It’s no secret that divorce, whether you know you are headed for it or not, can take the wind out of your sails. Not only is it hard navigating through the many changes that divorce brings to our lives, it is also hard to get used to flying solo.
With that being said, I wanted to give my newly divorced readers some strategies on surviving through this period of time in order to help you begin to rebuild your life.
You Are Enough
The title above says it all! Your divorce doesn’t have to change who you are as a person. When we hear those nasty words…”I want a divorce,” the first thing our minds default to is “there must something wrong with me.“ It is perfectly normal to feel rejected and to want to analyze the situation to acknowledge what role you may have played but what you have to remember is that your spouses decisions do not have to define you and they should not dictate your self worth, and sometimes, it’s okay just to accept that things don’t always turn out the way we plan it. Life throws us curve balls but blaming yourself doesn’t change anything. Your feelings of rejection can be used as motivation to move on and to redefine yourself.
Seek Out a Valued Support System
With divorce comes grief. It comes and goes in stages just as if you were experiencing a death of a spouse. Allow yourself plenty of time to go through this process and also lean on the shoulders of those you trust who are willing to support you through it. There’s nothing like the shoulder of a good girlfriend or the lap of your mother when you need a good cry. Seeking out a private therapist is also always a good option.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Dating after divorce has its own set of challenges. If you have children, dating after divorce should be a slow and thoughtful process. All of us desire to be in loving, committed relationships but those desires, at times, can lead us to rush. Why do we rush you might ask? We rush because we believe that if we immediately put our dating hats on, it will take the pain away that we are currently experiencing. We go into these new relationships full steam ahead without considering what is truly best for us and our children. Dating for the right reasons is key and slow and steady always pays off. Take your time to reinvent yourself. Take your time to find yourself as an individual.
Now is the time to take charge of your life. You’ve gone through it and now it is time to get to it! A celebration is in order and you deserve a reinvention. Here are a few tips to get you started:
- Accept that your life has changed and take 100% responsibility for your new life.
- If your finances and time allow, take an educational course that you have always been interested in.
- Find a craft that you enjoy and begin creating!
- Make a standing date with your girlfriends.
- Join a book club.
- Start a journal listing your long and short term goals.
TMF Readers, facing anything that causes pain, stress and difficulty and not withdrawing from the world is called “COURAGE!” There is nothing more courageous than getting through something as stressful as a divorce, but to that end, your new life begins.
Peace & Blessings,