Wedding Vows the 2nd Time Around

Lately, my husband and I have been talking about renewing our wedding vows next year.  When we got married, we did it Vegas Style!  Well, although the idea of a cheap, quickie wedding appealed to us at the time both time wise and financially, we have begun to regret the fact that we didn’t involve our children.  I have been reading up a bit about second time around wedding ceremonies and blended family wedding vows and thought that I would share a bit of the information I have discovered with our TMF readers.

If you are thinking about having a blended family ceremony, it is important to honor each other’s children.   Every situation is of course unique and delicate but these children will become an integral part of your new life and it is important to acknowledge and include them.   With that, also acknowledging to yourself that your spouse and his/her children were “one” before you came along and that your vows do not circumvent the relationship they have with their children will help you to understand and bond with your step-children.

Here are a few sample second time around wedding vows (courtesy of www.idotaketwo.com):

Bride & Groom

“God has given us a second chance at happiness.  I come today to give you my love, to give you my heart and my hope for our future together.  I promise to bring you joy, to be at home with your spirit and to learn to love you m ore each day, through all the days of our lives.   My love for you is endless and eternal.”

“I am proud to marry you this day.  I promise to wipe away your tears with my laughter and your pain with caring and compassion.  Together we will wipe clean the old canvases of our lives, and let God, with His amazing artistic talent, fill them with new color, harmony and beauty.  I give myself to you completely, and I promise to love you always, from this day forward.”

Vows Including Children

After the wedding vows are recited by the bride and groom, the children will now repeat “We do” after each of these questions:

“And now, (children’s names) do you promise to love and respect your parent’s new husband/wife?  Do you promise to support their marriage and new family?  Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them and support them in your new life together?”

Note:  Obviously, if the children are having are having a hard time accepting your new marriage or are showing signs of resistance, then I would not include them in the “vows” process.  Each individual family has a different set of dynamics going on.  But certainly, do not force them if they are uncomfortable.

I would love to hear your thoughts on these vows or if you would like to share vows that you have already taken, feel free to comment, we would love to hear from you.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Before You Say I Do – Take Two

You are on cloud 9 because the man that you’ve been dating for quite some time now has just popped the question, and you said yes! Being that this may be the second time around for either you or your partner or both, deciding on a date, location, the perfect dress and the guest list are only a few of your first steps. Below are some tips on what you should do right after you say yes to the man of your dreams.

Schedule an appointment with a stepfamily counselor

Falling in love is the easy part. What you and your fiance need to learn is how to stay that way. No matter how much in love you are, if you don’t adequately prepare for the second time around, your marriage and family will likely fail. A stepfamily counselor will help you work on things like co-parenting plans, communication, couple strength and more. And trust me, you’ll need some guidance as a stepfamily marriage comes equipped with different challenges than a first marriage. Discuss these things AHEAD of time and give your marriage a better chance at survival.

Discuss your parenting styles

Because one or both of you are entering into the marriage with kids, it is crucial that you talk about parenting styles, including discipline. For example, one of you might be completely opposed to the kids eating in their rooms, but the other might not have a problem with it. How will you resolve such issues before being confronted with them? It is much easier to discuss these things before they happen as opposed to doing so in the heat of the moment.

Talk about finances

Every couple should discuss finances before saying I do, but it is especially important for the remarried coupled with children. Why? Because outside obligations will undoubtedly affect your household. Will you keep your finances separate or join forces? How will you handle it when an ex-spouse requests something extra outside of child support?

Tell the kids

Sit down with the kids and explain to them what’s going on. Express how much you want them to be part of the wedding festivities and the newly formed family. Explain ahead of time that there will be some changes. For example, stepmom or stepdad will be moving in with us after the wedding. You’ll also want to sit down with your respective children individually to explain what the marriage will mean for them.

Hire a wedding planner!!!

Clearly you already have so much to do and think about before you even get to the wedding planning stage. As such, I cannot stress enough how much hiring a wedding planner will help. Trust me, while you’re worrying about the complicated guest list, how your kids and/or his kids will behave, whether or not you should invite the ex…your wedding planner will be concentrating on the intimate details of YOUR day! She will minimize the stress so you are actually able to enjoy your timeless affair.

Overall, you are entering into what can be a very exciting and rewarding time in your lives if handled properly. Remember a remarriage is not like a first marriage and discussing the unique challenges that remarried couples face, ahead of time, will give your marriage the best chance at succeeding.