Stepparenting: From Challenge to Success

As I always say, marriage is tough but remarriage is tougher….well, let’s face it then, parenting is hard but stepparenting is probably one of the toughest challenges you will ever face in your lifetime.

There are no prerequisite courses you can take to prepare for your journey and there are no instruction manuals that come along with it, however, there are some steps that you can take in order to help you through it.  Regardless of all horror stories you hear and all of the stereotypical fairy tales about stepparents, you can have  successful relationships in your stepfamily life.

As parents of our biological children, it is my belief that we do our best in bringing them up, we trust our instincts and do what we think is best for them.  As stepparents, we tend to second guess our instincts at times.  Of course most of us want to do what is best for our stepchildren but we tend to second guess in order to avoid confrontation instead of just being ourselves.  If you are struggling, I offer you some of the following tips to help you navigate to a successful relationships within your stepfamily unit.

1.  Protect Your Marriage.  The number one tip I can give you is to decide and make a choice that your marriage will always come first.  If the ex-wife calls your phone regularly in the middle of the night to discuss the problems with her plumbing or she just wants to talk – NIP IT IN THE BUD!  There is an obvious reason you are in a stepfamily and that means you are divorced!  Your new family is based on your new union….protect it!

2.  Communicate.  Allow your children and stepchildren to tell you how they feel without judgment.   Encourage frequent communication and allowing them to have alone time with you and your spouse is very important.  Everyone, even children, want to know that their opinions matter to you.  They want to know that you hear them and that you are open to listening to them.

3.  Empathy.  One of the single most important tips I can give you is to have empathy for the position your stepchildren are in.  All stepfamilies are created out of a loss; keep that in mind when you have rough patches.  Empathy goes a long way.

4.  Maintain Normal Boundaries.  A lot of stepparents get confused in this area.  They feel that they have to overcompensate in order or their stepchild to like or approve of them.  You should always maintain the normal boundaries of an adult/child relationship.  For example, do not try to become your stepchild’s best friend.  You are an extension of their parent not a best friend.  A supporter and ally would be a great description of a stepparent.

1. 5.  Realistic Expectations.  One of the hardest subjects I have to put across to my coaching clients is that of having realistic expectations.  Parents assume that when they bring a child into a new marriage or relationship that their spouse will immediately fall in love they way they are with their child.  This is a totally unrealistic expectation.  Relationships are built through time and patience.  As I said above, all step relationships exist out of a loss.  That is a hard pill to swallow for a child that has just has his/her world turned upside down.  Don’t rush your relationship.  Build trust.  Do your best to create good experiences and you will build a meaningful relationship.

Lastly, remember that children are the passengers on this flight we call a “stepfamily” and sometimes they will feel like they are literally out of their own airspace.  They were the innocent bystanders through your divorce.  As I stated above, empathy plays a huge role in how we help them to effectively deal with their emotions, feelings and ultimately, their happiness.   Tap into their world, be conscious of their feelings and let them know you are there for them unconditionally.

Stepparents, remember this….your stepchildren may never give you what you want or need in return for your love and sacrifice for them.  Most of the time it’s not until they are an adult that they truly appreciate the role you play in their lives but I would encourage you to be patient, stay flexible, be willing to compromise and accept that your blended family life will never be perfect.  It can however succeed with all of the above.

Peace & Blessings,

Diane

How Choice Plays A Vital Role In Our Relationships

In my coaching practice, I come across clients all of the time that are in conflict and need help with their blended family issues.  Most of the time, their frustrations simply come from the choices that they are deciding to make or not to make which end up causing most of the hardship in their relationships.  For example, in remarriage, the biggest problem I come across with my clients is the issue of discipline.  9 times out of 10 the clients cannot agree, and they refuse to agree to disagree on this issue.   Resentment builds in one or both parties, the issue continues to be swept under the rug and by choosing to not to get on the same page, they are ultimately making a choice that may end up ruining or eventually ending their marriage.

Let’s talk about why choice plays such an important role in our relationships.  We have to understand that as life partners we always have a choice in how we live in our relationships.  With that, we may not always like our choices but part of being life partners is knowing that as we make these unavoidable choices we open certain other possibilities and we close the door on others.  For example, if we make the choice to allow our children or stepchildren to run the household, disrespect our spouse and never come to an agreement on the rules and what behaviors will and will not be tolerated in our household, then we close the door to trust and communication with our spouse.  We have to choose to handle these situations not just to ensure that our relationships stay sound but to help our children as well.

I once read that choice follows awareness.  Teaching our children this is so important.  The most effective way to teach them this is by example.  Every time we make a choice for our families as a couple, whether good or bad, it will produce a consequence.  When we hold that we choose what happens in our relationships it is only then that we take full ownership over them.

TMF Readers, remember, marriage is a marathon not a sprint.  In our relationships and through our family issues, when you find yourself not seeing the difference between your choices and you are finding it easy to make your spouse “wrong” instead of holding yourself to the fact that you made a choice too,  your relationship will suffer.  Realizing that our individual choices play a role as well in our issues is key.  Take time to communicate to your spouse the choices you two are making individually and as a couple which affect your relationship.  Having this awareness will give you power and you will avoid taking the easy way out but will make room for more open communication and togetherness.

Peace & Blessings,

Diane

Step-Parenting Teens

Stepparenting teens…..need I say more?

Readers, unfortunately, the reality is that adolescence is one of the most stressful times in the life of a teen.  While our teenagers can be sweet, charming, daunting and joyful, trudging through the adolescent years with your stepchild can prove to be like a grudge match between David and Goliath.  Although teens have many postitive attributes, they experience a myriad of mood swings due to hormone changes which causes them to turn on you at a moments notice, times of lethargy due to their ambivalent view of the world and the mere fact alone that they think they know everything is an understatement!   With all that being said, it isn’t a surprise that statistics prove that many remarriages fail due to the stress factors that teenagers bring, and spouses allow, into the marital relationship.

All of the above can cause any bio parent to feel as if they are at the end of their rope when dealing with adolscents.  Factor in the stepparent dynamic and you have all the makings of a full blown war on your hands.  As stepparents, we need to recognize that rebellion is a part of every teenand ever teen, whether they are in a stepfamily environment or not, will experience same.  Stepparents need also be aware that just because the “step” is equated with their family, it doesn’t mean that their stepchildren are unlike any other teen.  Stepparents, at times, tend to spend more time focusing on what is “wrong” with their stepchild instead of accepting that some of their issues may just be the mere fact that they are “teens.”  Step-teens do not want adversarial relationships with their stepparents anymore than the stepparents do. 

When I married my husband, my older two boys were 15 and 16.  One was very rebellious and reactive to every situation.  My husband had a hard time adjusting as did as my son.  I tried to explain to my husband that some of the issues were just due to “teen drama” but inevitably there was strain.  Teens need to feel that they can be free to think and to be individuals.  The teen years is where our children become self-reliant and when they are trying to establish their own identities.  Unfortunately, because of their immaturity, this is projected as reeling against your authority.  Granted, sometimes they are just being unruly and at times disrespectful (which should obviously be handled appropriately)  but it is good to keep in mind that our kids nowadays have a lot going on.  Peer pressure is irrevocable.  They feel as if they have to keep up with the ”Kardashian’s,” let alone being raised in the social network generation, their communication skills have gone awry.

Another important factor to weigh in on regarding parenting stepchildren who are teens is the fact that they would just plain rather forget about the custody issues and parental battles and issues between the grown-ups and spend time with their friends.  With that being said, having a relationship wth their stepparent is definitiely not the first thing on their minds.  Actually, distance between you and your stepteen may grow during this period more than any other time.  Don’t hold it against them.  Most likey, you do matter to them…they just don’t want to show you right now.   Showing feelings is not a high priority on a teen’s list of things to accomplish.  Parental love is crucial during this period in their lives and that parental love needs to come from all sides of the coin which includes stepparents.  Keep in mind that the stepfamily life is hard for a teen.  They are insecure about love (why shouldn’t they be…their parents divorced),their position in the family, loss of their first family and at the same time, they have to compete with you for their parents attention as well.

A few tips that may help you trudge through this time are as follows:

1. Expectations.  Set clear, concise and age-appropriate expectations.  Teens are not mind-readers.  Being in the blended environment is confusing itself, shifting from home to home is also hard.  Let them know what you expect ahead of time.  Be aware that rules and expectations should always be open to change.  As children and teens grow, adjustments should be made accordingly.  Teens need positive and caring discipline.  Albeit there will be challenges with your expressing and their accepting your authority but is crucial that the stepparent and their respective spouse set these boundaries.  Remember, it’s easier for the stepteen to lash out at the stepparent as opposed to their bio parent.  In my opinion, a lot of the time, that is their way of coping with their feelings.
2. Problem Solving.  Focus on the solutions and not always so much on the problems.  Teens have short attention spans.  Working together to solve problems with them will help them navigate and allow them to feel comfortable talking and communicating with you.  Talk about differences and how you can use your differences in positive ways.
3. Your Role.  All stepparents need to define their roles, especially with teens.  The wife/husband role is an obvious one.  However, with a sensitive teen, it will help if you and your spouse explain to your stepteen that you are not a stumbling block for them but rather a direct extension of their absent parent and that you care about them in all aspects of their life.  It’s a tough balance but in my opinion worth the extra effort.
4. Acceptance:  Stepfamilies are inherently different from nuclear/bio families.  There will be clashes from time to time due to different personalities, different value systems, etc.  It’s OK!  Once families comprehend and accept that it’s okay to be different, they can move on to a more cohesive unit.
5. Attention.  Stepparents, I cannot reinforce the matter of “attention” enough.  Even if we feel shut out at times because we are not the bio parent, it is very important for you, as the adult, to take the lead and reach out to your stepchild(ren)/teen.   Taking your time to develop a relationship is important but so is making progress.  Once in a while, offer to spend some alone time with your stepteen (a movie, shopping or a sporting event).  Remember, even if you are rejected, children remember effort. 
6. Family Meetings.  Setting up a monthly family meeting will do wonders for your struggling situation.  Take the opportunity at these meetings to have regular communication.  Listen to your stepteen and your children and allow their opinions to matter.    Ultimately, all people, but especially teens, want to know that their voices are being heard.  Let them get their frustrations and gripes out.  Then, find ways to effectively deal with them.

TMF Readers, remember, stepparents can play a very special role in the lives of their stepchildren/teens.  How you define your relationship will take careful consideration of feelings, love, love and more love, and most importantly…. time!  Do not have unrealistic expectations and remember, as time moves on, your role will become more evident.  Do your best to spend quality one on one time and let them get to know you as a person.  Take it slow and remember TMF Readers, you are only the wicked stepparent if you allow yourself to be. 

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

Step-Sibling Rivalry

“Parents often underestimate the extent  and the importance of the changes that children go through when they integrate into a new stepfamily.”

As parents and co-parents, the number one goal for our blended families is usually to make sure that our children are able to cohesively adapt to their newfound families.  Unfortunately, we often underestimate the feelings of grief and loss that our children feel and if there are other children within the family that are also being blended in and these childen end up becoming territorial and often times, that means war — not just for the children but also for the parents involved!

Traditional families and stepfamilies alike have the problem of sibling rivalry, however, one major difference is that when a remarriage occurs, one set of children usually has to adapt to a different home, a whole new set of rules and the order of their lives has been turned upside down.  For the children that currently live in the home, they usually have it a bit easier considering they don’t have to change homes, but rather they most likely have the experience of their birth order becoming askewed.  For example, a youngest child may no longer be the baby of the family and the oldest child may find they he/she has older siblings now.

Another cause of sibiling rivalry is often us.  Parents themselves often tend to show favortism toward their own children.   Although most parents try their best and think they are being fair, at times, they really arent.  It’s a hard pill to swallow, but  for children dealing with this situation, it can be very emotionally distressing.   One way of alleviating this issue is to deal with the relationship you and your stepchild share.   Make sure your stepchild knows that you care for them as much as you care for your biological children.  This will help to allieveate some of their emotional stress.   Sibling rivalry is fairly common and can be addressed relatively easy and it is important to do so.  Here are a few ways to help you address some of the sensitive issues that come along with step-sibling rivalry:

• Use the children’s conflicts to teach them to recognize their emotions.
• Never lose sight of your goals as a parent which means you are responsbile for training them for relationships, character, etc.
• Don’t let any of the children wear your down.
• Use the particular rivalry to teach them that you as the parents are in control.
• Don’t rush to solve every problem for them — let them work things out on their own.  This teaches them to own their responsibility.
• Teach them to forgive.
• Reset your expectations.  Conflict is going to happen. 
• Teach them tolerance.  Make sure all children in the household know that their opinions matter and they are free to express them in healthy ways.
• Teach them respective communication.

Step-siblings usually fight with each other because they lack the social skills to work things out. They’re naturally self-centreed, so they don’t empathize with one another.  We have to teach them how to negotiate and to give and take.  TMF Readers, remember, our children did not ask to be thrust into a blended/step family.  It is our responsbility to make sure they have the right tools to navigate successfully.  If we don’t, we may well end up with a disaster on our hands.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

REALITY TV CASTING FOR BLENDED FAMILIES

Have you been told your blended family is so dynamic that you should have your own TV show?

NOW CASTING dynamic blended families for their own reality series!!

Major Cable Network is looking to cast Blended Families To Be or Newly Blended Families who want to share their lives with us. We are looking for outgoing, charismatic families to participate. If you are interested in finding out more about this possible opportunity, please email a brief bio on your family or family to be to cbcasts@yahoo.com

Finding Value In Your Blended Family

 ”Our family hit some bumpy roads on this path of life.  It took us a while to get where we are today…I’m sure glad we all took the effort to walk together” Christy Borgeld, Founder of National Stepfamily Day

Bringing two families together with different values and of which are still dealing with feelings of loss is no walk in the park.  To many, the problems that come along with the blended/step family prove to be too much and unfortunately these such examples definitely do not have the makings for prime time television as did the Brady Bunch back in the 70′s. 

Currently, in the United States, the blended family has become some what of the norm.  As divorce rates continue to rise, blended families become more common.  In fact, blended families seem to be the way of the future.  Research has shown that it is estimated that soon there will be more children in stepfamily situations than living with both of their biological parents.

With that, in my opinion, finding value in your stepfamily is essential.  Albeit I know the task at hand can be one of the most challenging you might ever face, think about all of the factors that have to be weighed in the process.  As we all know, children do not ask for divorce or remarriage for that matter.  Usually, they are thrust into this situation, unbeknownst to them, and they just have to learn to live with it and deal with their extreme sense of loss.  I actually just had a long conversation with a very important person in my life, a woman who used to be my very own step-sister during my adolescent years, and she confided in me that one day, all of a sudden, they were just told that her and her two siblings were going on a road trip to a birthday party and they ended up thousands of miles away from their bio father and thrust into a live-in situation and eventual stepfamily.  I, being on the other end of that family, knew that my parents were getting divorced.  I cannot even imagine the feeling of that situation she was in.  With that being said, the losses that all members of the blended family face during these times can be a major contributing factor to the stresses that ensue afterward.  Mix in the ex-spouses and all the financial strain and you have a recipe for disaster.  Hence, anyone would have a hard time finding value in their respective blended families. 

However, being in a blended family has lots of rewards.  Being able to find the value in your blended family is very important.  Here are a few ways to get you started looking in the right direction:

• Pay attention to the communication skills being used within your family.  Being able to resolve conflict as it arises is essential.  Do your best to have wholesome, genuine communication.  Only focusing on negative communication is counter productive.
• Make sure you always put your marriage first.  Remember, at the end of the day, the kids will be grown and gone, it will be just you and your spouse.  
• Build on your differences and use them to make your family stronger. Each individual in the family may be different but will also bring something special to your unit.
• Remember, first families have an automatic bond, take time to connect with your stepchildren.
• Recognize that your stepchildren will feel closer to their mom or dad at different times in their developmental years.  This can be stressful to the bio parent and you are going to feel the need to step in.  However, recognize that you can’t fix this for anyone.  This is something that has to work itself out. 

Lastly, it is not an easy feat to build value and to find value in your blended family. However, if you are willing to make sacrifices now to have a strong, happy blended family, you will reap great reward in the long run.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

The Blended Family Survival Guide – Part I

“Brandi Mitchell just gets it!” 

TMF Readers, I have had the honor and pleasure of reading Brandi Mitchell’s “The Blended Family Survival Guide” and to simply put it, not only was I impressed with her work but I was enamored with her uncanny ability to use her own personal experience as a stepping stone to help others who may be in the midst of their own blended family firestorm.  The Blended Family Survival Guide is not just a guide for all of us blended family members offering tips, tools, advice, legal research, etc., but packs a serious powerhouse punch to the issues all blended families face.  I encourage all of you readers to go directly to Brandi’s site www.theblendedfamilysurvivalguide.com to get  your copy of this amazing book!  I promise, you won’t be disappointed.  Below is a snippet of what you will get from this fabulous book! 

“When Prince Charming found me, glass slipper in hand, we vowed our love to each other for eternity, as he whisked me off to Blendedville to live happily ever after. What I didnt expect, on the way to my not-so-new castle, was that we would pick up two, little adorable travelers that would go on the journey with us! Oh, and by the way, did I mention that my carriage had to stop to pick up my little travelers at two different houses? Now, a young princess in my new blended world, I had no map or compass to guide me through the blended journey, nor had I realized the true effect my ready-made family would have on my own marriage and future children.”

Stay tuned readers for Part II of this post where I will be interviewing the fabulous Ms. Brandi Mitchell herself!  You will not want to miss this one!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

Brady Bunch Syndrome

As we repeat over and over on Today’s Modern Family, the statistics are stunning.  65% of all remarriages end in divorce.  The big question everyone always has for me is why?  People think that just because they were married before, they will be able to apply themselves better the second time around.  The same mistakes won’t be made, they have all their old problems and issues worked out and they will make it work this time.  However, the dynamics of a remarriage are totally different than those of a first marriage.  Factor in you are blending in adults and children from totally different backgrounds, rules, ways of life, etc., and you can have a disaster on your hands before you know it.  I know that this might sound like I am being rather negative.  Quite the contrary.  There are several positive aspects to remarriage, too many to count actually, but at the same time, people who jump right into remarriage after divorce or death per say have this unrealistic idea that their new-found family will run just as smoothly as Carol and Mike Brady ran theirs, except they are forgetting one main component.  Carol and Mike Brady were made up characters that had all of the answers ahead of time because they read from a script!  Unfortunatley for those of us living our daily lives in real blended families,  life isn’t as easy as tuning into old episodes of the Brady Bunch.  Moreover, the Brady Bunch not only steered families into unrealistic expectations of real stepfamily life, it did a disservice to all of us.

In Mala Burt’s 8 Step Progeram for Successful Family Living she notes the following common myths that plague stepfamilies:

1.  Love Occurs Instantly Between the Child and Stepparent

An expectation exists that because you love your partner, you will naturally love his or her children and they will instantly love you. This expectation often sets up a family for failure as partners then question what is wrong with them. The answer is nothing is wrong with you. Relationships take time and there are many positive steps you can take to develop it.

2.  Stepmothers Are Wicked

Many fairy tales tell us so. This negative concept may make stepmothers very self-conscious about their step parenting. It can cause confusion about our roles. Stepfamily research tells us that stepmothers have the most difficult role in the stepfamily.

3.  Children Adjust to Divorce and Remarriage More Easily If Biological Fathers or Mothers Withdraw

Children will always have two biological parents and will have an easier adjustment if they have access to both. They need to see them and think well of them. This is important for their emotional health; except in those instances of parental abuse or neglect.

Peace & Blessings.
Diane

THIS IS WHO I AM!

There are two primary choices in life:

1.  To accept conditions as they exist; or

2.  Accept the responsibility for changing them!

This holds true in our marriages, our co-parenting responsibilities and most importantly, our personal lives.  Learning how to let go, moving on and rising to the occasion of what’s really important is key to being released and truly happy.

For years, I have to admit that I was such the people pleaser that I constantly worried about what people thought about me.  I constantly felt I had to conquer all problems that one might ask me to help them with. I had to be the best wife, mom, stepmom and friend that walked the planet earth and I wanted everyone to know it.  I wanted to be appreciated and liked by everyone.  I wanted to be appreciated and liked by my children all the time.  I wanted to be accepted and liked by my stepdaughter and her mother so that they would know that I was committed to my stepdaughter and to my family.  I wanted to be the “fixer of all things” for my husband so I would go overboard with my friendship with my husband’s ex wife so that I could “fix” everything and be responsible for his issues that involved his daughter and ex-wife so that our family could work cohesively all the time — or so I thought.   Through all of this however, I wasn’t being myself.  No matter how much I tried to hide the big elephant in the room, I couldn’t – because the big elephant was ME! 

What I was doing was not only unhealthy for me emotionally but also I was putting undue pressure on others in my life to fill the need that they always had to make me happy.  As you can see, I have used the word “I” so many times above because “I” was making it all about “me.”  Life isn’t always happy.  Parenting and co-parenting isn’t always cohesive.  Kids and parents aren’t always going to get along, wives and ex-wives aren’t always going to like one another all of the time, dads and step-dads might not always see eye-to-eye.  I am not perfect and once I realized I didn’t have to be perfect in order for people to appreciate me, a huge weight and monkey was lifted off of my back.  I don’t need approval from anyone but myself!  I realized that I am who I am because God made me to be a beautiful, loving, caring, kind and yes, an imperfect  individual person.   Accepting the fact that I don’t have the responsibility to make everyone happy all of the time, opened the door for my relationships to get better.   The realization that my children will be fine if I am not pleasing them all the time, that my husband can ”fix” his own issues, that my stepdaughter will know I love her and that I don’t need everyone’s approval was liberating.  The fact that I didn’t have to go overboard with my friendship with my husband’s ex (not to mention the fact that it put her, at times, in an awkward position) just to prove to her that I love and am committed to my stepdaughter and our blended family was essential to my, my husband’s ex-wife and our blended family’s emotional health.

The mere fact that I am no longer worried about what people think about me, how they feel about me or what they say about me, whether they are my friends, my colleagues and even my family was absolutely life changing.  With acceptance comes change and it is our own individual responsibility to make ourselves completely happy in our lives.  No one person can make us well-rounded and happy if we are not happy first with ourselves. 

That being said TMF Readers, my new mantra, love me or hate me….THIS IS WHO I AM!

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

How Often Do You Vacation Without the Kids?

Diane and I received a question from a reader last week regarding vacationing WITHOUT his kids or stepkids. His wife wanted to keep it from his children until the last minute because she didn’t want them to be upset. However, he didn’t/doesn’t understand why his wife’s stepkids feel as if they are entitled to go. His stepkids expressed that it was unfair that they weren’t included in the vacationing plans.

In my opinon, although I think it’s completely normal for kids to be disappointed that mom and dad are going on vacation without them, I don’t feel the need to beat around the bush, or figure out a way to tell them (as if to ask their permission), that the adults/parents are going on vacation without them. This holds true if the children are older – which his are. In my opinion, it just feeds into that sense of entitlement.

As I told the reader, vacationing WITHOUT the kids, from time to time, is a great way to get some extended time just focusing on you as a couple, instead of you as parents/co-parents/step parents. Couples NEED that in order to nurture their marriage and be better partners and parents.

Below is the reader’s story. What do you think? How often do you vacation without your kids/stepkids?

READER QUESTION:

Hi Kela and Diane…

Wanted to pose a question for the advisory board if I may…

My wife and I are going on a vacation in a couple of weeks.  Hawaii specifically.  My wife didn’t want to tell her kids (pre-teens) until just before we were flying out.  I didn’t quite understand this because my ex and I had travelled a number of times when my kids were younger and there was no problem with them knowing.

A few days before the planned disclosure date to her kids, I accidentally let the cat out of the bag at the dinner table.  My wife was shocked and a little disappointed but she took the opportunity to explain the context of the trip.

Kids reacted fine at first, but then became mopey and expressed that they thought it was unfair that we go without them.  I had not seen that there was any precedent set that they come on all trips with us.  However, this is the first major trip my wife and I have taken together where we are gone for more than a few days to such an appealing place.

They came up with some of the most amazing rationalizations as to why this wasn’t fair and that they deserved to go.  None of which made sense to me or my wife.  We had launched a new business this past year and agreed that we would not take any holidays other than long weekends due to the commitment it required.  Glad to say the first year has been a success so this is somewhat a reward for much hard work.  It is also a sort of deferred honeymoon for us.

I just don’t see where the “we deserve to go with you”, thing comes from.  I don’t recall feeling that way as a kid, nor did I experience that with my own kids when I was in my first marriage.  I’ve spoken to a few friends, and the responses are mixed, but the majority see no problem with parents vacationing on their own and few have experienced much resistance.  None on the level we just went through.

In the end, one of my step kids admitted he was envious.  The other still contends it is just not fair.  We are going all the same.  I am paying for it.  Fabulous arrangements have been made for kids to stay with a wonderful friend in a wonderful setting.

So, I know there aren’t many do’s or dont’s on an issue like this.  Wondering if you can provide any thoughts or experiences.  I was just left quite puzzled and perhaps feel a little guilty and bothered that my wife and I can’t take a well-earned vacation after a very hard-working year without such resistance and commotion.

Next Page »