TMF Readers, as I was thinking of my own fabulous post to write about dealing with Mother’s Day as a stepmom and thinking of what knowledge I could impart upon you, I came across this very powerful ode to an obviously special stepmom written by Katherine Stone of Babble.com. It brought tears to my eyes as it was very reminiscent of my own feelings toward my own stepmom.
Of course, I will acknowledge that not all of our readers here at Today’s Modern Family will share in this experience as we acknowledge that not all stepchildren share a good experience with their stepmoms. With that being said however, there are many stepmoms who through the years have never given up, that have worked hard at the relationships they share with their stepchildren (Kela and myself alike) and this ode, whether we feel the love right now or not, will give those stepmoms hope that their stepchildren may one day, when the smoke clears, also feel the same way. Today’s Modern Family would like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all moms and stepmoms out there and wish you all a wonderful and blessed Mother’s Day!
A Mother’s Day Ode to Stepmoms Who Never Quit
Written by: Katherine Stone for babble.com
Dear Mom,
I think I was nine or ten when you took me on. You decided to get married to my dad and, with that, take the responsibility for his two children, children who had been through a lot and were very unsure.
You hadn’t ever had children, so to march right in to the lives of two elementary school kids with confidence and caring was quite something. Being a parent now I can see that.
You tried. You worked so hard. Even when we said we didn’t like the food you cooked because it wasn’t like our other mom’s, you kept on cooking. Even when we wouldn’t ride in the same canoe with you, both of us preferring to stay in our dad’s on a family trip because we just didn’t feel right with you yet, you kept on paddling. Even when it took a long time for us to get used to the idea of calling you mom, you kept on caring.
I’m sure it was frustrating and sometimes hurtful, yet you didn’t let that stop you. You continued to show us you loved us and you wanted us to be healthy and happy. You kept trying to prove that you were there for the long haul and that we could count on you, and oh how we needed someone to be able to count on.
You waited us out. You were patient and you never quit. You leaned in and held on tight and it worked. Thank you. Thank you for coming into our lives when you didn’t have to and being willing to love us as your own and for working so damn hard to convince us that we were, in fact, your own.
I am your own.
I love you. Happy Mother’s Day.
Katherine


I’ve done a couple of stories on the whole Glanville vs. Rimes saga the past couple of months because I have been following this story for quite some time now. Today, Brandi Glanville, actor Eddie Cibrian’s former wife, finally broke her silence about his affair with country singer, Leann Rimes that ultimately broke up her marriage. Glanville appeared on new hit talk show, The Talk, to finally talk about the affair and divorce. She addressed the co-parenting tension between her ex-husband and his girlfriend, her recent arrest for drunk driving and making things better for her children.
My Commentary on the Issue: Brandi Glanville seems like an absolute sweetheart and it is clear that Eddie just wanted something different because she is an attractive woman. I’m glad that she has stopped blaming herself and is trying to figure out the best way to handle this unfortunate situation for her kids. Although I suspect that Brandi’s reactions to the affair and divorce have given her ex-husband “reason” to prohibit her from having his home number (let’s face it, not many would do that for no reason at all), I think he could have been a bit more sensitive and handled the situation better. I don’t blame Glanville one bit for losing it at some point, after she heard about the affair and for having to deal with Leann. My gosh, she’s human. Her husband cheated on her and now she has to try to co-parent with him and his mistress. I’d be pissed and “wilding out,” too! Cibrian could be a bit more understanding and patient; realizing that HE brought this on because he didn’t handle the dissolution of his marriage properly. He should have told Glanville that he might be falling for Rimes BEFORE he started sleeping with her. I can’t stand it when a guy cheats but tries to make everybody think that the person he cheated on is crazy. She’s not crazy; she’s just mad and rightfully so.
If you are new to the uprising blended family phenomenon, what may seem like a colossal event really may just be a common blended family problem that can be combated with a little time, understanding and effort by all parties involved. As we all know, marriage is tough. Remarriage is even harder. Stir in a couple kids from one or both sides and you have a whole new set of dynamics. However, just like the art of baking, if you get your measurements down to science, you can come out with a great pastry. The same holds true with the blended family. As soon as you learn to (a) put your marriage first, (2) reframe and redirect your emotions and your reactions to certain situations, and (3) decide commit to not allowing discord to seep into your marriage, your blended family then becomes strong and life-giving.
Handling challenges of stepfamily life can be daunting. Defining our roles as step-parents, the expectations we have of our stepchildren, competing for our spouses attention and loyalty conflicts are just a few of the challenges that we face being a part of a blended family. All of the preceding issues can be looked at as a challenge, but what I like to teach my clients is that issues such as these, once completely understood, can be viewed as opportunities as well.
Many of you know that Diane and I also own and operate a counseling practice that caters only to people experiencing stepfamily issues. When we do sit down with couples, we immediately realize the source of the problem, and often times, it’s with the remarried couple. The wife doesn’t feel appreciated, respected and/or supported by her husband. The husband feels as if the wife just nags all the time for no reason and doesn’t understand why she just won’t concede because his children are important to him. Both just assume that the other doesn’t or won’t understand. Neither take the time to actually convey how they feel, until they sit down with one of us.
Almost every time a couple comes to us for stepfamily counseling one or both parties have their bags packed and are ready to head for the hills. Often times, they’ve tried to make it work either by just sticking it out, duking it out or visiting a traditional therapist. When they get to us they are frustrated because they think they’ve exhausted all their options and feel as if nothing else will work. But Diane and I try to assure them that if they are giving us a call or sending an email to inquire about counseling and both parties are willing to come to us, then all is definitely not lost. It means that although one or both of them may THINK it won’t work doesn’t mean that they don’t want it to. We know that if we get them when both parties are willing to go through with counseling by actually applying the advice that we give, we can get them back on the right track, and have a 100% success rate with doing so.
Another reason counseling doesn’t work is because couples may get the advice but when they leave the session, they refuse to apply it to their lives. What they don’t realize is that the advice alone will not work. Yes, you are better informed when you leave but the point is to apply that advice so that you are both informed and taking steps to heal your marriage and family. It doesn’t work if you only take half of the medicine. For example, when a doctor prescribes an antibiotic, he tells you to take the medicine until it’s gone or your illness will return. Counseling is no different. If you only go to one or two sessions and then go home and refuse to take the medicine, your problems will continue.
We all know that nuclear families aren’t perfect so why would the blended family be any different? We all have our roles to play and we all have a responsibility to execute the duties that come along with our roles in order to allow our families to flourish.
I was watching Dr. Phil the other day. Comedian, actor and author, Steve Harvey was on talking about his book
Imagine a world where both moms AND stepmoms unapologetically loved themselves on purpose! Self-love is not selfish. It is in fact quite the opposite because you cannot be good to anyone else if you're running on empty. Remember to love yourself on purpose!
I obtained a passport in less than 3 days by using Fastport Passport!
