As we all know, the holidays can be stressful for nuclear families, but they can be disastrous for stepfamilies. OMG on Yahoo is reporting that Halle Berry’s current fiance and ex-fiance both ended up hospitalized over the holiday, not to mention, her ex ended up in jail. See the full story below. Needless to say, we here at TMF wish them well and hope that the parties can work this out, especially for the sake of their daughter, Nahla.
Article as reported on OMG/Yahoo:
It’s probably safe to assume that Halle Berry’s ex-boyfriend Gabriel Aubry and current fiance Olivier Martinez are not thankful for each other this Thanksgiving. The two men had to be hospitalized after they got into an all-out brawl this morning at the Oscar winner’s Los Angeles home, reports TMZ. According to the site, it all began when Aubry dropped off his 4-year-old daughter with Berry, Nahla, back at her mother’s home. Once inside, Martinez approached the model and said, “We have to move on,” in reference to the battle between Berry and Aubry over Berry moving Nahla to France (a judge recently denied her request) – and that’s when Aubry lost it.
TMZ reports that Aubry, 36, swung at Martinez’s face, but he blocked it and was instead struck on the shoulder. Then Aubry pushed the actor to the ground, and that’s when Martinez punched him in the face. After wrestling on the ground, Martinez, 46, was able to pin Aubry to the ground and made a “citizen’s arrest” for assault.
Aubry was eventually booked for “a private persons arrest for battery,” according to the LAPD and his bond was set for $20,000. The former Versace model bonded out of jail about an hour later.
According to TMZ, before he was arrested, Aubry was taken to a hospital for a broken rib, contusions to his face, and possibly a head injury. A short time later, Martinez was taken to the same hospital with a neck injury and possibly a broken hand.
As a result, a judge has issued an emergency protective order mandating that Aubry stay at least 100 yards away from Berry, Martinez, and Nahla, reports TMZ.
Just a day before the Thanksgiving Day brawl, the group all attended the same holiday party at a home in Beverly Hills, where Berry reportedly “handed off” Nahla to her father. That night, Aubry and his daughter were spotted at The Grove where they saw a movie together.
In my coaching practice, I come across clients all of the time that are in conflict and need help with their blended family issues. Most of the time, their frustrations simply come from the choices that they are deciding to make or not to make which end up causing most of the hardship in their relationships. For example, in remarriage, the biggest problem I come across with my clients is the issue of discipline. 9 times out of 10 the clients cannot agree, and they refuse to agree to disagree on this issue. Resentment builds in one or both parties, the issue continues to be swept under the rug and by choosing to not to get on the same page, they are ultimately making a choice that may end up ruining or eventually ending their marriage.
As this week’s inspiration says, Author Rob Flood credits the principle of first response that helped him change his attitude and save his marriage. This principle tells us that the course of any conflict is determined by the responder, not the initiator. As the responder you have the power to determine the direction of the conversation. As unfair as it may seem, when your spouse angrily approaches you with a concern, you can make a choice to diffuse the situation with the type of response you give. You can make a choice to either pay attention to the message or the approach. If you focus on the message, you will be more likely to respond accordingly instead of trying to match his or her anger.
In the 21st century it has become all too common for parents to be more of a friend to their child than their parent. Some parents are more worried about their children’s peers labeling them as the “uncool parent” that they go to extraordinary lengths to befriend them. In today’s society, teenage pregnancy is running amuck. The statistics for STD rates among teens and even tweens are growing at an enormous rate, and parents have to take some responsibility for these issues along with the children involved. Parents are not parenting. Instead, they are actually confiding and befriending them to the point that it has become harmful to their well-being. Children and parents of divorced families tend to experience this issue more than traditional families. I have talked to many parents (mostly women) who confide in their daughters and sons about everything from the dirty details of their divorces to the child support payment options. It’s utterly ridiculous. Children need their parents to be parents and need boundaries, they do not need friendships with their parents that border harmful behavior.
Recently, I posted an article written by author and stepmom, Wednesday Martin, entitled;
When asked those set of questions, the conversation begins to get more productive because it talks about what both parties expect instead of solely focusing on how they feel. One way (let’s just talk about how we feel) allows us to continually beat a dead horse and spin our wheels, and the other way (what do we expect from each other), allows us to focus on solutions to a problem that largely contributes to the modern family’s inability to peacefully coexist.
Co-parenting can be a very contentious and stressful situation for divorced parents and step-parents if approached from an unrealistic standpoint. Many co-parents fail because: 1) one or all of the parents involved have an unrealistic idea of how things should be and 2) when those unrealistic ideas and expectations fall through, they give up, assuming that the whole thing won’t work and choose bitterness and hatred instead of effective communication and co-parenting.
Life revolves around rules in every situation and in every place in time. Within the blended family, families often are faced with issues such as conflict, resentment, hostility and anger from not just the exes involved in our lives, but also from the children of blended families. With all of the negativity, there are also positive ways to deal with these issues including by having flexibility, instilling patience, always loving and sometimes sacrificing. Most importantly, compromising.
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
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