Has the fire in your (re)marriage burnt out or headed in that direction? Let’s face it, the statistics are staggering. According the to latest survey taken by the U.S. Census Bureau, the divorce rates in the United States for first marriages is currently between 40-50% with the median length of marriage being 11 years. For remarriages, that number increases dramatically to between 67-75%. What’s even more stunning is one-half of all remarriages end in divorce after just three years. Whew…now as disconcerting as those figures are, this is why we here at Today’s Modern Family do what we do. We are dedicated to helping remarried couples avoid some of the pitfalls that unfortunately naturally accompany remarriage.
In preparing for this post, I took a small poll from several people that I know that live in blended families and I asked them what each of them thought was the top issue that causes problems within the remarriage. Drum roll please…..expectations and integrating parenting styles was the number one issue. The second most popular issue was the problem with putting the remarriage first before the children. With that being said, I would say, in my professional opinion, the latter is the most important issue that has to be resolved in order to have a successful remarriage. When the remarriage is put first in the lives of the life partners, it’s much easier to incorporate things like parenting styles, expectations and discipline. It is widely known that if you allow your remarriage to become a prisoner to negative influences, it will tear your marriage apart. Unfortunately, at times, those negative influences can be our children. Now, I understand that some of those reading this post will be sent off the roof with that statement and say to yourselves…”what in the hell is this lady talking about?” But, what you have to remember is that marriage is the foundation of family, not your children. If the foundation of your marriage cracks, everything else cracks with it. Of course, I have to put the caveat in here that I am not speaking about any situation that involves abuse in any manner, I am generally speaking about what would otherwise be normal circumstances involving the stepfamily environment and you or your spouse’s children driving a constant wedge between you (other stressors can take many forms). When this happens, it causes one or the other partner in the marriage to feel controlled, restricted, belittled, disrespected and deprived, with deprived being the most important word. In every successful remarriage that I have dealt with, when the feelings, opinions and heart of each spouse is put on the top of their partners priority list, the marriage exudes confidence, love, respect and trust. When remarriage lacks priority, it is essentially deprived. When the remarriage is deprived, the trickle-down effect begins and the whole blended family heads on a path of disaster.
If you are wondering about the title of this post “Fireproof Your (Re)Marriage,” yes, you are correct. I obtained the idea for this post from the movie Fireproof Your Marriage starring Kirk Cameron. I was so incredibly moved by the movie that I began to ask myself the question, how can I apply this to remarriage. Well, the answers to that was the same premise that Kela and I have been teaching our clients for years. You have to treat your remarriage as if it is a first marriage. In a first marriage, 9 times out of 10, parents stand united with one another by nature. This does not occur naturally in stepfamilies.
One of my favorite sayings is that a garden that is not watered produces no harvest. A flower that is not watered withers and dies. A remarriage that is not put first on the priority list ends up deprived and suffocated. Debunk the myth that focusing on your marriage means you are neglecting your children. Your children will not just be more well-rounded if you make your remarriage a priority, they will benefit greatly from it. They learn what it means to be committed, to have trust and respect in a relationship and they actually see what love really looks like.
Fireproofing your remarriage begins with priority! Make your remarriage your first priority and I promise you all else will fall in it’s proper place.
Peace & Blessings,
Diane
It is no surprise that with all the stress of family life, we as couples don’t take enough time out to nuture our marriages and relationships. In order to grow together as a couple, we have to be able to enjoy one another’s company and we cannot do that with all the distractions that come along with our day-to-day lives. Of course, our children are important to us but our marriages have to be more important. That seems odd to think about for most people, but as husbands and wives, we have to accept that in order to be any good to our children as a couple, our marriages and remarriages have to be the first priority. These times we share alone together not only allow us to grow, but they allow us to rekindle the reason why we fell in love in the first place.
Have you ever had a friend or co-worker who constantly refers to his/her marriage in a negative manner? I have such a co-worker. Every day there is a new complaint: he’s gained too much weight; he doesn’t satisfy her anymore; he never finishes a home project; he snores too loudly; he doesn’t support her visions….the list goes on and on. Well, this behavior got me to thinking about the difference between reflecting positive projections in our marriages versus the negative and how destructive reflecting such negative projections can be to our relationships and our view of our spouses.
It’s all over the news. Sandra Bullock hadn’t even had the chance to really enjoy her Oscar before being hit with the news of her husband, Jesse James’ extra-marital affair. Sandra, who has taken on the role of Mom to James’ youngest daughter, Sunny, is very attached to her stepchildren (James and Bullock obtained custody of Sunny when her mother was incarcerated). Sandra has taken on the role of stepmom whole-heartedly to James’ oldest daughter, Chandler as well.
Have you ever thought that everything would be great in your relationship if your spouse or significant other changed to comply with everything you think is right? I can admit that in one of my past lives, I have been guilty of doing so. Instead of validating your spouse’s perspective on a situation, you make it impossible to negotiate and refuse to stand together to find an amicable solution to whatever issue the two of you are experiencing. Ironically, you attribute your meeting him/her in the middle as weakness and instead of feeling like partners, you feel like opponents.
It has been proven time and time again that no real relationship or marriage exists without healthy argument and disagreements. All humans are different and have different opinions and views and this certainly applies in today’s modern families. Marriages are not exempt. Differences, although can be looked at from a negative point of view, are actually healthy and build character in your marriage. Of course, as long as these differences/disagreements are not something that cause irreversible harm and/or discord.
CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! This is a wonderfully joyous time in your life and I share your excitement with you. Second Chance Marriages attribute to the increase of blended families. Equipped with more wisdom and experience about what marriage is and what it requires, Second Chance Marriages prove to be sweet success stories. I’ve created this complimentary report for you, “10 Tips to Succeed at a Second Chance Marriage as Well as a First,” as a keepsake reminder of several key ingredients needed for a continued blissful life together. The contents are priceless. As a Life Celebrations Designer, and owner of Sheer Elegant Events, a Full-Service Wedding and Event Planner, I am also a Second Chance Bride. Here, I share with you tips to apply in your marriage that will give you great leverage for a successful Second Chance Marriage. These tips are equally essential to First Time Married Couples.
2. Be On One Accord. Keep each other first. Matrimony is a holy sacrament between a man and a woman, and it is blessed by God. Therefore, everything must be done in decency and in order. When the two of you are on one accord, that is to say, two individuals with respective gifts and talents, 
7. What’s in a Name. Sometimes children, younger or older, welcome a remarriage for their parent. In this case, the adjustments are smoother sooner. Allow them to warm up to you and settle into giving you the title of respect and endearment that is natural and comfortable for them. They may call you mom or dad, stepmom or stepdad, or simply Mr. or Mrs. (fill in your name). The most important thing is that you are now family. Love, honor, accept, protect, encourage, nurture, and enjoy them. The new parent should do their best to always address them with peace, love, and joy, and to try not to take everything personal. Sometimes there may be disagreements. All families experience them sometimes. Do not make a mountain out of a molehill! Be quick to apologize and forgive, and continue to love. At those awkward times when there is nothing good to say, say nothing! Love like there is no “step” in front of stepparent. Just love with the heart of a mom or dad, and they will receive it and return the love like they are your children. After all, they are.
This post was written by guest blogger, Wanda Williamson, wife, stepmom, wedding planner (who specializes in second chance wedding celebrations) and owner of 
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
I obtained a passport in less than 3 days by using Fastport Passport!
