HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

June 17, 2012 By

Kela and I personally want to extend out a huge Happy Father’s Day to all of the wonderful fathers and stepfathers who hold their families together!  We know that your job isn’t easy but you certainly deserve to be thanked, not just on this day, but every single day that you work hard to maintain the bonds that you create with your children and stepchildren.

Kela and I grew up very different situations.  She never experienced having a stepfather in her life.  What she did have was a wonderful, loving, caring and beautiful relationship with her own father.  In small talk, Kela and I have shared a lot about the relationship a young girl has with her father and all of Kela’s expectations were attained by the wonderful example her father set for her early on in her life.  Kela’s father passed away a few years back but what truly wonderful gifts, pure love and memories he has left with her for a lifetime. 

I, on the other hand, experienced divorce at the early age of 6 years old.  I believe my mother remarried when I was 8 or so and was divorced again by the time I was 12.  My experience was different because I don’t feel as if I was ever really able to have that true bonding time with my dad and my stepfather just wasn’t around long enough to establish same.  Without the presence of that bonding, at times I have felt like I “missed out.”   However, I do remember how special my dad was to me as a little girl and when I went to live with him for a stint in my early teenage years and I am still lucky to have my dad in my life now.

The lesson here in this post that I am trying to put across is simple.  Dads and stepdads, you play an important role in the lives of your children and your stepchildren.  They are watching you and learning from your examples.  Kela told me something that was powerful.  While growing up, she and her dad would have long one-on-one conversations, he always showed her he loved her and her brother and spent time with each of them individually.  Her dad sent her flowers here and there, opened doors for her and made her understand that she was to be treated no less by anyone.  Kela’s father was not just making her feel good, he was teaching her that she was worthy of love and respect and in a round-about way, how a man should treat a woman.  What a powerful lesson!  

Kela and I both have fabulous husbands that are fathers and stepfathers in the lives of our children.  Our husbands have been there for the long-haul, in the good times and during the trying times in our stepfamily journeys.  We are so lucky to have them.  I would like to thank my husband for all that he has done for me and my children and for the example he is settng for my boys.  Without him, our lives would be very different. 

Dads and stepdads, Today’s Modern Family takes their hats off to you!  Keep setting those examples and making those wonderful memories  for your children and stepchildren.  Have a blessed Father’s Day!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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How Choice Plays A Vital Role In Our Relationships

January 4, 2012 By Leave a Comment

In my coaching practice, I come across clients all of the time that are in conflict and need help with their blended family issues.  Most of the time, their frustrations simply come from the choices that they are deciding to make or not to make which end up causing most of the hardship in their relationships.  For example, in remarriage, the biggest problem I come across with my clients is the issue of discipline.  9 times out of 10 the clients cannot agree, and they refuse to agree to disagree on this issue.   Resentment builds in one or both parties, the issue continues to be swept under the rug and by choosing to not to get on the same page, they are ultimately making a choice that may end up ruining or eventually ending their marriage.

Let’s talk about why choice plays such an important role in our relationships.  We have to understand that as life partners we always have a choice in how we live in our relationships.  With that, we may not always like our choices but part of being life partners is knowing that as we make these unavoidable choices we open certain other possibilities and we close the door on others.  For example, if we make the choice to allow our children or stepchildren to run the household, disrespect our spouse and never come to an agreement on the rules and what behaviors will and will not be tolerated in our household, then we close the door to trust and communication with our spouse.  We have to choose to handle these situations not just to ensure that our relationships stay sound but to help our children as well.

I once read that choice follows awareness.  Teaching our children this is so important.  The most effective way to teach them this is by example.  Every time we make a choice for our families as a couple, whether good or bad, it will produce a consequence.  When we hold that we choose what happens in our relationships it is only then that we take full ownership over them.

TMF Readers, remember, marriage is a marathon not a sprint.  In our relationships and through our family issues, when you find yourself not seeing the difference between your choices and you are finding it easy to make your spouse “wrong” instead of holding yourself to the fact that you made a choice too,  your relationship will suffer.  Realizing that our individual choices play a role as well in our issues is key.  Take time to communicate to your spouse the choices you two are making individually and as a couple which affect your relationship.  Having this awareness will give you power and you will avoid taking the easy way out but will make room for more open communication and togetherness.

Peace & Blessings,

Diane

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Terrible Couple — Amazing Co-Parents?

October 31, 2011 By Leave a Comment

We all know the statistics.  Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce and more than 60% of all remarriages do the same.  We all assume our marriages start off on the right foot then over time, for whatever reason, the issues consume us and eventually sink our marriages.  Further, most couples end up in divorce court because they wait until it is too late to get the help they need in order to save it.  The feelings of resentment creep in and the couple becomes detached from one another. Unfortunately, during this time, the silent partners in the relationship, the children, suffer the most.  With that being said, there still is hope.  I know many divorced couples that are able to put their pe rsonal feelings and resentments aside for the betterment of their children and have become amazing co-parents.

When talking to my clients who are experiencing co-parent issues, the first piece of advice I like to give them is that they need to look at their situation through the eyes and perspective of their children.  Children look to their parents for their stability and support both physically and emotionally.  If you two are a mess, they will be more than a mess.  You can be great co-parents as long as you develop a good business relationship aside from your divorce.  That seems odd for most people to hear.  A business relationship?  Yes, raising healthy and stable children is meticulous.  Remember, your past marriage and your current parenting take different skill sets.  Therefore, after divorce, your feelings about your marriage need to be put aside.  Like in business, in healthy and effective co-parenting, there has to be strong commitment.  Most of you will say, ”well that’s easy….they’re my children, of course I will be committed.”  Well, I am here to tell you that when divorce is fresh, new and you are still hurting, a lot of times, that commitment to healthy co-parenting is the last thing on some folks’ mind.  I find it amazing that when a couple is married they agree on how they are going to parent their children ”together” but when divorce creeps in, they ultimately decide that must change and their parenting has to become a battle.  Seriously TMF readers, I have seen it on many occasions and most parents are in denial about it.  I’ll give you the following examples of same:

  • Ignoring phone calls or messages when the child is in your custody.
  • Common courtesy calls no longer exist (i.e., when the child is sick in your custody, you don’t inform the other parent).
  • Disparagement of the other parent occurs when the children are present.
  • Notice is not given about parent/teacher conferences or events until the last minute and the other parent is not able to attend or is not notified at all.
  • Use your children to relay messages to the other parent.
  • Discipline that one parent instituted is disregarded when the child is in your possession.

Friends, there is no rule that states that after divorce you can’t get along with your ex spouse, especially in order to co-parent your children.  Being able to co-parent effectively lessens the chance that your children will be caught in the cross-fire because of unresolved issues.  This is where I say your co-parenting relationship has to become a business relationship.  The children you created together deserve to watch you and learn and have stability.  If parents are able to realize that it’s okay to see past their own feelings in order to accomplish this for their children, they will be on their way to becoming amazing co-parents.  Remember, you  both have things to teach your children and you have to “love” your children more than you “hate or dislike” each other during the process.  Here are a few tips to get you on your way:

  • Back one another up on decisions.  If your ex has disciplined your child and your weekend or Spring break has come up, stick with the instituted discipline.  If you falter on this issue, your children will always know they can play two ends to the middle.
  • Major decisions regarding your children should always be made by both parents.
  • Respect, respect, respect.  DEMAND IT for both parents.
  • Communication is critical.
  • Our children’s feelings come first before ours.
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff.  You and your ex are different.  Neither of you may not always understand the others reasoning for things.  Try not to sweat the small stuff.  Most of the time, it’s not worth an argument.
  • No parent-playing allowed.  Children are good at getting one parent or the other to “side” with them.  Communication is key with this issue.  Parents have to talk.  All children play their parents from time-to-time and when they are teens, it usually gets worse.  Your children should know that you trust the parenting skills of the other parent at all times.  This alleviates this issue 90% of the time.
  • Keep the grown up issues between the two grown ups.  Speaking in an ill manner in front of your children will only create insecure children.  Don’t disparage.  It’s not worth the damage it causes.  Remember, your children are part of the other parent just as they are a part of you.  When you disparage, they take that as an insult to them, whether they show it or not.  They love both of you.
  • Encourage each other.  Yes, not only is it possible, it is healthy for your children.  When the both of you are trying hard to co-parent effectively, appreciate one anothers efforts.

TMF readers, your children are watching you.  I cannot stress this enough.  Keeping your focus on your children after divorce sometimes means you have to be the bigger person when conflict arises.  By being able to co-parent effectively, you are not just showing your children that their mental, physical and emotional health means the world to you but you are teaching them how to handle conflict themselves which will serve them well in the future.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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Video Games: Friend or Foe?

August 18, 2011 By Leave a Comment

TMF Readers, we received the following letter from a concerned reader regarding video game addiction. In the past 10 years, video game addiction has become a mainstay in our society and abroad. Unfortunately, there are some parents who are also addicted which sets the bar in the opposite direction for their children.  We at Today’s Modern Family would love to have your thoughts on this fiery debate.  Feel free to chime in and offer our reader some of your tips or tools on how you helped to conquer this addiction with your own child(ren).

Dear Advisory Board,

We are concerned about the possible signs of Video Game Addiction in one of our pre-teens.

I have read some things online but hard to know what is reliable. The signs we are seeing are:

- Inordinate fixation with a particular multi-dimensional game.

- Immediate return to the game when there is even a moment free.

- Strong reactions to when the game’s access is limited or removed.

- Inciting conflict with siblings playing the game or using the computer.

- Lethargy in other areas such as homework, personal care, household responsibilities where previously these were done more reliably.

- Sneaky/deceitful behaviour to get to the game.

The list does go on but I am sure you would agree that the signs are worthy of attention.

We are intervening and doing a lot of common-sense things like talking about it with the child, limiting access to a certain amount per day, giving other options for them to occupy their time with. We are seeking guidance locally as well.

We are just concerned we are at the thin edge of the wedge of a growing problem and welcome any input.

Much appreciated.

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All Moms Need Self-Care

August 8, 2011 By 4 Comments

The last 16 months have been a whirlwind for me and my family. The addition of our little miracle baby has been welcomed but so chaotic and full of changes. Before Bam Bam (that’s what we call him), my husband and I were raising a 13 year old who was self-sufficient. He could make his own food, iron and pick out his own clothes, and carried his IPod Touch around like it was a cochlear implant. Motherhood and parenthood for that matter was very different.

I have always been an advocate of mothers and stepmothers taking time to indulge in a bit of self-care. It is so important to not completely devote yourself to being a mother or a stepmother in order to be a good mother or stepmother. I’ve received angry emails from readers stating that I was wrong for telling stepmothers to assign ownership of certain responsibilities to their rightful owners and use that down time for themselves. I told them that it is completely okay, natural and healthy to tell their spouse that they will not be responsible for their stepchildren every single time they come to visit. Instead, I told them to use that time to take a nap, have a girl’s night, get a hobby or do all of the above. This advice is especially true for the stepmothers who have kids of their own and can never seem to get a moment of down time.

Well, for the past 16 months this has never been more true and apparent to me. A woman cannot soley focus on her children and/or stepchildren and husband without: 1) losing a huge piece of herself and/or 2) going insane. She needs time to de-stress, regroup and recharge in order to be a good mom/stepmom and wife. There’s just no way around it and women should not feel guilty for demanding to recharge her batteries. During the first year of my son’s life as I operated on maybe two hours worth of sleep, little food and no energy, my husband, friends, family, pastor and other new or renewed moms would tell me to take time for myself. They almost begged me to step away from my sweet little angel so that I could recharge. Because he was a preemie and is still experiencing health issues as a result, I didn’t want to leave him with ANYONE. But, this meant that I was with him all of the time and it just wasn’t healthy for either of us.  Thank God for my wonderful husband who took time off of work to not only take care of us but to remind me what I have been advocating for the past several years – “me” time! When I wouldn’t budge, he started arranging girl’s night outs for me. He called a few of my friends, made reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, made reservations at a spa for all of us and paid for everything. Once he did that a few times, it became a habit and now I look forward to spending time away from my angel. I have even revisited my love of photography and  look forward to the moments I get to use that creative outlet. I need it in order to be the best mommy I can be to my children and you moms/stepmoms need it too. So take a little time to indulge in regular self-care and do so without guilt. Your entire family will be better as a result.

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4 Tips for Transitioning Through the Identity Shift Being a New Parent Brings

August 1, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Who I thought myself to be all changed the moment I first held my 5 pound, 13 ounce baby in my arms and felt the warmth of her skin against mine. In those first few moments no longer was I a compilation of all the labels I had previously given myself. Now, I was simply “A Mother”—and in my eyes, being a mother was the only label that mattered.

 As one day merged with the next, my newfound sense of joy, unconditional love, and enormous inner strength that came with motherhood also brought to me a healthy dose of discomfort and disruption to my everyday life and fundamental core of identity.

 Instead of being the confident and assured mother that I had imagined, I found myself wallowing in self-doubt and obscurity more than I wanted to admit.

 In those first few months I wondered what had happened to those early days of bliss when everything made so much sense? Mostly, I wondered when my world would return to normal.

 But it never did…

 Now, 10 months into mommy-hood I am still adjusting to life as a new mom and life as the primary caregiver to my rambunctious daughter, Jaida. However, one of the things I’ve learned is that transitioning means more than just learning to function with sleep deprivation or exhaustion.

It means completely opening myself up to the tremendous amount of growth that lies before me.

 By quickly adapting to a whole new sense of self, personal identity, expectations, and new relationships—as well as passions—I’m able to thrive (in my own sense of the word) in this new world. And to me, that’s what being a “modern mama” is all about.

 Here are 4 things I’ve learned to help me stay in harmony with myself and the world around me:

 

 1. Define For Yourself What Being a “Good Parent” Means

So many of us struggle with answering this question and quite frankly, I still do… On a daily basis… And even more so when I am out with other people.

 Raising children is a huge responsibility. We all want what’s best for our kids, but what’s good for one child may not work for another. A huge example of this is the common debate over how long a child should be allowed to breast-feed, and how long they should remain in diapers. For many of my mama friends, being in diapers until 3 (or so) is perfectly fine, while breast-feeding until the same age is “just wrong.”

 I hold different opinions on the matter, but ultimately what it comes down to is individually determining for ourselves what is best for our children while at the same time refraining from unfairly judging others for making different decisions.

 2. Create a Plan that Allows for Flexibility

Being a good parent requires a healthy dose of both planning and allowing. Even though things seldom go as planned, having one—even a crude one—sure helps move things along.

 The allowing part is there to simply give ourselves permission to be okay when life intervenes (as is always does) and rearranges our plans. What’s most important is allowing ourselves, and our ability to meet our own expectations, to be a work in progress.

 3. Make the Best Use of Your Time

Doing so changes on a daily basis for me. When my daughter was younger, making the best use of my time meant sleeping when she slept. Now that she’s a bit older and her sleeping patterns have changed, I now make good use of my time in an assortment of different ways: like connecting with friends on Facebook, catching up on emails, eating a meal, writing, reading eBooks, and staying on top of household chores.

 As a side note, one of the things I have quickly come to the realization of is that no matter how much cooking, cleaning, laundry, organizing, (insert task here) I get done, there will always at least 10 other things I could have done instead.

 It’s a never-ending cycle. Therefore, my advice is to do your best. You know what needs your immediate attention, what can wait until later, and what can just keep waiting. The most important thing to remember here while your going through your transition is to… (read next tip :)

 4. Give Yourself Time to Recharge

As much as I believe in providing my child with love, encouragement, and togetherness through routines, I also know the power in taking time as a parent to recharge. As wonderful as it sounds, it isn’t always an easy task for me to hand Jaida off to my husband when he gets home from work because sometimes I feel downright guilty doing so.

 However, my husband and I established early on that the best way for us to survive parenthood and keep up with our individual passions was to team-up while encouraging and supporting each other.

 So, when my husband gets home from work, I support him by watching Jaida while he goes to the gym. After his workout and shower, he supports me by taking over caring for our daughter.  This gives me an hour or so (before it’s time to start preparing her for bed) to focus on my passions—like writing for my blog, catching up on reading, and sometimes taking a little nap—while allowing my husband to spend one-on-one quality time with our daughter.

 Of course things don’t always go as planned, but at least one has been set into place for when they do.

 Tips to Grow By

Embracing the simple fact that life will never (ever) be the same as it once was is what parenthood is all about. By surrendering old ways of thinking and creating new patterns of action, we are better equipped to take on the responsibilities being new parents brings.

 

About Aisha Quinece:

“How am I making the world a better place?” is a question I ask myself almost on a daily basis. As a wife, mother, designer, writer, and teacher, actively enriching the lives of others is a responsibility that I take seriously. Supplying you with practical ways to “Create Your Life” is what my blog, www.AishaQuinece.com, is all about. So, check it out, visit me on Facebook, follow me Twitter, and get started creating your life today!

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Love the ladies at The Glow

July 19, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Ok, I found a new love and it combines 3 of my passions; beautiful photographs, telling a story and celebrating modern mamahood! I’m officially in love with www.theglow.com.

In their own words, The Glow is a glimpse into the world of inspiring and fashionable moms. There you’ll find their styling ideas, go-to gear, multitasking secrets, and enviable decor.

What I love about these jet-setting moms (which is what, in my opinion, makes them modern mamas) is witnessing the sweet moments they share with their kids in these beautiful photographs taken by Kelly Stuart of http://www.kellystuartphoto.com/. They are candid about their experiences with motherhood; from sleepless nights to finding balance between being a wife and mother while not losing themselves. Check out a few of the photos below and be sure to visit http://www.theglow.com/.

It IS possible to be wife, mother/stepmother AND not lose yourself in the process! It is the essence of modern mamahood – take notes!

"Take naps whenever you can, drink enough water and accept that you look tired" (and that's not necessarily a bad thing). ~Ana Lerario-Geller and daugther Luna

When you have a kid, at the end of the day, you want that little special feeling for yourself. The bed represents that for me." Meredith Kahn and daughter Grayson

"Because I started my own company, I said to myself, there are things I’m going to be able to do that I wasn’t able to do before, like picking up the kids at school and bringing them home. But I feel a tremendous amount of guilt." Jenne Lombardo and sons, Bowie and Valentine

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Mommyhood…Teenage Style

April 8, 2011 By Leave a Comment

“It’s not all honey and roses.  You have to give up all your free time, and you have to be the best mom you can be.” Markai Durham (Cast Member of Sixteen & Pregnant)

According to statistics (U.S. Teenage Pregnancies, Births and Abortions: National and State Trends and Trends by Race and Ethnicity, 2010), each year, almost 750,000 women living in the United States between the ages of 15-19 become pregnant and a staggering two-thirds of all teen pregnancies occur between the ages of 18 and 19 years of age.   

Let’s face it, the subject of teenage pregnancy has in the last 5 years has become a huge payoff for cable television with the likes of shows like Sixteen and Pregnant and with Bristol Palin’s acceptance of her advocacy position to the tune of over $200,000 a year, teen pregnancy can seem, to a young girl, a pretty lucrative business.  However, although I personally feel that the above-mentioned examples have many positive effects with regard to showing teen moms exactly how life’s struggles with a baby can either make us or break us, at the same time, I am a little disenchanted with glorifying the same because the fact remains that there are a lot of young, impressionable teens whose immaturity may lead them down that superficial path too soon.

Speaking on this subject isn’t particularly hard for me as I was one of the statistics mentioned above.  By 19, I myself was pregnant.  By 21, I had 2 children who were 17 months apart and life for me was no longer a walk in the park.  It was the biggest challenge I ever faced.

Albeit a teen moms usually end up with full responsibility for the baby, however, teen pregnancy also can be hard on teen fathers. Unfortunatley, more often than not, the pregnancy strains relationships not only with the teen mom, but also with parents on both sides of the fence.  Teen fathers are more likely to quit school which leads to their employment skills wavering as well. The financial responsibility that lies on fathers is also a huge challenge to most teen dads and often is the deterrent that keeps them from being a completely involved father.

There is a young girl (18) in my neighborhood that is pregnant and whom has been my neighbor since she was 5.  Her mother is drug addicted and lost custody of her.  Her father has passed away.  Her decision was to keep her child.  I have shared my experiences with her in hopes that she will  learn all she can and I am doing my best to help her, but in doing so, my thoughts have turned to how we can all pitch in to help prevent young girls like her from getting pregnant in the first place.

In my opinion one of the most important things parents and the community as a whole can do to prevent teen pregnancy is to be involved in their teen’s lives. Talk, talk, talk. Spend time with your teen every day. Talk to your teen and not only tell them that you are there for them, but show it in your actions. Get interested in what your teen is interested in and if they have no interests, help them find some. Be active as a family and show your unconditional love. Be an active participant in what they love to do. Involve yourself. Ask plenty of questions and make sure that your teen knows that you are the person they can come to and confide in. Make sure they know there is a safe zone in your home, free of judgments, but where they can talk to you about any and everything.  I can’t tell you how important it is to a pregnant teen to have a safe zone for communication with a parent.  I wish I had this when I went through my experience. 

If your teen tells  you she is pregnant, here are a few tips in order to help get both of you through a very emotional time. 

  • First and foremost, set up a doctor appointment for your teen to not only verify their suspicion, but to get them the prenatal care they need.
  • Have a conversation about the choices your teen has in this situation.  Be welcome to discuss your feelings, but don’t force your opinions on her.  It won’t work and will only backfire on you in the long run.  Allowing her to make her own decision affords her the opportunity to tale ownership in  her choices and to take responsibility for her actions.
  • Support her and her decision after it has been made.
  • If you and your teen butt heads and you feel like you need help, ask for it.  There is no shame in counseling or for asking for help.
  • Prepare your teen.  Education is key.  The more she learns ahead of the birth, the better off she will be. There is a wealth of information on the web, in the libraries, at your doctor’s offices and county pregnancy clinics. 

In closing, let me just say that this very sensitive topic is not only emotionally draining but physically draining as well on both you and your teen.  As parents, we tend to take on a lot of guilt and blame ourselves for the decisions our children make.  All of us have been guilty of this from time to time.   From a personal perspective, I knew perfectly well the risk of unprotected sex as do most teens.  Most teens, unlike my neighbor, come from good homes and don’t have the additional challenges like drug addiction in their daily lives.  Most have supportive parents.  Most teens, like myself at the time, know right from wrong, they just happen to make a bad choice.  Parents, be involved and give your teen an open door policy to communicate with you without fear of judgment, but with love, knowledge and open arms. 

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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Finding Value In Your Blended Family

March 19, 2011 By 5 Comments

 ”Our family hit some bumpy roads on this path of life.  It took us a while to get where we are today…I’m sure glad we all took the effort to walk together” Christy Borgeld, Founder of National Stepfamily Day

Bringing two families together with different values and of which are still dealing with feelings of loss is no walk in the park.  To many, the problems that come along with the blended/step family prove to be too much and unfortunately these such examples definitely do not have the makings for prime time television as did the Brady Bunch back in the 70′s. 

Currently, in the United States, the blended family has become some what of the norm.  As divorce rates continue to rise, blended families become more common.  In fact, blended families seem to be the way of the future.  Research has shown that it is estimated that soon there will be more children in stepfamily situations than living with both of their biological parents.

With that, in my opinion, finding value in your stepfamily is essential.  Albeit I know the task at hand can be one of the most challenging you might ever face, think about all of the factors that have to be weighed in the process.  As we all know, children do not ask for divorce or remarriage for that matter.  Usually, they are thrust into this situation, unbeknownst to them, and they just have to learn to live with it and deal with their extreme sense of loss.  I actually just had a long conversation with a very important person in my life, a woman who used to be my very own step-sister during my adolescent years, and she confided in me that one day, all of a sudden, they were just told that her and her two siblings were going on a road trip to a birthday party and they ended up thousands of miles away from their bio father and thrust into a live-in situation and eventual stepfamily.  I, being on the other end of that family, knew that my parents were getting divorced.  I cannot even imagine the feeling of that situation she was in.  With that being said, the losses that all members of the blended family face during these times can be a major contributing factor to the stresses that ensue afterward.  Mix in the ex-spouses and all the financial strain and you have a recipe for disaster.  Hence, anyone would have a hard time finding value in their respective blended families. 

However, being in a blended family has lots of rewards.  Being able to find the value in your blended family is very important.  Here are a few ways to get you started looking in the right direction:

  • Pay attention to the communication skills being used within your family.  Being able to resolve conflict as it arises is essential.  Do your best to have wholesome, genuine communication.  Only focusing on negative communication is counter productive.
  • Make sure you always put your marriage first.  Remember, at the end of the day, the kids will be grown and gone, it will be just you and your spouse.  
  • Build on your differences and use them to make your family stronger. Each individual in the family may be different but will also bring something special to your unit.
  • Remember, first families have an automatic bond, take time to connect with your stepchildren.
  • Recognize that your stepchildren will feel closer to their mom or dad at different times in their developmental years.  This can be stressful to the bio parent and you are going to feel the need to step in.  However, recognize that you can’t fix this for anyone.  This is something that has to work itself out. 

Lastly, it is not an easy feat to build value and to find value in your blended family. However, if you are willing to make sacrifices now to have a strong, happy blended family, you will reap great reward in the long run.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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The Blended Family Survival Guide – Part I

March 15, 2011 By 2 Comments

“Brandi Mitchell just gets it!” 

TMF Readers, I have had the honor and pleasure of reading Brandi Mitchell’s “The Blended Family Survival Guide” and to simply put it, not only was I impressed with her work but I was enamored with her uncanny ability to use her own personal experience as a stepping stone to help others who may be in the midst of their own blended family firestorm.  The Blended Family Survival Guide is not just a guide for all of us blended family members offering tips, tools, advice, legal research, etc., but packs a serious powerhouse punch to the issues all blended families face.  I encourage all of you readers to go directly to Brandi’s site www.theblendedfamilysurvivalguide.com to get  your copy of this amazing book!  I promise, you won’t be disappointed.  Below is a snippet of what you will get from this fabulous book! 

“When Prince Charming found me, glass slipper in hand, we vowed our love to each other for eternity, as he whisked me off to Blendedville to live happily ever after. What I didnt expect, on the way to my not-so-new castle, was that we would pick up two, little adorable travelers that would go on the journey with us! Oh, and by the way, did I mention that my carriage had to stop to pick up my little travelers at two different houses? Now, a young princess in my new blended world, I had no map or compass to guide me through the blended journey, nor had I realized the true effect my ready-made family would have on my own marriage and future children.”

Stay tuned readers for Part II of this post where I will be interviewing the fabulous Ms. Brandi Mitchell herself!  You will not want to miss this one!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

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