Single Parenting Can Be Challenging and Triumphant

“More than half of the children in the US will live, for some time, in a single-parent household.”
Dr. Benjamin Spock

In today’s society, living in a two parent home is like being on the endangered species list.  As Dr. Spock said, more than half of all the children in the United States live or have lived in a single-parent household.  I remember growing up being raised by my single-mother in the late 70’s and early 80’s and I thought I was the “only one” at times.  All of my classmates’ parents were married.  I was also a single mother for years so I have walked in the same shoes some of you readers are walking in right now.  It’s not an easy road to travel.   However, for all the pitfalls that can be experienced during single parenthood, there are many success stories and triumphs as well.  One of the triumphs that I personally experienced as a single mother was that I found out that I am a very strong person.  I found out that I could handle a lot more than I initially thought I could.  I became very self-reliant and less co-dependent on others.  Many times, I discovered that I had more strength than I ever gave myself credit for.  Looking back now, I think, those times were tough, but we made it.  I accepted the challenges and I grew through them.

One of the main struggles single parents deal with is financial stability.  This can be one of the most difficult.  What I found is that during times like these, you have quickly learn to be resourceful.   You have to learn to be the provider for your children, the carpenter, the electrician, the cook, the banker, the auto mechanic, the grocer and mom or dad all at the same time because you can’t afford to pay anyone to do anything extra.  A lot of the times, some single parents do all of these things on one income and don’t get any child support.  Talk about stress.

Through all of the challenges that single parenthood can bring, you can be successful, no matter the stigma of society.  Although, obviously, a two-parent home is divine and was the original plan, life doesn’t always work out the way we plan.  You can have success being a single parent and I have seen many very inspiring children become extremely intelligent, responsible and well rounded adults who were raised by a single mother or father.  Those children learned to be independent.  They learned early on that learning to deal with strife is part of life’s learning process and it’s how you get through those challenges that make the difference.  They learned to take responsibility for their actions and solve their problems through self-reliance.

If you are a new single parent, here are a few tips that you might find helpful:

1.  Take care of yourself.  Talk to other single parents.  When times are tough, it is easy to get caught up in all of the problems.  You become stressed out and my philosophy on this is “when mama or daddy ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!”  Take time to refresh yourself once in a while.  Even if that means you have to enlist your parents or siblings to watch the children and you have a day to yourself in your own apartment.  Give yourself that time.

2.  Be a good example. Make sure your values always exemplify how you want your children to see you and what you want them to grow up to teach their children.

3.  Do not alienate the other parent.  This never works.  It actually has the opposite effect in the long run.  Make sure you keep your personal feelings for your ex or your children’s father or mother out of your decision making regarding your children’s relationship with him/her.

4.  Make a budget and stick to it.  This is the most stressful situation for a single parent.  Make a budget (go online - there are plenty of them for free) and stick to it.  This is imperative and will reduce your stress.

5.  Avoid negative labels.  Keep your head up.  Do not allow the stigma that society places on you change who you are.  You are strong, you will get through this time in life.

None of the above tips are always easy to stick by, but you will be glad you did.  Simply put, being a single-parent is hard but despite problems, you can achieve a closeness with your children that will never be broken.  During the process, you might get a little grayer (hair that is) but you will definitely come out of the situation a wiser and stronger person for it.  I know I did.

Peace and Blessings,
Di

Supermodel,Tyson Beckford’s Blended Family

A U.S. reality TV stylist has revealed her 10-year-old son’s father is model/actor TYSON BECKFORD.

April Roomet has become a hit on TV show Candy Girls and her sudden fame has brought questions about her son, Jordan. The stylist has revealed her kid is the product of a romance with Beckford.

She tells America’s In Touch magazine, “I’ve never talked about Tyson… (He’s just) daddy, that’s Tyson, not supermodel Tyson.”

Roomet, who has styled stars like Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre, reveals she met Beckford when she was working as a waitress in a Los Angeles restaurant, and the pair began a torrid romance.

She credits Beckford for standing by her when she discovered she was pregnant with his son, and admits neither of them wanted to wed.

She adds, “We were on and off for years after Jordan was born. Being on different coasts and so busy with our careers, the timing wasn’t right… Maybe later, down the line, we’ll get it together and figure it out. “Tyson’s been very supportive of my career. We’re still friends and good parents, which is most important.”

My Perspective: I had the opportunity to catch an episode of Candy Girls one evening which featured Roomet, Beckford and their son, Jordan. What I saw was disheartening. Beckford was in town for one day to visit Roomet and their son and when he was leaving Jordan was in tears because he didn’t want him to leave. Beckford said that it’s hard on a kid who has two parents in the industry. He’s a supermodel, actor and host of hit reality show, Make me a Supermodel and she’s a celebrity stylist. Roomet then said how she had to be the strong mom and pick up the pieces for her son. Still, she didn’t seem bitter at all by Beckford’s actions.

I am all too familiar with this type of situation as my ex is an overseas basketball player who goes without seeing his son for 10 months at a time. This is unfathomable to me. I just don’t understand how one could go that long without seeing a child that they claim to love so much. I definitely understand work schedules and situations, but you can’t utilize some of your down time to swing by more often to visit with your son? It would mean a great deal to him and benefit your relationship as well!

At any rate, Roomet also made tons of references and directly stated that it has just never been the right time for her and Beckford to permanently get together, although she knows their son would love it. Unfortunately, since the taping of this episode, Tyson allegedly married UK born entreprenuer, Berneice Julien.

 I say – what about Jordan? Who cares if it’s the right time for your relationship? It should always be the right time for Jordan. As such, sacrifices have to be made in order to be better parents for him, and the best parents are ones who are there. Sure, it might mean that one of you have to stop working as much, change locations and get out of the limelight, but isn’t it worth it for Jordan? You’ve both had amazing careers so maybe it’s time to scale down a bit for his sake. What I will say is that after watching that episode I can see that you two could be great co-parents together. Most exes can’t stand the sight of each other, so I hope you realize just how lucky you are. In doing so, I hope that you take the first step and make a few sacrifices so that you BOTH can be there for Jordan.

BFSO wishes all the best to the Roomet/Beckford family. This one doesn’t have to end in blended family madness.

Reality TV Casting for Blended Families!

BFSO Readers, Pietown TV is looking to cast blended families for the following:

Established non-fiction production company is casting all over the country for an OUTGOING, FUN family to be featured in their own series. Think “Jon and Kate Plus Eight…” We are looking for women about to transition from fabulous and single to STEPPARENT. Are you about to become an instant family? Are you a bit overwhelmed about the idea? We’d like to hear your story! This is a positive, upbeat show that parents of all types (step or otherwise) can relate to! To find out more information about the company and what we’re looking for, please contact Ally at Reality_Casting@pietown.tv - please put “Instant Family!” in the subject line.

This is a great opportunity for us to be depicted in a positive light, BFSO readers, so give it a shot. If your family fits the above description email them to share your story.  Let us know if they choose your family so we can show our support.