Thanks 2012

December 31, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Before I jet off to ring in the New Year with my men folk (I love being the only girl in my house, even our lab is a boy), I wanted to do a quick “thanks 2012″ post. 2012 has been quite a year for me. It has been a journey toward self-discovery and a realization that no matter how cooky we appear to be, I LOVE MY FAMILY! As we venture into 2013 I’m just excited about new possibilities. My husband and I often talk about our future with our family. We talk about our oldest boys who both want to be psychologists and how we envision them going into practice together. We talk about our 2 year old and how close he’ll still be with his older brothers even though they are 13 years a part.  We talk about how even though we’ve been through quite a bit with our not so perfect modern family, we (my husband and I) are still joined at the hip. He’s my best friend and even though I know what I know now, I’d still choose him because he was designed for me. Lastly, we talk about moving forward; not dwelling on the past or what might have been but only what could be.

Each New Year’s Eve we sit down as a family and recount what happened in the previous year, count our blessings and set goals for moving forward. We are blessed that after over a decade of ups and downs, we still consider ourselves blessed to be together and to have the opportunity to continue to be together as a family. This year we plan to focus on family, health, spirituality and always fitting in those little pockets of peace.

And Diane and I want to give a huge thank you to all of our readers, clients and supporters. Your love and loyalty mean a great deal to us and we hope that you’ll continue to stay on this journey with us as we migrate into 2013. Look for a site face-lift and even more helpful information as we work to make our little community better for you!

Happy New Year!

 

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Simplifying the Holidays-Part II

November 15, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Is there anything simple about the holidays?  For most of us, the holidays provide us with some of our most precious memories but along with that also some very stressful moments.  With that being said, I wanted to talk about stress, shortcuts and finally relief so that you can do exactly what you want this season and that is make those memories and simplify, simplify, simplify!

Let’s talk about some shortcuts that will lead us to that ever important relief.   One thing that really begins my stress is right after Thanksgiving, I am thinking about my Christmas card list.

Shortcut:  E-Cards.  Sending e-cards is an easy alternative to the stress of getting a holiday picture, writing out cards and not to mention the expense of mailing same.  Sending e-cards may not be as personal as some may like, but it is definitely less stressful and, in my opinion, that is reason enough to use this shortcut.  In fact, during this economic downturn, I am noticing more and more folks are using e-cards, including many businesses.

Another thing to take into consideration during the holidays is remembering not to do too much.  Moderation is the key word.  Try not to overdo your schedule.  Don’t pack too much into your day.

Shortcut:  To Do List.  Too much of a good thing, whether it be the holidays or not, is not too good for you.  Drafting a “to-do list” and sticking to it will help you navigate your priorities during the season.   Incorporating the “to-do” list will relieve you from the feeling stressed and instead leave you feeling like you accomplished exactly what you set out to do.

As we all know, the holidays can become very commercialized.  The holiday season is meant to bring togetherness and love and sometimes we tend to forget how important it is not to focus on just what we “receive or give” but to remember why we are really celebrating.  Don’t overspend.  The price tag isn’t important.  What is important is how we create our memories.

Shortcut:  Set a Spending Limit.  This year, we decided to set and stick to a spending limit.  Obviously, your limit is entirely up to your individual financial situation.  Another great shortcut in this area is to give out homemade gifts.  I, myself, do this every year.  I change the recipients each year but for me, it feels extra-special to do something personal for someone.

Believe it or not, due to incorporating these shortcuts, I am pretty much done with all of my Christmas shopping and it’s not even Thanksgiving.  Granted, this took a lot of organization on my part this year, but instead of stressing all the way into the month of December, I wanted to make sure I was ahead of the game so that I could enjoy a stress-free season.

I hope that all of you will incorporate these stress relievers so that you can get outside, enjoy the season and all that it includes.  Get to the real fun and that is making memories with your children, decorating, baking and loving the holidays!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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The Friends/Family Balance

October 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

This article was first published by Cynthia Hanson of Life and Beauty Weekly

The Beatles got it right: You can get by with a little help from your friends. Trouble is it’s tough to get their support if you don’t see them! So what to do when you haven’t had a girls’ night out in ages or your job leaves you feeling like you don’t have energy for your loved ones? Make a plan to get your life in a balance that includes both friends and family.

“Research shows that maintaining friendships increases longevity and boosts the immune system,” says Andrea Bonior, a licensed clinical psychologist in Washington, D.C., and author of The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing and Keeping up With Your Friends. “But it’s hard for many women to prioritize friendships because they don’t seem as crucial as our families, jobs and responsibilities.” Follow this stress-less plan to strike a better balance and stay connected with all the important people in your life.

1. Don’t settle for Facebook newsfeeds.

“Me” time is vital to self-care — and self-care is crucial to staying in balance and having the energy you need for your family. “Give yourself permission to talk on the phone with a friend or do something fun together — even if you have to plan it four weeks in advance,” says Bonior. “You may feel like you keep up with friends over Facebook, but you’re not getting the same emotional connection when you’re clicking and commenting on links. You need more sustained, face-to-face contact or voice contact.”

2. Keep family time separate.

Does your friend always call when you’re getting your preschooler ready for bed? Or when you and your husband are trying to relax after dinner? Solution: Be assertive and set boundaries.

“It’s OK to screen your calls and tell friends that your evenings are family time,” says Joyce Marter, a psychotherapist and owner of Urban Balance LLC, a multisite counseling practice in Chicago. Let friends know when you’re free to dish — perhaps on your lunch hour or before you leave work. That way you won’t miss their latest news or your game of Monopoly with the kids.

3. Set a standing date.

It’s hard to coordinate a meet-up with a friend when your kids’ activities keep you hopping and chores keep you busy on weekends. Choose a day and time that fit your lifestyles and workloads — perhaps coffee at 3 p.m. on Wednesday, or brunch on the third Sunday of every month. Then stick to it, just as you would stick to a spinning class.

“Standing dates are also a good way to get a group of three or four friends together,” says Bonior. “It gets drilled into your brain that it’s something you want to do and should do.” Plus, by having it on your calendar, you’ll avoid all the back-and-forth “When are you free?” texts.

4. Be flexible.

Not big on breakfast, but 8:00 a.m. is the only time your friend is free? Take one for the team and nibble a bagel anyway. What counts is getting together — and it’s a guaranteed mood-booster. “When you connect and laugh with a friend, you know you’re not alone in dealing with life’s challenges,” says Marter.

5. Think small.

Back in the day, you lingered together over martinis and escaped to luxury spas. But those gal-pal outings aren’t realistic right now when you’re busy with family matters. So settle for close encounters of the quick kind. It’s better to squeeze in 45-minute lunch dates between client meetings than to have no F2F time at all!

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They’re Back….Easing Back Into the School Year!

August 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Making the transition back into the new school year after a long, lazy summer isn’t always easy.  Oprah.com had some great tips that I couldn’t pass up so I wanted to share them with our readers.  The following tips will make you and your child’s transition much easier:

  1. Reconnect with Old Friends:  In the midst of summer camps and family vacations, it’s not unusual for kids to lose touch with their school friends. A couple of weeks before the new year starts, try to arrange a play date or two with these friends (maybe even some new classmates, if you know who will be in your child’s class). Feeling connected to their school friends can help alleviate some social concerns that your children might have about the new year.
  2. Create a New School Year Tradition.  Believe it or not, creating an annual end-of-summer tradition can actually help kids feel excited about the new school year. Try hosting a last-night-of-summer barbecue, a neighborhood talent show or an intimate family game night.
  3. Start an Achievement Tree.  This quick summer art project will serve an important purpose all year long! Draw a tree with numerous brown branches on poster board, and create a handful of “leaves” on strips of green paper. Each time your child accomplishes something she’s proud of—such as a successful day at band practice or a solution to a tricky geometry problem—she can record it on a leaf and tape it to the tree. By the end of the school year, she will have created a full, lush tree!
  4. Talk to Your Kids About Their Worries.  Each child has her own source of back-to-school butterflies. While one child might be most worried about fitting in and making friends, another might be anxious about taking on the challenges of a new grade. Find out exactly what your child is nervous about and don’t dismiss her concerns by saying something like, “Don’t worry” and “You’ll be fine.” Instead, help her think through how she can overcome what’s worrying her, and make sure she knows that you, her teacher and the school counselor will be there to help.
  5. Prepare for Good Mornings.  A few days before the first day of school, start talking with your kids about what their morning routines will look like. Young kids may have fun drawing pictures of each step of their morning schedules, while older students can benefit from creating “responsibility charts” that will help them sail smoothly through their daily routines. Also, practicing things like laying out clothes and packing lunches a day or two beforehand can help make the first early morning a smooth one.
  6. Reset Your Body Clocks.  Many families enjoy relaxed bedtimes and sleeping in during the summer, so it’s unrealistic to expect your kids to immediately adapt to early morning wake-up calls. At least a week before school starts, go back to your school year bedtime and wake-up time. This can help you avoid having a groggy, cranky or confused child on the first day of class.
  7. Create a Launch Pad.  To smooth out mornings, create a “launch pad” (out of blue painter’s tape) near the front door. As part of your bedtime routine, have kids put everything they need for the next day in the launch pad—packed backpacks, the right shoes, appropriate foul-weather gear, etc. When it’s time to leave, just have kids empty out the launch pad and hit the road!
  8. Set Up for Safety.  Whether they’re walking, riding their bikes, being driven or taking the bus, take time to talk to your children about how they will get to and from school this year. Practice the trip a few times before the first day to make sure they’re prepared for safe travels.
  9. Put on a Happy Face!  Parents experience their own set of emotions when the summer ends. You may feel sad about your children getting older, anxious about their new class or worried about how they’re reacting to the new year. To the best of your ability, try to exude confidence and good feelings when talking to your child about school or saying goodbye on the first day. Seeing Mom upset can put a damper on a child’s first-day enthusiasm.
  10. Make the First Day a Great Day.  Spend time thinking through the first day from beginning to end. Make sure your children have all the supplies they need, and try to encourage them to eat good breakfasts (which may not be easy if there are too many butterflies in their tummies!). Arrive early to school to give your child a chance to remember where everything is and to see their new classroom. When it’s time to leave, don’t linger. Just look your children in the eyes, give them big hugs and send them on their way to a great school year!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

This article can be read in its entirety at www.oprah.com

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Does Marriage Equal Love?

June 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Have you ever heard someone say that marriage and love have nothing in common?  I recently overheard a conversation where that statement was made and I began to explore my own thoughts, the thoughts of some of my friends, and researched the topic.  I felt compelled to write this post in order to help our readers to motivate their marriage because I, undeniably, am a sucker for a fairy tale marriage. 

Some have said that marriage and love have nothing in common because they are actually at opposite ends of the spectrum.  Granted, some marriages are as a result of love but what about true love?  Is love really a result of the marriage itself or do you fall  in love after marriage?  I read somewhere once that marriage is actually an “insurance pact” and that it’s return on the investment are insignificantly small.

 I have to disagree.   Marriage and it’s return are 100-fold, and in my opinion, is much more than all of the above statements.  It’s me and my husband’s confidence in one another’s protection and passion, our bond and intense craving of each other, our vision, goals and ever so important, our friendship.  It’s mastering our grace together, our ability to teach our children what the “bond” of marriage means and having humility.

Of course, I am not living on cloud 9.  I know that the divorce rate in the United States and abroad is skyrocketing  and I am certainly aware that some marriages without love last years and years, but forging a solid marriage takes commitment.  Websters dictionary describes the word commitment as “together to bind, as by a promise; to make a pledge.  Marriage is hard work, and I believe, if love had nothing in common with marriage, this pledge in itself would be impossible.

I will even admit that my marriage takes a little extra work being I live in a blended family. We have been married for nearly 7 years, together off and on for 10 and we still struggle from time to time. It is my belief that every marriage experiences personal hurts, personality differences and challenges. But it is the extra effort that we put into it that breeds into our love and allows us to work through any issues that may arise. We focus on one anothers needs above our own. We talk, talk, talk. We view our marriage as long-term, always, even through the differences of opinion, through the pain when we are faced with a disagreement. We constantly remind ourselves of where we have been and the growth that has taken place in our marriage. Most importantly readers, we adjust our expectations of one another. No marriage is perfect, certainly not mine, but if we are committed to our spouses and our families, we make adjustments.

So, in answer to the question relative to this post…”Does marriage equal love?”  Marriage and love go hand-in-hand as long as there are two people who view their relationship as whole and who are willing to make the commitment because love isn’t enough.  You have to have commitment and all that it entails.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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It’s Splitsville for California’s 1st Couple

May 12, 2011 By 1 Comment

Sadly, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Schriver have announced their separation after 25 years of marriage. Albeit both Arnold and Maria say they still love each other very much but need to take this time to work on their relationship.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver relayed the following message in a joint statement:

“This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us,” they say. “After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion, and prayer, we came to this decision together.

“At this time, we are living apart, while we work on the future of our relationship,” they continue. “We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives.

”

Shriver, 55, a TV journalist and member of the Kennedy dynasty, and Schwarzenegger, 63, the Austrian-born bodybuilder/action movie hero who became a Republican California governor, have seemed like an unlikely couple since they married in 1986.

They had four children, ages 14, 18, 20 and 21, and long projected the image of a close and loving couple, despite – and sometimes even because of – their differences. During a 2003 political campaign, Shriver strongly defended her husband against allegations he had a history of groping women while he was an actor, and Schwarzenegger went on to become governor.

Schwarzenegger left the governor’s office last January after an increasingly difficult term, and there have been reports he’ll re-start his movie career, including a role in another Terminator film.

Photo and some information relayed herein courtesy of People.com.

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The Blended Family Survival Guide – Part I

March 15, 2011 By 2 Comments

“Brandi Mitchell just gets it!” 

TMF Readers, I have had the honor and pleasure of reading Brandi Mitchell’s “The Blended Family Survival Guide” and to simply put it, not only was I impressed with her work but I was enamored with her uncanny ability to use her own personal experience as a stepping stone to help others who may be in the midst of their own blended family firestorm.  The Blended Family Survival Guide is not just a guide for all of us blended family members offering tips, tools, advice, legal research, etc., but packs a serious powerhouse punch to the issues all blended families face.  I encourage all of you readers to go directly to Brandi’s site www.theblendedfamilysurvivalguide.com to get  your copy of this amazing book!  I promise, you won’t be disappointed.  Below is a snippet of what you will get from this fabulous book! 

“When Prince Charming found me, glass slipper in hand, we vowed our love to each other for eternity, as he whisked me off to Blendedville to live happily ever after. What I didnt expect, on the way to my not-so-new castle, was that we would pick up two, little adorable travelers that would go on the journey with us! Oh, and by the way, did I mention that my carriage had to stop to pick up my little travelers at two different houses? Now, a young princess in my new blended world, I had no map or compass to guide me through the blended journey, nor had I realized the true effect my ready-made family would have on my own marriage and future children.”

Stay tuned readers for Part II of this post where I will be interviewing the fabulous Ms. Brandi Mitchell herself!  You will not want to miss this one!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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No One Can Grow In The Shade!

February 19, 2011 By 4 Comments

“YOU HAVE GOT TO DISCOVER YOU, WHAT YOU DO, AND TRUST IT!”    BARBARA STREISAND

With divorce comes a vast variety of emotions.  Unbeknownst to many of us, our lives have been shaken to it’s core and we are totally unprepared for the challenges that come along with the big  bad enemy we call  D-I-V-O-R-C-E!  To be quite honest, it sucks!  However, as we all know, after every rain shower, there is a rainbow.  The same holds true for life after divorce.  Problem is, we tend to hide from life after divorce.  We tend to decide that we can no longer shine.  We tend to accept what our temporary emotions are telling us and instead of making lemonade out of lemons, we stay stuck.  

TMF Readers, can we talk?  Albeit, divorce and remarriage both have many pitfalls.  If you go to any library in your community you will find many books on the subject.  However, no one book can prepare you for the injury you feel when divorce happens.  With that, today, I want to give you a few tips on learning how to nurture your emotional and personal growth after divorce.  As the title of this post reads, No One Can Grow In the Shade!  What do I mean by this you might ask?  Well, it’s simple.  Staying stuck holds you down.  It keeps you in the dark and forces you to keep assigning blame to yourself instead of truly evaluating the whole big picture.  It keeps you from accepting what has happened and it keeps you from moving on.  It keeps you from discovering the new person that you are and what personal gifts you have been blessed with.

Here are some tips for you to use in your journey:

  • Reflect — but do not dwell.  During my divorce, I kept a journal.  Write down your feelings and leave them there.  Capture what you think went wrong and learn from it.  Using a journal to express yourself keeps you from making the huge mistake of being over-emotional around your children, etc.   It is a form of release. 
  • Rebuild. Divorce can literally suck the life out of you — IF YOU ALLOW IT TO.  Find things you enjoy (i.e., hobbies, personal time, vacations, etc.) and focus on yourself.  In order to rebuild your life, you have to have inner strength and a main component of inner strength is taking care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally.  Find what you like to do and DO IT!  Take time for the pleasures in life that give you peace. 
  • Eliminate and reduce stress/anxiety.  This may be hard to swallow, but you are divorced.  Yes, it’s over but your life is not.  Worrying about what could have been or what should have been done or what you could have done differently isn’t going to change the fact that you are divorced.  Take time to meditate on you.  Get a massage, hit the gym, find a space in your house that is all yours and relax.  Reduce your stress by writing down your feelings and then decide to move on.   Part of your learning process means you don’t have to make the same mistakes again — that in itself will lessen your anxiety.
  • Fight your fears.  After divorce, people are so afraid to be alone that they, at times, jump from the frying pan to the fryer.  Patience is key.  Being alone doesn’t have to be the big ”fear” everyone makes it out to be.  It is important to have time to redefine yourself.  It is important to have time to rediscover what it is about you that makes you happy.  It is important to reflect on how you can grow from this situation.  You cannot do all of these very important things while at the same time jumping into a new relationship.  It doesn’t and won’t work.  Being alone and giving yourself your own undivided attention will build your self-esteem and self-worth.

TMF Readers, you cannot grow in the shade!  In order to be truly happy, we have to be able to acknowledge and find that WE, as individuals, can fulfill our own needs.  Hence, we can move on with our lives and become a better partner in our future relationships.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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Laughter: An Important Key To Your Relationship!

February 15, 2011 By Leave a Comment

“Laughter gives us distance.  It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on….Bob Newhart”

Isn’t there just something extra special and charming about a man or woman who can make you laugh.  My husband is definitely that man for me.  It’s one of the best traits he has.  Being able to laugh in your relationship adds a completely different and important dimension to your relationship.  It adds to your marriage and gives it that extra zing which comes in handy when tensions arise.

Milton Berle once said that “laughter is an instant vacation.”  Think about that statement and how it relates to our marriages and remarriages.  If we are able to remember that in the instance of an argument we can find something to laugh about then we literally “get away” from the stress and drama of what might be causing our tension.  Laughter is more than an efficient tool to have in our (re)marriage tool box, it is essential to the health and emotional state of same.

Laughter is play and good marriages are playful.  Couples who can laugh at themselves and together are actually much stronger when situations arise between them.  However, keep in mind it is important to have balance when it comes to laughter and joking.  There are lots of ways to bring healthy humor and laughter into your marriage.  Of course it’s important to remember that sometimes humor can hurt if it isn’t used properly so here are a few tips to guide you along the way:

  • Be more aware of humorous moments together
  • Be playful together; playing brings on laughter
  • Reflect back on the funny situations that have happened in the past with you and your partner
  • Keep your humor clean when it comes to your spouse.  Don’t offend.
  • Your humor should never be at your spouse’s expense (i.e., joking about weight and/or how they look in general.  That is hurtful.

My husband is not just my life partner, but my lover, my shoulder to cry on, my best friend and my security blanket.  If I have a bad day at work or with a friend, he always has a reason to make me laugh out of the situation.  He has an uncanny ability to make me smile even if I don’t feel like it — I really think it’s because he loves to see my big dimples when I smile (only because he tells me that all the time).  I guess I could have married a stuffy-shirted serious man but I don’t think I would have had near as much fun as I have with my husband. 

Life can be as funny as we make it out to be.  Look for laughter in your daily experiences and share them with your spouse and/or significant other.  Humor in our relationships builds trust and mutual respect.  Take it from me, the benefits are enormous.  Let’s get to more laughter TMF Readers.  Your relationship is worth it!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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Romantic Stay At Home Meal

February 15, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Who says you have to go out to have a romatic meal with your spouse?  Stay at home and make this Honey-Soy Skillet Chicken and I am promising you will get not just rave reviews, but a little something something on the side too.   Everyone who knows me knows I love to cook.  I have a wealth of my own recipes and some, like this one, that I store in my numerous, highly organized file boxes in my garage of different food magazines, etc.  This yummy recipe is an original from Woman’s Day’s March 8, 2005 issue.   Enjoy!

Using a whole chicken and pantry staples keeps the cost down, but when a dish is this delish—with its thick cinnamon, honey and ginger sauce—money will be the last thing on your mind!

Active Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 35 minutes

Recipe Ingredients

1 quartered chicken (about 4 lb)
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp each salt and pepper
1 Tbsp oil
1 cup chopped onion
1 Tbsp each chopped garlic and fresh ginger
2 cinnamon sticks (about 3 1/2 in. each)
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup each lite soy sauce and water

Garnish: scallions.  Serve with: short-grain white (sushi) rice, diced mango

Recipe Preparation

1. Grasp chicken skin with a paper towel and pull off. Remove visible fat with kitchen scissors or a sharp knife.

2. Mix flour, salt and pepper in a gallon-size plastic food bag. Add chicken a few pieces at a time, close bag and shake to coat chicken evenly.

3. Heat oil in a deep 12-in. nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add chicken and cook, turning once, 10 minutes or until golden. Remove chicken to a platter.

4. Add onion to skillet; sauté 3 minutes until golden. Add garlic, ginger and cinnamon sticks; sauté until fragrant. Add honey, soy sauce and water. Stir until honey dissolves. Add chicken, bring to a simmer, cover and cook, turning chicken occasionally, 15 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Garnish with scallions.  Serve with rice mixed with diced mango.

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