Have you ever heard someone say that marriage and love have nothing in common? I recently overheard a conversation where that statement was made and I began to explore my own thoughts, the thoughts of some of my friends, and researched the topic. I felt compelled to write this post in order to help our readers to motivate their marriage because I, undeniably, am a sucker for a fairy tale marriage.
Some have said that marriage and love have nothing in common because they are actually at opposite ends of the spectrum. Granted, some marriages are as a result of love but what about true love? Is love really a result of the marriage itself or do you fall in love after marriage? I read somewhere once that marriage is actually an “insurance pact” and that it’s return on the investment are insignificantly small.
I have to disagree. Marriage and it’s return are 100-fold, and in my opinion, is much more than all of the above statements. It’s me and my husband’s confidence in one another’s protection and passion, our bond and intense craving of each other, our vision, goals and ever so important, our friendship. It’s mastering our grace together, our ability to teach our children what the “bond” of marriage means and having humility.
Of course, I am not living on cloud 9. I know that the divorce rate in the United States and abroad is skyrocketing and I am certainly aware that some marriages without love last years and years, but forging a solid marriage takes commitment. Websters dictionary describes the word commitment as “together to bind, as by a promise; to make a pledge. Marriage is hard work, and I believe, if love had nothing in common with marriage, this pledge in itself would be impossible.
I will even admit that my marriage takes a little extra work being I live in a blended family. We have been married for nearly 7 years, together off and on for 10 and we still struggle from time to time. It is my belief that every marriage experiences personal hurts, personality differences and challenges. But it is the extra effort that we put into it that breeds into our love and allows us to work through any issues that may arise. We focus on one anothers needs above our own. We talk, talk, talk. We view our marriage as long-term, always, even through the differences of opinion, through the pain when we are faced with a disagreement. We constantly remind ourselves of where we have been and the growth that has taken place in our marriage. Most importantly readers, we adjust our expectations of one another. No marriage is perfect, certainly not mine, but if we are committed to our spouses and our families, we make adjustments.
So, in answer to the question relative to this post…”Does marriage equal love?” Marriage and love go hand-in-hand as long as there are two people who view their relationship as whole and who are willing to make the commitment because love isn’t enough. You have to have commitment and all that it entails.
Peace & Blessings,
Diane
It is no surprise that with all the stress of family life, we as couples don’t take enough time out to nuture our marriages and relationships. In order to grow together as a couple, we have to be able to enjoy one another’s company and we cannot do that with all the distractions that come along with our day-to-day lives. Of course, our children are important to us but our marriages have to be more important. That seems odd to think about for most people, but as husbands and wives, we have to accept that in order to be any good to our children as a couple, our marriages and remarriages have to be the first priority. These times we share alone together not only allow us to grow, but they allow us to rekindle the reason why we fell in love in the first place.
Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither is a marriage. Marriage is built over time. During that time, we build our marriage through our experiences which allows us to grow and develop into complete partners. However, in these days and times, with everything from the promotion of infidelity on television to the internet social networks we have to be extra mindful of protecting our marriages in order to avoid falling into some of those traps.
Below is a thought provoking, powerful story about marriage and divorce, written by an unknown author. For me, it further confirms my point that marriage is something that is to be cherished, nurtured and protected. If any of you reading this story is considering divorce, I sincerely hope it makes you think twice.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
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