All Moms Need Self-Care

The last 16 months have been a whirlwind for me and my family. The addition of our little miracle baby has been welcomed but so chaotic and full of changes. Before Bam Bam (that’s what we call him), my husband and I were raising a 13 year old who was self-sufficient. He could make his own food, iron and pick out his own clothes, and carried his IPod Touch around like it was a cochlear implant. Motherhood and parenthood for that matter was very different.

I have always been an advocate of mothers and stepmothers taking time to indulge in a bit of self-care. It is so important to not completely devote yourself to being a mother or a stepmother in order to be a good mother or stepmother. I’ve received angry emails from readers stating that I was wrong for telling stepmothers to assign ownership of certain responsibilities to their rightful owners and use that down time for themselves. I told them that it is completely okay, natural and healthy to tell their spouse that they will not be responsible for their stepchildren every single time they come to visit. Instead, I told them to use that time to take a nap, have a girl’s night, get a hobby or do all of the above. This advice is especially true for the stepmothers who have kids of their own and can never seem to get a moment of down time.

Well, for the past 16 months this has never been more true and apparent to me. A woman cannot soley focus on her children and/or stepchildren and husband without: 1) losing a huge piece of herself and/or 2) going insane. She needs time to de-stress, regroup and recharge in order to be a good mom/stepmom and wife. There’s just no way around it and women should not feel guilty for demanding to recharge her batteries. During the first year of my son’s life as I operated on maybe two hours worth of sleep, little food and no energy, my husband, friends, family, pastor and other new or renewed moms would tell me to take time for myself. They almost begged me to step away from my sweet little angel so that I could recharge. Because he was a preemie and is still experiencing health issues as a result, I didn’t want to leave him with ANYONE. But, this meant that I was with him all of the time and it just wasn’t healthy for either of us.  Thank God for my wonderful husband who took time off of work to not only take care of us but to remind me what I have been advocating for the past several years – “me” time! When I wouldn’t budge, he started arranging girl’s night outs for me. He called a few of my friends, made reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, made reservations at a spa for all of us and paid for everything. Once he did that a few times, it became a habit and now I look forward to spending time away from my angel. I have even revisited my love of photography and  look forward to the moments I get to use that creative outlet. I need it in order to be the best mommy I can be to my children and you moms/stepmoms need it too. So take a little time to indulge in regular self-care and do so without guilt. Your entire family will be better as a result.

Love the ladies at The Glow

Ok, I found a new love and it combines 3 of my passions; beautiful photographs, telling a story and celebrating modern mamahood! I’m officially in love with www.theglow.com.

In their own words, The Glow is a glimpse into the world of inspiring and fashionable moms. There you’ll find their styling ideas, go-to gear, multitasking secrets, and enviable decor.

What I love about these jet-setting moms (which is what, in my opinion, makes them modern mamas) is witnessing the sweet moments they share with their kids in these beautiful photographs taken by Kelly Stuart of http://www.kellystuartphoto.com/. They are candid about their experiences with motherhood; from sleepless nights to finding balance between being a wife and mother while not losing themselves. Check out a few of the photos below and be sure to visit http://www.theglow.com/.

It IS possible to be wife, mother/stepmother AND not lose yourself in the process! It is the essence of modern mamahood – take notes!

"Take naps whenever you can, drink enough water and accept that you look tired" (and that's not necessarily a bad thing). ~Ana Lerario-Geller and daugther Luna

When you have a kid, at the end of the day, you want that little special feeling for yourself. The bed represents that for me." Meredith Kahn and daughter Grayson

"Because I started my own company, I said to myself, there are things I’m going to be able to do that I wasn’t able to do before, like picking up the kids at school and bringing them home. But I feel a tremendous amount of guilt." Jenne Lombardo and sons, Bowie and Valentine

Today’s Modern Family’s Top 10 Mom Must-Haves

Star of Bethenny Getting Married, Bethenny (Frankel) Hoppy and actress, Jessica Alba both admit to a night nanny being a must have. Modern momma, actress and star of hit reality show, Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood, Tori Spelling swears by the Orbit stroller. Star of the movie, “The Kids Are Alright,” Julianne Moore says that traveling with mozerella cheese sticks and crackers for her two kids is a must have and modern momma and actress, Nia Long says that having her “Nia” time is a must!

But whether or not you’re a celebrity, most days modern mommas are juggling so many things that it feels like they have a celebrity’s schedule. If you’re a modern single momma who’s having to do it all, you probably can’t or should I say, shouldn’t, live without your “me” time. If you’re a modern stepmomma, raising someone else’s kids, a glass of wine may top your must have list. If you’re a modern working momma, a routine is probably essential for you.

We checked with some Today’s Modern Family modern momma readers and friends to see what their mom must haves were and compiled a list of the top ten. Because we are advocates of our modern mommas taking good care of themselves and we know must haves don’t have to be specifically for the kid, we encouraged our readers and friends to list something that they personally need to get them through mommyhood. Are any of your must haves on the list? If not, add them in the comment section.

As a new mom (again) to a 4 month old cutie pie and mom to a 13 year old, I must agree with number 1 on the list; ten minute power naps. Delina Hill-Brooker, co-author of Revealing and Healing, says that there’s nothing like a 10 minute power nap to quickly rejuvenate yourself. Another one of our modern mommas said that a glass of Berringer White Zifindale does the trick for her. McDonald’s Ice Coffee is another one of our modern mommas drink of choice. She said that it’s a definite mom must have.

Spicy Wifey co-founder and celebrity make-up artist, Quin says that she can’t live without her Jaime Earl Organic Skin Care line!

Many of our modern mommas confessed to not getting enough of paper plates. The less dishes they have to do the better and I must agree!

Studies do show that exercise releases endorphins that make you happy and a few of our  mommas can’t live without that gym time.

As a mom and stepmom, with kids coming and going like ping pong balls, a rountine was essential especially when my son and stepson were very young. Modern single momma of 5, Chamar Folson couldn’t agree more. A rountine tops her list of mom must haves.

 ”As a mother of 5 children, the most important thing for me is a concrete evening schedule. Children thrive on structure and it helps keep them well rounded when they get older,” explained Folson.

Author of bestseller, Mircales of my Mistakes, and divorced modern momma of 5, T.Smith, swears by Godiva’s dark chocolate maccroons – yummy. 

Several of our mommas must have  daily meditation or spiritual time with God. Modern momma, Jina Helms said that she worships God daily through song on her way to work and on her way home, and won’t go a day without it.

“It’s my woosah moment and keeps me prepared for all of my jobs; mom, wife and employee,” said Jina.

design by Tiffany Kendall of Glass House Coutoure

CEO and lead designer of Glass House Coutoure and modern single momma, Tiffany Kendall, said that she can’t live without removable wall decals. She says they are a must have for moms because they can easily personalize their kid’s room with them.

As a working mother, I can definitely relate to more than a few of the above. I can’t function without a daily dose of “Kela” time, those 10 minute power naps are a great “pick me up” and paper plates save me time on doing the dishes. What about you? Tell us what you just can’t live without.

Describe Your Ulitmate Mental Vacation and win an XM Satellite Radio!

Today’s Modern Family is giving away a brand new Sirius Sportster 5 XM Satellite Radio! All you have to do is read the Take a Mental Vacation to Avoid Stress post and then describe your ultimate mental vacation in the comments section of the post. The winner will be randomly chosen on April 1, 2010 at 8pm EST.

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The Today’s Modern Family Team

The Great Mother’s Day Debate

I’m sure this debate has been going on century after century but it has been brought up again this year. Should husbands get their wives Mother’s Day presents?  To me, that’s a no brainer – uh, yes!  Combine 36 hours of labor, three daughters, and too many to count stretch marks later I think I deserve at least a card.  But, here’s where the debate comes in.  I’m not my husband’s mother so it is Mother’s Day right?  He should be giving presents to his mom and not me right?  I have heard this argument from both sides. As I have found, even some mothers (of boys!!!) think that of course their sons need to spend Mother’s Day with their own mothers.  Of course this does vary by age and marital status. Some wives would be irate that their husbands would neglect them to spend the day with their mother.  Mothers want to spend the day with their children since they wouldn’t have a special day if it weren’t for them!!  Whew! It wears me out thinking about it. Then you throw in step-mothers, grandmothers, Aunts and then you really have a debacle!  Here are some tips on how to handle what should be a very nice day for ALL mothers:

1. Guys, no your wife is NOT your mother BUT a card or a nice note to acknowledge that she is the mother of your kids would be appreciated. Have a celebration in the morning with the whole family with a nice breakfast.
2. After you celebrate your wife as the mother of your kids and your kids have had a chance to honor her as well, then get dressed and go to each other’s respective mothers homes. If distance is a factor, make sure you call in the morning and let your kids talk to grandma too. Mothers and grandmothers like to know you are thinking of them on this day especially if you aren’t in the same town or state. Picking up the phone first thing will really make them happy and that way they know they are still on the top of your list.
3. Calling all mothers . . . if your child has a step-mother no matter what your relationship is with her please make sure your child calls or sees her this day as well!! It is not a threat to you to have your child have a good and loving relationship with their step-mother. In fact you should want to encourage that as your child is in her care when they visit your ex! Just a little inside tip!
4. Spend the afternoon or evening with your mothers who are in town. You can have a cookout or just a slice of cake. But this way the entire family gets to be with mom and grandma. And if you are really adventureous, invite your child’s step-mom too. If your child is close with both sides of their family why make them choose? You all can come together for an afternoon of food, celebration, and fun. You wouldn’t even have to have a big formal thing.  Just invite your ex and his wife over for a little while so your kids can enjoy everyone at once.  Now I know that won’t work in every family and some of you are saying “is she nuts?” BUT if you can stand it for just a little while it is beneficial for your kids.

So, this Mother’s Day let’s not sit around and debate. Just jump in and celebrate whatever way makes you and your family happy!!!!