Relationship Communication 101

In all aspects of a relationship, whether that be in your marriage, your relationships with your children, your friends and even at your place of employment, there has to be a certain level of communication in order to avoid conflict and to sustain healthy relationships.  Simply put, without communication, there is no real relationship.

With that being said, communicating isn’t always that simple, even among people who may have lots in common and share the same views.  This is because to err is human and we all make mistakes.  There are several mistakes that people make when communicating, which in turn can cause a great conversation to get ugly rather quickly:

1.  Aggressive communication to impress outsiders.  Frequently, people will make the mistake of trying to get their point across by trying to over-talk the other party and making the contents of their communication known to all those around in order to convince people to take sides.

2.  Misinterpretation.  You take every thing your spouse is trying to say to you and misinterpret it.  For example, your spouse initiates a conversation about good discipline within your modern family and you twist it by thinking he is attacking your personal parenting skills.  You then let him have it and both of you are frustrated and upset.

3.  Communicating but not hearing.  You don’t like, and have no interest in the subject in which your spouse or loved one is trying to communicate with you about so you purposely put them on “mute-mode.”  At that point, you aren’t paying any real attention to the conversation at all.  End result — no communication at all.

Some helpful tips to alleviate these problems with communication include:

• Attentive listening.  Paying active attention to the conversation and showing real interest shows great respect for the person you are communicating with.  It is very satisfying for a spouse to know that they are being not only listened to, but heard as well.  True listening allows you to feel and understand your spouse or loved one’s needs and feelings.
• Use non-accusatory language. When addressing problems or issues between you and your loved one, begin the conversation by removing the world “You.”  The word “you” when used in conflicting conversation, can be taken as  accusatory at times.  Instead, start with “I feel” or “We.”   Remember, a statement about your personal feelings is hard to challenge and therefore allows for less of a defensive reaction from the other communicator.
• Patience. Lastly, When you are angry, misguided or have misinterpreted something with your spouse or loved one, sometimes it is best to leave certain things unsaid for that moment.  When things cool down and you, your spouse and/or loved one is more approachable, then you can revisit that concern.  But, for the time being, let it go.

Good communication is one of the keys to building any successful relationship whether that relationship be at home with modern family, at school with your friends and teachers or in your marriage as well.

Peace & Blessings,
Di