Be Attitudes for Living a Happy Life

“Hap­pi­ness is a spir­i­tual path. The more you learn about true hap­pi­ness, the more you dis­cover the truth of who you are, what is impor­tant, and what your life is for.” — Robert Holden, Author of Be Happy!

Hap­pi­ness used to be one of those top­ics that not only I shied away from, but also believed that it just wasn’t going to be a part of my jour­ney. Thank­fully those self-fulfilling days of despair are over and I now know that happiness—just like any­thing else in life—is a mal­leable state of mind that can be learned.

Although some of us are born into the world smil­ing, oth­ers like myself have had to learn (and unlearn) cer­tain tech­niques and habits so that hap­pi­ness can be a part of our nat­ural lives. As I under­stand more about my Self and dis­cover who I really am I also rec­og­nize that hap­pi­ness is mine for the choosing.

Below are a few of the atti­tudes and habits I’ve cul­ti­vated over the years that I believe are key to liv­ing a happy life.

Be Authen­tic

Being authen­tic is about being who we really are with oth­ers. Authen­tic­ity is what helps us live life to our fullest poten­tial. It is also an essen­tial ingre­di­ent to find­ing hap­pi­ness within ourselves.

Liv­ing an authen­tic life ulti­mately opens us up to being in har­mony with our true Self so that we can ulti­mately dis­cover who we really are. And, the more true you are to your­self, the hap­pier you will be.

Be Know­ing

Knowl­edge doesn’t have to always resem­ble books and infor­ma­tion. How­ever, when it comes to being happy, know­ing what makes you smile and light up is extremely important.

For me, being cre­ative, spend­ing qual­ity time with close loved ones, and shar­ing what I’m learn­ing with oth­ers makes me happy. What makes you happy could be some­thing entirely different.

Ulti­mately it’s about find­ing the joy within your­self. Accord­ing to hap­pi­ness expert Dr. Robert Holden, direc­tor of The Hap­pi­ness Project, you feel the hap­pi­est when you begin to know who you truly are. “The rea­son why we’re so inter­ested in hap­pi­ness is because we want to have an expe­ri­ence of our true self.”

Be Grate­ful

“We tend to for­get that hap­pi­ness doesn’t come as a result of get­ting some­thing we don’t have, but rather of rec­og­niz­ing and appre­ci­at­ing what we do have.”— Fred­er­ick Keonig, Co-inventor of the Print­ing Press

As sim­ple as it sounds, grat­i­tude breeds happiness.

Peo­ple who have an atti­tude of grat­i­tude lead hap­pier and health­ier lives than those who don’t because grat­i­tude forces us to over­come what psy­chol­o­gists call the “neg­a­tiv­ity bias”—the ten­dency to dwell on prob­lems, annoy­ances, and life’s lit­tle injustices.

By focussing on the good parts of life—the things that we are thank­ful for—we are con­di­tion­ing our­selves to fos­ter­ing a pos­i­tive atti­tude and a healthy sense of well-being which is what hap­pi­ness is all about.

Be Com­pas­sion­ate

Any­time I think about hap­pi­ness or com­pas­sion the first thought that comes to mind is the Dalai Lama.

Hav­ing had the chance to be taught by him while I was in Wis­con­sin a few years back and hear him speak on the impor­tance of prac­tic­ing com­pas­sion with our­selves and oth­ers, I was pro­foundly changed by the expe­ri­ence and have become more com­pas­sion­ate as a result. As the Dalai Lama teaches:

“The great­est degree of inner tran­quil­ity comes from the devel­op­ment of love and com­pas­sion. The more we care for the hap­pi­ness of oth­ers, the greater is our own sense of well-being.” — Ten­zin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

It is true that by car­ing for the well-being of oth­ers, you auto­mat­i­cally increase your own level of happiness.

Be For­giv­ing

“To for­give is the high­est, most beau­ti­ful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and hap­pi­ness.” — Robert Muller, World Peace and Hap­pi­ness Guru

While the tools, tech­niques, and “be atti­tudes” for hap­pi­ness are valu­able, the most impor­tant of these is for­give­ness. Con­tin­u­ally being in a state of prac­tic­ing for­give­ness allows you to move past resent­ment, hate, fear, and inad­e­quacy while step­ping into the mind-frame of love.

Happy peo­ple learn from their expe­ri­ences, pains, dis­ap­point­ments, and are able to fully expe­ri­ence all the joy life has to offer.

For­give­ness may not be an easy task—in fact, it’s one of the most dif­fi­cult ones to practice—nonetheless, it is a sim­ple one and one worth mastering.

Tips to Grow By

Hap­pi­ness isn’t a reward, it’s part of the jour­ney and it is com­pletely attain­able. Sci­en­tists and psy­chol­o­gists have even dis­cov­ered that our brains have a cer­tain level of plas­tic­ity which allow them to be com­pletely trans­formable and capa­ble of change if we so choose.

How­ever, choos­ing to be happy is more that just a choice, it’s a con­scious deci­sion that only you can make for your­self. By being authen­tic, grate­ful, for­giv­ing, and focus­ing on the pos­i­tive things in life, you will be lead to greater hap­pi­ness.

And as Abra­ham Lin­coln once said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” So, make up your mind to be happy and start liv­ing a hap­pier life today.

About Aisha Quinece

“How am I making the world a better place?” is a question I ask myself almost on a daily basis. As a wife, mother, designer, writer, and teacher, actively enriching the lives of others is a responsibility that I take seriously. Supplying you with practical ways to “Create Your Life” is what my blog, www.AishaQuinece.com, is all about. So, check it out, visit me on Facebook, follow me Twitter, and get started creating your life today!

Ways To Be A Happier Mom

Whether you are a mom, a stepmom with or without your own children, being happy is not just a necessity, but crucial.  Some of us tend to create impressions that we are truly happy to satisfy the emotional well-being of our children and husbands but fooling ourselves at the same time.

As I have written in prior posts, I feel that the number one reason we dont allow ourselves to be happy is because we have conjured up this notion that we are not allowed to nurture ourselves.  We refuse to “let go” of being the “be all and do all” for everyone except ourselves.  This is really a crime to our mental and emotional well-beings.  Key words…”being all and doing all” for ourselves, FIRST, doesn’t limt our happiness.

When we are only happy within limits, we are accomplishing nothing except giving ourselves self-satisfaction in exchange for a ruinous path.  By doing this, we cannot submit our grievances to our partners if we are not prepared to change this bad habit at the same time.  By limiting your own personal happiness, later in life, you will be remorseful for not paying attention to yourself.

Throughout my 20′s and 30′s, I lived this way myself, mostly unhappy and neglected;  not because I couldn’t be happy, but because I chose to put everyone ahead of me!  Because I was a single mom for most of those years, I didn’t think I had the time, nor did I feel it was proper to put myself before my children.  Boy, was I wrong!   As I have stated before, it’s like when you first board the airplane;  the stewardess teaches you to always put the oxygen mask on yourself before your children.  Why, because if you aren’t healthy and able-bodied how can you help anyone else?  The same goes for taking care of ourselves as single parents, moms and stepmoms.   It wasn’t until recently, in  my early 40′s did I really begin to see those effects and how by incorporating a few simple changes I could make my life better.  It really was an epiphany to me.  Now, I yearn each day to see what other ways I can find to incorporate more happiness.  By doing this, I have become a way better mother and stepmother.

Here are a few simple tips for nurturing that you can apply in your life as well:

• Take time to focus on your personal spiritual growth.
• Splurge on yourself once in a while — you work hard — you deserve it!
• Take 1 hour a day to yourself and focus on YOU!
• Surround yourself with good people who are uplifting.
• Take time for friendships.
• Take a class or focus on a hobby that brings you joy.

Another important value of finding happiness is “weeding out your obstacles.”  Keep in mind that just as weeds can take over a garden or a flower bed, they can take over your thoughts, perceptions and attitudes to the detriment of your own well-being.  Even healthy plants, if they aren’t cultivated properly, get sick.  As women, we run ourselves down at the drop of a hat; even dropping everything at a moments notice when our children, step-children or husbands need something.  Often times, it becomes overwhelming and feels like you are fighting against a never-ending current, all of which makes us uneven and out of balance.

Moving our obstacles out of the way of our true happiness allows us to take a stand for what is crucial to preserve…and that is living not just happily but abundantly.  Our children and step-children will grow up and move on and we need to have our own happiness.  As I stated in the preamble of this post, this not only applies to moms, but equally importantly to step-moms.  There is a preconceived notion that it’s okay for moms to need a break from the monotony of every day life and motherhood, but if a stepmom expresses such, she is being weak, unloving and mean.  What husbands and ex-wives forget is that a stepmom deals with the same, if not more, issues and stresses any other parent in the blended family.  Think about it, she has her own children, her stepchildren, constantly changing routines to fit everyone, and most of the time, she is overlooked in the appreciation department.  Even still, she also deserves to find happiness and to take time for herself as well. 

So get on board ladies!!  Don’t be afraid to move and weed out those obstacles!  I promise you, you will be a better person and mother for it!

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Make The Decision To Be Happy

What makes you happy?  For me, I could come up with a hundred different reasons with some being emotional, physical and of course some just being pure natural reasons.  However, one that stands out above the rest is my love of cooking.  Nothing brings me more joy than to throw a big dutch oven on the stove top, throw together ingredients that I have been thinking would match together well and seeing what I can come up with to please my husband, three boys and grandson.  And, once in a while, I like to surprise a girlfriend unexpectedly and  bring a great dish over for her and her family to enjoy as well.  Cooking makes my heart smile.

Now, I am sure you expected me to say my husband, my children, my job, etc. etc.  Of course, my family plays  one of the most important roles in my happiness, but I have learned a great lesson over the years and that is by making room for my pleasurable feelings, hobbies and passions, I allow very valuable experiences in my life.   I came across my love for cooking through a tragic time in my life when I had suddenly and unexpectedly became widowed.  My husband used to do all of the cooking for my boys and I.  I couldn’t boil water properly and almost burnt the apartment down a few times.  During those times of despair I found that cooking was therapeutic for me and lo and behold, after watching several cooking shows and reading lots of cookbooks, I found one of my true passions.  Cooking gave me that release, a reason to think about something other than that pain I was experiencing and it was soothing.  That same year, 9 months after starting, I hosted my first Thanksgiving Dinner and I cooked every single item on the menu.  It was a huge hit.  Some folks love to shop, watch old movies or spend time with a good book.  It makes me happy to cook.  Now, as I stated above, this isn’t the only thing that makes me personally happy.  But as individuals, we have to take time to find little things, just for ourselves, that make us happy and that give us time to focus on being happy.  I cannot stress it enough.  These experiences will carry us through our lives and it teaches our children to do the same.

Being happy is a decision…just that simple.   Making the decision to be happy is all it takes.  Celebrity life coach, and one of my favorite people to listen to for inspiration, Anthony Robbins, says it best..“if you don’t have a plan for pleasure, you will have pain.” In other words, if you do not incorporate the things that make you happy into your life, you will have an end result of pain.   What makes you happy and your inner peace is one big spinning circle.  Finding that inner-peace whether that is through spending time alone with yourself, shopping for a great new pair of shoes, cooking, reading or just watching a movie is a true part of making the decision to be happy.  As Mr. Robbins so eloquently states, “Life was never meant to be a struggle.”  So, if we choose to be happy, we have unlocked the mystery to finding inner-peace.

Here are a few tips to help you along in your journey:

• Just as you allow yourself to feel sad and depressed, you can allow yourself to be joyful, grateful and happy.
• Take control of your emotions and guide them in the direction toward happiness.
• Choose happiness.  Don’t give your choice away to others or frivolous situations.  Do not OWN other people’s issues.
• Love yourself first.
• Smile.  Smiling is contagious and there is always a reason to do so.  Do it everyday.
• Indulge yourself in what you enjoy.
• Listen to music that you love.
• Dance like no one is watching!
• Take time for yourself.  Pay attention to your breathing, your posture, etc.  It makes a huge difference in how you feel.
• LAUGH A LOT, LAUGH LOUDLY AND LAUGH OFTEN.  Laughter is good for the soul.

Right now, a beautiful song comes to mind…..”Don’t Worry..BE HAPPY!”

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Cultivating Happiness in the Blended Family

Research has shown that over the past decade that happy people are more productive, faster learners and definitely more creative.  Cultivating optimism within the blended family, especially when there are outstanding, unresolved issues, can be hard.  There is hope!!  I have been reading a book by author Sonja Lyubomirsky entitled “The How of Happiness:  A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want (Penguin Press) and also came across an article about her in my favorite magazine, Family Circle. 

In her book and in the article, Ms. Lyubomirsky discusses the fact that many people assume that there is a feel-good gene in our equation and that you either “have it” or “you don’t.”  She says that is actually half-true.  About 50% of a person’s tendency toward bliss is genetic and the other 50% is totally up for grabs.  Roughly, 40% is influenced by attitude and behaviors and the remaining 10% by circumstances.  In these statistics is where I see hope for the blended family.  If 50% is totally up for grabs, and you have more than one willing participant, then there is hope.

The following are some tips from Ms. Lyubomirsky to help cultivate happiness which everyone can apply in their households.  Remember, you cannot expect someone else (ex spouses, new spouses, step-children, etc.) to apply these same behaviors, but you can apply them  yourself and begin to reap the benefits of same:

1.  COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.  Even on days when there aren’t as many as you’d like.  Jot a list and you may be pleasantly surprised to find that there are more great things about your life  than you thought.

2.  LOOK AGAIN.  Most situations have a bright side, somehow.  As in, it stinks that your 9-year-old needed stitches– but weren’t the ER doctors and nurses awesome?

3.  DON’T STEW.  Good rarely comes of dwelling on problems.

4.  NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS.  Strong bonds benefit everyone.

5.  GET LOST.  In a book, a movie, a DIY project.  Getting so involved that you lose track of time gives your brain a chance to recharge.

6.  PURSUE A LONG-NEGLECTED GOAL.  With PASSION!

7.  COPE CALMLY.  Manage stress in healthy ways, like by walking or talking to friends.

8.  FORGIVE.  Work on letting go of anger and resentment toward those who have hurt you.

9.  EMBRACE THE SPIRITUAL.  Get more involved in your place of worship or just in your personal relationship with your creator.

10.  HONOR YOUR BODY.  Exercise, meditate and LAUGH OFTEN.

Every person, whether in a blended family or just on a personal basis can benefit from the above suggestions.  I know I will be working on a few myself.  There are plenty more in Ms. Lyubomirsky’s book. 

As Ms. Lyubomirsky says, the bottom line is how we choose to view the world is key.  Close to half of our happiness quotient lies in the way we think and the way we act.   Modeling these actions in our everyday lives and in our blended family lives is essential for us parents.  I will say it again, children live what they learn and they will take the lessons that we teach them and apply them to their own adult lives.  

In the real world, most blended families have a hard time building themselves back up after loss such as divorce, separation, etc.  Taking the extra time to try to work together to obtain happiness after such loss can be obtained if that goal is understood and has like-minded people working together to achieve the same.  If not all parties are on the same page, it can be extra hard but in my opinion, is still well worth the try. 

Peace and blessings,
Di