We all know that nuclear families aren’t perfect so why would the blended family be any different? We all have our roles to play and we all have a responsibility to execute the duties that come along with our roles in order to allow our families to flourish.
In retrospect, boy oh boy, there have been times when the functions of my own blended family have been less than perfect, but that is fine with me! I realized a long time ago, like with anything in life, no matter how hard you try or how hard you work, at times, things will go wrong. Changes sneak up on us and while we are sitting around contemplating and worrying about them constantly, before we know it, new changes are taking effect and the old ones have been forgotten about. I decided that instead of doing a lot of extra contemplating and worrying, I would accept the changes and work to make my blended family more cohesive. In essence, put action to work and leave intermittent worries and contemplations where they belong and that is at the bottom of the stack of problems that may or may not be something to worry about, especially if it is not in direct relation to your household.
As members of the blended family, we need to focus on what unites us instead of what divides us. For example, when a problem or an issue arises within your blended family, instead of focusing completely on what is negative about it, do your best to find something positive to focus on. If you are having a problem with your spouse, co-parent, stepparent or your stepchild, think about what that person actually brings to your life, or that of your blended family member, instead of focusing completely on their faults or on what you personally don’t like about them. By doing this, there will be less focus on the negative and the simple problem at hand will become less important. Remember, each person in the blended family adds something special to the unit. We have to take time to explore those special qualities and know that it’s okay to be where we are.
Appreciating and recognizing every person’s role in the blended family and that they are going to make mistakes will allow their mishaps or habits to become more tolerable (as long as the habits are not unhealthy physically or emotionally), especially if the alternative is at the expense of your relationship. In going through blended family struggles from time-to-time, learning to accept the impermanence and imperfections within same have allowed me cherish the good attributes, accept the not so lovely ones and deeply embody the lessons that I learn through my journey. Too many times, especially in blended families, people live in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction because they refuse to just simply accept that there are going to be times when life throws them a curve ball and imperfections in their blended families are inevitably going to surface. At times, we even decide throw away good relationships because we think that if our blended family isn’t perfect or everyone doesn’t “like us” then it won’t work. Don’t settle for less than you deserve in your blended family. Strive for cohesiveness in a positive way. It is possible to live cohesively with imperfections.
Lastly TMF readers, it’s OK to be where you are. It’s okay for our relationships to have imperfections. Those imperfections mold us into what we become down the road in our marriages and in our relationships with our children and stepchildren. They teach us how to become better spouses, parents, co-parents, stepparents and stepchildren. They teach us how to love better. Don’t pine for what you don’t have, instead, focus on what you do have. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work to change the issues that may arise or work to improve, but rather, find balance and acceptance. Remember….”and this too shall pass!”
Peace & Blessings,