Adding a new baby to your blended family

bigbrotherAdding a baby to a family is always a blessing but a lot of hard work. Adding a baby to a blended family can be a blessing and curse at the same time, AND double the hard work. A new baby in the blended family creates apprehension and worry. As a result, it is imperative to consider the current emotional security of the existing children and the overall foundation of your blended family before deciding to embark upon this journey.

Family must first be built on solid ground

It’s important to make sure that your family has established a bond as a newly formed family before deciding to expand it. All existing children need to be well-adjusted to their new family and be settled into their new home and routine before shaking things up with a new baby. Many remarried couples feel as if a baby will bring an already unsettled blended family together, but the worst thing you can do is add this little bundle of joy too prematurely; causing feelings of fear and doubt in existing children to resurface all over again.  This only creates additional stress and even less opportunities to bond with them.

Make your existing children feel secure

Remember that it’s so easy to get lost in the excitement of your first babyFAN2025701 Veer rf together, but it’s crucial that you don’t forget the children who were there first! The part-time children are going to especially need constant reassurance that they matter and are indeed still a part of your family. They can begin to feel excluded from their biological parent and his family. Keep in mind that these negative feelings don’t just disappear with time and will intensify if ignored. Maintain or strengthen your bond with them individually and as a family by including them in the pregnancy. Allow them to help you choose a name or decorate the nursey. All in all, it’s important NOT to make them [part-timers] feel self-conscious about not belonging to the both of you. Make ALL of your children feel completely a part of the family no matter where they live or who they were born to.

Older children aren’t babysitters or “friends”

Please remember that older part-time siblings are not unpaid babysitters, nor are they to be used solely for keeping their younger sibling out of your hair. Part-timers shouldn’t be treated as “friends” that you invite over for a play date with your biological children. It’s essential that you keep in mind that they are a part of your family and that your home is their home. Children detest feeling like guests in their biological parent’s home. As such make sure that you maintain a place for them when the new baby arrives.

Overall, there are several factors to consider when deciding to or preparing for a new baby in the blended family. The most important is to consider the needs of ALL involved children and don’t exclude any children, no matter where their full-time residence is. If this situation isn’t handled properly, it could delay the bonding and strengthening of a blended family in its infatile stages; or put an already settled blended family back at square one.

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Babies after age 35

janetjackson1Tyra Banks has this segment on her show called 20 questions. During this segment she gets to ask celebrity guests 20 questions about any and everything. On a recent show she asked Janet Jackson this question – when are you going to have children? Her response went something like this:

 

“Everybody keeps asking me that question. Honestly, I’m in no rush. I mean it’ll happen when it’s supposed to. I have time. I’m still young.”

 

“How old are you,” Tyra asked?

 

“41, so I’ve got time,” Janet replied.

 

Although Janet Jackson’s youthful look is still the envy of even some women in their 20’s, can it be limited to just that – a look? Does it mean that her body can still withstand the twists, turns and changes that pregnancy can put it through?

 

Many times remarried couples go back and forth when deciding to have a baby between them. Often times these couples have gone through at least one marriage, have multiple children between them and are older at this point. But many, women especially, feel it is important to have a child with their current husbands. The question is when is it too old to have a baby?

 

kidmanurban1More and more women are deciding to have children in their 30’s, 40’s and even closer to age 50 today than ever before. Nicole Kidman, age 41, just gave birth to her daughter Sunday Rose this year and she’s in good company. Halle Berry, 41, also gave birth to daughter, Nahla, this year. Jennifer Lopez, age 38, recently gave birth to twins, Max and Emme. Marcia Cross, age 44, gave birth to twins, Savannah and Eden last year. And, Salma Hayek, age 40, gave birth to daughter, Valentina, this year.

 

 

 Celebrities aren’t the only ones who are giving birth later in life. According to a report on pregnancy, in 2006, the pregnancy rate in women over 40 is rising faster than any other age group. As a matter of fact, I know more than a few women that had their children for the first time after age 35 or are in their thirties, but have decided to wait before having children. Most of them based their decision to on their career, the fact that they haven’t found Mr. Right yet or them feeling like they just aren’t ready. Do they have the right idea or not??

 

According to Dr. Skelton, who recently explained on the National Geographic Channel’s program, Animal Aging Secrets, the baby boomers just might be doing the right thing by having children much later in life.

 

“Evidence suggests that the later you produce children, the longer your life span will be,” she says.

 

This research further indicates that after 30, there is a dramatic reduction in oestrogen hormone in women. By leaving it longer before having our first child, we’re giving ourselves a big burst of oestrogen, which helps in many ways – muscle, bone and nervous function. Additionally, scientists say that women who have their last child after age 35 could be reducing her risk of death in each subsequent year by 28 percent compared to a woman who gave birth for the last time at a younger age. It could also mean a later menopausal period and the delayed onset of diseases such as Alzheimer’s for these women.

 

In addition to pregnancy, the act of trying to get pregnant is also helpful in prolonging your life span. Research indicates that a healthy sex life can prove to be beneficial as well. Testoterone levels drop in men and women as they grow older. But sex produces more testoterone, which may help keep our hearts in good shape.

 

So, there you have it.  If you want to live longer, have plenty of sex and babies after 35!

 

BFSO wants to hear from our readers. Did you or have you decided to wait to have children later in life? Perhaps you’re a second wife with no biological children of your own and are just now considering having children. If so, why or why not?

 

 

 

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