The Power of Influence

Most often, the subject title of this post would be taken as negative in the minds of  most.  However, I wanted to talk a bit about the positive ways that we as partners can influence one another in our relationships.

Solid relationships aren’t about beating our respective flaws out of one another, but about accepting them in one another, changing the framework of our attitudes and our approach to how we handle situations as they arise.  For example, as women, and being the emotional creatures that we are, we assume that men have no emotions.  Instead of automatically assuming that our husbands/partners or significant others don’t understand our feelings or concerns, and decide to bump heads at every possible corner with him/her, we can change our approach and instead decide to be the channel for loving on an emotional basis.  Men need just as much emotional love as women do.  By being the channel for that love, we are speaking his language.  He doesn’t always know how to show his emotions, because boys aren’t raised up, most of the time, to show them.  Therefore, by being the channel to for love, our influence in that part of our relationship will speak volumes to our spouses.  Change the framework.  Reframe your ideas and opinions.

Don’t focus on faults.  Instead, show your spouse that his/her faults are just endearing idiosyncrasies that you may not always like, but that you have grown to accept as a part of being imperfect, as we all are.  By doing this, we are influencing our spouse to do the same when some of our own faults or endearing idiosyncrasies suddenly decide to show up.

Let’s face it, the truth is that in marriage, it is literally impossible for two people to live together for any length of time and there not be times where they hurt one another.  It has often been said that all too often our lives get in the way of our living and loving fully.  By changing our approaches and reframing our problems on our individual end, we influence our marriages for the good.  That good turns into reciprocity.  As we are taught when we are little, “treat others as you wish to be treated.”  It comes full circle because when you give good, you get good.

Happy marriages are based upon truly deep friendships, mutual respect and mutual deposits by both spouses.  Having positive thoughts and exuding positive behaviors will, in turn, supercede negative feelings by our spouses.  It is very persuasive when we are able to overcome negativity with positivity.

So TMF readers. . . .influence, influence, influence your spouse with positivity.  Reframe your approach and attitudes and I promise, it will return to you two-fold.  Remember, love is patient, kind and long-suffering.  But, most importantly, it accepts many imperfections.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

The Joy of Sacrifice

“In sacrificing something we believe, we can be rewarded with something we love….Morag Prunty”

Marriage is a lot like a good recipe.  It’s not an exact science, for example like baking, where every measurement counts, but it takes  a pinch of compromise, respect, love, loyalty and trust.  It also takes a pinch of sacrifice.

When problems arise in our relationships, we tend to throw the covers over our heads, stick to our attitudes and questionable actions, even when we know we are wrong. We forget that in order for our marriage or relationship to thrive and, more importantly, to survive, we have to sacrifice.  For example, I have spoken to many husbands whose main complaint in their marriage is that their wives don’t understand their need for frequent sexual intimacy.  Their needs are not being met and their wives brush their complaints off as idle chatter.  On the other hand, the complaint I hear from the wives of these men are that their husbands do not understand their emotional needs which has a direct trickle down effect on their sexual relationships with their husbands.  In both of these examples, from each of the husband and wives perspective, you can clearly see where a little sacrifice, on both sides, could turn these problems into positives.   Here are a few tips you might find handy:

• Open the lines of communication with your spouse/partner.
• Assure your spouse/partner that no problem is ever too big for the sacrifices that can be made between the two of you to fix it.
• Listen one another intently.
• Do not respond upon impulse.
• Do not let pettiness turn into hatred.
• Let go of issues that, at the end of the day, don’t really mean anything.
• Forgive.

Like any good recipe and marriage, you have to have all the right ingredients.  If you find out you are missing something after you have already begun preparing,  you have to make sacrifices to ensure the stability of  your base.   Sometimes, in order to feel more secure in ourselves, we allow ourselves to become too intermingled and caught up with the small inconsistencies in our marriages instead of finding ways around those inconsistencies to fix them  permanently.  If we spend a little more time on figuring out what it is that we, as individuals in the marriage, each can do to make sacrifices to change what we can to make our marriages better, we will find that our marriage is stronger, better and able to withstand the test of time.

The most important part of sacrifice is the ability to find acceptance.  Being able to accept each and every part of our partner or spouse, whether that be a good or bad quality, allows us to experience and to give and receive unconditional love and it is there that we find the joy in our sacrifice.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

How to Have Healthy Arguments in Your Marriage

It has been proven time and time again that no real relationship or marriage exists without healthy argument and disagreements.  All humans are different and have different opinions and views and this certainly applies in today’s modern families.  Marriages are not exempt.  Differences, although can be looked at from a negative point of view, are actually healthy and build character in your marriage.  Of course, as long as these differences/disagreements are not something that cause irreversible harm and/or discord.

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is that they think by ignoring their problems or brushing them under the rug, that time or the absence of discussion about them will keep them from resurfacing.  However, the exact opposite is true.  Silencing yourself, pushing your feelings and problems under the rug will only enhance them.  It will not only be the cause of their resurfacing, but the cause of them exploding into something much worse!

When issues arise, being objective is key to overcoming problems.  In my work, it is often easy for me to listen to a couple and pretty much immediately point out exactly what is going on between them and whether or not it is something they are going to be able to work out.   At times, to them, it seems that I can even understand their relationship better than they can.   How…you might ask?  Simply, my point of view of their relationship is objective and not personal as it is with them.   As the old saying goes, “It’s easier to see from the outside looking in rather than the inside looking out.“  The key word being “objective.”

In every relationship, each person not only deserves to have their point of view validated when issues arise but also they deserve to know that their opinions matter to their spouse.   For example, you and your spouse are in an argument because your husband comes home, immediately gets his newspaper and beer and for the next hour ignores everyone and everything around him. He even gets upset when you interrupt him because you have supper on the table.  When communicating your feelings, you might begin with “I understand that reading is very relaxing for you but we haven’t seen one another all day and when we don’t eat together, I feel disconnected from you,”  instead of immediately going for the jugular with “You grabbing the paper and ignoring me is pissing me off.”   Being a little empathetic to your spouse’s reason for his/her behavior goes a long way.

A great tool in communication is empathy.  Try walking in your partners shoes (or thinking about it that way) when a situation arises.  Separating yourself and your marriage from the problem at hand is a good start.  When things are stalled, ask your partner “What can WE do to change this?“  Think of ways around what you are arguing about and sometimes, just simply agreeing to disagree on an issue is enough.  This simple step can be applied in your blended family environment as well.

Another great tool to use is to adopt a bit of flexibility when you are having disagreements, especially if you have been known to be on the stubborn side at times.  When you are willing to give a little bit and take a little bit, you will find that your spouse will be inclined to do the same.

Learning the art of being objective, flexible, empathetic and respectful with your spouse are valuable lessons in creating productive communication through disagreement, and of which will carry the two of you for a lifetime.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Express Your Love Through Music

I love music! It is clearly one of the most powerful tools for expression. There’s just something about a great song that has the ability to touch my soul. It touches it in a way that makes me truly feel and relate to what the artist is trying to express. Some of my favorite artists are Rascal Flats, Bonnie Rait, Alicia Keys, Sam Cooke, Amel Larrieux, Michael Jackson and countless others.

Rascal Flats song, What Hurts the Most, reminds me that I never want to be in a position of regret with my husband. I never want to allow the drama to infiltrate our marriage in such a way that I neglect to say the things that I’ve wanted to say and that I know he needs to hear. Below is the course.

What hurts the most is being so close; having so much to say, but watching you walk away. And never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.

And Michael Jackson’s, Lady in my Life, is a song that reminds me of how I want to continue loving my husband.

Baby through the years even when we’re old and gray I will love you more each day cause you will always be the lady (man) in my life.

Whether that emotion is pain, happiness, love or lust, music is a great form of communication. It allows couples to express themselves when they are at a loss for words and need to apologize for something. It also another great exercise for couples to use as yet another way to remind the other of their love for him or her. You can play the song that you first kissed to, the song that you first danced to at your wedding, or the song that just reminds you of how you feel for your spouse. All are great ways to remind your spouse just how much he or she means to you, are bound to bring back some sweet memories and even help create some new ones.

Additionally, music has the ability to allow couples who have lost the connection to reconnect or to strengthen an existing connection. As a matter of fact, a homework assignment that I give to my clients who are either stuck in the drama and need to be reminded to focus on them, or who just need to express the inexpressible, is a music exercise. They are instructed to choose a song that explains how they feel about their mate. Then they play the song for him or her and explain why they chose it. Couples often times get very emotional during this exercise because music evokes emotion in such a way that the person you’re expressing yourself to truly understands. If both parties are committed to the exercise, it is an excellent way to build couple strength.

So play your favorite love song for your hubby or wife. Get him or her in the mood with the Isley Brother’s song, In Between the Sheets, or let him or her know that You’ll Love Him Like You’ll Never See Him Again, by Alicia Keys. No matter what the reason or just for no reason at all, go and express yourself.

Infidelity is No Longer Taboo

It’s all over the newspapers, ragmags and television.   The child of John Edwards’  mistress is his daughter.   Tiger Woods and his 14 “other women.”  We can’t seem to escape the subject of infidelity in today’s marriages.

If you have experienced infidelity in your personal relationship or marriage, you’re not alone.  Infidelity is one of the leading reasons for divorce, broken homes, domestic violence and disrupted children.

I recently read a fabulous book entitled “Why Men Cheat” written by Paul Blanchard.  In his book, the statistics concerning men in particular are stunning.  Most surveys taken put male infidelity at a figure above 60% with some studies showing that rate close to 75%.  These same statistics show that although women cheat as well, they are at least twice as faithful as their male counterparts.  Another stunning statistic is the rate among gay males.  It has been estimated that over 90% of gay males in long-term relationships cheat on their partners.

Although the after effects of infidelity often leads to divorce, some partners/spouses are able to muddle their way through to an end result of a stronger marital bond.  However, there are those instances where a partner or spouse learns to accept this type of behavior and the unfaithfulness continues.

According to Mr. Blanchard, only one out of every four men actually leave their wives for the other woman.  This is not surprising to me.  Most men do not cheat on their wives because they don’t love them.  It is usually because they are missing something emotionally.   Most people believe “men will be men” and that they will cheat because of their animalistic ways, but that is not true.  I have talked to several men who have experienced infidelity and almost all of them said they loved their wives but that she couldn’t connect with them emotionally.  This is definitely not a valid excuse, in my opinion;  however, it is something that women need to be made more aware of.  Mr. Blanchard goes on to say that the biggest myth believed by many is the idea that if a man is happily married, he will not cheat.  Wrong again!

As Mr. Blanchard so eloquently states, “love is not a rational feeling.  Sometimes it leads to pure happiness and other times it leads to pain.  It is such a powerful emotion that it changes lives and perspectives.”  My take from that is his reasoning for the above.  People make irrational mistakes that lead to pain in marriages and relationships in general.  It’s what we learn from those mistakes that matter in the end.  Unfortunately, we have to learn that divorce may be the consequence, and fortunately for some, that mistake may lead to a stronger relationship if the right help is asserted.

The institute of marriage has been attacked by infidelity.  Marriage has become less of a commitment and divorce has become an all too easy option.  When we commit to our marriages and take our precious vows, we are supposed to be bound to our trust and to our loyalty to our unions.  As has been often stated, marriage is hard work! Although the path through infidelity is a hard one to take, I believe that one can find restoration and healing through a renewed commitment to yourself and to your marriage as well as  through communication and open counseling.

Let me put out my disclaimer to you readers that by all means, I am not encouraging anyone to stay in an unhealthy marriage.  However, marriage is extremely personal to each individual and where immediately heading to divorce court might be good for one couple, it may not be the answer for the next.

My question would be…”What is your marriage worth to you?”   TMF readers, I would love to hear your opinion on this very touchy subject.  I welcome your thoughts and opinions.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Overwhelmed and Disconnected in a Tough Economy

Today, trying to cultivate a balance between home and work life can be severely stressful. The effects of being overwhelmed and stressed can directly affect the relationship you have with your husband or wife, leaving both of you feeling disconnected. Of course, with the hard economic times currently affecting not just the United States, but every country in the world at this time, these feelings of disconnection become even more extreme with the added pressures of money stress.

The majority of women in the daily workforce in this country are overwhelmed, overworked and extremely disconnected, especially with themselves. They leave their homes to work 8 hours or more daily, come back home to shuffle the children to and from their activities, cook, clean, help with homework, etc., only to start all over again the next day. With this, they leave themselves little or no time for themselves or their spouses. “Exhausted and overwhelmed,” can’t fully explain what some women and men are dealing with during these hard times and I have to admit, I’ve been there, done that myself.

Unfortunately, overwork has also been proven to exacerbate our ongoing health conditions both mentally, physically and emotionally as well. Overwork has been linked to anxiety, depression and many other chronic stress-related disorders. It causes physical pain as well.

Of course, behind all of this is the disconnection with your spouse that can be directly related to this “overworked” syndrome. You give your all to your job during the day, you come home to another 4-6 hours of domestic work including caring for your children and your spouse gets the rest of you. What’s left of you that is – which at times, for your spouse, can seem like and feel like nothing. Women aren’t the only ones affected by being overworked. Due to our challenging economic times today, husbands are working two jobs and sometimes three job and overtime just to make ends meet; finding themselves also becoming disconnected with their wives and family. However, trying to reassess our situations is not easy when there are bills that need to be paid. Finding ways to balance our lives and putting our priorities in order is crucial. Here are a few ways you can achieve balance in order to avoid becoming disconnected:

• Don’t overschedule yourself. If the children’s activities are becoming too much for you to handle, limit each child to one activity outside of the home per week.
• Take some scheduled “time-out” space just for yourself.  Even if it means heading to the nearest Starbucks for an hour or two of reading or to the nearest public library for some quiet time.  Taking care of yourself, first, is crucial to your individual happiness.
• Romance your spouse. You don’t have to go out of the home to do this. Send the children to a babysitter or relative’s house for a couple of hours and have your own special time. Cook a simple dinner, eat together, spend quality time together.
• Work as a team. Do not allow outside influences and stresses to pull you apart. Daily stresses can put enormous pressure on your relationship with your spouse, pick your battles and let go of pettiness.
• Communicate daily. Make a special effort to have good conversation with your spouse.
• Eat meals together. Absorb one another’s wisdom. Showing keen interest in one another and your daily routines will bring you closer
• Laugh together as much as you can. Laughter is good for the soul and for your marriage.

And most importantly,

• PRAY TOGETHER. As the old saying goes. A family that prays together, stays together!

Sustaining a connection with your spouse should be the rule instead of the exception during tough times.  Obtaining this takes a commitment to be individually connected to ourselves, happy and healthy emotionally, physically and mentally as well. The end result will be that the both of you will be collectively committed to one another no matter what the future beholds you.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Relationship Communication 101

In all aspects of a relationship, whether that be in your marriage, your relationships with your children, your friends and even at your place of employment, there has to be a certain level of communication in order to avoid conflict and to sustain healthy relationships.  Simply put, without communication, there is no real relationship.

With that being said, communicating isn’t always that simple, even among people who may have lots in common and share the same views.  This is because to err is human and we all make mistakes.  There are several mistakes that people make when communicating, which in turn can cause a great conversation to get ugly rather quickly:

1.  Aggressive communication to impress outsiders.  Frequently, people will make the mistake of trying to get their point across by trying to over-talk the other party and making the contents of their communication known to all those around in order to convince people to take sides.

2.  Misinterpretation.  You take every thing your spouse is trying to say to you and misinterpret it.  For example, your spouse initiates a conversation about good discipline within your modern family and you twist it by thinking he is attacking your personal parenting skills.  You then let him have it and both of you are frustrated and upset.

3.  Communicating but not hearing.  You don’t like, and have no interest in the subject in which your spouse or loved one is trying to communicate with you about so you purposely put them on “mute-mode.”  At that point, you aren’t paying any real attention to the conversation at all.  End result — no communication at all.

Some helpful tips to alleviate these problems with communication include:

• Attentive listening.  Paying active attention to the conversation and showing real interest shows great respect for the person you are communicating with.  It is very satisfying for a spouse to know that they are being not only listened to, but heard as well.  True listening allows you to feel and understand your spouse or loved one’s needs and feelings.
• Use non-accusatory language. When addressing problems or issues between you and your loved one, begin the conversation by removing the world “You.”  The word “you” when used in conflicting conversation, can be taken as  accusatory at times.  Instead, start with “I feel” or “We.”   Remember, a statement about your personal feelings is hard to challenge and therefore allows for less of a defensive reaction from the other communicator.
• Patience. Lastly, When you are angry, misguided or have misinterpreted something with your spouse or loved one, sometimes it is best to leave certain things unsaid for that moment.  When things cool down and you, your spouse and/or loved one is more approachable, then you can revisit that concern.  But, for the time being, let it go.

Good communication is one of the keys to building any successful relationship whether that relationship be at home with modern family, at school with your friends and teachers or in your marriage as well.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Do you constantly seek approval outside of your marriage?

Isn’t it funny how married people in general seek approval from anyone and everyone who is OUTSIDE of their marriage? We want mom to approve of and agree with all of our parenting choices. We want ex-spouses, even, to approve of our new spouse. If we have kids, we seek their approval as well. Some might even seek the approval of friends. But, often times, the last person we seek approval from is our SPOUSE. Instead, we expect and automatically assume that he or she will be just fine with all of our choices, thereby taking him or her for granted.

There are more than a few passages in the bible that give explanation regarding the institution of marriage.  Genesis 2:23-24 says, “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

Matthew 19:6 says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Ephesians 5:25-31 says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”

I didn’t detect anything about ex-spouses, in-laws, parents or friends in any of those statements. A husband and wife are supposed to cling to each other, love each other as they would love themselves and fully support each other in their union. There is no room for anyone else in a marriage.

So many times, I’ve heard husbands say that they just don’t want to upset their EX-wives; children who say that their mothers’ approval of their marriage, their parenting styles and their spouses are like unbearable thorns in their side because they work so hard to gain what they feel they’ll never get – her approval, and even wives who work extra hard to gain the approval of their spouse’s ex-spouse. What I rarely hear or witness any of them doing is considering their spouse’s feelings, thoughts or opinions when it comes to the matter that seek approval on. Well, at least not until I bring it up.

With the divorce rate steadily climbing, it’s no secret that married couples are doing something wrong, and the main problem that I see is couples automatically starting off viewing their marriage as something that is temporary instead of permanent. It is true that your mother will always be your mother; your ex-spouse will always be the parent of your child and your sibling will always be your sibling. However, the same is true of your spouse and you should view him or  her with the same permanency that you do the others.

Now this doesn’t mean that you will never take anybody else’s opinions or feelings into consideration because you will. But, you should work to please your spouse while considering the others, and not the other way around. Your marriage is not a presidential election in which everyone gets a vote. It is about two people and the only people who know what’s going on inside of it are the two people in it. As such, you are the only two people who get a vote.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK! You have to first start with two like-minded people and those two people must be fully committed to putting in work; committed to making each other happy, committed to supporting each other and committed to presenting a united front when circumstances or people aim to tear you apart. Just remember that while your mother will always be your mother; your sibling will always be your sibling; and your ex-spouse will be always be your co-parenting partner, your spouse will always be your life partner.

“The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must
be total, it must be permanent, and it must be equal.” ~Frank Pittman

Why Did I Get Married?

Marriage is HARD work and love alone is  not enough. It requires nurturing, attention, patience, loyalty, understanding and trust, among other things. Remarriages with children are even more difficult, due to the external forces (ex-spouses, children and emotional baggage) that often times make it difficult for couples to make their marriages a priority. But, it really isn’t that difficult at all and it’s crucial to make your remarriage, just as you would your first marriage, priority number one! Why? Because if your marriage fails, your blended family fails and your kids have to experience a second divorce. It’s as simple as this – families can’t and won’t blend if the marriage isn’t the first to blend. If the ex-spouses get along great, but your marriage is headed for divorce, then it is highly likely that you’ve put too much energy into your divorce and not enough into marriage.

I’ve talked to many wives who have stated that they feel unsupported by their husbands. They feel as if what his ex-wife says holds more weight than what she, his wife, says. They feel as if their husbands walk on eggshells around the ex-wife, but have no problem stating their opposing view to them, their wives. Simply put, they feel as if the fear of them (husbands) not seeing their children, forces them to be more of a partner to their ex-wives than their wives.

Then I talk to the husbands who say that they feel they HAVE to do everything their ex-wives say because they just want to see their children. They are not trying to neglect their marriages and often believe that they make their marriages a priority simply because they are still married. Many believe that their wives need to be more understanding of their situations and realize that it’s nothing personal, they just want to see their kids.

The advice that I offer to these men is this: Marriage is extremely personal! Your wife wants to feel valued as your partner; the co-captain of the team in which you are the captain. Not as a bench member on a team in which you and your ex-wife are the captains. How much sense does it make for you to always think about not upsetting your ex-wife, for whatever reason, when your wife is constantly upset? Expecting your wife to just always understand and put her feelings aside is taking her for granted. Your wife shouldn’t be solely responsible for understanding your situation (divorce). It is your ex-wife who needs to understand and respect your marriage. Simply put, your marriage comes first because blended families don’t fail, (re) marriages do!

The question is how do you fix it? How do these couples begin to repair their marriages so that they don’t end up in divorce battle number 2? What I recommend is something that my husband and I do quite often and it has helped to strengthen our marriage immensely. I tell them to sit in front of each other at least once per month and ask this question – Why did I get married? Then tell each other the reasons why they chose to marry the other. This gently forces couples to bring back all of those happy feelings that led up to them marrying in the first place. It puts the focus on them instead of the drama.  It allows them to look into each other’s eyes and remind each other of why they fell in love in the first place. Often times couples allow the drama of ex-spouses and the obstacles of blending a family to consume them, and their marriages are an after thought. This simple exercise allows couples to constantly remind each other of why they love them, and it allows them as individuals to remember why the other should be valued as his or her life partner.

Below are some other tips to help you pave your way to a better marriage.

1. Communication. Communication is essential in any relationship. From discipline to money matters, constant communication is key in order to make sure you remain on the same page.
2. Find a way to deal with your issues. If you’re too upset to talk about your issues face-to-face, use a problem box. Write down your problem and place it in what you and your spouse know to be the problem box. This way you can communicate your problem without having to actually verbalize it, and your partner can digest it without your eyes glaring at him or her. When things cool down, address the problem, face-to-face.
3. Remember to make decisions that affect your household TOGETHER. No, your spouse shouldn’t be expected to sit down with you and your ex-spouse to discuss things like choosing a school, doctors or dentists. But, issues such as visitation schedules and discipline in the household should be discussed with your wife.
4. Your spouse is your life partner.Remember that while your ex-spouse is your co-parenting partner, your spouse is your life partner!
5. Treat the relationship like you are the best of friends.Remember that your spouse is the person that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and you should treat the relationship like you are  the best of friends. Just being life partners and making decisons together gets redundant in a very short period of time. Building a marriage with a strong foundation of friendship will last a lifetime. Do fun things together, laugh together and be goofy with each other. You’ll begin to notice your relationship becoming stronger and more loving after doing so.

Romancing your spouse

With all the stresses in our daily lives today, the most forgotten gift we can give our spouse is romance.  For example, last week, my husband came home late from working his second job with a pretty bag in his hand, he bent over to kiss me and said ”I know you always put yourself last–thank you for being such a good wife.”  In the bag was a brand new outfit for me!  What a man!  Now that’s romantic.  It’s not romantic because he bought me some material thing, but because of his thought process.  Like many families in these hard economic times, he works two jobs so we don’t get to spend a lot of extra time together.  The one day a weekend that we really see one another seems to fly right by and he thought by giving me something special he was showing me that he is always thinking about me.

Finding ways to be romantic with your husband or wife is not always as easy as it seems.  Men do not always admit that they like to be romanced, but they like to connect just as much as us women do.  Women like to be surprised where romance for a man is a confident, supportive woman.  Men do not like insecure women.  A man feels romanced when he is able to take his woman to a movie or a basketball game and she feels confident in her skin at either place.

With the men I spoke with about this issue, one of the main attributes of ultimate romance to them was the ability of a woman to be supportive, to stand by them, to encourage him that if he fails at something, he should try again.  The second attribute they discussed was emotional.   Men like to be told what they mean to you and how you are attracted to them.  They appreciate hearing a little praise every now and then.

Women on the other hand like candles, sunrises and sunsets. They love when you remember their birthdays and anniversaries.  They like flowers every now and then and a romantic dinner.  Often times,  a husband just making an effort to make dinner and/or cleaning up the house is a romantic gesture in and of itself.  It is telling your wife with actions that you appreciate her and all she does.  Scoring tickets to an important game for your husband is telling him with actions that you appreciate his hard work.

The most important aspect of romance is time.  Your time is special.  Even if it is only for an evening once a month on a weekend.  It means so much.  Taking time to reignite your love for your spouse is an amazing gift that you can give yourself.  So, call the babysitter and make it happen BFSO readers!  Get that romance rolling!

Peace & Blessings,
Di

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