothers do that from day one of our lives. But the impact it has coming from a father is on another level.
So for everyone reading this please be conscious of the relationships you form and help form for your children. Kids are so much more intelligent than we give them credit for sometimes. Don’t keep your children or daughters from their fathers for petty or personal reasons (unless your child is in danger in their care of course). The relationship you have with your ex has NOTHING to do with the relationship your children have with them. They are completely separate and should be respected. Young women need their fathers or their father figures in their lives in order for them to become that whole person. It has taken me years to realize this by the way. Five years ago this post would have looked much different. I’m glad I have delved deep within me to find the person I am and that is because of my beautiful mother AND father.