CHECK IN AND MOTIVATE YOURSELF!

“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates”

 We all talk the talk but a lot of the times we forget to walk the walk.  Men and women alike want to be more healthy, more motivated and more self-aware of where we are in our walk of life.  Add in all of the stresses that our societies are now experiencing and 9 times out of 10, “yourself” gets put on the back burner.  I saw a quote once that stuck with me.  It said “You are your own raw material.  When you know what you consist of and what you want to make of it, then you can invent yourself.”  I have discovered that my truth is when I want changes to occur in my life or I want to grow more or feel more bound to my relationships, I make sure that I first attend to myself and analyze where “I” truly am so that I can then open myself up more and also be more to others.

Checking in with myself has been an overall hard effort in the past for me.  Finding the self-motivation to put myself first and to get out of slumps is and was hard work.  Falling off the bandwagon is just like being addicted to nicotine.  You fall off the wagon and get back on again, which can end up being a disastrous cycle if you allow it to fester.  Continuously motivating ourselves and giving ourselves the time we deserve (mentally, physically and emotionally) is utterly important.  When I allow myself to breathe, spend time nuturing myself, I feel remarkable.  In my opinion, this happens to everyone who starts to think that they can do things when they believe in themselves first.

Another idea about checking in with ourselves and motivating ourselves is by sharing our knowledge with others.  Think about it….what if Maya Angelou never shared her magnificent poems with all of the world?  What if we never heard the story of Albert Einstein or Anne Frank?  What if Martin Luthur King, Jr. decided only to preach his message in the church and not take to the streets to spread his wisdom and God’s word?  In order to help people, we have to share what we know.  No one is successful by themselves.  There is always someone behind the scenes helping.  I know I would be absolutely no where without my fabulous business partner who supports me and whom has inspired me and shared her knowledge with me.  It’s about being unselfish and allowing our motivations to help others. Remember, we can do more and aim higher when we have supportive people around us.

Here are a few tips to get you more motivated:

1. Stay Positive. Attitude, attitude, attitude.  It makes all the difference in the world.   You are the only one in charge of your attitude. 
2. Reach Out.  Share your message with others.  By helping others, you will be more motivated to do even bigger things.
3. Stay Organized.  Keeping track of where you are at on your goals is important.  Put pen to paper, even if it is in a journal. 
4. Be Good To Yourself.  Take “me” time.  If your home life is busy all the time, treat yourself to a hotel room once in a while. 
5. Take Action.  Stop with all the “talking” about what you want to do and just do it!
6. Don’t Go Overboard.  You are only one person.  Take into consideration that you cannot do it all in one day, one week or one month and it’s OK. 
7. Expectations.  Keep your expectations realisitc.  Maximize your strengths and work on your weaknesses, but keep them all in a realistic perspective.  You are not superman or superwoman!
8. Complacency.  Do not get stuck incomplacency.   If you dream, dream big!   You can grow as high as you reach, you just have to believe in yourself.

TMF Readers, when we are in motivational mode, we have to remember that wanting something in our lives is not enough.  It’s like watching a soccer match that lasts 90 minutes and the score is 0-0.  It’s all about which team has more hunger.  Your dreams must inspire you.  However, dreams are just that…dreams….they are insufficient if they do not stretch your comfort zone at times. 

Mikhail Baryshnikov once said, “I do not try to dance better than anyone else, I only try to dance better than myself.”  This is my truth.  I just want to dance to my own music, I want to be successful by working at what makes me happy and by being inspired by my dreams.  Being motiviated and checking in with myself to make sure I am where I need to be is starting simple and that is the first step.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

Incorporating Healthy Lifestyle Changes

Does any of this sound familiar?  The alarm goes off at 5:30 a.m., you get up, get the kids up and ready for school, lunches prepared, throw in a load of laundry, off to work for 8 hours, pick the kids up, take them to practices, back home, prepare dinner, help with homework, get the kids ready for bed, straighten up the house…..and finally you sit down near to 11 p.m. or so and you think….”I have to do this all over again tomorrow!”

Whew!  Talk about stress!  Although, for men and women alike, we knowingly sign up for all that comes along with the day-to-day lives of our children, our bosses, running our own businesses, our spouses and our family lives in general.  Unfortunately, we don’t always fully get the big picture of what it actually does to our mental, emotional and physical well-being when we don’t allow ourselves to be balanced in same.  At times, we feel like our lives are on high speed fast-forward but because we are so stressed out, we emotionally feel like we are swimming through it in slow-motion and it becomes extremely overwhelming.  For me, at times, I feel like I am swimming in a sea of responsibilities that I just have to admit I can’t handle all at once.  It’s during these crucial times that we all forget to take care of the most important person and that is ourselves!

We all know that raising a family can be rewarding and demanding during normal times in our lives, but throw in the mix some emotional stress due to circumstances beyond our control (i.e., the economy, job loss, a new baby, etc.) and the situation can turn ugly really quickly.  According to a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, 73 percent of parents report family responsbilities as a significant source of stress.   Think about those statistics.  If 73 percent of us are stressed, I can imagine some of our stress eventually trickles down to the little people we are doing all of this for and that is our children.  Let’s go even further TMF Readers, as I always preach, children live what they learn. If your children see you as constantly worried and full of anxiety, they will think that type of behavior is normal and will follow in that same direction.  If your children experience constant chaos in your life then they will gravitate toward constant chaos in their own.  It’s not that they make the conscientious decision to do so, it is just that they will model what they have been taught, including how to effectively or non-effectively handle their stress as adults.  Changing your behaviors in order to incorporate a healthy changes into your life will be a tough task for sure but an absolute necessary one; not just for your own health, but for that of your children as well.

Here are a few tips that go a long way in helping you make lasting changes:

• Renegotiate your priorities.  If you exhibit a balanced lifestyle, your children will as well.  Evaluate what you need to cut back on in your life whether that be for a while or permanently.  For example, does your child participate in more than one extra-curricular activity?  Are you finding yourself running around town for 3 hours after work from place to place?  Set a limit, especially if you have more than one child.  Do you work from home while at the same time taking care of the children and find that you are putting too many projects on your plate at one time?  Set a limit and start eliminating what causes you stress.
• Find your own space.  Altering your environment can help you to be more comfortable and will allow you to give you a space that is all yours.  I don’t care if its a corner in your bedroom or in your basement.  Make it your own and your “peace zone.”  Some might be surprised by this, but my car is my peace zone.  I go to my car on my lunch breaks, frequently on the weekend, I might take a drive with the radio off so I can hear myself think.  I live in a house with 3 boys and a husband.  No further explanation needed. 
• Focus on yourself.  There is a direct correlation between stress and our physical health.  Recognizing this is key.  Once recognized, take steps to focus on taking care of yourself.  Get enough sleep.  I have been told by every doctor I have ever come across that sleep is our body’s natural way of healing itself.  Take time to relax and to focus on what makes you happy.  Turn to hobby that brings you joy and doesn’t make you feel like you are doing a job.  Hobbies are wonderful ways to escape. 
• Talk with your children about stress.  Listen actively to your children.  When they are confiding in you, stop what ever you are doing and listen.  Help them to deal with feelings and emotions that revolve around stress in order to help them find a solution.
• Set realistic short term goals.  Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to fix everything at once.  Be realistic in your changes.  Understand that changes don’t take place overnight and that we don’t want “quick-fixes,” we want long-term success so taking your time and taking it one step at a time is the answer.
• Manage yourself.  As I say to some of my clients, don’t take the easy way out.  Truly look at yourself and the situation and be able to identify when you need extra help.  Not effectively managing yourself, your physical needs, your reactions to situations, etc. is counterproductive to balance.  Consider exercising more, getting more sleep (as discussed above), think things through thoroughly before committing yourself to a project or activity.  Realize that you do not need to be all and do all for everyone else all of the time, especially because you don’t want to say “no.”  Sometimes, the most healthy thing you can do for yourself is say NO, with kindness of course.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Everyone needs help at some point in their lives.  Accept that it is okay to call on your spouse, on a friend or on family to help you.  This is the only way you can improve your ability to stay strong.   Secondly, there is also nothing wrong with talking to a professional about it as well.  We don’t have all the answers all of the time. 

TMF Readers, remember, our children watch us.  Most often, they will also follow our lead in how we deal with stress, anger and even how we solve our problems.  Through our examples, we can give them strategies and life lessons by modeling behaviors that are realistic, attainable, positive and healthy. 

In conclusion ladies and gentlemen, remember, our lives aren’t perfect and we are not going to be perfect either.  We can set all of the expectations of ourselves that we want but at the end of the day, if we don’t find balance and aren’t able to put everything in its proper prospective and make time for what’s really important, we are only doing ourselves a huge disservice both emotionally, mentally and physically.  At this point, we are no good to anyone and especially not to our spouses or the little ones in our lives that are most important to us.

Peace & Blessings,
Diane

Ways To Be A Happier Mom

Whether you are a mom, a stepmom with or without your own children, being happy is not just a necessity, but crucial.  Some of us tend to create impressions that we are truly happy to satisfy the emotional well-being of our children and husbands but fooling ourselves at the same time.

As I have written in prior posts, I feel that the number one reason we dont allow ourselves to be happy is because we have conjured up this notion that we are not allowed to nurture ourselves.  We refuse to “let go” of being the “be all and do all” for everyone except ourselves.  This is really a crime to our mental and emotional well-beings.  Key words…”being all and doing all” for ourselves, FIRST, doesn’t limt our happiness.

When we are only happy within limits, we are accomplishing nothing except giving ourselves self-satisfaction in exchange for a ruinous path.  By doing this, we cannot submit our grievances to our partners if we are not prepared to change this bad habit at the same time.  By limiting your own personal happiness, later in life, you will be remorseful for not paying attention to yourself.

Throughout my 20′s and 30′s, I lived this way myself, mostly unhappy and neglected;  not because I couldn’t be happy, but because I chose to put everyone ahead of me!  Because I was a single mom for most of those years, I didn’t think I had the time, nor did I feel it was proper to put myself before my children.  Boy, was I wrong!   As I have stated before, it’s like when you first board the airplane;  the stewardess teaches you to always put the oxygen mask on yourself before your children.  Why, because if you aren’t healthy and able-bodied how can you help anyone else?  The same goes for taking care of ourselves as single parents, moms and stepmoms.   It wasn’t until recently, in  my early 40′s did I really begin to see those effects and how by incorporating a few simple changes I could make my life better.  It really was an epiphany to me.  Now, I yearn each day to see what other ways I can find to incorporate more happiness.  By doing this, I have become a way better mother and stepmother.

Here are a few simple tips for nurturing that you can apply in your life as well:

• Take time to focus on your personal spiritual growth.
• Splurge on yourself once in a while — you work hard — you deserve it!
• Take 1 hour a day to yourself and focus on YOU!
• Surround yourself with good people who are uplifting.
• Take time for friendships.
• Take a class or focus on a hobby that brings you joy.

Another important value of finding happiness is “weeding out your obstacles.”  Keep in mind that just as weeds can take over a garden or a flower bed, they can take over your thoughts, perceptions and attitudes to the detriment of your own well-being.  Even healthy plants, if they aren’t cultivated properly, get sick.  As women, we run ourselves down at the drop of a hat; even dropping everything at a moments notice when our children, step-children or husbands need something.  Often times, it becomes overwhelming and feels like you are fighting against a never-ending current, all of which makes us uneven and out of balance.

Moving our obstacles out of the way of our true happiness allows us to take a stand for what is crucial to preserve…and that is living not just happily but abundantly.  Our children and step-children will grow up and move on and we need to have our own happiness.  As I stated in the preamble of this post, this not only applies to moms, but equally importantly to step-moms.  There is a preconceived notion that it’s okay for moms to need a break from the monotony of every day life and motherhood, but if a stepmom expresses such, she is being weak, unloving and mean.  What husbands and ex-wives forget is that a stepmom deals with the same, if not more, issues and stresses any other parent in the blended family.  Think about it, she has her own children, her stepchildren, constantly changing routines to fit everyone, and most of the time, she is overlooked in the appreciation department.  Even still, she also deserves to find happiness and to take time for herself as well. 

So get on board ladies!!  Don’t be afraid to move and weed out those obstacles!  I promise you, you will be a better person and mother for it!

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Overwhelmed and Disconnected in a Tough Economy

Today, trying to cultivate a balance between home and work life can be severely stressful. The effects of being overwhelmed and stressed can directly affect the relationship you have with your husband or wife, leaving both of you feeling disconnected. Of course, with the hard economic times currently affecting not just the United States, but every country in the world at this time, these feelings of disconnection become even more extreme with the added pressures of money stress.

The majority of women in the daily workforce in this country are overwhelmed, overworked and extremely disconnected, especially with themselves. They leave their homes to work 8 hours or more daily, come back home to shuffle the children to and from their activities, cook, clean, help with homework, etc., only to start all over again the next day. With this, they leave themselves little or no time for themselves or their spouses. “Exhausted and overwhelmed,” can’t fully explain what some women and men are dealing with during these hard times and I have to admit, I’ve been there, done that myself.

Unfortunately, overwork has also been proven to exacerbate our ongoing health conditions both mentally, physically and emotionally as well. Overwork has been linked to anxiety, depression and many other chronic stress-related disorders. It causes physical pain as well.

Of course, behind all of this is the disconnection with your spouse that can be directly related to this “overworked” syndrome. You give your all to your job during the day, you come home to another 4-6 hours of domestic work including caring for your children and your spouse gets the rest of you. What’s left of you that is – which at times, for your spouse, can seem like and feel like nothing. Women aren’t the only ones affected by being overworked. Due to our challenging economic times today, husbands are working two jobs and sometimes three job and overtime just to make ends meet; finding themselves also becoming disconnected with their wives and family. However, trying to reassess our situations is not easy when there are bills that need to be paid. Finding ways to balance our lives and putting our priorities in order is crucial. Here are a few ways you can achieve balance in order to avoid becoming disconnected:

• Don’t overschedule yourself. If the children’s activities are becoming too much for you to handle, limit each child to one activity outside of the home per week.
• Take some scheduled “time-out” space just for yourself.  Even if it means heading to the nearest Starbucks for an hour or two of reading or to the nearest public library for some quiet time.  Taking care of yourself, first, is crucial to your individual happiness.
• Romance your spouse. You don’t have to go out of the home to do this. Send the children to a babysitter or relative’s house for a couple of hours and have your own special time. Cook a simple dinner, eat together, spend quality time together.
• Work as a team. Do not allow outside influences and stresses to pull you apart. Daily stresses can put enormous pressure on your relationship with your spouse, pick your battles and let go of pettiness.
• Communicate daily. Make a special effort to have good conversation with your spouse.
• Eat meals together. Absorb one another’s wisdom. Showing keen interest in one another and your daily routines will bring you closer
• Laugh together as much as you can. Laughter is good for the soul and for your marriage.

And most importantly,

• PRAY TOGETHER. As the old saying goes. A family that prays together, stays together!

Sustaining a connection with your spouse should be the rule instead of the exception during tough times.  Obtaining this takes a commitment to be individually connected to ourselves, happy and healthy emotionally, physically and mentally as well. The end result will be that the both of you will be collectively committed to one another no matter what the future beholds you.

Peace & Blessings,
Di

Stress Management – Get a Grip on the Things that Give You Grief!

Long day…….THAT’S AN UNDERSTATEMENT!

Worked, ran 50 errands, taxied my son to and from soccer practice, cooked, cleaned, ran back to the grocery store for the bag I forgot…..day in and day out, the same old routine.  Life can be hectic and overwhelming and can even attribute to an unhealthy physical well-being.

There is a lot you can do to relieve stress if you allow, prepare and train yourself to give yourself the well deserved “ME” time.

Here are a few ideas I read in last months Family Circle magazine, incorporated with a few of my own, to help alleviate some of the stress:

1. Meditate — When thoughts are racing out-of-control, imagine a clock ticking through the minutes and remind yourself “and this too shall pass!”
2. Adopt a space everyday (I do 30 minutes) on your calendar for “ME” time, whether you soak in a bathtub, take a walk, curl up on your bed with a warm blanket and a book, that time is all yours.
3. Do not say “yes” to every party or event or to everything and everyone in your life.  If it does not enrich your life, you should have no problem turning it down.
4. Give yourself “pep talks.”  Repeat self-affirming phrases.  When something is getting me down, for example, I often refer to religious phrases like, “Victory is Mine.”  Make your affirmations a part of your daily routine.
5. Exercise!!!  I walk, or try to, everyday at lunch.  Exercise relieves tension.
6. Do a good deed for someone.  This is the best way to feel good and heal when you are over-stressed.  It allows you to focus on something other than your daily stresses.  Examples can be sending an e-card, dropping off a donation, call a friend to see how they are doing or drop a line to a relative.

Try these tips….just 30 minutes….it will work wonders!

Peace & Blessings,
Di