Single Parent by Choice

There has been a growing trend over the past few years and that is single parenting by choice.   A recent morning program featuring two women discussing the subject of “choosing single motherhood” sparked my interest.  According to the US Census Bureau, almost one-third of the children in the United States are being raised in single parent households and the demographics of single parents are usually women in their mid to late 30′s who have at least a four year college education.

During the program, two women were on discussing how much healthier they thought it was to be raised by a single mom because in their opinion, the child had a say in most of the major decision making that took place in the household and therefore, felt happier and more well-rounded because of it.  That part of the conversation I did not agree with.  In my opinion, children, whether they are in a single parent home or in a two parent, traditional home, need not to be making parental decisions period, end of story.  They are children.  They should not have to worry about parental duties as children.

Due to the high divorce rate, a good portion of these women, in the absence of a healthy relationship, have decided to branch out and have children, without partnership.   Although alone, they feel that rather than being in a relationship they are not happy with and having children, they see being a loving, healthy single parent as a viable option.

With that being said, I can see where a woman might choose this option, however, this subject begs the question, “is it really fair for a child not to have two parents?  Considering the dilemma regarding absent fathers as it is in the United States, is it really healthy to promote single parenthood with the assumption that the father of the  child will have no involvement from the beginning?  Doesn’t every child deserve to have the satisfaction of having two parents?  I know that every day, children are abandoned by an absent parent (whether that be a mother or a father), and every day, a woman is forced into single motherhood, but is it actually fair to CHOOSE this route?

TMF readers, I would love to hear your opinions and thoughts on this subject.  Being a single parent in the past for many years myself, I know how hard that was for me.  As I have discussed in prior posts, it was during that time in my life that I was able to truly define myself as an individual and as a mother.  However, if it had been my CHOICE, I wouldn’t have had it that way.  It was hard to raise my children without a father.  Children need their fathers.  As a mother of boys, I  could do my best to teach them how to be men, but as a woman, it was a challenge.

Although I respect these women’s position and opinion, I personally feel that choosing to be a single mother is not always in the best interest of the children involved.

I’d love to hear your opinion.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Divorce – Who Needs Furniture?

An excerpt from the book, Divorce, Who Needs Furniture Anyway?

I never would have thought it could happen to me. I have spent endless days evaluating the things that has brought me to this moment of truth. I am going through a divorce. I am single again. What was a ten year investment has crashed like the economy and I find myself handed a pink slip reminding me that I am no longer needed for my services. I am beyond crying I am shell shocked, as I look at her boxes as they fill a home that was designed for us. I flip channels on the TV because I can only assume that this is a romantic movie and somehow the love and romance will soon spark and somehow it will be fixed. Needless to say that time never came as I still get caught in ignoring the world around me as it is packed away. I sit and sip wine as if you were still sitting here. Only to remind myself that it was only my imagination, that you have never sat next to me. Feeling disgusted that i am caught dreaming about a dream. Dreaming of a world by which two people are in love with the thought of being in love. That we both live in a world of us and and everything else is just in it. That time never arrived as the movers have pulled up to the house. I was naive to the warning signs. That this marriage was long over, I guess when communication was like having a business meeting and sex was like an appointment, that just might be a sign that the relationship is over. However, I loved as If I was blind. While the movers start loading the truck.

We sit and talk for the last time, civil like friends. Reflect on the good times you wish me the best and I tell you I hope you find the happiness you could not find in me. Then we both agree that our little girl would stay with me and we will raise her together. Then Bobby the mover asked are you about ready. You nod with a yes. We hug for the last time. I walk you to the door I wave as you get into your car and drive away. As I locked the door, an epiphany in my heart arose that I was locking a door to season of my life that was over. That my life at this point would forever be different. The way I look at my life, love, and relationships will forever be changed.

I cry because I feel free to love again, but I am nervous about starting over again. Optimistic about the new life that I will design for me and my child, nevertheless scared of failure. Wanting to date but stuck with 1993 pick up lines. I have a swag that is unbelievable but I will not play games. Wanting to get my groove on but I am stuck reading bedtime stories and watching Hannah Montana. Refuse to parent from a cell phone as I try to start my life over again. Have to get my hustle on but the daycare close at 5:30 and bedtime is at 8. My parents say I doing a good job, I said that this is all their fault. That they cursed me, that all they have ever taught me was how to be married, I don’t know how to be single. I would have never thought that this would be apart of my journey. Who would have ever thought that Love would have to learn how to love again . What the hell, who needs furniture anyway. She left me with a TV and the Nintendo Wii.

Antonio Love is a recently divorced father who is currently raising his daughter. He is also the author of Talking What Ya Want and Divorce, Who Needs Furniture Anyway. For more information on Antonio Love and his movement, please visit www.antoniolove.com.